3
PRINCIPLE 1. Exercise the Freedom to Choose Your Attitude
Everything can be taken from a man but . . . the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way.1 (V. Frankl)
Human beings are, by nature, creatures of habit. Searching for a life that is both predictable and within our comfort zone, we rely on routine and, for the most part, learned thinking patterns. We create pathways in our minds in much the same way that a path is beaten through a grass field from repeated use. Because these patterns are automatic, we may believe these habitual ways of thinking and behaving to be beyond our control. Thus we rationalize our responses to life and fall prey to forces that limit our potential as human beings. By viewing ourselves as relatively powerless and driven by instinct, the possibility that we can create, or at least co-create, our own reality becomes difficult to grasp. Instead, we often lock ourselves inside our own mental prisons. We lose sight of our own natural potential and that of others. In essence, we become prisoners of our thoughts.
Yet we can reshape our patterns of thinking. Through our own search for meaning, we can unfreeze ourselves from our limited perspective, find the key, and unlock the door of our metaphorical prison cell. We can change our perspective once we realize that we do, indeed, have the freedom to choose our attitude toward whatever is happening in our lives.
Each of us has his own inner concentration camp . . . we must deal with, with forgiveness and patience—as full human beings; as we are and what we will become.2 (V. Frankl)
The responsibility for choosing our attitude lies solely with each of us. It cannot be transferred to someone else. This ultimate responsibility applies both to our personal and our work lives. We have made this claim over the years to various business and government clients, especially in cases where workers, including executives and managers, seem intent on complaining about their working conditions rather than doing anything to change the situation. We all know people who habitually define their work or job in a negative way.
Take, for example, Bob, who would appear to many to be a fairly successful bank executive. However, his work journey has taken him through some dramatic twists and turns, causing him much stress. Bob rarely, if ever, seems positive or optimistic about his job and, by extension, his life. He complains incessantly about his responsibilities, his colleagues, his customers, his community, and just about every other aspect of his working life. Bob’s colleagues and family hear nothing but stories of misery, negativity, and despair. Unfortunately, Bob seems unable and unwilling to see that he is creating his own reality, that his constant complaining is hampering his work success and negatively affecting his family and his personal life. One by one, Bob’s friends have drifted away from him, not wanting to surround themselves with such negativity. His family perseveres, enduring through a sense of obligation but certainly not through a sense of joy.
Complaining about a miserable job around the watercooler or starting a “bitch and moan club” at the office might offer moments of camaraderie, but it doesn’t nurture meaning—for oneself or for others. The idea that work is neither fun nor fulfilling takes a huge toll on our ability to bring meaning to our work. When we habitually complain, we make meaninglessness a habit. Before long, we are so deeply invested in complaining that any opportunity to see the work experience as a rich part of our lives vanishes. Instead of taking the time to find meaning, we take the time to find and focus on meaninglessness. Such complaints trivialize our experiences—both at work and in our personal lives. When we complain, we disconnect. When we complain, we hold whatever or whoever we’re complaining about as a shield. We therefore perpetuate victimization and helplessness.
What is a serial complainer to do? The first task is to become aware of when and why we are complaining. The second task is to stop complaining! This doesn’t mean we won’t complain once in a while; it means that we become aware of when we are complaining and that we are choosing to complain, choosing to be negative. This does not mean that we deny our burdens, our grief, and our worries and sign on to a Pollyannaish, blindly optimistic perspective of the world. Viktor Frankl certainly had the opportunity to complain. He could have chosen to be negative. However, he excavated the darkest despair and discovered meaning in his circumstances. He didn’t have to create the meaning—it was there waiting to be found. He knew well the meaning of unavoidable suffering through his experience in the Nazi concentration camps. He knew the darkest human behavior and, at the same time, the brightest light of human possibility. Frankl carried the awareness of both potentialities, which deepened his humanity and created in him a deep and abiding faith. He saw people rise out of the most depraved circumstances and offer all they had to others. Viktor Frankl saw the manifestation of spirit on a daily basis.
When we recognize that we always have the ultimate freedom to choose our attitude, we are free to choose whether it will be negative or positive. By releasing our negative attitude, we release energy that can then be used to connect more meaningfully with others. When we authentically connect more deeply with others, we create a new community of support and possibility. When we make this kind of authentic connection, we can’t avoid meaning. It’s waiting for us around every watercooler, in every elevator, cubbyhole, taxicab, conference room, and corporate boardroom. When we open ourselves to meaning, when we stop to appreciate ourselves and others in meaningful ways, we immediately enhance the quality of our own lives as well as the lives of those around us.
A Lesson in True Freedom
There is an inspiring story about Nelson Mandela, the first black president of South Africa and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, which meaningfully illuminates the relationship between personal freedom and imprisonment. At a young age, Mandela fought to change South Africa’s economically and politically oppressive apartheid system and to foster racial equality. In 1962 he was arrested, convicted of conspiracy to overthrow the state, and sentenced to life imprisonment. As a result of mounting pressure from the people of South Africa and international agencies, Mandela was released from prison in 1990 after serving twenty-seven years.
The day Mandela was released from prison, Bill Clinton, then governor of Arkansas, was watching the news. Clinton called to his wife and daughter: “You must see this; it is historic.” As Mandela stepped out from the prison walls to be greeted by the international press, Clinton saw a flush of anger on Mandela’s face as he looked at the people watching. But then the anger disappeared. Later, when Clinton was president of the United States and Mandela was president of South Africa, the two leaders met, and Clinton relayed this observation. Clinton candidly asked Mandela to explain what seemed to have occurred on that day. Mandela replied: “Yes, you are right. When I was in prison, the son of a guard started a Bible study and I attended; . . . and that day when I stepped out of prison and looked at the people observing, a flush of anger hit me with the thought that they had robbed me of twenty-seven years. Then the Spirit of Jesus said to me, ‘Nelson, while you were in prison you were free; now that you are free, don’t become their prisoner.’”3 Indeed, upon his release Mandela displayed his ability, once again, to be a model for reconciliation, with no spirit of revenge or negativism. He understood that the freedom to choose one’s attitude is one of the most basic and important freedoms human beings have.
It’s neither proper nor possible to compare the ways in which Viktor Frankl and Nelson Mandela endured unthinkable experiences. But they represent all people who have experienced suffering and triumphed, each in his or her own way. These people were compelled, under uniquely dreadful circumstances, to find meaning within their imprisoned lives. Stripped of most of the freedoms many of us take for granted, as prison inmates these two men were left with what Frankl called the “last of the human freedoms”—the freedom to choose one’s attitude in response to life circumstances. This freedom to choose is available to us all, in every aspect of our lives. Yet it can be difficult, when our lives are comparably safe and perceivably free, to do so. We all struggle with situations beyond our control. Bringing these aspects of our lives under control—even if it is only our attitude toward a particular situation—is where our freedom takes shape, no matter what the circumstances.
The Real Superman
The late actor Christopher Reeve had it all. In addition to his early success on Broadway, he was known all over the world for his leading role in Superman, the 1978 movie that made him a star. At the age of forty-two, his acting career was bright and his life was filled with unlimited possibilities. He was passionate about life and was intent on experiencing it with gusto. An all-around athlete, Reeve loved sailing and was a skilled equestrian, skier, ice skater, and tennis player. On Memorial Day 1995, however, the world held its breath as Reeve struggled for life. He had been thrown from his horse in an accident that broke his neck, leaving him unable to move or breathe on his own. The man who was Superman had become quadriplegic.
Despite the tragic accident, as he wrote in his best-selling autobiography, appropriately titled Still Me: “I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.”4 And so the story of the real Superman continued. In the years after the accident, Reeve not only survived but also thrived—fighting for himself, for his family, and for thousands of people with spinal cord injuries in the United States and around the world. An inspirational force, Reeve displayed his choice to maintain a positive attitude toward his situation on Larry King Live, just ten months after the accident: “I am a very lucky guy,” he said. “I can testify before Congress. I can raise funds. I can raise awareness.”5 Reeve credited his wife, Dana, and his three children for lifting him out of an initial morass of hopelessness. “You learn the stuff of your life (sports, movies) . . . that’s not the essence of your existence,” he said. “My relationships were always good. Now they have transcended. That’s why I can honestly say I am a lucky man.” He went further:
When a catastrophe happens, it’s easy to feel so sorry for yourself that you can’t see anybody around you. But the way out is through your relationships. The way out of that misery or obsession is to focus more on what your little boy needs or what your teenagers need or what other people around you need. It’s very hard to do, and often you have to force yourself. But that is the answer to the dilemma of being frozen—at least it’s the answer I found.6
Christopher Reeve exercised his freedom to choose his attitude about his life and work, which enabled him to take the bold steps of confronting the unforeseen changes in his path. By doing so, he was able to do more than simply cope with his personal suffering and loss. He unleashed his potential for self-healing and discovered a path to authentic meaning that might have gone unnoticed. As a by-product of his conscious choice, Reeve was able to remind us that life is not to be taken for granted but to be lived fully, with passion, curiosity, and gratitude.7 He chose to live with a positive attitude until his death in 2004, at the age of fifty-two.
Christopher Reeve was an inspirational role model for others. Most notably, his positive attitude directly influenced his wife, Dana, who took care of him for almost ten years after the accident. Dana experienced another personal tragedy in August 2005: even though she had never smoked in her life, she was diagnosed with lung cancer. Despite enduring personal tragedies, Dana chose to face life with strength and courage. When she was asked how she maintained such a positive outlook, Dana replied that she had had a “good teacher”—her husband. The American actress, singer, activist for disability causes, and wife of the real Superman died on March 6, 2006, at the age of forty-four.
Learning to Cope
As we venture through life, we encounter both joyful and sorrowful times. Although we might wish to experience only the happy times, we know that to live a full life, we must be prepared to experience challenging and often painful situations. Life is about opposites: day and night, sickness and health, good and evil, wealth and poverty, and so on. Opposites are beneficial because they help us define and contrast things; we need to know one in order to know the other. Life is about embracing both the joys and the challenges, not simply going through the motions. It is the wholeness of life that we should be embracing. It is in the wholeness of life that we build our resilience and coping abilities to face all of life’s challenges. It is in the wholeness of life that we experience the most meaning.
In Viktor Frankl’s case, had he not understood the totality of life, the joys and the challenges, he might not have been able to survive the horrid conditions of the concentration camps. Had he not adopted his overall beliefs about coping before his arrival at Auschwitz, he might not have been able to sustain his optimistic and passionate view about his own chances of survival:
Unless there was a 100 percent guarantee that I will be killed here on the spot, and I will never survive this concentration camp last part of my life, unless there is any guarantee, I’m responsible for living from now on in a way that I may make use of the slightest chance of survival, ignoring the great danger surrounding me in also all the following camps I had been sent. This, as it were, a coping, not mechanism, but a coping maxim I adopted, I espoused, at that moment.8 (V. Frankl)
Here Frankl refers to what he called his coping maxim, an overarching set of fundamental principles (or rules of conduct) that helped him handle the formidable challenges he faced. By responsibly choosing and authentically committing to his fundamental attitude about the need for survival upfront, Frankl gained confidence that he would be able to cope with and survive yet another day in the camps.
In life and in the workplace, some individuals cope more easily than others with changes in circumstances. In many instances, the most capable, responsible, and resilient individuals have adopted a coping maxim (an overall belief about coping), confidence that they can cope, and skills to guide them through life’s challenges and toward more meaning in the present day and for the future. It is important to ask ourselves, What are our coping maxims and what are our beliefs about our ability to cope in challenging circumstances?
True Optimism
Being a true optimist requires more than just positive thinking. Positive affirmations (like the ones included at the end of each chapter in this book, starting with the words, I will . . .) are useful, even beneficial, as a starting point when we face the challenges that come our way in life and work. However, like good intentions, positive affirmations are not enough in and of themselves. They must be supported by two other steps: our ability to visualize the possibilities for dealing with the situation at hand resulting from our choice of attitude and, importantly, our passion for taking the action required to actualize those possibilities. In other words, when we choose our attitude in light of what we call “true optimism,” we actually make three choices:
1. We choose a positive attitude about the situation at hand.
2. We choose to visualize what’s possible to deal with the situation at hand.
3. We choose an attitude that generates passion for the action that makes the possible become a reality.
All of us have the freedom to make these choices, but it is amazing how frequently we don’t. We either choose to abstain from taking full responsibility for what should be our conscious choice, or we choose, albeit unconsciously, to remain frozen in thought patterns that may no longer serve our highest good. In short, we become prisoners of our thoughts.
In our life and throughout our work on finding meaning, we have encountered clients, coworkers, friends, and family members who are stuck in old habits of self-imprisonment. They display the power of negative thinking about a work or life situation, ensuring that they could never visualize a better tomorrow. Or they are so fearful of the unknown that they have essentially immobilized themselves, effectively avoiding any kind of risk. The ultimate freedom to choose their attitude and their future, no matter how desperate they may be, seems as foreign to them as a life in which they could feel fulfilled and happy. For example, Tom was unhappy with his job and although he discussed leaving his company on many occasions, he could not bring himself to make the decision to move on. He seemed unable to visualize future possibilities and stated that he could not see himself doing anything else.
One day, Tom’s organization decided to downsize and he, among many others, was let go after years of faithful service. Although Tom did not agree with the company’s decision to release him, and he felt that his value was neither acknowledged nor fully understood, he realized that he was given no choice but to move on. Tom came to terms with the company’s decision and forced himself to change his attitude. “Maybe uncertainty brings out the best in us,” he professed. Forced to take a leap, Tom shifted to a positive attitude about his newfound freedom and began to visualize the various options he had for work. He is now combining several opportunities that more accurately reflect his deep passion, values, and interests. Ironically, it took the company’s decision to let Tom go before he was able to see the need to shift his attitude and to pursue work that was more meaningful and more in line with his true interests.
Much has been written about retirement and the negative effects that retiring can have on people’s attitudes and motivations. Use of the word retire, which actually means “to withdraw,” may be part of the problem. In our opinion, too much focus has been placed on the financial aspect of retirement (Will I have enough money to pay for my expenses until I die?) versus the larger, more existential challenge (How can I best find deeper meaning in the time that remains?). The three steps to true optimism detailed earlier in this chapter can also apply to us as we age. One of our good friends and colleagues, Rebecca, led an adventurous and very eventful life. Always one to focus on the good in life, she chose work that allowed her to express her creative spirit and be a source of insight and inspiration for others. As a creativity consultant, Rebecca advised individuals and organizations on how to move past such mental blocks as “I’ve always done it that way” and “That can never work” to explore alternative paths. She loved her work—it nourished her soul and brought her great joy as she witnessed her clients’ creative-thinking breakthroughs.
Unfortunately, Rebecca experienced a severe hip injury, which confined her to a wheelchair and restricted her ability to move around, to enjoy her active life, and, importantly, to travel to visit her clients. Not letting her injury stop her, Rebecca displayed a strong understanding of the three steps to true optimism:
1. She choose a positive attitude about the physical impairment she was facing.
2. She chose to visualize alternative avenues of creative expression, including beginning to write about her creative-thinking methods in journals to be distributed to her clients.
3. She chose an attitude that generated passion for action instead of feeling stuck or sorry for herself.
More than simply relying on positive thinking alone, Rebecca exercised the freedom to choose her attitude under difficult circumstances. Thus she expanded her life creatively in a new way. She did all this at the age of eighty-nine!
Another person demonstrating the ageless wisdom of true optimism was Ralph Waldo McBurney, known by friends as Waldo. In October 2006 he was recognized by Experience Works as the oldest worker in America. At the time 104 years old, Waldo was admired as a national symbol for his longevity and work ethic. Waldo, an avid runner, set international records in track and field events and was still competing well after his 101st birthday! One of the most remarkable things about him and his story, however, is that he published his first book in 2004 with the inspirational title My First 100 Years! What a true optimist! Although he left us in July 2009, at almost 107 years old, Waldo’s life-affirming legacy will live forever. We should all remember Rebecca and Waldo when we hear someone say that they are too old to start something new. It’s all about attitude and being a true optimist!
Ten Positive Things Exercise
One of the simplest yet most powerful tools we use to reinforce and apply the “Exercise the Freedom to Choose Your Attitude” principle is our “Ten Positive Things Exercise.” To begin, think of a situation in your personal life or at work that is particularly stressful, negative, or challenging for you. Now write ten positive things that resulted from or could result from this situation. Write down any thoughts that come to mind, without filtering them for realism or social acceptance. Try to list as many positives as you can, going beyond ten if possible. Feel free to determine or define what “positive” means to you. After you have completed your list, review it and let the positives become possibilities in your mind. This requires letting go of your current blocked or old ways of thinking, moving beyond disappointment or frustration, and perhaps even abandoning anger. This exercise can open you to a higher level of optimism, no matter how challenging your personal circumstance.
The “Ten Positive Things Exercise” can be applied to many situations. Imagine doing this exercise with this instruction: List ten positive things that would happen if you died today. Most people are not used to discussing, contemplating, and exploring the positives associated with someone’s death, let alone their own! Having done this exercise with many groups, we can assure you that once people get over the initial shock and resistance, they relax and actually have a great deal of fun looking for the positives in what is perhaps the most catastrophic situation imaginable. Many people start to see a silver lining or hopeful side in something even as terrible as their own deaths. On one occasion, we had a participant state as a positive: “My wife can finally marry the person she always wanted to marry!”
If we can find something positive to say about our own death, it should be easier to find something positive about our work situation, family life, and so forth. Use this exercise to help you find the positives in such varying and challenging circumstances as losing your job, being in a car accident, and others. Try these:
• List ten positive things that would happen if you lost your job today.
• List ten positive things that would happen if your department at work was eliminated.
• List ten positive things that would happen from a breakdown in the production line at work.
• List ten positive things that would happen with an across-the-board 20 percent budget cut at work.
• List ten positive things that would happen if you were in a car accident.
• List ten positive things that would happen if your credit card was lost.
• List ten positive things that would happen if your romantic relationship ended today.
• List ten positive things that would happen if you gained weight.
Each of these situations can be viewed from many different perspectives. No matter how desperate the situation or condition may be, we can always find something positive upon which to focus our attention. When we view the situation in a different light, new ideas, solutions, and opportunities are more likely to come to the surface. Our experience with conducting this exercise in group settings has shown that the positive energy among participants increases dramatically as they learn new things about themselves, each other, and the specific situation they are facing. Everyone learns to release themselves from their self-imposed thought prisons and, as a result, recognizes that ultimately we are all free to choose our attitude, no matter what the circumstance.
Exercise in Action
We have effectively used the “Ten Positive Things Exercise” in many different settings, in a wide variety of life and work situations. This section offers three examples of the exercise in action. The first situation involved a client-training session we were conducting in Alaska with the U.S. Forest Service. At the end of the first day of a two-day session, we overheard comments from one of the more reluctant participants, Paul; he was not interested in the training and didn’t feel that it was relevant to him. The “Ten Positive Things Exercise” had been introduced and practiced that afternoon, and Paul obviously was not impressed.
The next morning when we returned to the training venue, we noticed Paul sitting beside two other participants, laughing. When we asked him what had happened, he reported that when he went home the evening after our session, he was shocked to learn that his teenage daughter had received a tongue piercing and was now sporting a new piece of jewelry in her mouth. Angry and upset, Paul argued with his daughter and wife; in short, he had a terrible night with his family. When he returned to the training session, looking tired and depressed, he confessed to his two coworkers what had happened. Immediately, they asked him to list ten positive things that might result from his daughter’s action of piercing her tongue. Working together, he and his coworkers identified many potential positives to be gained from Paul’s stressful experience (for example, his daughter was alive, she wasn’t pregnant, she wasn’t in jail, she had shared this event with him, and so on). By looking at these optimistic realities, Paul fostered an entirely new and positive attitude toward his daughter and even our training session! Doing this exercise put this situation in perspective for Paul and helped him to see that things could have been worse for his teenage daughter. He soon changed his attitude about the piercing.
The second example involves a unique twist. I (Alex) had been asked to conduct a workshop on the principles outlined in Prisoners of Our Thoughts for inmates at a state penitentiary. The idea of discussing ways to escape one’s inner mental prison with actual inmates, some of whom had been sentenced to serve years in prison, was an unusual and challenging opportunity. “Okay, everyone, I would like you to list ten positive things about being in prison,” I told the group of about two dozen inmates, who looked at me like I was crazy. In a room designated primarily for education and training purposes, the inmates sat at tables arranged in a circle. Each participant had been given a pad of paper and a small pencil (confiscated at the end of the session for security reasons). They began writing. Some inmates grumbled and others laughed at what they had been asked to do, but all of them participated in the exercise in one way or another.
As expected, some participants were unable to find anything positive in their incarceration, at least not until they heard what their fellow inmates had to say. Some inmates were very serious in the way they framed their responses to this exercise, while others let their imaginations soar with a sense of humor that might have seemed out of place under such circumstances. Here are some examples across the spectrum of what they shared:
• “Society is now protected from me since I’m locked up.”
• “I now know what I don’t want to do with (the rest of) my life.”
• “I can be a role model for others so that they don’t do what I did.”
• “I’ve learned who my real friends are and who aren’t.”
• “I’ve been reborn and now value life and freedom like never before.”
• “I get to work out a lot.”
Of course, these reflections comprise only a snapshot of what the participants shared. The exercise lifted the heavy weight of the energy in the room and tapped into the human spirit. The participants no longer had to think and act only as prison inmates, so each person could experience, even with a sense of humor, the sharing of his authentic thoughts and feelings with the others. The experience enabled them to explore what some might call the silver lining in their current predicament. By being challenged not to be prisoners of their thoughts, each participant had the chance to exercise the freedom to choose his attitude despite the circumstance of being incarcerated in an actual prison.
Our third example of using the “Ten Positive Things Exercise” involves a reader of an earlier edition of Prisoners of Our Thoughts who faced a very difficult circumstance. Mark had just learned that his wife of twenty-four years had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer, found in two spots, one of which was invasive. Mark was devastated. He experienced shock and disbelief, along with a heavy dose of denial, followed by what he described as “god-awful anxiety.” For several days after learning about his wife’s disease (“the longest days of my life”), Mark couldn’t stop crying. In short, he didn’t know what to do.
In the midst of his despair, however, Mark remembered the “Ten Positive Things Exercise” and decided along with his wife to give it a shot. We are thankful to them both for sharing the following examples from their longer list of positives. In Mark’s words:
1. My wife went by herself for the biopsy results. At first, I was angry as I felt it was my place to accompany her. Then I had the realization that for her, it was an act of bravery to spare me. She called one of my friends at work and asked him to come to my office so that I wouldn’t be alone when she phoned me with the bad news. I’m privileged to have a marriage where a spouse can demonstrate that depth of caring for me.
2. Two years ago, I (Mark) went through a challenging double hip replacement. The surgery, rehabilitation, pain tolerance, etc., took about twelve weeks. One achieves a sense of almost total normalcy in about a year. During this time I took the opportunity to lose weight, improve my health, and get as fit as I’ve ever been in my life. Somehow, in some way, I’m wondering if all of this took place first as preparation for the battle to come. If I ever needed to be physically ready, now is the time.
3. Family, neighbors, and friends have drawn together as a tribe united in a sacred battle to save my wife’s life. I’ve witnessed so many people demonstrate their support and caring that I’m left somewhat speechless. My wife is fiercely loved by many, many people and I, too, am the recipient of their support.
4. It’s almost as if my whole life has been a preparation for this test. In some uncanny way I feel like this is exactly where I belong. Make no mistake, I’m terrified. But I’m also resolved to stand my ground with her come what may.
5. I tend to be a skeptic and somewhat pessimistic by nature. Right now, my wife is asking me to help her attach to her anger. She wants to fight and she wants me to get her mad enough to survive. I am now being given the supreme opportunity to relentlessly practice being positive, day in and day out. Minute by minute. If ever I had a moment of swallowing my fear and acting in spite of it, this was it.
6. She and I have confirmed how close we are, but our intimacy is only going to increase in the days ahead. Love is a profoundly mysterious thing.
7. As humans, we tend to see a lifespan as having a narrative arc—from childhood to old age. Any interruption of the unfolding story is seen as tragic. Maybe that’s not it at all. Maybe the universe exists because goodness requires it. And maybe what it’s all about is that humans were to evolve to discover/create love and meaning—because that’s God’s nature expressing itself. If that’s at least possible, then my wife has accomplished many lifetimes already through her children, her friends, and her relationship with me. That can never be undone; it exists forever.
As Viktor Frankl advised, the way that people accept their fate—those things beyond their control—can add deeper meaning to their life. Such has proven to be the case for Mark and his wife. Through their inescapable suffering, their lives have been enriched with newfound meaning. As Mark and his wife continue to wage their battle with the disease and seek a path to recovery, this meaning will always be with them, providing much-needed support and strength along the way.
Freedom to Choose Our Attitude
One day, I (Alex) had a conversation with a reader of an earlier edition of Prisoners of Our Thoughts. A physician, he said, “Alex, I really like your book. I only have one question. I don’t really understand the first principle: Exercise the freedom to choose your attitude. Why would I want to do that if I already have an attitude?” Obviously, this particular reader didn’t get the message that we are trying to convey! Fortunately, after some discussion, he came to understand the meaning behind the principle and has since used it effectively to deal with challenges in his medical practice as well as in his personal life. As Frankl explained:
As a human phenomenon, however, freedom is all too human. Human freedom is finite freedom. Man is not free from conditions. But he is free to take a stand in regard to them. The conditions do not completely condition him. Within limits it is up to him whether or not he succumbs and surrenders to the conditions. He may as well rise above them and by so doing open up and enter the human dimension. . . . Ultimately, man is not subject to the conditions that confront him; rather, these conditions are subject to his decision. Wittingly or unwittingly, he decides whether he will face up or give in, whether or not he will let himself be determined by the conditions.9 (V. Frankl)
Although human beings may not be in control of the conditions or situations that confront us, the important thing is that we can choose how we respond, at least through our choice of attitude. According to Frankl, this is not only our right as human beings, it is our full human beingness to be free in this manner. All we have to do is resist the temptation of remaining prisoners of our thoughts and choose this freedom, no matter what.
Meaning Reflections
Think of a situation that is particularly challenging for you. Now write down ten positive things about this situation. Review and use your list to shift your attitude by identifying new thoughts or perspectives that will open the door to novel solutions to your challenge.
• How do you deal with negativity and complaining from others in your workplace or personal life?
• Are you a complainer? Why do you complain? What is the payoff from your complaining? Are you willing to change your attitude? If so, what steps can you take to change your attitude?
• How do you maintain a positive attitude in your personal life and at work?
Meaning Affirmation
I will choose a positive attitude, visualize possibilities for the future, and take action to make them happen.