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PRINCIPLE 2. Realize Your Will to Meaning
A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the “why” for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any “how.”1 (V. Frankl)
“Oh, I am so happy,” Olivia exclaimed. “I have always wanted a Rolex watch. I can hardly wait to show my friends.” Many of us can relate to the excitement of getting something new, especially if we had focused our intentions of acquiring it for quite some time. It is the promise, the anticipation of pleasure that lures us. But pleasure itself is fleeting and often hard to capture. Although we may have been excited about the prospect of receiving something pleasurable, the feeling of elation quickly dissipates, ultimately leaving us dissatisfied. Many of us get hooked on this cycle—reveling in the anticipation of pleasure, delighting in the buildup and the thrill of the actual event, but inevitably becoming disillusioned when the novelty subsides. It becomes a vicious cycle, a roller coaster, as we seek to experience the euphoric highs of pleasure once more. This situation reminds us of the story of the Greek hero Sisyphus who was ordered by the gods to push a boulder uphill, only to see it slip out of his hands and roll back down the hill, again and again. Similarly, in our quest for happiness and pleasure, life can become an endless and joyless undertaking.
Will to Pleasure
Happiness and pleasure are essential to life, but the challenge with both notions is that they are short-term feelings that come and go depending on our circumstances. We may feel content and happy at certain moments in our lives but these are feelings of contentment and happiness, not deep or intrinsic meaning. Happiness and pleasure are essentially illusions, moving targets, dictated by things, events, and other people, external to our real selves. Focusing only on pleasure has its downfalls. If we only seek pleasure, we ignore and even discount the natural rhythm of life—the ups and downs, the joys and sorrows. If we only seek pleasure, we may avoid confrontation or conflict in our relationships, choosing instead to sweep issues under the rug. But, in doing so, we avoid having the conversations that could actually lead to deeper, more authentic relationships and help us grow emotionally and spiritually. If we only seek pleasure, we may miss the opportunity to practice building or strengthening our resilience and our ability to cope—necessary skills for dealing with life’s challenges.
When discussing pleasure, many people reference the ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus, who is often associated with hedonism. Hedonism is defined as behaving in ways that enable you to get as much pleasure out of life as possible. An epicurean is known as a connoisseur of the arts of life, including overindulging in the pleasures of decadent food and drink. In reality, Epicurus’s original philosophy centered more on the belief that a pleasant life was one in which we abstain from unnecessary desires and actually focus on inner tranquility or calm, being content with simple things. He believed we should choose deep friendships over the fleeting pleasures of food, drink, and sex. He suggested that the way to real pleasure was to live modestly and in control of one’s desires. A basic tenet of his philosophy was that we can achieve pleasure by avoiding pain. (This aspect of Epicurus’s philosophy may have led to the confusion about his teachings. Some people may have understood that in order to avoid the pain [say, the pain of hunger], they should indulge and even overindulge in food. Over time, this misunderstanding—to indulge in food—took center stage in the memory of Epicurus’s teachings on pleasure.)
Sigmund Freud, from Vienna, Austria, who was a contemporary and early mentor of Viktor Frankl, also focused on the pursuit of pleasure as a primary motivation of human beings. Writing about the “pleasure principle,” Freud suggested, like Epicurus, that the mind naturally or instinctively seeks to maximize pleasure and avoid pain. He believed that humans are programmed to seek instant gratification through the pursuit of pleasure, and only through understanding and maturity can we learn to deter or postpone gratification of this basic human need. As the father of psychoanalysis (a clinical method focused on dialogue between a patient and a psychoanalyst), Freud spent many years examining the will to pleasure, espousing it as an integral part of his theory of human motivation.
Unlike most supporters of Freud and his theories, Viktor Frankl followed another path. He developed his own school of thought regarding human motivation and the practice of psychotherapy. Rather than holding a “reductionist” view of human nature that focused on the gratification of drives and instincts, such as those associated with the will to pleasure, Frankl firmly believed that the human potential to realize a will to meaning—that is, the authentic commitment to meaningful values and goals—was the primary, intrinsic motivation of human beings. Put differently, Frankl viewed the human condition from a holistic, integrative perspective. He did not agree with Freud that human behavior, like mice in a maze, was simply a function of what he called “secondary rationalization of instinctual drives.”2 As a result of their philosophical differences and divergent perspectives on the aim of psychotherapy, Freud and Frankl parted ways.
Will to Power
Alfred Adler, another Viennese psychiatrist and an early mentor of Viktor Frankl, had developed a school of thought and approach to psychotherapy that focused on the will to power as the key driver of human motivation. Known as the founder of individual psychology, Adler believed that we all are born with feelings of inferiority and, as a result, we spend our lives trying to overcome these feelings by striving for superiority. In essence, the will to power viewed humans as being motivated primarily by the need for influence and control over others and their environment. To Frankl, however, Adler’s relentless pursuit of power, much like Freud’s pleasure principle (the “will to pleasure”), was a sign that something was missing and was really an attempt to cover up—but not necessarily fill—a void of meaning.
Bullying is a common issue in today’s society regarding the use and misuse of power. A bully is someone who uses force, threats, manipulation, and coercion in an attempt to intimidate or dominate others. There is an increase in reported cases of bullying in our schools as well as in our workplaces. Bullies use various power tactics, such as spreading malicious gossip, excessive criticism, withholding resources or information, excluding a targeted person from the group, and other devious behaviors intended to undermine the confidence and performance of others. Bullies often take aggressive action against individuals in an effort to control and have power over them.
The root causes of bullying behavior can be traced to a lack of the bully’s own self-confidence and other insecurities, their fear of failure, and, in some cases, their attempt to overcompensate for memories of powerlessness when someone else took power away from them, in their earlier years. In a strange way, some people seek conflict—it’s part of a lifelong habit or pattern of thinking, feeling, and acting that makes them feel more alive. Without conflict, they feel powerless and miserable, so they continue the cycle of searching for even more conflict. Although they may be stuck in selfdefeating behaviors, many bullies lack the self-awareness and insight to see how their power plays are destructive, not only to themselves but to others around them. (The best way to combat bullies is to avoid them, but if you are confronted, it may be beneficial to hold on to your own power—stand up, be assertive, and do not be a victim of their schemes.)
The unending, heartless pursuit of money is also, as Frankl believed, a primitive form of the will to power. In our culture, many have been conditioned to believe that monetary wealth and materialism are symbols of success—the more, the better. Having money and things has become the end goal because we can count them, keep score, and use them to compare ourselves to others. But when we don’t look the way we should, or if we don’t have the same amount of wealth or abundance of things as others do, we trap ourselves into thinking we are not enough. Such feelings of inadequacy reinforce Adler’s theory about seeking power (and money) to overcome our feelings of inferiority. Greed, which is closely related to the pursuit of power, comes in many forms. But in its most fundamental sense, greed stems from fear—the fear of not having enough, of not being successful enough, of not being seen as valuable enough. Greed comes from a perception that we live in a world of scarcity, not abundance, and that survival requires competition over cooperation and collaboration. (Greed, in this context, is an existential phenomenon. It represents yet another sign that something important in life is missing—meaning.)
The question is, How much is enough? The costs, both intended and unintended, obvious and hidden, of the hunt for more are staggering. Many of us postpone happiness while we are busy seeking and trying to accumulate more. We ignore our relationships while we focus on amassing more. We overlook our health in our chase for more. Some people spend so much time and energy accruing wealth, only to turn around and spend even more time and energy trying to protect what they’ve accumulated out of fear that they may lose it. Unfortunately, along with their wealth, they may also lose their “identity.” We know that this search for power (through money or otherwise) is parallel to our search for pleasure. This search is external to our real selves, it is “out there.” Power over our employees, our bosses, our customers, our shareholders, our kids, the waitress in a restaurant, or a clerk in a retail store is illusory at best and terribly destructive at worst. We think we might have power, but we never know for sure. Even if we do, in the power game there is always an opponent. There is always someone waiting in the wings; the ground is always shifting. Power-seeking is an exhausting game to play. Like pleasure, power is fleeting and always subject to unforeseen forces.
Viktor Frankl believed that the key motivator or driver of human thoughts and actions is the will to meaning, not the will to power. Because of this fundamental disagreement, Adler and his protégé Frankl were forced to go their separate ways. Although Frankl learned a great deal from his mentors Freud and Adler, he followed his own path. With an explicit focus on and a dedication to advancing the human quest for meaning, the seeds of Frankl’s lifework and legacy had been planted.
Cry for Meaning
In his many lectures and speeches, and in a book first published in 1978, Viktor Frankl passionately warned about an “unheard cry for meaning.” He characterized this cry as coming from a combination of depression, aggression, and addiction. These societal symptoms form what Frankl called a “mass neurotic triad.” This cry needs to be understood in the context of the underlying existential void. This collective cry is perhaps more prevalent today than when Frankl first identified it, and it doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon.
Many Americans are surrounded by more material wealth than any other society in the world. Yet we are restless, unhappy, and disconnected, both from others and from our inner lives. Suicide rates for young people are increasing, and the divide between those with wealth and those on the economic margins is growing. The state of the economy notwithstanding, we have the resources necessary for widespread health care and economic stability, as well as for dealing with the discrepancies between rich and poor, yet the value placed on money for its own sake is taking the place of respect for one another in particular and for humanity in general.
The truth is that as the struggle for survival has subsided, the question has emerged: survival for what? Even more people today have the means to live but no meaning to live for.3 (V. Frankl)
Throughout his work Frankl observed that when we are not preoccupied with physical survival, the question turns to survival for what? Even as more people today have the financial means to live, they are struggling with the question, What are we living for? In the face of material abundance, our inner emptiness, or “existential vacuum” in Frankl’s words, has become ever more pressing. To Frankl, both Freud’s will to pleasure and Adler’s will to power were manifestations of something missing. In effect, the need or drive to seek pleasure à la Freud and the relentless pursuit of power à la Adler were really just attempts to cover up—not fill—a void of meaning in individuals’ lives. Because their will to meaning had been frustrated, for whatever reason, they chose alternative paths to follow—paths based on the premise that pleasure or power (or both) would be able to replace what had been missing.
When people feel empty inside, they turn outward. They look for comfort in pleasure and material things. They look for reassurance in power and trying to control others and the things around them. They think, If only I can find pleasure or control things, I will find meaning in my life. They are, unfortunately, mistaken.
Will to Meaning
The will to meaning comes from within. Only we can find it, control it, and fulfill it for ourselves. This meaning can sustain us throughout our lives, no matter how little or how much power and pleasure come our way. Most important, meaning sustains us through any pain and suffering we must endure. In his book Full Catastrophe Living, mindfulness expert Jon Kabat-Zinn writes about staying connected to our original wholeness no matter what challenges to our health, well-being, and welfare we face. The book explores the lives of those for whom life-threatening illness became a transforming experience. These individuals connected to others in a way that anchored them in love, acceptance, and forgiveness, but they also connected to themselves. Some survived and triumphed over illness, while others didn’t. Despite their various challenges, each of these individuals deepened their experience in ways that honored meaning in their life as well as in their death.
When we take the time to cultivate our relationship to our original self, all of our experience becomes grounded in meaning. This was true for Frankl when he observed the behavior of those alongside him imprisoned in the Nazi concentration camps, it was true for those people interviewed in Kabat-Zinn’s book, and it is true for anyone who has survived tragedy and allowed their grief to break open their heart to tenderness. When tenderness prevails, we love and forgive ourselves and others. When the opposite happens, when bitterness seals the heart shut, we are isolated from ourselves, from others, and ultimately from meaning itself.
Many of us know someone who has survived tragedy yet somehow retained deep cheerfulness and optimism as the way through life. Charlotte, not long ago, lost a twenty-one-year-old son who had autism. Charlotte candidly described the experience of raising an autistic child, noting that it was not always easy for her or her husband over so many years. On several occasions she recalled reading Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning, underscoring its influence on her thinking and her actions during some of the most difficult moments. Charlotte was able to find deeper meaning in her experience as a parent, no matter how difficult the challenges were, and she learned much about her own humanness through her relationship with her disabled son. When he died suddenly at such a young age, it became clear to Charlotte that his life and legacy would be the ground out of which the rest of her life would be shaped. Significantly, her life has become one shaped by love, generosity, meaningful work, and social activism.
Labyrinths of Meaning
The labyrinth is an analogy for life. It is not a maze or a puzzle to be solved but a path of meaning to be experienced. A labyrinth’s path is circular and convoluted, but it has no dead ends. The center is there, but the path takes us through countless twists and turns. We are never really lost, but we can never quite see where we are going. Importantly, we must believe that we are always on the right path. Indeed, there are no wrong paths since every step we take, every experience, teaches us something about our life. Every step has meaning. Along the path we sometimes move forward with ease and confidence, sometimes we cautiously creep ahead, sometimes we find the need to stop and reflect, and other times we feel the urge to retreat. It is a sacred path of individuality, and no one can walk it but oneself.
Perhaps because of my (Alex) Greek family heritage, which is rooted in Crete, I’ve long been fascinated with the Cretan labyrinth, dating back more than four thousand years. As a child, I was enthralled with the ancient myth of Theseus entering the labyrinth at Knossos to fight the Minotaur. The myth captured my imagination, and I too wanted to explore the unknown. I defied authority to find my own way along the twists and turns of my path. And as convoluted as it sometimes was, the path has remained my own. As I reflect back, there is a harmony in my labyrinth of life that I couldn’t have predicted. Somehow, throughout my own journey, I was always guided to find the deeper meaning in what I was experiencing and to anticipate finding meaning in what lay ahead.
In an episode of the popular American TV sitcom Frasier, the central character, Dr. Frasier Crane, played by Kelsey Grammer, is notified that he will receive a Lifetime Achievement Award for his work as a psychiatrist and a radio talk show host. Frasier feels ambivalent and even a little depressed about receiving the award. His acceptance speech is noticeably brief and ends with the existential question: “Now what do I do with the rest of my life?” Having been recognized as reaching the pinnacle of his career, he cannot see what he can do to top this award or even where he is supposed to go next. Frasier is fighting the idea that his life is a continuous journey through a labyrinth with all its twists and turns. There is always more to explore, learn, and experience. Drawing upon the wisdom of the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus, Frasier needs to be aware that what looks like an end point can also be a beginning point. Indeed, in so many ways the labyrinth is like life.
Finding this connection in the labyrinth of the work world is not always easy. Everyone, to some degree, wants to feel the connection between their inner world—their true thoughts, feelings, and core beliefs—and their actual work. Tom Chappell, cofounder with his wife, Kate, of the company Tom’s of Maine, is a good example of a person who has walked the labyrinth of meaning to find this connection as he navigated the twists and turns of building the company. Tom’s journey was guided by his continual search to understand and apply his core beliefs, along with his dedication to always finding the deeper meaning of every challenge. Indeed, his journey was a true manifestation of realizing the will to meaning.
In the 1960s and 1970s, at the beginning of the American environmental movement, Tom Chappell was concerned about the chemical runoff from cleaning products compromising the health of the soil and ultimately the groundwater systems, oceans, and lakes. In response, he developed Clearlake, a nonphosphate liquid laundry detergent that was environmentally friendly in both product and packaging. Tom expanded his product line to include Tom’s of Maine toothpaste, an all-natural product that, unlike other toothpastes then, did not contain sugar. Most supermarkets did not have a natural foods or products section at the time, so Tom’s products were sold only through health-food stores. Tom’s of Maine products flourished, and the line grew to include mouthwash, deodorants, soap, shampoo, shaving cream, among other products—all made with natural ingredients in environmentally friendly packaging.
Tom had taken his core beliefs about the environment and human health and applied them directly to his business. Despite tremendous success, however, Tom grappled with the meaning of his company and the direction it should take. How could the company adhere to its environmental ethos when there was pressure to increase profits? Should he focus Tom’s of Maine on generating more profit, or should he base the company’s success on what he could achieve with the profits? Should he alter the products, such as adding saccharin to his toothpaste, to make it more palatable to the mainstream market?
Tom’s labyrinth of meaning required heavy doses of ethical and personal decision making. His original vision of the commitment to natural products faced potential compromise by the emphasis on company growth and profits. More troubling, though: Tom no longer felt deeply connected to the company. He questioned whether his core beliefs and values were still reflected in the company he and his wife had founded. Tom’s personal journey had started with clean clothes, safe soil, and natural toothpaste, yet now it took him inward. He searched for inspiration. Tom felt called by the Episcopal ministry and considered leaving the company for the seminary. In 1988 he enrolled on a part-time basis at Harvard Divinity School. For the next three years, Tom spent two-and-a-half days a week in Kennebunk, Maine, running the company, and the remainder of the week at school in Cambridge, Massachusetts. At Harvard he studied the writings of the great moral and religious philosophers and tried to relate their ideas to business in general and to Tom’s of Maine in particular.
He was influenced by the work of Martin Buber, the twentieth-century Jewish philosopher who espoused that there are two opposite types of relationships we can have with others. In the I-It relationship we treat other people as objects and expect something back from each relationship. In contrast, in the I–Thou relationship we relate to others out of respect, friendship, and love. In other words, we either see others as objects to use for our selfish purposes or we honor people for their own sake. Tom recognized that he and Kate instinctively operated their company using the I–Thou relationship, but unfortunately many of his new managers were following the I-It model. He was also deeply influenced by the writings of the eighteenth-century American philosopher Jonathan Edwards, who believed that an individual’s true identity comes not from being separate but from being in relationship with others. As Tom applied this thinking to his company, he realized that the relationships with employees, suppliers, customers, financial partners, governments, communities, and even the Earth itself were what shaped the company’s true identity.
With his fresh insights, Tom returned full-time to lead Tom’s of Maine. His vision of the company as a social and moral entity as well as a business organization more deeply reflected Tom’s spiritual beliefs, which reinforced his connection to the outside world. The business continued to be a success in the broadest possible terms—satisfying Tom’s personal spiritual yearnings and will to meaning as well as strengthening the bottom line. When Tom based his company’s development on meaningful goals, he brought deep personal meaning to his own life. In short, it is a partnership of meaning. Tom’s of Maine, founded on Chappell’s youthful ideals, effectively became his ministry. Following the ideals of Viktor Frankl, the business can be described as a ministry of meaning.4
Going Within
We cannot wait for solutions magically to arrive; rather, we have to actively be a part of the solution to whatever problems or challenges we face. Former NBA coach Phil Jackson, in his book Sacred Hoops, cautions us to remember that the best way to realize one’s dreams is to wake up! Being part of any solution means taking action. And taking action involves more than just dreaming, no matter how vivid, how real, one’s dreams appear. Whether dreaming or awake, when we are prisoners of our thoughts, we can’t always see very clearly through the bars of our metaphorical prison cell, let alone take action. To see more clearly, we must be willing to go inward:
It’s time to go inward, take a look at myself.
Time to make the most of the time that I’ve got left.
Prison bars imagined are no less solid steel.5
Once again, we are reminded of the many twists and turns that occur naturally, although not always seamlessly, as we explore the labyrinth of meaning in our personal and work lives. Exploring the labyrinth involves a willingness and an authentic commitment to embark down a path of self-discovery and realize what Viktor Frankl referred to as our will to meaning—that is, our inherent capacity to continually search for meaning under all circumstances.
Unconditional meaning, however, is paralleled by the unconditional value of each and every person. It is that which warrants the indelible quality of the dignity of man. Just as life remains potentially meaningful under any conditions, even those which are most miserable, so too does the value of each and every person stay with him or her.6 (V. Frankl)
Unfortunately, we frequently miss opportunities to enjoy the spaciousness that already exists within us to feel authentic meaning in our lives and work. Frankl would argue that only if we remain aware of and committed to meaningful values and goals will we be able to fully enjoy this spaciousness. To be sure, the most difficult thing in life is to know ourselves. It takes time and effort to question, reflect, and know authentically who we are—not what others want us to be. It takes time and effort to know our strengths and talents and use them in service to others. It takes time and effort to understand what brings meaning to our lives. This quest for meaning requires that we accept the challenge of the labyrinth and venture within.
As the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates wisely advised, we should go within and listen to our inner voice. We should trust our inner voice and not be swayed by others. Through observation, questioning, logic, and an understanding of metaphysics (the nature of existence beyond the physical), we can sharpen our perspectives and gain greater awareness of ourselves. Socrates was famous for suggesting that “the unexamined life is not worth living.” Steve Jobs, the cofounder of Apple, so appreciated these ageless words of wisdom that he once professed: “I would trade all my technology for an afternoon with Socrates.”7 In the final analysis, it is the ability to go within and to realize our will to meaning—our authentic commitment to meaningful values and goals that only we can actualize and fulfill—that guides us in the quest to tap into our uniqueness as human beings and achieve our full potential in life and work.
In the vast exploration of our inner and outer lives, Frankl’s will to meaning rises above and distinguishes itself from the will to pleasure and the will to power. Only we can find it, control it, and fulfill it for ourselves. It is meaning that sustains us throughout our lives, no matter how little or how much power and pleasure come our way. It is meaning that waits to be discovered by us and for us, but it can only happen if we choose not to be prisoners of our thoughts.
Meaning Reflections
The “Mountain Range Exercise” is based on Frankl’s invitation, in his book The Doctor and the Soul, to spread our lives out before us like a beautiful mountain range. See your life (or specifically, your work life) as a landscape with mountains and valleys. What are the events and who are the people who most influenced you? Put these on the mountain peaks. What are the events and who are the people who most dissuaded you or even disrespected you? Put these in the valleys. Now review and look for patterns in the names on the mountain peaks. What is most meaningful about these people or events? What are the recurring themes and values that were communicated? How did you learn from and incorporate these themes and values into your life? Now look for recurring themes and values in the valleys of your life. What did you learn from these experiences or people? This “Mountain Range Exercise” helps you look at your personal and work life from a different perspective. Through it you can discover recurring values, recognize your own uniqueness, and broaden your view about your work and personal life. It is an unfolding exercise, a new way of discovering your will to meaning in life and work.
Meaning Questions
• Which drives your thoughts and actions in your personal life the most: the will to pleasure, the will to power (including the accumulation of money), or the will to meaning?
• In what ways is your life a journey through a labyrinth?
• How do you remain committed to meaningful values and goals and thereby realize your will to meaning in your personal and work life?
Meaning Affirmation
I will focus on the goal of realizing the will to meaning versus focusing on pleasure or power.