CHAPTER 7

Positive Attitude

Our beliefs about what we are and what we can be precisely determine what we can be.

—Anthony Robbins

A positive attitude—optimism, expectancy, and enthusiasm—makes everything in business easier. A positive attitude boosts you up when you are down and supercharges you when you are already “on a roll.”¹

A positive attitude sounds like something one should have at all times. However, I have been curious for a long time about how exactly this works. For example, I have been positive many times that I was going to win the lottery, and it has not happened yet. So maybe my attitude was not positive but perhaps just hopeful. Is there a difference between being hopeful and having a positive attitude? The great tragedy is that the world is full of people who are trying to change the outside world without going to work on the one thing that they can control, their own thinking.² Therefore, it appears a positive attitude is not something you wish for, but something you have to decide is worth working for, and you have to work to earn that attitude.

Here are some tips from three different experts to help you work toward earning a positive attitude. Can you identify the techniques they have in common?

Jeffrey Keller frames it this way.

Remember That You Control Your Attitude³

Attitude does not emerge from what happens to you, but instead from how you choose to interpret what happens to you. In each case, the person is deciding how to understand the event and, therefore, controlling how he or she feels about it (i.e., approach).

Adopt Beliefs That Frame Events in a Positive Way⁴

Your beliefs and rules about life and work determine how you interpret events and, therefore, your attitude. Choose to adopt strong beliefs that create a good attitude rather than ideas that create a bad attitude. To use sales as an example:

• Situation: The first sales call of the day goes poorly.

∘ Weak: A lousy first call means that I’m off my game and today will suck.

∘ Strong: Every sales call is different, so the next will probably be better.

• Situation: A customer reduces the amount of an order at the last minute!

∘ Weak: Customers who change orders can’t be trusted.

∘ Strong: Customers who change orders are more likely to be satisfied!

• Situation: A big sales win comes seemingly out of nowhere.

∘ Weak: Even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while.

∘ Strong: You never know when something wonderful will happen!

Create a “Library” of Positive Thoughts⁵

Spend at least 15 minutes every morning to read, view, or listen to something inspirational or motivational. If you do this regularly, you’ll have those thoughts and feelings ready at hand (or rather, ready in your mind), when events don’t go exactly the way you’d prefer.

Ignore Whiners and Complainers⁶

Whiners and complainers see the world through crap-colored glasses. They’d rather talk about what’s irreparably wrong, rather than make things better. More importantly, complainers can’t bear to see somebody else happy and satisfied. If you tell a complainer about a success that you’ve experienced, they’ll congratulate you, but their words ring hollow. You can sense they’d rather you told them about what’s making you miserable.

Use a More Positive Vocabulary⁷

The words that come out of your mouth aren’t just a reflection of what’s in your brain—they’re programming your brain how to think. Therefore, if you want to have a positive attitude, your vocabulary must be consistently positive. Therefore,

• Stop using negative phrases such as “I can’t,” “It’s impossible,” or “This won’t work.” These statements program you for negative results;

• Whenever anyone asks “How are you?” rather than “Hangin’ in there,” or “Okay, I guess...” respond with “Terrific!” or “Never felt better!” And mean it;

• When you’re feeling angry or upset substitute neutral words for emotionally loaded ones. Rather than saying “I’m enraged!” say, “I’m a bit annoyed. . . .”

An additional set of tips for learning how to establish a positive attitude comes from Declan O’Flaherty:⁸

Remember That You Are Powerful⁹

Most of the time we have no idea what we are supposed to be doing, or who we are supposed to be imitating; most of the time we conform to the external environment. We play roles and cover up our true selves by identifying with “things” that end up defining who we think we are. Your job or position should not define you as an individual.

Choose to Embrace Life¹⁰

Let go and embrace the moment, whether it contains an obstacle or an opportunity. Stop fussing over trivial matters and start focusing on what’s important to you. Don’t go through life expecting things to change. Life becomes hard and unfair when we decide to complain about things rather than trying to change them ourselves. Wake up to the truth that life is not a practice-run. Be bold and courageous, and make decisions that benefit your growth. Put yourself on your imaginary death-bed and realize that time stands still for no one. Start as soon as possible to make any necessary changes you may need to. Take the first step before more time gradually passes by while you stand still stagnating.

Realize That You Get to Control Your Reactions¹¹

We create our outside reality by the thoughts and beliefs we maintain about life in general. What we believe in our inner world, we see in our outer world—not the other way around. We all have problems, and we are often tested by circumstances outside of our control. Even though you may not be in control of what’s going on outside of you, you can control your reaction to those situations. You have more control than you think.

Know That No One Is Better Qualified¹²

We place far too much emphasis on other people’s opinions about us, often to the exclusion of our own. This takes us away from our own personal power. No matter what anybody says about you, it doesn’t hold any significance to who you truly are unless you identify or agree with them. Stop identifying with other people’s opinions and become aware of how you see yourself. Nobody knows you better than you do. Never accept another person’s reality as your own. Always believe that you can achieve anything you put your mind to. And, most importantly, never let another person’s opinion of you affect what you think about yourself.

Love Yourself¹³

You have arrived. Everything you need is right here. Cut out the distractions, open your eyes, and see that you already have everything in your possession to be happy, loved, and fulfilled. Be yourself and completely accept everything that you are.

Stay Cool¹⁴

If someone cuts you off in traffic or skips the queue at the movie, you may feel the need to respond in a negative manner. We allow what other people do to dictate our behavior. You are responsible for your own action, regardless of how rude other people may act. If it is hard to stay calm, remember: you are the one who loses in the end, if you lose the lesson. Remember that your responsibilities equal your ability to control your response.¹⁵

Melanie Thomassian provides an additional point of view about establishing a positive mental attitude (PMA) in this method.

Focus on the Present¹⁶

How often do you find that things you worry about for days end up not happening at all, or not being as big a problem as you thought? But, by focusing on the present as much as possible, you can minimize the worries and fears that lead to negative emotions.

Use Positive Language¹⁷

Do you ever notice how much of what you say is negative? Some people constantly complain about the weather, their work, their spouse, their neighbors, and any number of other things. However, it’s good to remind ourselves that our words are shaped by our thoughts, and the more we can look for positive things to say, the more positive our thoughts will become. Make it your endeavor to commit to positive thinking. So, each day when you wake up give yourself a mini pep talk: What do you want to achieve? How will you react to trying different conditions? How will you avoid negative thoughts? Remember, thinking positive is a habit, which means it’s possible to learn how to do it.

Accept When Things Aren’t Perfect¹⁸

It can be difficult to let go of the need for perfection and control in your life, but sometimes it’s very liberating to simply accept that things will not always go the way you hoped, and that’s okay. Sometimes things happen that are out of your control, and rather than wasting your energy on negative emotions, it’s better to just admit that things didn’t go the way you planned or wanted.

Mix With Positive People¹⁹

It’s a fact of human nature that we tend to mimic the people with whom we spend the most time. Think of how teenagers tend to conform to the social code of their friends. It’s the same for everyone else, too. So, the more frequently you spend time with positive thinking people, the more likely it is that you will begin to think and act in a similar fashion. Also, don’t underestimate the power of laughing either, it has an excellent way of reducing stress, connecting you with those around you, and making you feel better all around.

Contribute in a Meaningful Way²⁰

One of the best ways to feel more confident is to contribute to your community in some way. It can be tremendously uplifting to help others, whether it’s through the use of your time, skills, or financial contributions. As well as the good feelings that come with making a difference in someone’s life, contributing your time and effort to a cause, allows you a brief escape from your current problems, and perhaps may even allow you to see your troubles in a different light.

Keep Learning²¹

Develop a curiosity about the world around you, and the people in it. No matter what situation you are in right now, there is always something we can learn from it. Taking a real interest in life gives you energy, it helps create new ideas in your mind, and gives you a different way of thinking about things, which can have a positive impact on your life as a whole.

Be Grateful²²

Spend a little time each day thinking of things that you are truly grateful for in your life. Reminding yourself of all the reasons you have to be grateful, helps to maintain some focus on your situation. Being thankful will often turn initial anger or frustration into something more positive. Remember, we all have weaknesses, but focusing on your strengths prevents them getting the better of us. A good practice to get into is that of keeping a gratitude journal. This is where you make a note of at least five things that make you happy or thankful each day. This is one of the best ways to foster the habit of gratitude. Finally, keep in mind that how you view your life is your choice. No one is forcing you to have a negative attitude, so take control and change it for a happier, more energetic, and more enthusiastic life.

There are some common myths or misconceptions about maintaining a positive attitude. These are that (1) negative thinking is more realistic, (2) people with a PMA expect anything can happen if they wish for it, (3) positive thinking does not change reality, (4) positive thinkers have no insight into the real world, and (5) people with a PMA are annoying and cheesy.²³

Negative Thinking Is More Realistic²⁴

Have you ever heard a negative person say that they aren’t negative; they just are realistic? This myth keeps people locked in a negative reality of their own creation. A person’s thoughts, whether positive or negative, do have an effect on their environment. If you think negatively, your mind will automatically seek out confirmation that the world is a terrible place. Seeing is believing, and your mind reinforces your belief that reality is negative. See how it’s a downward spiral of negativity? If you expect negative results, you are less likely to take risks and try new things. Negative thinking masks your impressions in fear. Positive thinking works the same way. With a PMA, you’ll seek out positive choices and expect positive results. This helps you move past fear and try things that others may think “can’t be done.”

A person’s thinking helps determine their reality. Negative thinking is practical for the negative thinker, but only because their ideas make it true. Ironically, the positive thinker also sees reality, just in a different light. Both types of people see their own reality, and both consider it the reality.

People With a PMA Expect Anything Can Happen If They Wish for It ²⁵

Those who don’t believe in positive thinking imagine that positive thinkers expect that their desire will manifest itself if they simply think positively about it. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Everyone who accomplishes anything—whether it’s earning a million dollars or becoming an award-winning actor—accomplish it the same way; by taking action. Positive people have an edge because they believe the object of their desire is attainable. They come from a can-do mindset. Their actions are not based on fear or scarcity, but based on possibilities. Thus, a positive attitude helps a person manifest their desires, not only by dreaming about it, but by inspiring the person to take action.

It’s the action behind the attraction that makes the dream come true.

Positive Thinking Doesn’t Change Reality²⁶

People who believe this myth see a problem and believe that positive thinking will only ignore the ugliness of their reality. The truth is positive thinking doesn’t ignore the problem; it helps you see the problem in a new light. In fact, you don’t even see “problems” as problems. Think about it; regardless of how you react to an external condition, the situation will still be the same. If being upset doesn’t change the outcome of a past situation, would not it serve you, and your health, to see the positives?

A PMA creates a mindset of abundance, enthusiasm, and solutions. Instead of thinking about what cannot be done, a positive thinker will not be constrained by cannot. A positive thinker is free to think of new ways to solve problems because they are not limited by a fear of failure. When we are in a state of abundance, we provide a fertile ground for opportunities and make dreams a reality. We are in a state of allowance, openly accepting the gifts of life to flow to us. When I realized this principle and shifted my thinking habits, miracles started popping up in my life. A PMA can—and indeed does—change reality by allowing a person to act in an entirely different way, thus harvesting entirely different results.

Successful men become successful only because they acquire the habit of thinking in terms of success.

—Napoleon Hill

Positive Thinkers Have No Clue About The Real World²⁷

It’s easy to believe that people with a PMA have perfect lives and have never dealt with real world hardships. Maybe people wouldn’t be so positive if they’d endured a few difficult times in their lives. But the truth is that this is really just a justification for negative thinking. It would be difficult to find a positive person who hasn’t had real and serious trials in their lives. They have faced disappointment, death of loved ones, physical handicap, and pretty much the range of human experiences with which we all deal. The difference is that these people do not allow those events change their outlook. A PMA means that you are in control of your own thoughts and feelings. Every person has sorrows and trials that test them to the core, but only some people have the courage to act positively and with grace. A PMA doesn’t mean a person has sidestepped a hard life. It simply means that they want to see and take part in the good things life has to offer, as opposed to only the negative.

We cannot avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with renewed purpose.

—Viktor E. Frankl

People With a PMA Are Annoying and Cheesy²⁸

Okay, let’s admit it, some types of positive people are a little cheesy and, sometimes, can be very obnoxious. I am describing the people who spout platitudes and expect everything to be perfect no matter what. You know the people I am describing. But truly positive people are not Tony Robbins infomercials. Positive people have real thoughts and have setbacks and discouragement just like everyone else, but they are also resilient and look for ways to stay positive. Truly positive people do not expect perfection, but, rather, they expect that every event is the best thing that could have happened at that moment. It is the only event that happened at that moment. Now that you’re considering the event, that moment has past. You cannot go back and change the moment, so you have to accept what happened was the best, and move on to the next moment. Even in external circumstances that seem out of our control, we can always control our internal response. In fact, it’s the only thing over which we have absolute control. This PMA can lead to great things, and where much is given much is expected. This leads to taking responsibility for those things in your control.