Do these sayings sound familiar? They're just a few of the countless messages we're bombarded with on a daily basis about what constitutes a “good” job and life. But with so many of us dreading the arrival of Monday mornings, maybe the lessons we've been taught have been wrong all along.

You might know what it's like to work in a “good” job, only to feel miserable doing it. Thinking something like, “This is it?” can put us into a vicious cycle of continuing to aspire for more – a higher salary, a more prestigious job title, a bigger house, and a nicer car – at the expense of our other needs, which then may make us even more dissatisfied. I know because I did this for years.

My story isn't unique. I spent much of my 20s chasing after the job myths that I'd been fed instead of what I truly valued. If I happened to achieve any of the traditional career milestones, like getting a good bonus, a nice pay raise, or a promotion, it would put a smile on my face for a couple of weeks and I'd indulge in a blow-out dinner or a few fancy ties. But pretty soon, life would normalize again – which meant I was back to grinding out my job and worrying about my next performance review instead of addressing some more important questions, like why the heck I was working so hard in the first place.

The problem stemmed from the fact that I had subscribed to many falsehoods about career success without knowing it. Even when I did finally realize the errors of my ways, I struggled to correct my job situation because I made the mistake of replacing one myth with another. While several of these messages seemingly contradicted one another, they all shared the same basic premise: you can only solve for happiness or money. Now I know better.

Let's dispel several of the myths that have held me back at various points in my career, and which might also be preventing you from finding the right path.

“It's All About Money and Prestige”

I remember a classmate asking me in third grade what my dad's job title was and how much money he made. Unfortunately, Take Your Child to Work Day didn't exist back then, so I had no idea. Besides, I was too busy organizing my baseball card collection to concern myself with such pedestrian matters. But that exchange left an impression on me that money and prestige were what mattered in your career.

I wasn't entirely wrong, of course. Money is important. We all need some amount of cash to fund our living expenses, after all. And wanting money isn't a bad thing, either. As business theorist Clay Christensen explains in his book How Will You Measure Your Life?, “The point isn't that money is the root cause of professional unhappiness. It's not. The problems start occurring when it becomes the priority over all else, when hygiene factors are satisfied but the quest remains only to make more money.”¹

The scenario Christensen describes is exactly what I experienced as a young banker. During those years, I thought – wrongly – that if my salary and bonus didn't make me feel like a million bucks, maybe I just needed to work harder and earn even higher figures. But in reality, I was playing a losing game by having fallen into the trap of thinking more was better. In the years since, I've seen a number of my clients make the same mistake.

So what really makes people happy? One of the most famous theories comes from American psychologist Abraham Maslow, who in 1943 proposed that all humans have specific needs that can be depicted as a five-level, pyramid-shaped hierarchy² (see Figure 2.1). After your basic needs are met, we move on to needs at the higher tiers of the pyramid – including love, prestige, and self-actualization. While many other studies have subsequently been conducted on human needs and happiness, they generally draw the same conclusion: solving for only security and financials will leave you unfulfilled. That's what causes the empty “Is this it?” feeling that keeps us on a hamster wheel.

Even though I experienced that empty feeling over and over again while working in investment banking, I was scared to make a transition because I thought it would be like throwing in the towel and giving up – going against all that I had been taught about success and happiness. In fact, I might never have willingly changed paths were it not for the fact that change happened to me: after working in the industry for seven years while climbing the corporate ladder, I unexpectedly lost my job as part of a mass layoff.

Although this turn of events was scary and uncomfortable, it gave me the time and space to redefine what a good job meant to me. With a lot of encouragement from my girlfriend (now wife) and friends, I was gradually able to shift my mindset and deprioritize money and prestige as being the most important aspects of a job. As a result, I finally did transition to another type of work that better aligned with my worldview, while adding on a side hustle in personal finance that could satisfy my entrepreneurial instincts.

Now whenever I need to make a big decision about my career, I play back a line in my head from the movie Moneyball to remind myself of what I learned during my banking years. In the scene, baseball team executive Billy Beane (played by Brad Pitt) says, “I made one decision in my life based on money and I swore I would never do it again.”³ Ditto Brad Pitt, ditto.

“The Goal of Working Is to Climb the Corporate Ladder”

Early in my professional life, I believed that careers were linear – that is, you would pay your dues in a junior-level role, hone your skills, and eventually work your way up to the top. Sounds logical, right? After all, everyone says the goal of working is to climb the corporate ladder.

I looked to my colleagues a couple of years ahead of me as a model for my future progression, thinking my compensation package and standard of living would follow their path. In finance speak, I was trying to use past performance to predict future results, which isn't a guarantee in any facet of our lives – including in our careers.

I've come to realize that my assumptions as a fresh-out-of-college professional are shared by many. While we may think careers are supposed to move in a linear fashion, they typically do not – nor should they. In fact, people who get the most out of their careers often take routes that look more like zigzags rather than straight lines. Their paths may include taking breaks, switching industries, taking a step back, or accepting a pay cut – a process that allows them to grow their skills, better understand their interests, and increase their career satisfaction.

Take Adam Liptak, Supreme Court reporter for the New York Times. Liptak's distinguished career of more than three decades has been anything but linear. After law school, he spent four years as a litigation associate at a top law firm. But instead of embarking on the traditional path to law firm partner, Liptak decided to take a different route by transitioning to an in-house attorney role, and eventually becoming a legal reporter. Had Liptak restricted himself to only opportunities that resulted in higher pay, a title increase, or other traditional external measures of a “good” job, his career path would have looked very different, and he might have felt much less fulfilled.

“Each career move I made required me to take a cut in pay, but each role was more satisfying and made me happier than the previous job,” Liptak says. “From a purely financial standpoint, I suppose I made stupid choices. But life is not purely financial.”

Liptak's story illustrates that the working world can be more unpredictable than many career books paint it. You don't always have to earn higher salaries or promotions every year. In fact, trying to do so may create artificial barriers around which opportunities you can take and prevent you from increasing your career satisfaction.

When you open your eyes to opportunities that do not follow a traditional path, you may need to take a pay cut in the short term. But with sufficient financial runway, those moves can be feasible – allowing you to find work you're passionate about and possibly increase your long-term career earnings.

“Everyone Has One True Calling”

The saying that everyone has one true calling is another myth, and a dangerous one at that. In my mid-20s, when I would window-shop other roles outside of finance, many positions sounded interesting, but not like “calling” material. So I would stop my explorations there – short-changing myself out of learning about other options that, in retrospect, could have helped inform my career path.

I'm not alone. The myth of the calling often leads people on a treasure hunt to try to find “the one” – an ideal job that doesn't actually exist. The truth is, someone may have many different passions that they wish to pursue over the course of their lives, or even concurrently.

Bestselling author and Grammy-winning producer Kabir Sehgal is one such person. Instead of trying to find that needle in a haystack, Sehgal has worked in as many as four different jobs at the same time. He has frequently paired more traditional roles, including the positions of navy officer, investment banker, and corporate strategist, with creative pursuits, like writing books and composing and producing music.

“Two careers are better than one,” says Sehgal. “Committing to two careers allows you to follow your curiosities and potentially feel more fulfilled. As I discovered, you may also end up doing both jobs better than if you only had one role.”

While you don't have to keep pace with Sehgal by picking up three more jobs, you also shouldn't feel pressured to find a single role that fulfills all of your needs. That's why later in this book, we'll be devoting an entire chapter to how you can pursue a side hustle.

“Do What You Love”

We've all heard the phrase, “Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life.” This myth may lead people to pursue careers that match their interests without considering their other financial and lifestyle needs and values. After losing my banking job, I wondered if I'd have to choose between these two sets of priorities. But as my story shows, it's possible to balance both your career interests and your lifestyle needs – so long as you're open to creative ways of infusing what you love into your job.

Stefanie O'Connell, personal finance expert and author of The Broke and Beautiful Life, is another person in my field who has been able to achieve both her professional and financial goals by thinking outside the box. Growing up, O'Connell had always dreamed of performing on Broadway. So after graduating from New York University, she pursued her passion and pounded the pavement for several years. O'Connell eventually landed what seemed like a dream job performing in a multimillion-dollar musical playing at Madison Square Garden. The only problem? She was taking home just $1,600 a month in earnings. Anyone familiar with New York City real estate knows that rent money alone can eat away at that amount quickly.

“I was doing what I loved, but at the expense of a lot of other areas of my life,” says O'Connell. “I gave up everything from basic financial security to once-in-a-lifetime celebrations with friends and family.”

For O'Connell, the trade-off simply wasn't worth it in the end – but that didn't mean she was willing to settle for an unfulfilling job. Through her personal finance business, O'Connell still uses her public speaking skills by regularly presenting to companies and other groups. She also acts on the side.

“My current set-up allows me to create the financial stability I need, while also living the life I want,” O'Connell explains. “Not only do I have the flexibility to perform on my own terms, but I'm finally able to make time for the other things I care about, like traveling and spending time with friends and family.”

O'Connell's story demonstrates that you can love your career without working in your “dream job.” In fact, you can often discover greater financial stability and overall happiness by opening yourself to alternative ways of fulfilling your interests.

“Work-Life Balance Is the Answer”

When people fail to achieve their goals by relying on the myths we've discussed, they might jump to the conclusion that work is always unpleasant and so their best option is simply to find a job that requires fewer hours, thereby allowing them to devote more time to their personal lives. I remember thinking this myself when I realized I couldn't make the lifestyle sacrifices required to build my own business full-time after my years in finance. But in fact, the concept of “work-life balance” – which suggests we should be evenly splitting our time between our professional and personal lives – is a myth in itself.

That's not to say that we should be working more. Employed Americans already spend an average of 52% of their waking hours either at work or getting to work⁴ – a schedule that would stress out anyone. Even when we're not on the clock, many of us spend a lot of our free time obsessively checking and refreshing our work-related emails. As a result, jobs can easily invade and disrupt a good portion of our personal lives. It's no wonder that the American Institute of Stress says that work is “far and away the major source of stress for American adults.”⁵

Yet even in today's overworked society, a less time-intensive job doesn't always make you happier. If you dislike your job, you'll still constantly be counting down to the weekend when you can live your “real life.” And even when your “real life” finally does begin, you might be so drained that you choose mindless activities (read: binging on Netflix and cookies and cream ice cream) over more fruitful pursuits that actually align with your goals. I certainly know how hard it is to try to do anything productive, like hitting the gym or reading a book, after spending all day in a job I resent doing.

But don't just take my word for it. Jack Welch, former chairman and CEO of General Electric, is among the growing number of thought leaders who are speaking out against the concept of work-life balance. He explains, “There is no such thing as work-life balance. There are work-life choices, and you make them and they have consequences.”⁶ It's true – work and life are so fluid that striking a perfect balance is difficult, if not impossible. In fact, trying to do so may only make us more disappointed and frustrated.

So where does that leave the majority of us who want to work, without having our jobs encroach on the rest of our lives? The answer lies in finding the right job in the first place.

Lauren McGoodwin, founder of Career Contessa, a career advice site for women, has experienced firsthand the benefits of finding a good job. “When I found a well-fitting job, everything else just seemed to fall into place. I began to feel better physically, have more confidence, and my relationships got better as well – with my significant other and with myself. It's like the feeling you have after you endure a long, gloomy winter, and then walk out on that first sunny day of spring – you have that extra pep in your step. That's how I felt when things clicked into place with the right job.”

Of course, finding the right job is easier said than done. Later in this book, we'll focus on helping you clearly define what a good job looks like for you instead of simply adopting the ideals that society at large (or even your well-meaning parents) might espouse. Based on the insights you gain, you can then take actionable steps toward making that job a reality.

Get in the Driver's Seat

We've all been fed subtle messages throughout our lives about what constitutes a good job. Some messages may be right, some may be sort of right, and others may be dead wrong. Now is a good time to revisit that past programming so that you can decide which messages correspond with your ideal life and which messages need to be discarded.

Block off 30 to 60 minutes on your calendar to think about which career myths you may have absorbed, consciously or subconsciously, and how they may have impacted your career. Grab a pen and paper to jot down notes and then find a quiet space (without your phone) to think through the following questions:

• Which of the career myths discussed have you been exposed to? Did you hear these myths from friends, family, co-workers, social media, or all of the above?
• Did one or more of these career myths influence your decision to work in your current job?
• Are some of these myths preventing you from changing jobs?
• Are some myths keeping you from considering certain professions or jobs?

I encourage you to reflect on your relationship to the career myths we've discussed, even if you consider yourself to be happy in your current job. Because once you understand your underlying motivations for choosing a particular path, you'll be able to get in the driver's seat and actively manage your career — whether that means staying the course or changing directions entirely.