Overcoming Language Pressure Anxiety
Language in the breech: Some of the otherwise best and brightest are great in rehearsal but fall apart on the front lines. We address here how to proactively take control of key influence and persuasion language so as to create a “martial arts” of verbal communication.
Managing the Media
Even steeled and feared CEOs sometimes unravel in the face of media inquiry. So do presidential press secretaries. In fact, so do Presidents. (Remember Bill Clinton’s syntactically dreadful “It depends what ‘is’ is?”) Bold military leaders, athletes who perform under pressure, celebrities accustomed to the spotlight, all have withered before media heat.
Yet, this is an age where there is no expectation of privacy any more. Anything we say, write, or portray may well be used against us, not in a court of law, but in the court of public opinion.
Whether it’s the 2015 Super Bowl champion New England Patriots and deflated footballs or it is presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton declaring that she and Bill were dirt poor when they left the White House, the media gives airing to these bloopers, but the speakers are the ones committing them.
And, if it occurs to people like that, what about you and me?
Now, you may be thinking, “I don’t interact with the media. No one is trying to interview me.” But we need to adjust the scale and adjust to current times.
The media today include Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn, Twitter, and any number of other social platforms. The media include things you create in writing, such as résumés (which sometimes contain unexpunged white lies that return to ruin a career). Brian Williams, the NBC anchor, was removed from the most popular evening newscast on television for exaggerations and lies that were pointless, but which he repeated so often that he probably came to believe.
The point is that the media are all around us. Supposedly, there are apps that allow your message or photo to automatically be erased within a short time, but there are no other apps created to reverse that ability! Histories on computers are not eliminated simply by choosing to do so on the computer menu, nor are cell phone histories.
Profitable Language
Ask yourself if what you’re considering saying, writing, or depicting will stand you in good stead under other circumstances, including merely the passage of time.
Here are some rules for dealing with the media, whether the communication is instigated by media sources, third parties on the media, or you:
One of the very best practices with the media is to use metaphor in place of pedestrian words. Move into the high-speed lane. We’ll cover that later below. But first, let’s look at profitable language in debate.
Determined Debate
A debate, by common definition, is a formal exchange of ideas where opposing views are discussed. When you think of a formal debate (political, public forum, student debate teams), there are extremely strict rules to be followed. There are affirmative positions and negative positions, or point or counterpoint discussions. Each side has a designated time frame to present, to refute, and to overcome objections. The debate is moderated and judged. A winner is objectively declared either by a scoring system or subjectively by an often infamous public opinion polling system.
As we all know, this is not how it works in the everyday debates you engage in as a leader. Yet, some of the same core foundations for formal debate apply in your world:
Recognize that an effective debate is not a series of “Yeah, but” monologues by each person. It must be an integrated, push-and-pull conversation.
Academic debaters (college and high school debate teams) are required to debate the position assigned to them. They don’t get to choose whether they agree or disagree with the premise. They are expected to debate and defend accordingly. They practice in mock debates. This mental agility builds a skill set not many are exposed to in real life, such as:
Looking intently at each side of a position
Creating “pros and cons” for each side
Anticipating points of agreement and disagreement
Designing the logic of overcoming objections
Utilizing effective verbal and nonverbal cues
We can all benefit from what these students master as the foundation of effective debate.
Profitable Language
Curiosity doesn’t kill cats, it improves their ability to hunt and escape peril. The same holds in debate.
In my first decade of adulthood, I was convinced that if your opinion was different from mine, then I was right and you were wrong. And I was more than happy to debate you while professing and insisting on the merits of my rightness. In my second decade, under the same circumstances, I still thought I was right and you were wrong. The difference was I didn’t necessarily have to tell you that you were wrong and I certainly didn’t need to initiate or engage in a debate. I was OK with just knowing I was right. In my third decade, I finally evolved to realize that in matters of opinion, perception, and interpretation (versus hard core facts), it’s not a matter of right or wrong. It’s merely a matter of different. Different didn’t equate to being right (good) or wrong (bad). Different just equaled different.
This very revelation changed the way I engaged with others. In the face of debate (or even casual conversation), I no longer led with being insistent, adamant, and unrelenting. Instead, I first became curious. As a master of heated debate (from 0 to 60 in mere seconds), I stepped back and became curious, exploratory, and inquisitive. I started asking questions instead of making bold, determined statements. (Instead of declaring, “People don’t respond well to merely being paid more if there’s not recognition,” I asked, “In what ways will money, by itself and without recognition, improve morale?” And, I asked with the appropriate tone of curiosity instead of one of self-righteousness!)
Being curious and inquisitive in this sense doesn’t mean you should become a timid soul with no opinion and then recoil at the very thought of debate. It means that if you understand the what, how, and why of your position and of the other person’s position, you pave the way for the following to surface:
In our discussion on negotiations (Chapter 5), we are explicit that the goal is to create a win–win outcome, not win–lose or lose–lose. A similar goal is true with debate. You want to create a win–win even in the midst of a polarized debate. It shouldn’t be a zero-sum game, where another’s losses create your gain. That is ultimately a lose–lose proposition.
How does the effectiveness and finesse of debate come into play in business versus social situations? The key distinguishing factors include:
No one can win-win them all. How do you know “when to hold them and when to fold them?” We’re not talking about bluffing, as in a card game. Instead it’s recognizing:
As in all such vital interactions, the language you choose will make the difference.
The Metaphoric Question
Metaphor: A figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable.
“If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a metaphor is worth a thousand pictures.” A metaphor paints a picture and tells a story by using a few key descriptive words in one short sentence. Metaphors are a figure of speech. They’re not merely a literary technique used solely by creative writers, poets, or novelists. They are a powerful tool to incorporate into your everyday communications.
Why use metaphors? What’s the value for you and your audience? Metaphors uniquely position you to:
In essence, metaphors are the secret decoder ring in communications. They let your audience easily decipher your message. One of my favorite metaphors is the oxygen mask imperative. Airlines tell millions of people daily to put their own oxygen masks on first before trying to help others. In other words, you have to help yourself first. The same applies to personal health, well-being, safety, and success.
The following are other examples of common metaphors related to the mind and memory:
In each of these examples, the person’s mind is figuratively described as something it cannot be literally (steel trap, sieve, oxygen mask). This figurative descriptor paints the picture of the meaning for your audience.
Simile: A figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind, used to make a description more emphatic or vivid.
Simile is a type of metaphor, as it’s also a figure of speech using comparisons. Where metaphor makes the direct connection (suggesting the two subjects are equal), simile is more of an associated meaning by comparing similarities. A simile makes the comparisons using the words like or as (versus a metaphor that uses is). Staying with our mind–brain theme, here are examples of similes:
Descriptions and comparisons stated as metaphors and similes are an essential tool in effective communications.
Idiom: A group of words established by usage as having a meaning not deducible from those of the individual words.
Idioms are another form of figure of speech known as figurative expressions. They are expressions used so often that they have become commonplace and are often times considered to be clichés. Because of their common use, the intended meaning is easily translated from the figurative expression. Examples of common idioms:
Idioms in business run rampant. Because idioms are oftentimes commonly known expressions, they are no longer unique. They may not have the impact and value of original metaphors and similes with your audience, but this doesn’t mean they shouldn’t ever be used. They do have their place in language. It’s merely pointing out that idioms will not have the profound effect on your audience as a well-crafted metaphor or simile.
Profitable Language
You and your point will be memorable, like familiar pieces of music one can’t remove from recall—an indelible imprint—when you use metaphoric language.
Litotes: Ironical understatement in which an affirmative is expressed by the negative of its contrary.
No discussion on figurative language would be complete without referencing litotes. The term may not be familiar, but litotes are ubiquitous. Often recognized as a literary double negative, it’s known as a rhetorical litotes. While double negatives can sometimes be confusing, a true litote is usually well understood. Examples of litotes:
As you can see, litotes are intended to emphasize the actual message through the emphasis of a negative (stating what it is not). They catch people’s attention because they may not be immediately understood. Your audience may need to take a split second or two to decipher the true meaning of your message.
Where it may be effective messaging, you need to be cautious in the use of litotes. Your message can be interpreted as downplaying a positive, as though you’re not willing to give full credit where credit is due and it then comes across as a minimal or a backhanded acknowledgment. It can also be misinterpreted as being inappropriately sarcastic. So, use your litotes wisely. (She’s not a bad leader may not be one you want to use.)
When it comes to figurative language, the great thing about creating metaphors and similes is, short of following the appropriate structure, there’s no right or wrong to formulating a metaphoric statement. Here are your practice steps:
Metaphor: X is a …
Simile: X is like …
To show that there can be a variety of comparatives for the same subject, consider the following examples:
Tip: Use the essence of metaphoric language in formal presentations. For presentations using visuals (such as PowerPoint, Keynote, or handouts), use pictures to capture and reinforce the essence of your metaphoric message and talk to the relevance of that picture. We’re not talking about traditional (and often times boring) spreadsheet and pie chart-type visuals. Instead, for our four examples above, show and speak to a picture of a pendulum, a rocket, a roller coaster, or the fast lane of a super highway, all of which are more effective and longer lasting than the ad nauseam bulleted items of verbiage on page after page after page.
Creating Your Own Reality
Perception is reality.
There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.
—Aldous Huxley
The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.
—Robertson Davies, Tempest-Tost
In Chapter 3, we explored perceptions, honesty, truth, and empirical evidence. Ideally, in your role as a leader, you seek empirical evidence to determine truth. However, you are interacting in the world around you where people operate under the fundamental premise of my perception is my reality. What they hear and see is filtered through their own values, beliefs, and experiences, which then creates their own version of their truth (their perception).
To that point, your role is to also influence those very perceptions. Often, it’s up to you to actually distort others’ perceptions of reality in order for all to be successful. (Keeping in mind, of course, that your mission to distort reality is for good, not for evil!)
Steve Jobs was well known as the genius and master of this influence, which is known as the Reality Distortion Field (RDF). If RDF sounds like something from Star Trek, it’s because that’s exactly where it originated. In the original pilot episode, aliens use the RDF to create their own new world through sheer mental force.
There are many stories as to how Jobs acquired RDF (the skill set and the label). However, those who were in his immediate atmosphere of influence are consistent in their views of his mastery of the concept and the power of it. These quotes, from those who worked closely with and knew Jobs well, best describe his ability to create reality distortion (quotes from Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson, 2011):
In Jobs’ own words, he identified with a line from Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass, in which he related to RDF. After Alice laments that no matter how hard she tries she can’t believe in impossible things, the White Queen retorts “Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
Not all is positive with reality distortion. The other side of coin includes these drawbacks of reality distortion as utilized by Jobs:
Jobs was known for behavior of extreme polarities. Some may say this behavior had nothing to do with reality distortion, it was just Jobs’s personality. But, in fact, the polarities are extremes of the good, the bad, and the ugly of reality distortion.
The reality is … reality distortion can be a double-edged sword. How do you maximize the positive effects and minimize the negative effects?
The magic of reality distortion is this: When individuals and teams successfully achieve what they thought was impossible, they have a new perception of reality. They may never proactively see the same reality you see as early as you see it. But, they learn to appreciate your ability as a visionary and strategic leader. They start to believe and trust that with your leadership the impossible can be possible.
Profitable Language
Behavior is influenced by perception, and perceptions are conveyed through your language.
Create your language with the idea in mind of influencing others toward your intended reality, not some fait accompli left by others’ perceptions. As examples of reality distortion, good and bad, bear in mind these hyped and incredibly repeated phrases that influence the behavior of voters, legislators, members, donors, media representatives, investors, and similar key stakeholders:
You get the idea. Powerful people create powerful distortion fields in their favor.
* All quotes listed here are from Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson, 2011.