CHAPTER   3   

Targets, Technology, and Tactics

Because It’s Not About You, It’s About Them

Jim Morrison had it right: “People are strange.”

Morrison, the late singer for the iconic 1960s band The Doors, wrote a song with that line and that title for the group’s 1967 album, Strange Days. Why are people strange? Because they’re different—in some cases, very different.

The people you’ll be attempting to persuade—your targets—possess personality, gender, and generational differences as well as individual preferences. Understanding and tapping into these differences, will be pivotal to your successful persuasion efforts. They will impact how you behave, what sort of case you make, the language you use, and the references you choose.

Your targets also will have multiple and varying technological tendencies. Not everyone carries a new piece of tech in his pocket, and not everyone uses technology in the same way. Very often, such behavioral differences will be based on generational gaps. Think about it: Have you ever seen a Millennial write an actual letter on paper, or a Mature use Skype? Different technological propensities, of course, impact everything from how you communicate with your target to your target’s attention span. A Boomer orders a book online and is pleasantly surprised when it lands on his doorstep 48 hours later. A Millennial orders sneakers from Amazon and wants them to magically (and instantly) appear from her smartphone.

As if those differences weren’t enough, all of these factors blend together to affect your target’s perception of right and wrong. Sometimes, a very fine line exists between what one person considers “ethical” and another calls “manipulation.” And depending on your target, those lines of demarcation shift. Yep, it’s a brave new world.

In order to embrace your future, we must return to the past—1981, to be exact, and the seminal work conducted by David Merrill and Roger Reid.

PERSONALITY DIFFERENCES

In their book, Personal Styles and Effective Performance (Radnor, PA: Chilton Book Company), Merrill and Reid explain that each person has a particular social style created by the conclusions others draw about him or her and based on what he or she does and says. The very definition of behavior is “what we say and do, and how we say and do it.” Many behavioral preferences develop when we are young, during situations when we desire to avoid tension and seek comfort. Thus, people, like chameleons, don’t change their behavior as much as they change their circumstances.

Once you accurately assess another person’s behavioral preferences, you can predict how he or she will respond in certain circumstances. For example, when your colleague receives a negative critique, does she redouble her efforts to prove the critic wrong? Or does she argue and rationalize her position? Chances are good that whatever the resulting behavior is, it’s typical of that person. Furthermore, once you know a person’s tendencies, you will be better able to anticipate (and harness) his or her natural skills. For example, a person who behaves assertively can assist you in your persuasion efforts, a levelheaded coworker can help you sort through the clutter of your ask, and the office peacemaker can negotiate differences and provide a supportive pep talk.

Merrill and Reid suggest that three measures of personality exist: assertiveness, responsiveness, and versatility. For the purpose of the current discussion, we are most concerned with assertiveness and responsiveness. Assertiveness measures how forceful a person is in his approach. (Does he ask or does he tell?) Responsiveness is the emotional dimension of personality. (Does she express her feelings or contain them?) Merrill and Reid developed four personality styles based on assertiveness and responsiveness: Driving, Expressive, Amiable, and Analytical; see Figure 3-1.

Driving Behavior: Results. Action. Get it done—now. These terms describe people, ahem, driven by driving behavior. They are fast decision makers who work best with those who respond in kind and move just as quickly. Driving personalities seek power and autonomy via facts and information. If these people encounter a roadblock, they will go through it and not around it.

Expressive Behavior: Communicative and competitive best describe people with expressive behavior. These individuals freely talk about their thoughts and emotions and like to involve others. They don’t like to surround themselves with competitors, and they crave personal recognition. Like Drivers, Expressives act quickly. Their primary concern is the future, and they’ve been known to change direction midstream, demonstrating impatience. Expressives heavily weigh personal opinions—theirs and considered others’—when making decisions.

Amiable Behavior: Relationships and cooperation are important to Amiables. They are warm, likable, and can be prone to sentimentality. They have a tendency to take things personally, power doesn’t interest them, and acceptance is paramount. Often slow movers, they will talk and consider decisions carefully with their confidants before saying yes or no. Amiables seek to minimize risk at all costs.

Analytical Behavior: You’d think all Analyticals are from Missouri. They say, “Show me the logic. Show me the principles. Show me the data. Show me the objective third-party analysis.” This is the modus operandi for Analyticals. They want to know not only if something works, but how and why and who says. Others may see them as lacking energy or acting aloof, but don’t be fooled: They are using their energy for mental processing and consideration of all angles of a given topic. Analyticals don’t make friends easily or quickly, but once they do, relationships are important. Like Amiables, they avoid risk, because their desire to be right is almost allconsuming.

Adapting Your Social Style for Agreement

How can you use your newfound knowledge about personality styles to hear yes more often? Cater to your target’s preferences. Don’t treat others the way you would like to be treated; treat them the way they want to be treated.

• Don’t small talk a Driver. Also, share facts, not feelings, and use concision to get the decision.
• Make an Expressive the star. Also, resonate fun and high energy, and allow for digressions and stories.
• Form a bond with an Amiable. Also, take a personal interest in him, and ask for his opinion.
• Bring out your research arsenal for an Analytic. Also, use unqualified expert opinions, and leave no question unanswered.

The real challenge comes when your personality style is identical to that of your target. You’d think this would be a match made in heaven, but it isn’t. A Driver working to persuade another Driver needs not only to move quickly but to double-check the details. An Expressive convincing another Expressive must be friendly and receptive while continuing to nudge the target toward the objective (see Chapter 7 for more on the Principle of Nudge). A pair of Amiables will require lots and lots of coffee. And if you’re an Analytic attempting to persuade another Analytic, prepare for an exploration of the subatomic particles of your persuasion priority.

GENDER GAPS

If you like to watch fireworks, just bring up the subject of gender differences at your friendly neighborhood cookout. Chances are the grill won’t be the only thing on fire! And beware: The moment you take an absolutist stand on gender differences, you will find yourself in a proverbial gender La Brea Tar Pits.

Every individual—man or woman—has unique educational profiles, life experiences, and frames of reference. (Please keep that in mind before you send me irate emails.) That said, there is real science behind the differences between men and women when it comes to decision making and persuasion. Consider these findings:

Men Often Overstate Their Abilities; Women Understate Them. “In studies, men overestimate their abilities and performance, and women underestimate both. Their performances do not differ in quality,” wrote Katty Kay and Claire Shipman in a lengthy article for the Atlantic magazine’s website in 2014. The authors of Womenomics and authorities on gender differences in business found that women working at Hewlett-Packard applied for a promotion only when they believed they met 100 percent of the job qualifications. On the other hand, men were happy to apply when they thought they could meet 60 percent of the job requirements. Bottom line: Persuasion is about taking risks. You can’t get the job if you don’t apply.

A Four-Letter Word for Men: Help. In her book, Why She Buys: The New Strategy for Reaching the World’s Most Powerful Customers (New York: Crown Business, 2009), gender expert Bridget Brennan argues that women love asking for and receiving help. For men, help is a four-letter word. Bottom line: When persuading women, offer assistance in some form. This gender preference paired with the principle of reciprocity will do wonders for you and your persuasion priority. If you’re persuading men, try something like this: “I found a report that talks about what you are researching. I’ll leave it here.”

Men Buy; Women Shop. Shopping behavior mirrors gender differences throughout many aspects of life. Women consider shopping an interpersonal activity, according to Wharton marketing professor Stephen J. Hoch. Men treat it as something that must be done. Bottom line: Pair this idea with personality behaviors to provide an indication of how fast or slow you should move with your request.

Women Strive for Perfectionism. “Women feel confident only when they are perfect,” wrote Katty Kay and Claire Shipman for the abovementioned article in the Atlantic. “Study after study confirms that [this] is largely a female issue, one that extends through women’s entire lives. We don’t answer questions until we are totally sure of the answer, we don’t submit a report until we’ve edited it ad nauseam, and we don’t sign up for that triathlon unless we know we are faster and fitter than is required. We watch our male colleagues take risks, while we hold back until we’re sure we are perfectly ready and perfectly qualified.” Bottom line: No one needs to be at 100 percent all the time. In fact, no one is. Acknowledge and leverage that reality in your persuasion efforts.

Gender Behavior Is Based on Brain Structure and Body Chemistry. In 2006, neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine released The Female Brain (New York: Broadway Books), a book that generated major debate by claiming that women’s brains “are so deeply affected by hormones that their influence can be said to create a woman’s reality. They can shape a woman’s values and desires, and tell her, day to day, what’s important.” Brizendine then released The Male Brain (New York: Broadway Books) in 2010, in which she states that “a man will use his analytical brain structures, not his emotional ones, to find a solution.” She also notes that “the male brain thrives on competition and is obsessed with rank and hierarchy.” Bottom line: Differences in estrogen, testosterone, and oxytocin affect mood, behavior, and the decision-making process. Everything is situational, especially this guidance. Identify the mercurial targets from among the more static and approach accordingly.

Gender Behavior Changes with Age. As men and women age, testosterone and estrogen levels, respectively, decrease. This results in women becoming more assertive, and men more accommodating. Bottom line: Take into consideration the age of your target. (Note: Generational differences are discussed further in the next section.)

Women Don’t Ask for More Money. While researching their book Why Women Don’t Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation—and Positive Strategies for Change (London: Piatkus, 2007), economics professor and negotiation specialist Linda Babcock and coauthor Sara Laschever found that only about 7 percent of female MBAs attempted to negotiate their salaries when hired, compared with 57 percent of men. Those who did negotiate increased their salary by more than 7 percent. Bottom line: You’ll never get the promotion, the assignment, the budget, or the career you want if you don’t ask. The worst thing your target can say is no.

Women Make Great Personal Evangelists. Women focus on details, researchers say, and are more likely than men to talk to their colleagues about their experiences with you. Bottom line: If you want personal evangelists—people willing to sing your praises—identify women for whom you’ve exceeded expectations. (For more on personal evangelists, see Chapter 10.)

Men Decide; Women Ruminate. Scientists Colin Camerer and Read Montague imaged the brains of men and women to determine the neural roots of fidelity and betrayal. Their research found that after making a decision, the male brain turns off; female brains, however, continue to display activity in parts that regulate worry and error detection. Bottom line: When she says, “I have to think about it,” that doesn’t mean no. It usually means she does need to think about it.

Here are more gender differences to keep in mind:

• Women are better at negotiating for a group; men are better at negotiating for themselves.
• Men tend to avoid emotional scenes; women tend to avoid conflict situations.
• Women respond more to stories than facts; men prefer to deal in data.

Some women—and men—might be highly offended right now and argue against any generalizations like the ones listed above. Others may be nodding in knowing agreement. Despite personal sentiments, keeping these ideas in mind will help you stay out of the muck as you seek to achieve your persuasion priority.

GENERATIONAL DIFFERENCES

“What’s Omaha Beach?”

The twentysomething looked at me expectantly. I frequently tell people that not every persuasion priority should be as difficult as taking Omaha Beach. I’ve said it thousands of times. But this was a first. I realized I had crossed into The Twilight Zone. (Wait, he wouldn’t know that reference, either!)

Yes, it seems that a mention of World War II’s D-Day no longer resonates with my audiences. I’ve adjusted my presentations accordingly, which is what you’ll need to do in your persuasion efforts. Whether you are in the cohort known as Mature or Millennial, it doesn’t matter what your frame of reference is. You need to know your target’s frame of reference.

Although the names and date ranges fluctuate among experts, here are some common generation parameters:

• Matures were born between 1909 and 1945.
• Boomers were born between 1946 and 1964.
• Generation Xers were born between 1965 and 1981.
• Millennials were born between 1982 and 2003.

The newest generation, born in 2004 and beyond, has yet to be classified with a catchy name, but no doubt one will pop up soon.

Rocking the Ages: The Yankelovich Report on Generational Marketing, by J. Walker Smith and Ann Clurman (New York: HarperBusiness, 1997), summarizes some of the key differences among age-groups exceptionally well. In short, Matures often are described as both the Silent Generation and the Greatest Generation, as they are defined by the idea of answering a call to duty. They celebrated victory after hardfought battles (like the one waged on Omaha Beach) and needed to be (and still are) team players. For Matures, education was a privilege. Well-known Matures include Betty White and Don Rickles.

For Boomers, individuality reigns supreme. Youth is valued and self-absorption rampant. They feel they’ve been rewarded because they deserve it, and leisure is their primary reason for living. Education was an entitlement, “now” is more important than “later,” and money is meant to be spent. Living examples: Bill Gates, Demi Moore, and Jerry Seinfeld.

For Generation Xers, success usually means having two jobs. And if you really want to get ahead in the world, you must be an entrepreneur. After all, “the man” exists to bring you down. Mention a “program” to Generation Xers, and they’ll wonder if you’re referring to Microsoft Word or Outlook Express. Living examples: Jennifer Aniston and David Beckham.

Millennials grew up in what some call the “Era of the Child.” While in previous generations children were seen and not heard, this generation of kids was put on a pedestal. They typically work well with friends and on teams because they grew up with play dates and other organized social outings. They believe everyone should be rewarded for their efforts and do something not because the boss said so but because it makes sense. Millennials often are called “digital natives” because they are members of the first generation not to know what it was like to live without the Internet. Living examples: Mark Zuckerberg, Justin Bieber, LeBron James, and Kate Upton.

One generation always seems to like to mock the others. Matures pick on Boomers. Boomers make fun of Generation Xers. And everyone snipes at Millennials. It’s like living in Wisconsin and making fun of people from Illinois. Easy.

Being Savvy About Generational References

The more you know about your target’s age and corresponding cultural references, the more appropriately (and successfully) you’ll be able to speak persuasively with that person. What follows are key decisionmaking triggers that drive each generation to act:

• Matures: It’s the right thing to do.
• Boomers: It feels good.
• Generation Xers: You’ll get ahead if you do it.
• Millennials: It’s just smart to do.

Now, people don’t always look as old (or as young) as they actually are, so sometimes it can be tough to determine which generation you’re dealing with. Short of embarrassing yourself and your target, how can you learn his or her age? Start by asking where and when the person went to high school. (I always seem able to work that into just about any conversation.) Tuck that info away for a future, generationally appropriate, reference. For example, with a Class of 1970 grad, you might say: “Man, that idea is going to be the Sony Walkman of your industry.” But with a Class of 2005 grad, try: “It’s important we keep the new product under wraps until the introduction. We don’t want to be another Wiki-Leaks victim.” Of course, these examples won’t always resonate, but when they do, you’ll see a spark in your target’s eye. Besides, you don’t have to be a 1970 grad to understand the Walkman reference.

Generational differences matter. One Harley-Davidson dealer I know casually asks customers during the purchase process for the name of their favorite song in high school. Then when the customer takes delivery of his or her motorcycle, guess what song is booming through the sound system? It creates strong, positive feelings about the experience and improves customer satisfaction scores. Grocery stores are masters at this. They can tell what generation is shopping when and play Muzak from roughly when that generation came of age, so they shop longer.

A number of years ago while visiting good friends, one of their twin boys—who was about 10 years old at the time—asked me if I like music. “Absolutely,” I replied.

“Do you know a song called ‘Slow Ride,’ by a band called Foghat?”

“I know ‘Slow Ride,’” I said. (It was my favorite song . . . in 1975!) “But how do you know ‘Slow Ride’?”

He gave me a two-word answer: “Guitar Hero.”

Technology has become a game changer for generational frames of reference. It can be a game changer for your persuasion efforts, as well, which is why it is so important to use it deliberately. Which brings us to . . .

TECHNOLOGY AND PERSUASION

We’ve come a long way since the carrier pigeon and town crier—and even since the postman and pen pals. That’s why it is crucial to understand the role technology plays in making your persuasion priority a success.

Typically, when people discuss the intersection of technology and persuasion two concepts—HCI (Human-Computer Interaction) and CMC (Computer-Mediated Communication)—get top billing. Scientist B. J. Fogg studies how people interact with their computer devices and how their behavior subsequently changes. (For example, what effect does the MyFitnessPal app, which makes it easier to log foods by scanning the items’ bar codes, have on healthful behaviors and weight loss? This is classic HCI—and it is fun stuff!) However, for our purposes, I want to focus on CMC—and, more specifically, how we use text messaging, email, and videoconferencing to be more effective and more persuasive communicators.

Getting the Most Out of Technologically Mediated Communication

Technology has changed every aspect of our lives. It has even created new psychological phenomena, such as FOMO. People are compulsively checking their social media for “Fear of Missing Out” on some detail of their social network contacts’ lives. So you don’t miss out on how to use these new tools for maximum benefit, here are some facets of Computer-Mediated Communication you should keep in mind:

Acknowledge That Your Target’s Attention Is Fragmented. Despite its advantages, technology has arguably emerged as the single greatest factor in rapidly declining attention spans worldwide. As contemplative computing expert Alex Soojung-Kim Pang wrote in his 2013 book, The Distraction Addiction: Getting the Information You Need and the Communication You Want, Without Enraging Your Family, Annoying Your Colleagues, and Destroying Your Soul (New York: Little Brown) (see, you almost couldn’t keep your attention focused on that long subtitle!), humans, over the course of a typical day, send and receive an average of 110 messages, check their phones 34 times, and visit Facebook five times. People also spend 43 minutes each day waiting for devices to start up, shut down, open files, load software, or connect to the Web. Some people with type A personalities might multitask while they wait for their laptops to fire up, but you can be sure they’re not fully engaged in whatever they’re doing. Their attention is divided; they can’t focus on any one thing for longer than a few seconds. That’s why Twitter use has reached unimaginable heights, 140 characters at a time, soaring past 200 million users in fewer than seven years.

Remember That Concision Is King. Say it with less—in your presentations, your phone calls, and your pitches—and make your opens and closes sharp. My favorite example of concision comes from an old drive-in movie marquee that read: “Closed for Season. Reason? Freezin.”

Get It Right. When you’re persuading with facts, use data that people can easily reference. And if someone throws you a curveball, you can confidently respond with a casual, “Yes, but what that research doesn’t take into account is . . .” Wham. You’re in charge. And as we learned earlier, people defer to experts!

Make It Easy. It’s imperative to remove any barriers that prevent your target from interacting with you. So include your business cell phone number in your email signature as a hyperlink. Your email recipients will be one click away from reaching out to you.

Make It Fast. Online companies with a “live chat” feature understand the value of “now.” Customers get their questions answered and their problems solved on their schedules. This is now the standard of service. Plus, any online company worth its salt is using an optimizer to scan the conversations for patterns and buzzwords so the company can perfect its pitch. Is your personal responsiveness holding up to this level of tech?

Opt for Synchronous Communication. Communication can be either synchronous or asynchronous. For instance, during a videoconference one or more of your targets will hear your message at the same time. However, if you send an email blast, your targets will open it at different times in different environments. Why is this important? When trying to persuade groups of people (which we’ll cover in Chapter 8), it’s easier to shape opinion and persuade via synchronous communication.

Keep Up Appearances. Videoconferencing is here to stay, via Google Hangouts, GoToMeeting, Skype, and other services, which means you’d better check what you’re wearing and where you’re sitting. In 1960, when presidential candidates John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon participated in the first-ever televised debate, Kennedy wore makeup, looking poised and confident. Nixon didn’t wear makeup, and he appeared sickly and sweaty on camera. Who won that election? On videoconference days, wear what looks good on a web cam, comb your hair, add appropriate lighting, check to make sure the background isn’t questionable, and by all means position the camera at a flattering angle. That up-the-nose shot doesn’t flatter anyone!

Know Text-Speak. You may have heard about the woman who was trying to express sympathy and support to a friend who had recently lost a loved one with a text message reading “LOL.” She thought the abbreviation stood for “lots of love”—not “laugh out loud.” Oops. Adapt to the language of the technology. Learn abbreviations and understand emoticons.

Use Emoticons Wisely. Research suggests that women are twice as likely as men to use emoticons in text messages, and they often are intended to soften the blow of criticism or bad news. Men, when they do use them, pull from a wider variety of emoticons and employ them to express sarcasm.

Defining Your Target-Specific Communication Strategy

Today, effective persuasion communication requires that you be faster, more concise, and more provocative than ever before. To sum up the chapter thus far, allow me to present a strategic persuasion prompt. To begin formulating your laser-sharp communication efforts, ask yourself the following question:

How do I persuade a __________ (gender) __________ (personality style) and __________ (generation) when asking for __________ (time, dollars, insight, or help) and communicating primarily through __________ (text, phone, face-to-face)?

Your filled-in blanks might pose the question like this: “How do I persuade a male Driver and Generation Xer when asking for additional head count and communicating primarily through face-to-face meetings?” Your answer might be: Use a communication strategy that is factbased and cuts to the chase about how your efforts will give him an advantage over the competition and make him look like Tom Cruise in Top Gun.

PERSUASION TACTICS

Our final focus in this chapter is on persuasion tactics—those approaches deemed to cross the fine line between ethical persuasion and manipulation. That line of demarcation is fine precisely because it’s dependent on the target’s perspective. What Boomers call “selling out,” Gen Xers see as corporate sponsorship, and Millennials view as the ultimate objective.

Some tactics are blatantly unethical. Watch The Wolf of Wall Street, and you’ll see prime examples of self-interest, greed, and capitalism run amok. Bilking someone out of his life savings for worthless investment schemes is an obvious breach of legal and ethical boundaries. (The real “Wolf of Wall Street,” Jordan Belfort, now sells his secrets in an “education” package called the “Straight Line Persuasion System.”)

Here are some shades-of-gray approaches that marketers use in their attempts to persuade you and others:

• Amazon makes recommendations based on your prior purchases. Too intrusive?
• Advertisements for items you’ve Googled start showing up in your email and browser window. Invasion of your privacy?
• GPS location technology aligns with your shopping preferences to target you for promotions as you walk down the street. Tech gone too far?
• Walmart displays prepaid phone cards at the end of diaper aisles, because young mothers feel a strong desire to stay in touch with family and friends. Taking advantage?

Persuasion tactics don’t seem so black or white now, do they?

What This Means to You

Sometimes people are so afraid of acting unethically in their persuasion efforts that they fail to take any action and, no surprise, manage to not persuade at all. One of my mentors, the late corporate performance expert Joel DeLuca, conducted research on more than 11,000 people in nine organizations between 1974 and 2005, exposing these fears and compiling details about their behavior.

DeLuca discovered that 80 percent of the people he observed could be considered “idealists.” They were hard working and well intentioned, but they made relatively little impact on the overall organization. That’s because they suffered either a moral mental block or an entitlement mental block—especially in their persuasive efforts. A moral block suggests that it’s somehow wrong to “work” the system to get their pitch approved. The entitlement block convinces people that “folks should do it my way” and, therefore, blindly agree with them.

The other 20 percent of people in DeLuca’s research were classified as “pragmatists.” They had the highest impact on their organizations, seeing them not as they wished they were, but as they actually were. They understood that no matter how brilliant their ideas were, they needed to make an effort to turn those ideas into realities—which meant taking action.

Ethical Persuasion Guidelines

If the means are ethical and the ends are ethical, then you’re obviously operating in an ethical manner. If, by pursuing your persuasion priority, good things will happen for your target, your company, and you, why not? This is the enlightened self-interest we talked about in Chapter 1. If, however, your means are unethical and your ends are unethical—you fabricated vendor research to steer your company to an unqualified supplier because said supplier gave you Super Bowl tickets, let’s say—then you’ve transformed into a slimy character worthy of Wolf of Wall Street status.

The dilemma occurs when the ends are ethical, but the means are questionable. Consider stealth marketing. For a well-publicized 2002 covert marketing campaign initiated by Sony Ericsson to promote its new camera phone, the company hired 60 actors to pose as travelers in 10 cities and ask passersby to take their picture. Upon handing a chosen individual the new phone, the actors then casually pointed out how to use the phone and subtly mentioned some of its most impressive features, effectively giving a soft sales pitch. Marketers stressed that they wanted the exchange to feel natural.

Is this an example of an ethical means to an ethical end? To paraphrase DeLuca: “If they knew what you were trying to do, would they let you?” The “they” in the above example is the target and other key decision makers (not the competitors). So if your target knew you were trying to get the best reaction possible to your product, and that meant in a so-called natural exchange on the street, would your target still play along? Yes, probably. But if you must think about it twice, run the scenario through your head again.

I mentioned the great work of Daniel Pink earlier. In his book, To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others (New York: Riverhead Books, 2012), he offers a powerful rule of thumb for operating ethically: Treat everyone as you would your grandmother.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

In this chapter, we’ve covered how to increase your likelihood of persuasion success by treating your targets not as you want to be treated, but as they want to be treated. Understanding personalities, gender differences, and generational gaps is crucial, as is knowing how different people view and respond to technology. And, finally, make certain everything you do—in the target’s mind as well as your own—is rooted in ethically strong motives.

“People are strange,” goes The Doors’ song. “When you’re a stranger,” the line continues. However, the more you know about your targets, the less strange they will seem. Keep your target’s perspective in mind as you work through the chapters to come.

Chapter 3 Persuasion Points

1. Key to persuasion success is not seeing your target as strange, but rather as a person with different inclinations and perspectives.
2. People have a tendency to either ask or tell, to respond or not. These are two powerful planes in which personalities operate.
3. When responding to the situation you are in, act like a chameleon and be ready for whatever comes your way.
4. Men and women operate differently. Acting as if they don’t is just silly.
5. For some reason, gender conversations evoke strong sentiments. Think deeply, listen intently, and avoid too many absolutist gender stands.
6. Every generation has a different frame of reference. For Millennials a “45” has always been a gun and never a record, and Elton John was never a rock star.
7. Technology changes quickly, but people don’t. To maximize persuasion success you have to blend human tendencies (attention span, social needs, etc.) with technological capabilities.
8. People have different perspectives on tactics. Ask yourself, “If they knew what I was trying to do, would they let me?” If you can respond with a yes, that means you’re headed in the right direction.