Paragraphing for logic

You may remember being told in school to establish a “thesis sentence” and develop each paragraph from that. If you found this advice a little dumbfounding, you’re not alone.

Here’s a much easier way to look at paragraphs. Start with the idea that each chunk of text should contain no more than three to five sentences. If you write your document that way, you avoid falling into a morass of confusing thoughts and easily achieve a logical flow of self-contained units — otherwise known as paragraphs.

If you routinely produce uninterrupted strings of sentences, don’t despair: You can make the fixes later, during the editing stage. Read over what you’ve written and look for logical places to make breaks.

Can’t decide where to insert breaks? Use the following technique:

1. Scan your text to find places where you introduce a new idea or fact or where you change direction.

   Break the flow into paragraphs at these points.

2. If your paragraphs are still more than three to five sentences long, go through the whole piece again and make decisions on an experimental basis.

   You’ll check later to see if they work. The three- to five-sentence guideline is a general one that applies to print material. But an occasional one-sentence paragraph is fine and adds variety. When you write for online reading, shorter paragraphs work better, as explained in Part 4.

3. Look carefully at the first sentence of each newly created paragraph.

   See whether the new first sentence makes sense in connecting with what follows or whether it connects better with the preceding paragraph. If the latter, move the sentence up a paragraph and then break to a new paragraph.

   If a sentence seems not to belong with either paragraph, it may need to stand on its own or be rephrased.

4. Look at your paragraphs again in order and check whether any wording needs adjustment.

   Pay particular attention to the first and last sentences of each paragraph. You want each paragraph to link to the next. Using transitions helps with this — read more about these in “Working with transitions” later in this chapter.

   If when you scan the whole message you don’t like the sequence of paragraphs, fool around with shuffling them. Adjust the language as necessary so that your paragraphs still clearly relate to each other.

You often find repeat words or whole ideas during this step, so make the necessary cuts and smooth everything out.

The point of paragraphing is clarity. You want to deliver information in absorbable or usable chunks that lead from one to the next, rather than a single, long, confusing word dump.

Sometimes the reason you have trouble organizing your material is because you don’t yet understand it well enough to effectively present it to others. Ask yourself: What is my point? What are the components of my argument? Number or list them if you haven’t yet done so — you can omit the numbers later if that’s better for your purpose. Also ask, am I missing critical pieces and need to add information or ideas?

Building with subheads

Another strategy for organizing, useful on its own or to supplement the paragraphing strategy described in the preceding section, is to add a few simple subheads. I mention subheads as an excellent graphic technique in Chapter 3. They are also useful guideposts for planning what you write, and can also be used to help clarify your message as you edit.

Suppose you’re a department manager writing to tell your staff that a new customer relationship management system will shortly be introduced and they are required to attend training workshops. You realize that this will meet with resistance because everyone is used to the old uncoordinated and uncooperative system.

Brainstorm the points to make (see Chapter 2) and write them as a series of rough subheads. Perhaps:

• New CRM system changes how we work
• Everyone must use it
• System will save us time
• System will encourage information sharing
• Mandatory workshop training schedule to come
• Rollout date: March 6
• Department Q&A meeting: February 1

Arrange your subheads in a logical order. In line with the principles laid out in Chapter 2, you want to instantly engage readers by signaling that the message directly relates to them and that it’s important. So, you’d shuffle “rollout date” and “everyone must use it” to the top, and probably cover both ideas in the subject line. Then just fill in the relevant information under each heading. As you do this, additional topics may emerge that you didn’t think of initially — for example, that creating support subgroups would help people feel more comfortable about adapting to the new system. Also, you want to motivate readers by appealing to the what’s-in-it-for-me (WIIFM) viewpoint, so you might add a subhead like “how you will benefit.” Find a logical place in your sequence of subheads and add the new ones.

In your final message, discard the subheads if you wish — or leave them in. Subheads usually work well to pull your readers through a message and keep them organized as well. They’ll pick up the main points even if they just scan or don’t read all the way through. Moreover, there’s a psychological effect in presenting a clearly organized message. Readers feel you’ve got the situation well in hand and have thoroughly thought everything out. This feeling alone inspires greater confidence in both you and the new system, making people more receptive to the change.

Long, complex documents benefit from the subhead strategy, too. For a report or proposal, for example, identify the necessary sections and, rather than subheads, write a headline for each. Then write a set of subheads for each section.

Drafting headings and subheads is a great way to be sure that you cover all the right bases, identify missing pieces early on, and build in good organization from project start. You also break up the writing process into doable bits so it’s far less formidable. Be sure to use a consistent style for all your headings. Your word-processing program offers built-in styles, so it just takes a click to apply one.

Working with transitions

Transitions, those low-key words and phrases, are like the connective tissue that holds your skeleton together and empowers you to move where you want. Transitions tell readers how all the ideas, facts, and information in a piece of writing connect to each other. They grease your writing and pull people along in the direction you want to take them.

Good transitions signal good writing and good thinking. They help you organize your own ideas as a writer. And for the reader, they promote the feeling that your argument is sensible and even unassailable. Transitions are important tools for all writing — and for persuasive copy, they’re essential.

Transitions can consist of single words, phrases, or sentences. They can be put to work within a sentence, to link sentences, and to connect paragraphs. Think of them in the following categories.

To continue or shift a line of thought, or indicate agreement or addition:

To establish a sequence or time frame:

To indicate examples or emphasis:

To reinforce a desired focus or tone:

Notice that the last set of words and phrases are prejudicial — that is, they orient a reader or listener to feel a certain way about what follows. Use them consciously.

Transitions give you a good way to begin paragraphs or sections, while putting that information in context of the full message. The following are examples of whole sentences that serve as transitions:

• Based on this data, we’ve made the following decisions.
• We’ve considered all the information and have reached some conclusions.
• We should pay special attention to the sales figures.
• A number of issues need to be addressed. Our priorities:

Notice how these introductory statements set up a super-simple way to organize subsequent material, including within long, complicated documents.

As with all writing principles, there can be too much of a good thing. When you give your writing the read-aloud test and it sounds stilted and clumsy, review your transitions — you may need to remove some. Do so and you still have a well-organized, convincing message.

Working in lists: Numbers and bulleting

Lists offer an excellent way to present information in a compact, to-the-point manner. They suit readers’ Internet-trained text-skimming habits, and most people like them. They also automatically promote graphic variation, another plus for your document (see Chapter 3).

Using comma sense

Stop stressing about commas! If visual cues don’t work for you, use oral ones. The reading-aloud trick I recommend in Chapter 4 works surefire to tell you when you need a comma. Note the difference:

• Eat Grandpa!
• Eat, Grandpa!

If you read the words aloud to say what you presumably intend — that Grandpa should eat — the first option sounds this way:

Eat (pause and downward inflection) Grandpa

A long pause with a change in inflection signals the comma is needed. And definitely, this sentence needs the comma. Notice in the example that the downward tone can be voiced after “eat,” or the first syllable of “Grandpa.”

Too many commas can also be a problem:

Reliance on the Internet, as the source of all information, produces problems for the connected generation.

Read this sentence and you hear that it works better without pauses where the two commas are placed. They interfere with smooth reading and should be cut.

Badly placed commas in cases like this often signal a wording problem. A better version could read:

Relying on the Internet for all information creates problems for the connected generation.

Reading aloud can also cure runaway or run-on sentences that typically depend on misused commas. Here’s one that emerged from a writing seminar:

Grammar is something that everyone can always touch up on, the writers should use simple punctuation, properly place the punctuation marks, things like too many commas and semicolons can confuse the reader.

The read-aloud test shows that the long, sustained pause after touch up on calls for starting a new sentence. The comma between the two middle thoughts doesn’t work either because an and should connect them. Insert that conjunction and it’s then clear that you need a period after marks, because to read meaningfully demands another sustained pause. The result:

Grammar is something that everyone can always touch up on. Writers should use simple punctuation and properly place the punctuation marks. Things like too many commas and semicolons can confuse the reader.

Another way of fixing this paragraph is to connect the whole second part with a transition and cut some redundancy, as in:

Writers should use simple punctuation and properly place the punctuation marks, because too many commas and semicolons can confuse the reader.

Train your ear and with a little practice, you improve your punctuation quickly. I once argued with the best grammarian I know about the reading-aloud method, running through a whole list of examples. Finally, she said, “The problem is it only works 97 percent of the time!” I figure I’ll take my chances with the 3 percent and you may also prefer to.

Using “however” correctly

As with commas, reading aloud gives you the clue about how to use however in your writing.

Many perfectly decent writers embarrass themselves with sentences like these:

• I planned to write the report over the weekend, however, my dog ate it.
• Expense filings are due on January 15, however, exceptions can be made.

Reading these sentences aloud shows that long pauses are necessary before each however. You can break up both statements into two sentences with periods after weekend and January 15. The second sentence in each case starts with However.

You can also separate the thoughts quite correctly by adding a semicolon before however in both sentences. But generally speaking, semicolons seem old-fashioned in business writing. They have a literary air and are falling out of favor.

Alternatively, you can sidestep the “however” problem and also refine your wording in one of these ways:

• Replace the however with but. If this substitution works, go with the but. It’s correct and less stuffy as well.
• Use however only to begin sentences.
• Move a however that falls in the middle of the sentence to the beginning and see whether the meaning holds. For example:

  He agreed with Jane, however, she was wrong.

  He wants to know, however, so he can plan his vacation.

Moving however to the front makes nonsense of the first sentence. With the second sentence, however, the move retains the basic meaning.

Matching nouns and pronouns

Using the wrong pronoun is incredibly common, even in the work of professionals. For most communication jobs today, candidates must take a writing test. All those I’ve seen include a disproportionate number of questions geared to reveal this failing.

Pronouns have a simple function — to stand in for nouns so you don’t have to keep repeating them. One cause of confusion is when to use me instead of I, he rather than him, and so on. For example:

• Just between you and I, Jean was correct.
• Mark, Harold, and me will go to the conference.

Both sentences are wrong. One way to figure that out: Switch some of the wording so the correct pronoun becomes obvious. In the first sentence, if you substitute us for you and I, it works fine. But if you substitute we (the plural for I), the sentence sounds absurd and you’re clearly wrong. Me is therefore correct.

In the second sentence, you can choose to say We will go to the conference, and because the singular for we is I, that pronoun is correct. Or, you can eliminate Mark and Harold from the scene altogether, in which case you obviously must say I, not me.

As a general rule, go with what seems natural; but check yourself out. Try adding or subtracting words, as in the preceding examples.

Another cause of confusion is when to use a plural pronoun (like their) as opposed to singular (his, its). In these situations, stay alert to the original noun.

A journalist must always be attuned to their readers’ interests.

This sentence is wrong because journalist is singular, not plural. But the sentence raises other issues. If I correct it to:

A journalist must always be attuned to his readers’ interests.

Will I be accused of sexism? Perhaps, but the jury is still out on how to avoid this. You can

• Say his or her readers, but that repetition gets tiresome.
• Switch back and forth between the masculine and feminine. This approach works in longer documents, and that’s what I do often in this book.
• Change the original noun to plural:

  Journalists must always be attuned to their readers’ interest.

• Rework the sentence to avoid the problem entirely:

  Journalists must always be attuned to reader interest.

When you’ve altered the sentence this far, if you take one more look, you’ll see an option for shortening it further and making it more dynamic:

Journalists must always attune to reader interest.

That’s the present tense trick referred to in Chapter 4. Be attuned sounds passive and like a state of being rather than action. Must attune feels like an imperative and an active process. It even provokes some curiosity: How does a journalist attune to his readers?

Here’s another sentence. See if you can correct it before looking at my version:

Everyone should use their discount when ordering online.

This is a very common mistake because while everyone is obviously singular, correctness puts you into that awkward him-her territory. A few alternatives via the sidestepping technique:

• Use your discount when ordering online.
• Everyone should apply the discount when ordering online.
• When you order online, use your discount.

All will work. They say marginally different things, so your choice depends on the message context and medium. If you’re writing a print piece like a flyer or advertising circular, you’d probably use the first statement. If you’re writing a blog about leveraging discounts, probably the second seems most natural. If the statement was destined for a website that sells the product, ordering online becomes extraneous — it is obvious people are ordering online — so you’d be better off with

Use your discount when you order.

Some pronoun issues reflect cultural differences. In the United States, an organization is considered singular, so you say:

The company is widely criticized for its actions.

But in the United Kingdom, the plural is used (and the spelling differs):

The company is widely criticised for their actions.

The words that cause the most trouble in the noun-pronoun matchup are:

Each, anyone, anybody, everyone, either, neither, nobody

All are singular. Pronouns to represent them must be singular, not plural. For example:

• Everyone in the women’s club must vote for her choice of president.
• Nobody on the jury should ignore his or her instincts.

Of course, the second sentence puts us back in the annoying “his or her” territory. Do you see a way to sidestep the awkwardness?

Weighing “which” versus “that”

Almost always, choose that rather than which. The latter word refers to something specific. When you’re not sure which to use, try using that and see whether the sentence has the same meaning. If it does, keep that. For example:

The report that I wrote at home is on John’s desk now.

But if you find that that doesn’t reflect your meaning, you may mean which.

Note that you can write the sentence this way:

The report, which I wrote at home, is on John’s desk now.

The second version calls attention to where you wrote it. And observe that you need two commas to set the clause off. Which always requires two commas unless the phrase appears at the end of the sentence. Another instance:

We provide afternoon breaks which, we know, help reduce stress.

You’re using which correctly if you can eliminate the phrase inside the commas (we know) without changing the sentence’s basic meaning. If you remove the non-essential phrase, the sentence becomes:

We provide afternoon breaks that help reduce stress.

Does this sentence carry exactly the same meaning as the original? Basically yes, but if the “we know” is important, it doesn’t. In order for a sentence to carry your meaning, you must know what you want to communicate. I find my word-processing program is a demon at catching the that-which mistake, so when it’s highlighted on the page or in the spell-check stage, listen. Usually it’s telling you to change which to that.

Considering “who” versus “that”

For reasons I can’t understand or explain, contemporary writing is chock-full of thats and very few whos. People have become depersonalized into objects. Speaking for myself, I find this practice disrespectful. The following sentences are all incorrect:

• The new office manager that started on Monday already called in sick.
• New customers that want to use the discount must register.
• I don’t like a person that never changes her mind.

As a favor to me, please use who when referring to people. Inanimate objects and ideas are that. You may choose to refer to animals as who, but some prefer that.

Choosing “who” versus “whom”

This is foggier territory. Grammar enthusiasts insist that you differentiate between the word used as a subject (who) and as an object (whom, as in to whom). But adhering to the rule can land you in some stuffy places.

• To whom should I address the package?
• With whom should I speak?
• To whom it may concern …

In the first two sentences, the less correct version works better for general business writing — reflecting the natural conversational style you’re aiming for:

• Who should I address this package to?
• Who should I speak to?

In the case of the last example, don’t use an archaic phrase like to whom it may concern at all. Always find a specific person who may be concerned, and use her name. If that’s impossible, use a title (Dear Recruitment Chief) or a generic address (Dear Readers).

Beginning with “and” or “but”

Like other wording choices addressed in this section, grammatical standards have relaxed, and only the rare individual complains about sentences that begin with and or but. The Wall Street Journal does it, the New York Times does it. I do it, a lot. And so can you.

But not so often that it loses its effect. Starting sentences with these conjunctions adds to your rhythmic variety and gives you a way to add a little verve, especially to online writing. It works best with short sentences.

Because can be used the same way, although I still hear people repeating the schoolroom mantra against starting sentences with that word. And you can start an occasional sentence with “yet,” “or,” and “so.”

Using sentence fragments

You probably recall your grade school teachers drilling this idea home: “Every sentence must be complete! Noun, verb, object!” Technically this remains true, but as our pace of life speeds up, so must our written language. For example, it’s fine — except when writing the most formal documents — to say:

• Here’s the summary. Pretty long, I know.
• Do I like following the rules of grammar? Not so much.
• Use good grammar in everything you write. Unless breaking the rules makes sense and doesn’t look like a mistake.

Fragments carry the business-casual tone that works for most practical writing. They give you short punchy bits that speed up reading, help promotional copy sound breezy or even cheeky, and break up sentence rhythm neatly: “Never again!” “Maybe next time.” “Yes, tomorrow.” When you write online copy, unless the material is really formal, use fragments to keep people engaged. On-screen reading is more strenuous so speed readability is especially important. But keep fragments interspersed with “real” sentences and be sure your copy remains crystal clear. Notice in the three examples that the fragments wouldn’t make sense without the preceding sentences.

Ending with prepositions

An often-quoted piece of wit attributed to Winston Churchill underscores the silliness of strictly obeying some rules:

This is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which I will not put.

Obviously, it’s more natural to say,

This is the sort of bloody nonsense I won’t put up with.

Similarly, sentences such as these that end with prepositions are fine:

• Leave on the horse you rode in on.
• See if the answers add up.
• He’s a man I can’t get along with.
• We didn’t know where he came from.
• Don’t make fun of grammarians, just because some of their ideas don’t go where you want to.

Many stock phrases end with prepositions and there’s no reason not to use them wherever they fall in a sentence. This especially applies if writing “correctly” requires an unnatural-sounding manipulation of language. The general guideline for business writing is: Use what feels comfortable in conversation.

Fine-tuning punctuation

Commas, periods, question marks, and other punctuation signals matter a lot: They tell people how to read your writing. Often, they substitute for the tone of voice, inflection, gestures, and body language we naturally use when delivering a message in person. Some marks — like commas, periods, and question marks — are essential. The question mark always denotes a rising inflection. Did you know that every language in the world asks questions with this rise? Curiosity is built into our human brains.

But other punctuation indicators go in and out of style. Here are my personal opinions on current punctuation style for practical business writing. Take them to heart or not based on your own preferences and each writing situation. I have found that once I looked into it, punctuation is more interesting than I expected, so see if you think so, too.

The semicolon should be used sparingly in business writing, at best, because it usually accompanies complexity — long sentences that demand deciphering.

Parentheses are similarly unpopular because they’re distracting and slow down reading. The modern slant is “stick to the point” and don’t confuse people with more than they need to know. So generally speaking, decide whether what they contain is worth including in the message or else omit the statement altogether. An exception is when you refer to something specific, as in (see Chapter 4), a phrase that appears often in this book. Parentheses remain useful to denote an aside, despite these caveats — just be sure they don’t interfere with reading.

The dash, on the other hand, is quite popular and as you probably noticed, I’m partial to it myself. It carries a tight telegraphic feeling and saves space. But too many will kill the broth, so keep the number down and resist using them to save yourself from thoughtful writing. And remember that generally, you need two of them, one before and one after the comment.

Colons are helpful when used to precede lists and examples. They can also produce special effects when you want to emphasize something: The CEO called for great new ideas that involve no risk to the company: The silence was deafening. Depending on your style guide, the part following the colon should be capitalized if it is a complete sentence, or not.

Quote marks are a bit tricky and writing testers like to trip people up with them. The basic rule: In the United States, periods and commas always go inside the marks. Question marks and exclamation points only go inside if they are part of the actual quote. But in the United Kingdom, single quote marks are used, and periods and commas go on the outside.

Along with emoji, exclamation points illustrate the living language idea best of all. They were until recently identified with “girlish enthusiasm,” and business writers scrupulously avoided them. But today, because we depend so much on written communication in our work lives, the emotional deficit of written language often makes itself felt. Exclamation points have risen to the occasion.

To equip our contemporary media with a little emotion on demand — enthusiasm, excitement, surprise, intensity — exclamation points have been called back into service.

Exclamation points can also communicate a higher level of importance — Pay attention! But just as with revealing emotion on the work scene, exclaim in writing with discretion. More than one or two per message and they rebound on you. Emoji potentially give you far more emotional content, but as I cover in Chapter 4, using more than a smiley face may be inappropriate for some of your important audiences.

The serial comma is the comma you use — or don’t use — for the last item in a list. For example, you can write a sentence this way: Nancy picked up parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. Or, Nancy picked up parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.

If you use a style guide, it will give you a consistent approach to follow. For Dummies style is based on the Chicago Manual of Style, which requires the “extra” comma. Throughout this book, that’s how sentences are written — except where my sharp-eyed editor or proofreader missed the omission or decided they didn’t apply. The paradox is that while serial commas help book copy to be read thoughtfully and more memorably, and therefore support learning, they don’t promote the speed-reading that is essential for business writing. If you have a style choice, I recommend not using the serial comma, except in cases where you find it clarifies your sentence. Consistency in this regard is not a big concern for everyday messaging.

Checking the big picture

Once you’ve edited your message or document and are satisfied with the writing, it’s time to return to the big picture and assess your overall message in terms of content, impact, and tone. It’s not sufficient to send a technically perfect message that isn’t ready to accomplish what you want!

Forgetting all the work and the decisions that went into what you’ve written and edited, look at your text as a self-contained piece and consider:

• Is my purpose — what I want to accomplish — absolutely clear?
• Does the piece support my personal agenda? For example, does it promote the relationships I want to build, represent me in the best professional light, and contribute toward my larger goals?
• Do I get to the point quickly and stay on message? Does every element of the message support the result I want?
• Does the message move well and smoothly from section to section, paragraph to paragraph?
• Is the level of detail correct? Not too much, not too little, just enough to make my case?

Step even further back and read your document from your recipient’s viewpoint.

• Will the reader know what I want and exactly how to respond?
• Is the message a good match in terms of tone, communication style, and audience characteristics? Does it focus on what’s important to the reader?
• If I were the recipient, would I care about this message enough to read it — and respond?
• Did I provide appropriate evidence to support the case I’m making? What unanswered questions could the reader possibly have?
• If I were the reader, would I give the writer what he wants?
• Can anything in the message possibly be misinterpreted or misunderstood? Could it embarrass anyone?
• How does it look: Accessible? Easy to read? Plenty of white space? Good graphic devices? Visuals as called for?

And finally,

• Will I feel perfectly fine if this document is forwarded to the CEO, tweeted to thousands of strangers, mailed to my grandmother, or printed in a daily newspaper?

Correct any problems using ideas and tips in this book, plus your own common sense. Chapter 2 tells you how to understand your goals and your audience and build messages that draw the response you want. Choosing appropriate graphic options is covered in Chapter 3, and the preceding sections of this chapter.

Proofreading your work

In professional communication circles, proofreading is seen as separate from writing and editing. But in these economically tight times, copywriters, journalists, and even book authors often wear all three hats. Many publications now outsource their proofing services, or eliminate them altogether. If you’ve noticed a growing number of mistakes in what you read, that’s the reason.

On a daily basis, obviously proofreading is all up to you. But you can still reach out for help. Many writers use a buddy system to back them up on important material, and you can, too. A colleague, friend, or partner may be happy to supply editing advice with you in exchange for the same help. As the saying goes, two sets of eyes are better than one.

Creating your personal writing improvement guide

Most writers are highly consistent in the errors they make, so creating a list of your writing shortfalls helps you sharpen up — and ultimately speed up — your writing.

Try This: Treat yourself to an in-depth session to review either a major document or a batch of smaller messages. Or gather information and insights over time. Better yet, do both. Start by thoroughly editing your selected work using the various criteria I explain in this book. Look for patterns of errors and less-than-wonderful writing. Addressing these particular problems will really benefit you.

Record the challenges — and the solutions — systematically. For example, in editing the chapter you’re reading now, I made notes about what I found to need improvement. That list appears on the left. Then I wrote down the solutions on the right.

This analysis produces a road map I can use to review everything I write, from an email to a home page to a proposal.

Get even more specific and add categories, like words you often misspell or incorrect use of possessives. Scout for solutions in this book and other sources, and equip yourself with tools to lick the problem.

To care about what you write is a different way of thinking. Do you really need to plan, draft, edit, cut, rewrite, add, subtract, edit, and proofread everything you write? You be the judge. But before you decide most of the process isn’t necessary, consider whether or not your reputation and effectiveness are on the line nearly every time you write. I bet they are.

Try This: Use the plan-draft-edit process for everyday messages and see if you start getting what you want more often. I believe you will. The good — no, great news — is that when you practice the plan-draft-edit process on the small stuff, you’re ready to use it for the big stuff: proposals, reports, articles, websites, blogs, and marketing materials. You’ll ultimately save time and plenty of headaches.

Now that you’re ready to apply all these ideas to your workday writing life, in the next chapter I focus most immediately on email messaging. This short-form communication is the lifeblood of most organizations and has become a central staple for marketing, overshadowing its more glamorous cousin, social media. Don’t overlook its value or pass up honing your skills with email.