3
Honoring & Healing
THE PROJECTS IN THIS THIRD CHAPTER take a more intentional look at our life experiences and the stories we attach to them. We will look at some of our childhood stories, inner critic thoughts, self-judgments, and limiting beliefs, all of which may contain unresolved pain. We then work on generating healing through deeper acknowledgment and transformation of these stories.
The first project focuses on clarifying and honoring experiences and stories from your past. We move through to engaging a process of healing in which self-critical and limiting beliefs can be transformed. We end this chapter with the promotion of empathy and self-forgiveness and an overall reframing of our stories that we can take forward.
A big part of the healing process is to honor our stories and experiences in life. And from this place of honoring, we can generate empathy and understanding. By converting negative self-talk into empathy, we can both transform our past and equip ourselves for a more loving, connected future.
PROJECT 10
A Little House of Love & Healing
Your Story Matters
FOR MANY OF US, much of our pain, unwanted behaviors, sadness, and depression stems from events and trauma that happened to us in childhood. Unprocessed and unresolved pain from that time can linger and manifest later in life as physical or mental ailments. As part of my own healing journey, I try to spend a lot of time on giving love to and healing the inner child.
The project that follows is intended as supplemental to any therapy you may already be undergoing. Please do not consider it a replacement for therapy. For the purposes of protection and safety, work with an issue that has a minor emotional charge. Once you feel more familiar with the exercise and if you found it beneficial, you could work on more intense issues, but only do so within the boundaries of your own limitations. Be sure to have a support network around you in the form of family, friends and/or a medical professional such as a therapist.
For this project, we’re creating a “safe house” or a “little love house” for our inner child. The idea here is to let your inner child come out and play while simultaneously creating a symbolic house for her that feels safe and loving. When creating your little love house, use colors, items, materials, and images that you would have liked as a child. Use symbolism that expresses safety and love for the inner child. Look at what was lacking for you as a child and try to create the opposite of that on your page.
You can work generally, or you can work on a specific issue.
Be the loving, compassionate parent you may not have had to your inner child.
Exploration: Writing a Letter from “Parent” to “Child”
As part of the first steps of creating this work, we will write a letter to ourselves as children from the perspective of a loving, compassionate parent. Think back to when you were a child and choose an issue you struggled with then. For example, I was bullied in junior high school and had a hard time finding support and resolution for it.
Take some time to remember the issue and what you needed at that time. Then take on the role of a compassionate parent and write a letter to your past self, going through the issue. Write the letter with gentle care, love, compassion, and understanding. Consider what you (as a compassionate, sensible adult) would have done to help the child had it been yours. What loving, kind, compassionate things could you have said or done for the child to help during that turmoil? This letter will be written in the little love/safe house we will create for this project.
Art Page: Little House of Love
Begin your art process by gathering your materials, including an image of yourself as a child or an image that will represent you as a child. You may or may not want to include a photo of yourself as an adult. I also printed out pictures of stuffed toys because I used to love them as a child (and still do now!). You can also include collage images such as butterflies, flowers, and dolls—anything that would speak to you as a child.
Draw & Decorate Your House
1. Draw your love house. This is a simple house shape that you can design on your own. Design something sweet and innocent, something that speaks to your inner child (A).
2. Write a letter to your inner child from the perspective of a loving, compassionate, gentle, kind adult parent inside the house. What would you have given the child? How would you have protected and helped her? Write with as much love and compassion as you can muster, and let the words sink in (B).
3. Now add collage materials over the letter. Use collage pieces that make your inner child happy. I added butterflies, birds, flowers, and stuffed toys as well as general collage pieces and an image of myself as a child. Make the inside of the house as happy, safe, and comfortable as your inner child needs it to be (C).
4. Add uplifting colors over the collage. Add any other items that make it happy for your inner child (D).
5. With some white gesso, you can unify the layers (E).
6. With a black pen, I added doodles to the image of me as a child. Consider what you wanted to be as child or what you needed. Did you pretend to be a princess or a queen? Or did you love climbing trees? What gave you a sense of freedom and joy as a child? Add doodles like that to the image. You can also add uplifting or supportive words (F).
7. Continue to add more doodles and to add and intensify colors if desired (G).
8. When you’re done with the inside of the love house, collage and decorate the roof (H).
Trace & Cut the Doors
Using transparent paper, trace over the outside of the house. Cut out the shape, place it on a blank piece of watercolor paper, and trace around it again, allowing for some extra margin on each vertical side of the shape (I, J, K & L). These will become the doors to your love house.
you are good enough
Develop the Background
1. Continue working on the background by adding collage as you did for the roof (M).
2. Add colors to the background using some of those you used inside the house (N).
3. To unify the layers, add white gesso with a brayer. To create contrast, I added white patches of gesso to the page with my fingers (O).
4. Add doodles that make you happy to the background and roof (P). For example, you could have hearts coming out of the chimney, flags in the sky, heart and star flowers, or anything that speaks to you.
5. Add white highlights with a pen (Q) and then use a blending stump to add shadows around the doodles (R).
Decorate & Attach Your Doors
1. Decorate your doors as you did the background and roof. To adhere your doors to the page, use a craft knife to cut alongside your wall edges, being sure not to go all the way down. Allow about an inch (2.5 cm) on each side to be uncut (S).
2. Cut the door flaps to the same size as the slits you cut and then slide the flaps through the slits (T).
3. Tape down the flaps on the back of the piece (U).
4. Test the doors to make sure they’re secure (V).
5. I added words, doodles, and happy symbols to the doors. Remember to add what speaks to your inner child (W).
Add the Closure
To keep the doors closed and the inner child safe, I threaded metal wire through two little holes in the doors (X). You can use embellishments such as buttons, little silver keys, or other ephemera to hang off the wire symbolizing the door being closed (and the child being safe and loved).
PROJECT 11
You Have Wings
Transform & Heal the Inner Critic
MANY OF US WERE RAISED with critical parents and authorities around us. We’ve often lived through all sorts of criticism as children and may have internalized these messages, which pop up all over the place as we go about our lives as adults.
This internalized voice has even been given her own name; the inner critic is a well-known character to many of us, particularly creative types. We often strongly dislike her (or him!) and can easily feel paralyzed and intimidated by her messages.
What is this voice all about? Why is it there? What is it trying to do? How can we embrace or understand it, not let it stifle or paralyze us, and look more deeply at the underlying messages it is trying (clumsily) to convey? How can we make sure that this inner critical voice doesn’t stop us from creating and moving forward? Can we find ways to go under the judgment and let go of heavy criticism so that we can allow ourselves to create again? So that we can allow ourselves to make mistakes and messes and ease into being gloriously alive?
There are many ways one can work on the inner critic: We can ignore it and truck on anyway. We can look at positive affirmations. Or we can deconstruct the thinking behind it. Another way of dealing with this inner voice is by listening to it and trying to understand what it’s trying to tell us on a deeper level. We’ll need to let go of judgment and resistance toward the inner critic and face her head on (i.e., confront your demons). This way we can try to look at the underlying fears and intentions behind the voice and generate compassion and understanding for what is going on at a deeper level.
It’s important to understand that the inner critic’s words are merely thoughts we’ve come to believe. They are mere echoes of what our parents, our teachers, or other authoritarian figures told us. We don’t have to believe these thoughts or identify too strongly with them.
By looking at what lies under these thoughts and compassionately embracing the feelings and needs under them, we find more understanding for the inner critic. Through this process of looking more deeply and finding compassion, we’re often more able to gently let go of our inner critic’s thoughts and try again. Here is the process:
Exploration: Confronting Your Inner Critic
Sit down, take a moment, and write a paragraph of your inner critic’s most common critiques in your Life Book Notebook.
Select three of the most painful thoughts and work through them by answering the questions below. Here’s an example of how to work through one:
1. The inner critic says: I don’t like this painting; it’s not good enough, and no one will like it.
2. Ask yourself: What’s under this statement? Which more elaborate inner critic thoughts live there? What feelings live there? What needs live there? What is the deeper intention of the statement or thought? For example: “Why does the painting need to be good enough? Why do you need other people to like the painting?”
• TRY TO ANSWER in your most authentic and vulnerable voice, avoid using judgmental language, and dig for deeper feelings and needs. For example: “If people think the painting is not beautiful, they’ll think I’m a terrible person and not good enough. If the painting is beautiful, people will think I’m amazing and worthy, and they will like me more. Also, I will like me more. I’ll be proud of my achievements. Other people will love and like me more, and they will admire and respect me. If other people love and like me, I’ll feel safe and connected in society. I’ll be seen, respected, valued, loved, and liked.”
3. Now notice the needs in your answer. For example: “I need to be seen, feel safe, have self-worth and self-love, be respected, have connections, matter, and be loved and valued.” (For a list of needs, check the Resources.)
4. Call upon the part of you that is wise and compassionate, the one that can validate your feelings and give empathy to the hurt parts of you. If you find it hard to respond with empathy toward yourself, imagine you’re responding to someone else you love deeply. As much as possible, avoid using judgmental language and try to simply reflect what you’re hearing yourself say.
• FOR EXAMPLE: “I’m hearing and understanding that you really want to be safe, valued, and seen. You also really want to matter. You want to experience a healthy, loving relationship with yourself; you want to like and love yourself more. You would also really value being respected by your family and friends. These are beautiful needs to have. I understand.”
Now take a moment and notice—really notice—the beauty of the needs that lie at the core of the inner critic’s thinking. The thoughts produced by the inner critic are there because she wants you to avoid getting further hurt or feel those unmet needs lying deeply below inside of your core.
• “I HATE THIS PAINTING” ACTUALLY MEANS, “I want to have more self-love; I want to matter, to be seen, and to be safe.”
It puts tears in my eyes just writing this down. By going through this process and listening to the inner critic’s words (instead of repressing them) and by looking at what is motivating these thoughts, I can find a softer space within myself for myself and my perceived failures. I create a deeper understanding for the inner critic, and I can give that part of me some empathy and love. When that part of me has been acknowledged and seen, I can let go of some of that inner critic’s thinking. I feel braver and more able to start my creative process again.
This process is influenced by Nonviolent Communication, as developed by Marshall Rosenberg (www.cnvc.org) and Robert Gonzales (www.living-compassion.org).
Art Page: You Have Wings
We will create a front-facing portrait of a girl with wings, a little bird or owl, and butterflies around her head symbolizing the transformation of the inner critic’s thoughts to freeing, positive, compassionate thoughts. The bird represents wisdom and compassion for me. Choose symbolism that’s meaningful to you.
Draw the Girl
1. Use graphite pencil to draw the head and neck. Add guidelines for the midline of the face and the eyes, nose, and mouth (A).
2. Place the eyes on either side of the midline, one eye’s distance apart. Sketch in the nose, mouth, and chin (B).
3. Develop the features and lightly sketch in the hair. Extend the lines of the neck to create the upper body (C).
4. Refine the drawing and erase all the guidelines (D).
5. Add imagery and symbolism that represents freedom, transformation, wisdom, and compassion, such as butterflies, wings, birds, or anything else you associate with those aspects (E).
Add Color to the Face
1. I like to start my light-skinned girls with a water-soluble crayon in a salmon skin tone and then activate it with a wet brush (F). To create a darker skinned girl, start with salmon or ochre and build up your darker tones with oranges, reds, and browns.
2. I then often use an acrylic paint in a similar tone as a second layer. Then I build up my darker shading with crayons, colored pencils, and markers (G & H).
3. For the eyes and mouth, I like using a combination of Tombow markers, crayons, and Posca markers (I).
4. I use white and black pens to add highlights and low lights/dark accents (J).
5. I use a mixture of colored pencils and crayons to deepen the shadows around the eyes and nose (K).
Build the Background
1. Start with collage and then add water-soluble crayons as a second layer (L).
2. Activate the crayons with a damp brush (M). Let dry.
3. Add gesso with a brayer to unify the layers (N). Let dry.
4. With a water-soluble colored pencil, bring back the doodles and imagery lost while working on the background (O).
Add Final Details
1. I added color to the hair with markers (P).
2. To create contrast in the background, I added concentrated patches of color (Q).
3. I then added detail to the butterflies and other doodles by tidying up the line work and adding in white lines. I also added color to the upper body to make it come off the page more (R).
4. As a final step, I tended to all the details by adding highlights and shading and continuing to tidy up the lines (S & T).
PROJECT 12
Fly High
Self-Beliefs, from Limiting to Liberating
FOR THIS PROJECT, we look at beliefs we have about ourselves that limit us.
Many of us take on self-beliefs that inhibit and stifle our happiness, development, or growth. (See opposite for examples.) Sometimes we get stuck—we repeat certain behaviors, even if we don’t want to—but we can’t figure out why, and we find it difficult to change. Our self-beliefs can feel like deep truths that we don’t realize prevent us from moving forward. Often, they’re created subconsciously but aren’t actually true. We only think they are because they’re the beliefs of our parents, teachers, or society or because certain experiences led us to draw conclusions that created them.
These limiting beliefs are only true, however, because we’ve decided they are. If we accept them—whether consciously or subconsciously—they can stop us from doing what we want. The first step toward changing them is to become aware of them. They only carry weight if we don’t examine them.
Exploration: Transform a Limiting Belief into a Liberating Belief
This exercise has eight questions that help us to identify a limiting belief, consider how it may be serving us (often limiting beliefs “help” us somehow), and then how it’s untrue and not serving us.
We also call on our deep, inner wisdom to help guide us. We connect with that wisdom by imagining an old wise woman or man who lives inside us. (The archetype for wisdom is a woman, but your inner wise person could be a man.) We ask our wise person, who is considerate and loving, what he or she would say to counter the limiting belief, so the responses will be kind and compassionate.
The last three questions ask how and why we might be able to let go of the limiting belief, take steps toward change, and write a liberating belief that is healthy and positive.
To get a feel for this process, start by focusing on one limiting belief. You can repeat or revisit this exercise whenever you want or need to.
As you write your answers to the questions below in your Life Book Notebook, consider the impact of your limiting self-belief or simply shine a light on it—just exposing it can be hugely helpful. See below for an example.
1. What is my struggle? Identify an issue or area in your life that you’re struggling to resolve or act on.
2. What is my limiting self-belief? Identify a limiting belief that relates to that struggle. Ask yourself: Why am I struggling? What’s stopping me from moving forward?
3. How does this belief serve me? Often these beliefs are helpful in some way. They may have been created consciously or subconsciously to protect us from a painful experience. This step helps us find some compassion for why we have the belief in the first place, which will make it easier to let go of.
4. How is this belief untrue? If it’s difficult to think of reasons why, imagine the belief is your best friend’s—what would you say to him or her about it?
5. What would my inner wise man or woman say? Imagine his or her answer to be kind, loving, and compassionate. If you can’t connect with an inner wise person, consider what an external wise person would say. That person could be someone you know in real life—for example, a grandmother or good friend, either living or passed on; a character in a book or film; or perhaps a religious or spiritual figure.
6. How and why can I let go of this belief? Considering everything you have learned thus far, think about how and why you can let go of this limiting belief.
7. How can I take a positive step toward change? Are there any requests you can make of yourself or someone else to help take steps toward changing your belief and its associated actions (or lack thereof)?
8. Write down your liberating belief. What is a happier, healthier, more positive belief to have about what you’re struggling with?
Art Page: Flying Girl
For this art page, we create a girl who flies symbolically over and away from her limiting beliefs, which are written on a hill or mountain. If desired, add words, sentences, or sentiments to her body or dress to represent the liberating belief(s) you’ve just explored.
Though the design looks complex, it’s actually a series of simple shapes. If you’re new to drawing figures, make a couple of practice runs on scrap paper before drawing on your watercolor paper. Because the design is whimsical, there’s no right or wrong. You can elongate or shorten the body, change the shape of the head or the position of the arms and legs, or whatever floats your whimsical boat!
“what if i fall? oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”
—author erin hanson
Draw the Body
1. Draw a curved spine line. The curve will help create the illusion of flight. For the body/dress, add a rectangle that narrows toward the neck area. Add a circular shape for the head (A).
2. Add the arms. Work in large shapes first, using joint points to determine proportion and shape. Draw whimsical hands by simplifying the shapes while still suggesting fingers (B & C).
3. Add a leg on each side of the spine line. Start the calf thicker at the top and then gradually make it thinner toward the ankle. The ball of the foot is wider and gradually narrows toward the toes (D & E).
Draw the Face
1. Start with an oval or circular shape. Divide it in half horizontally with a lightly sketched pencil line. Then halve the bottom half of the circle again twice. Lightly sketch a vertical line through the center of the face (F).
2. Lightly sketch the eyes, nose, and mouth on the top horizontal line (G & H).
3. Refine the shapes of the eyes. Add irises, pupils, and eyebrows and then add hair (I).
4. Erase unwanted pencil lines. Strengthen the remaining lines to prepare for shading and/or painting (J).
Sketch the Hill
Beneath the girl, lightly sketch a hill and then in it write your limiting beliefs and any feelings or thoughts you have about them (K). Later they’ll be layered with collage and painted over with flowers to symbolize the transformation of limiting beliefs into liberating beliefs.
Shade the Face
1. Apply a light layer of water-soluble crayon in your chosen skin tone around the edges of the face. Activate the crayon with a wet brush. (Or paint with a wet brush that you’ve loaded by brushing the crayon directly.) Let dry. If desired, apply a layer of liquid acrylic or craft paint in your chosen skin tone (L).
2. Use markers, watercolor pencils, or colored pencils to add color to the eyes and mouth. I often also use these colors on the skin as an initial layer of shading (M).
3. Use a white paint marker to add initial highlights to the forehead, bridge of the nose, above the upper lip, on the bottom lip, eyelids, tear ducts, lower nose areas, and chin (N).
4. Deepen the shading along the edges of the face, around the base of the nose/nostrils, and in and around the eyes with graphite, colored, and watercolor pencils, and water-soluble crayons and markers. Add the darkest accents to the pupils, nostrils, and lips with a black fine-point marker (O).
Collage the Background; Develop the Hill
1. Glue the collage elements to the background and in and above the hill. You can also add them to the dress or just paint the dress later. Repeat papers with the same pattern around your page to create unity and overlap them when gluing them down to create visual relationships (P). Let dry.
2. Add color with water-soluble crayons and markers and heavy body and fluid acrylics. To decrease drying time, use a heat gun or hair dryer after adding each layer (Q).
3. If desired, add color to the dress and hair (R).
4. Add a layer of white gesso with a brayer to create a shabby/vintage effect that unifies and softens the background (S).
5. Use graphite or colored pencils to strengthen the line that defines the hill. Add a layer of stencil shapes to the hill with spray inks. Let dry. If desired, use a palette knife to apply light molding paste through the stencil and then dry it with a hair dryer or heat gun (T).
6. Use a brush and heavy body acrylics to stamp little pink flowers over the molding paste and then add little fingerprints of pink into the surrounding area. To maintain balance and harmony, stencil molding paste over other areas of the painting (U).
Add Images & Words
To emphasize healing and personal development, add doodles, symbols, and images that resonate with you and the limiting belief/liberating belief that you’re working on. If desired, add a word, affirmation, or liberating belief to your piece that summarizes the belief you arrived at through your personal exploration. If you want to include words or sayings, add them to the dress as a textured layer. I used just one—I matter—placing it on the girl’s dress, right by her heart (V). See opposite for other ideas.
Finishing Touches
To finish this piece, I added dots of white gesso to the background with a cotton swab; highlighted the hair and hanging hearts and stars with a white marker; increased the contrast with color here and there; and made a few other additions that made the painting even more special to me (W).
PROJECT 13
Empathy Affirmation Feather
Self-Forgiveness Helps You Heal
FOR ME, A BIG PART OF HEALING and personal growth is letting go of guilt, shame, and self-judgment. For this project, I’d like to work on an issue you judge yourself for and find difficult to let go. For example, you could use, “I shouted at my children” or “I lied to a close friend.” As before, try to choose an issue that does not have too much of an emotional charge for you, just so you can gently learn to understand the process first.
You may wonder why forgiving yourself for acts that have possibly been upsetting or harmful to others is a good idea. Shouldn’t we feel guilty, bad, or terrible about ourselves if we’ve done harm one way or another? I personally don’t think so. I know, it’s a daring statement, right?
Let me explain. Hanging on to shame and guilt, while understandable, is not helpful, noble, or redeeming. It only serves to darken you, your life, and the people and beings in your life. Blaming and judging the self will stifle and imprison you. It stops you from growing and becoming a better person. You have a much better chance at changing unwanted behavior if you can let go of guilt and shame (forgiving the self) than if you hold on to the harsh inner judgments many of us walk around with.
This isn’t intended to justify behaving badly. This is an effective method of helping you heal from deeper pain and preventing you from behaving badly next time you’re in a similar situation.
Exploration: 9 Steps to Self-Forgiveness
1. Try to stop judging yourself. I know it’s not necessarily easy, but try to stop judging what you did. Stop criticizing, blaming, and judging yourself. If you find it hard to stop judging yourself, then first let it all out. Write it all down, scream it into a pillow, or tell a close friend all the judgments that come up for you; then stop. Stop the judging for just some time while you work through these steps.
2. Try to understand that all actions taken in life are made to meet a deeper underlying need. This does not justify a behavior that is upsetting or harmful, but it can create an understanding for the chosen action. Where there is understanding and awareness, we have more choices, and changes can more easily be made.
• SO WHEN YOU SHOUT AT YOUR CHILD, dig deeply and see what your needs were in that moment. You may hear judgmental thoughts, such as perhaps, “My children are so rude to me.” But it’s likely that underneath that thought is a deep need for respect and understanding. Or you might hear yourself say, “I can’t stand the noise; they’re so loud!” Underneath that thought might be a deep need for peace and calm.
You want to get to know yourself. You want to connect more deeply with why you did what you did and why you reacted the way you did. With as little judgment as possible, dig deeper for the underlying feelings and needs. What were you feeling? What did you need?
• Example: I feel guilty about having shouted at my children.
• My action: Shouting/snapping at them.
• My judgments: I’m a terrible mother and human being. I have no patience, and I am reactive.
• What was really happening for me in the moment I shouted? I was feeling incredibly frustrated, aggravated, and angry because I needed rest, peace, harmony, connection, and care.
3. When you’ve figured out your deeper needs, sit with the understanding you have for yourself. Don’t rush over this bit. Connect to the needs; feel them within you.
4. Internally or externally self-empathize. Empathy is providing a nonjudgmental space for seeing what happened for yourself. Reflect back to yourself, by speaking, writing, or inwardly reciting what was happening for you when you did what you did.
• Example: When the children were screaming, you were feeling incredibly desperate and frustrated because you really needed connection and care. You so badly wanted harmony and respect and peace.
5. Express the sadness and pain that comes up. Express internally or externally any sadness, regret, or pain you feel about your chosen strategy.
• Example: I feel deep sadness and frustration and at times powerlessness around choosing to shout and snap. I feel I have no control over my reactivity, which makes me feel hopeless and deeply sad.
6. Take time to mourn what happened. Mourning is simply feeling your feelings and acknowledging your sadness and pain about what happened. Avoid falling back into judgment. Just be with what is. Be with yourself and with your feelings.
7. Actively consider how you can avoid repeating the same behavior next time you’re in a similar situation. Take steps toward that. Seek help and support (therapy, expressive arts, meditation, a sport or exercise routine, relaxation, medication, massage, support from friends or family, etc.).
• Example: I make active steps to help manage my own emotions in high-stress situations. I am going to meditate, see a therapist, and ask for more support from friends and family. I also communicate with my children compassionately, and I engage in a repair process if I do shout.
8. Now that you understand what happened for you and you’ve made steps toward choosing different strategies, forgive yourself. Let go. Let go of guilt, shame, blame, and judgment. Let go. Let go. Feel the burden lift off you and allow yourself to feel lighter. Your feeling lighter will improve your relationship with yourself, with family, and with friends, and it will improve your quality of life.
9. Remind yourself how important self- forgiveness is for the betterment of yourself, humanity, the beings around you, and the world. Understand that self-forgiveness is going to help you change your behavior much more easily and more effectively than beating yourself up and hanging onto guilt and shame. Forgiving yourself puts you in the best space to correct, improve, or change your behavior. It’ll make you lighter and stronger and more able to make behavior choices that are less painful to others and yourself in the future. Forgiving yourself after having done the previous steps benefits you and others.
Art Page: Empathy Affirmation Feather
For this project, we will create an empathy affirmation feather containing positive affirmations related to the issue you’ve just worked through.
1. Using spray inks in two colors that go well together, create a background wash (A).
2. Dab off excess inks (B).
3. Add a few pieces of collage to your page, slightly off center compositionally. Apply with gel medium (C).
4. Overlap your collage with some of the same inks you used earlier (D).
5. Apply a layer of gesso diagonally across your page. Do not cover the entire page. This is where we will draw a feather (E).
6. Use a graphite pencil to draw your feather over the dried gesso (F).
7. Deepen the lines with a Posca marker (G).
8. Using a Tombow marker in a similar color scheme, add color to your feather (H).
9. Add washi tape (I).
10. Sparkle up your feather with a white Posca marker (J).
11. Add affirmations to your feather. Refer to the self-forgiveness exercise and choose positive affirmations that correspond (K). For example, if I want to work on shouting at my children less, my positive affirmation might be “I feel calm and full of patience” or “I am kind and gentle.” Or, if you need to go deeper, “I am safe,” “I am loved,” “I am understood,” or “I am okay.”
PROJECT 14
Reframing Your Story
Healing through Art Journaling
CONTRIBUTING ARTIST EFFY WILD PHOTOGRAPHY BY TERI EPP
ONE OF THE THINGS I MOST LOVE TO DO in my art journal is to work with anything that I’m struggling with. I find it very healing and self-loving to be with whatever is present for me in the journal in a way that allows me to glean whatever strength and wisdom from it that I can.
I work with memories a lot in my art journal—stories that I remember from my distant or recent past. Sometimes these are lovely stories, but sometimes, they are charged with difficult emotions, such as heartache, sorrow, grief, despair, or anger.
I don’t believe in categorizing my emotions as good or bad. I believe that they are all valid and important. For that reason, I don’t like to cover up the difficult things in my journal. I prefer to reframe them, so that I build on them in layers without eradicating them altogether. This tutorial is meant to show you how I do that.
Exploration: Drawing Your Emotions
Begin when you have a good hour or so to spend with yourself in your art space. Turn off your phone and social media notifications. Do whatever feels right and good for you as you prepare to be with what is coming up for you.
Gather some simple supplies and a sketchbook. I used a Canson XL Mix Media spiral-bound sketchbook, a pencil, and some Neocolor II crayons.
Ask yourself what story you’re holding that you may have a hard time letting go of. It could be anything: the loss of a friend, a lover, or a job; a mistake you made that created a sense of remorse or regret in you; or perhaps something you were told so often in childhood that you came to believe it, even though it was a lie. Whatever comes up for you, let it come. Choose an experience that you feel you can safely work on; perhaps start with something that does not have too much of an emotional charge. Work your way up toward bigger issues when you feel confident with the method.
As you feel whatever you are feeling about this story, begin to doodle shapes that feel like they represent your emotions. I was working with a story about the end of my marriage, so I doodled broken hearts and tear drops, broken lines, and circles with dots and dashes that look like how I felt (see opposite). Trust your impulses. Don’t try too hard to come up with anything and especially don’t try to create anything fancy. Just make some marks.
Art Page: From Art Journal to Artwork
Once you have marks that represent how you feel about the story you want to work with, put your sketchbook aside and switch to the substrate you intend to create your art on. I’m using a piece of cold pressed 9 × 12 inch (23 × 30.5 cm) watercolor paper (Canson XL 90 lb [185 g/m2]).
Doodle Your Shapes
Using a waterproof black pen, doodle your chosen shapes all over the page. As you’re doodling, imagine that the emotions you feel about your story are leaving your body through your pen. Imagine that the page is taking on the emotions that were stirred up by the story you are choosing to work with (A). I’m working with a Pilot PermaBall, but you could use a Pigma Micron, Faber-Castell Pitt artist pen, or any other pen you know to be waterproof. Fill the page and continue to add these doodles until you feel ready to continue to the next step.
Build Color in Layers
1. Add colors that feel like they are relevant to your story. I chose greens because they are the colors of both jealousy and the heart chakra. I also worked with blue because it represents the melancholy that was coming up for me, and pink, because it feels like my tender heart (B). I created this first layer using Caran d’Ache Neocolor II crayons, but you could also use Tombow (or any other water-reactive) markers or watercolor paints.
2. Using a brush of an appropriate size relative to your shapes and doodles, activate the crayon (or whatever else you used) with white gesso that you’ve thinned with a bit of water. You could also use white paint, but I find that I really enjoy working with the toothiness and absorbency of gesso in my first few layers (C). Wash your brush between areas, focusing on activating one color at a time. Otherwise, you will end up making mud.
3. Using a round brush and black acrylic paint (I use Golden Fluid Acrylics, but you can use whatever acrylic paint you have), outline your shapes and add little details in black wherever you like. As you are working, keep thinking about your story. You’re still allowing your feelings about it to flow through you and into the painting. If you would prefer, you could also do this with black marker (such as Copic or Sharpie), but I love the looseness of paint for this step (D).
4. Using a waterproof white paint marker (I like Uni-Posca, but you could also use Molotow, Liquitex, a dip pen and white acrylic ink, or whatever else you have), add white embellishments to the black lines in the piece. At this point, I shifted my thinking from the then of the story to the now of the story, by which I mean I started to ask myself what I learned from what happened. I started to explore what strengths I may have acquired as a result of the experience. Let whatever wants to bubble up, bubble up as you add little dots or dashes, swirls, or highlights wherever there are black lines. This has the added benefit of creating a lot of value contrast in the piece (E).
5. I added swatches of black paint, which I thinned down with water so that I could still see the initial layers. These swatches were meant to honor the dark times brought on by this experience. It also allowed me to break up areas in the background that felt too busy or too crowded for me. Using the waterproof white paint pen, bring some of the background shapes forward again by outlining them (F).
6. With white paint and a paintbrush of an appropriate size for your shapes and doodles, add some light areas into the swatches of black. I followed the general shapes of the doodles and shapes. This was a purely aesthetic choice on my part and didn’t have a symbolic meaning, though I suppose it could represent lighting up the darkness (G).
7. Using a transparent paint in a color that feels right to you, paint a thin layer to the white areas you created inside the black swatches. I used green gold, which is a color that reminds me of the heart chakra and of growth. At this point, because I’d been doodling, painting, and musing deeply on what I’m bringing forward with me from what I experienced, I had an idea of the focal images that I wanted to use in the next few layers. If you haven’t come to that place of knowing what’s next yet, keep playing with the shapes and feelings you began with until something—a key word, a symbol, or an image—comes up for you (H).
Change Directions; Add a Defining Image
1. Flip your work. I do this to symbolize a shift in perspective. In this case, I flipped it from portrait orientation to landscape orientation, but I could just as easily have flipped it upside down instead.
2. Choose an image that represents what you are bringing forward (such as a feeling, a strength, or a lesson) from what you experienced. In my case, I wanted to represent my ability to face my past head-on. I chose a silhouette of a female head. You could choose a love heart, a bird, a leaf—anything that looks like the feeling or strength you are bringing forward. I printed the image on card stock and cut it out carefully to use as a mask. If you already have a mask that works for your piece, use it! Otherwise find an image that can be used as a mask, print it out on card stock, and cut it out. Place it wherever you like on the spread and then trace around it with a pencil. I’m using Stabilo All, which is a water-soluble pencil that works on any medium I work with (I). You could also use a marker, if you don’t mind the outline showing up quite boldly, or a water-soluble crayon such as the Neocolor II crayons we used earlier in the spread.
Add Final Layers & Details
1. Add some water to some white gesso to thin it down and add the gesso all around the image(s) you traced onto your spread. Because I used Stabilo All pencil, adding the gesso activated the pencil and created a delicious inky look to the outline around my focal image. If you find the layer of gesso too thick (you want the background to peek up through this layer), wipe some off with a baby wipe or paper towel. Make sure this layer is completely dry before proceeding (J).
2. Add a layer of transparent paint in a color that feels good to you and that relates to the theme of your spread now that you’ve shifted from then to now. I used Pthalo Turquoise (K). It is one of my favorite colors, and it reminds me of the strength of my heart. Keep this layer very thin so the background peeks up through it. Dry it thoroughly. I also added the same turquoise to the black swatches in the woman’s head, but this was purely an aesthetic decision.
3. Using a brayer, add some gold paint. I used Golden Iridescent Gold (Fine) Fluid Acrylic (L). Having a metallic bartered on at this point is important to the final product. Use whatever waterproof metallic medium you have for a huge wow factor later.
4. Add a border, some background details if desired, and whatever focal images you like on top of the bartered gold. I used stamps and a waterproof black ink pad for this (L).
5. With a Faber-Castell Pitt Big Brush artist pen (I’m using purple), add color around the focal images. Smoosh the ink around with your finger to create a smudged appearance. Notice how the gold seems to shine up through the pen! This will set the piece on fire with glow. If you find that the pen won’t smoosh around, stop. Add a layer of gloss medium to your piece, dry it thoroughly, and then try again. If you don’t have the Big Brush pen, you could try Tombows, but be aware that they are very reactive to water, so use a workable fixative (I like Krylon) if you plan on adding any more wet layers. Using a white Uni-ball Signo Gel pen or the Uni-Posca we used initially, add white details to the spread. Outline the focal images. Draw new focal images. I added a love heart carried on a string by the bird’s mouth (M). And that’s it! Tend to your heart’s content!
