Chapter 5
IN THIS CHAPTER
Solving organization challenges
Catching and correcting common language mistakes
Detecting your own writing weaknesses
Proofing what you write
As you explore in Chapter 4, good self-editing requires you to look at your writing on two levels: macro and micro. Chapter 4 focuses on how you assess your content and present your material effectively. This chapter drills down to even more specific editing issues: techniques for organizing material and improving sentences and words.
If you need more motivation than to dramatically improve all your written communication, remember that the process of thoughtful writing sharpens your thinking. When you trouble to distill your meaning into direct, concise, compelling language, you clarify it for yourself as well as your readers. In a number of examples I show you how this works. Starting with a poorly written sentence, I move it through three or four successive editing stages. All the versions may be “correct,” but I think you may agree that the final one works best.
Notice as you edit your own material that each improvement opens the door to more improvement opportunities. They add up to increase the impact of your messages and documents. Editing is a powerful communication tool. Once you absorb this truth, you may find it worth your time — and more fun than you may expect.
Many people, including a number of experienced writers, say that organization is their biggest challenge. If you follow the process outlined in Chapter 2, which shows you how to plan each message within the framework of your goal and audience, you may be able to sidestep the organization challenge substantially.
But this may not altogether solve your problems, especially when documents are lengthy or complicated, written by more than one person, or simply strike you as confusing or illogical once drafted. You may need to review organization at that point and reshuffle or recast material. The following techniques help. You can implement them at the writing stage — or at the editing stage.
You may remember being told in school to establish a “thesis sentence” and develop each paragraph from that. If you found this advice a little dumbfounding, you’re not alone.
If you routinely produce uninterrupted strings of sentences, don’t despair: You can make the fixes later, during the editing stage. Read over what you’ve written and look for logical places to make breaks.
Can’t decide where to insert breaks? Use the following technique:
Scan your text to find places where you introduce a new idea or fact or where you change direction.
Break the flow into paragraphs at these points.
If your paragraphs are still more than three to five sentences long, go through the whole piece again and make decisions on an experimental basis.
You’ll check later to see if they work. The three- to five-sentence guideline is a general one that applies to print material. But an occasional one-sentence paragraph is fine and adds variety. When you write for online reading, shorter paragraphs work better, as explained in Part 4.
Look carefully at the first sentence of each newly created paragraph.
See whether the new first sentence makes sense in connecting with what follows or whether it connects better with the preceding paragraph. If the latter, move the sentence up a paragraph and then break to a new paragraph.
If a sentence seems not to belong with either paragraph, it may need to stand on its own or be rephrased.
Look at your paragraphs again in order and check whether any wording needs adjustment.
Pay particular attention to the first and last sentences of each paragraph. You want each paragraph to link to the next. Using transitions helps with this — read more about these in “Working with transitions” later in this chapter.
If when you scan the whole message you don’t like the sequence of paragraphs, fool around with shuffling them. Adjust the language as necessary so that your paragraphs still clearly relate to each other.
Sometimes the reason you have trouble organizing your material is because you don’t yet understand it well enough to effectively present it to others. Ask yourself: What is my point? What are the components of my argument? Number or list them if you haven’t yet done so — you can omit the numbers later if that’s better for your purpose. Also ask, am I missing critical pieces and need to add information or ideas?
Suppose you’re a department manager writing to tell your staff that a new customer relationship management system will shortly be introduced and they are required to attend training workshops. You realize that this will meet with resistance because everyone is used to the old uncoordinated and uncooperative system.
Brainstorm the points to make (see Chapter 2) and write them as a series of rough subheads. Perhaps:
Arrange your subheads in a logical order. In line with the principles laid out in Chapter 2, you want to instantly engage readers by signaling that the message directly relates to them and that it’s important. So, you’d shuffle “rollout date” and “everyone must use it” to the top, and probably cover both ideas in the subject line. Then just fill in the relevant information under each heading. As you do this, additional topics may emerge that you didn’t think of initially — for example, that creating support subgroups would help people feel more comfortable about adapting to the new system. Also, you want to motivate readers by appealing to the what’s-in-it-for-me (WIIFM) viewpoint, so you might add a subhead like “how you will benefit.” Find a logical place in your sequence of subheads and add the new ones.
In your final message, discard the subheads if you wish — or leave them in. Subheads usually work well to pull your readers through a message and keep them organized as well. They’ll pick up the main points even if they just scan or don’t read all the way through. Moreover, there’s a psychological effect in presenting a clearly organized message. Readers feel you’ve got the situation well in hand and have thoroughly thought everything out. This feeling alone inspires greater confidence in both you and the new system, making people more receptive to the change.
Drafting headings and subheads is a great way to be sure that you cover all the right bases, identify missing pieces early on, and build in good organization from project start. You also break up the writing process into doable bits so it’s far less formidable. Be sure to use a consistent style for all your headings. Your word-processing program offers built-in styles, so it just takes a click to apply one.
Transitions, those low-key words and phrases, are like the connective tissue that holds your skeleton together and empowers you to move where you want. Transitions tell readers how all the ideas, facts, and information in a piece of writing connect to each other. They grease your writing and pull people along in the direction you want to take them.
Transitions can consist of single words, phrases, or sentences. They can be put to work within a sentence, to link sentences, and to connect paragraphs. Think of them in the following categories.
To continue or shift a line of thought, or indicate agreement or addition:
additionally |
on the other hand |
also |
but |
and |
however |
consequently |
alternatively |
for example |
originally |
furthermore |
nevertheless |
mainly |
despite |
so |
in other words |
sometimes |
conversely |
To establish a sequence or time frame:
as soon as |
ultimately |
at the moment |
finally |
first, second, third |
later |
to begin with |
next |
to conclude |
for now |
To indicate examples or emphasis:
in other words |
for this reason |
namely |
in this case |
significantly |
often overlooked |
surprisingly |
on the positive side |
To reinforce a desired focus or tone:
disappointingly |
it sounds good, but |
equally important |
provided that |
I’m sorry to say |
given that |
invariably |
counterintuitively |
luckily |
of particular interest |
unfortunately |
at the same time |
unless |
in the hope that |
Notice that the last set of words and phrases are prejudicial — that is, they orient a reader or listener to feel a certain way about what follows. Use them consciously.
Notice how these introductory statements set up a super-simple way to organize subsequent material, including within long, complicated documents.
As with all writing principles, there can be too much of a good thing. When you give your writing the read-aloud test and it sounds stilted and clumsy, review your transitions — you may need to remove some. Do so and you still have a well-organized, convincing message.
Lists offer an excellent way to present information in a compact, to-the-point manner. They suit readers’ Internet-trained text-skimming habits, and most people like them. They also automatically promote graphic variation, another plus for your document (see Chapter 3).
Use numbered lists to present sequences of events, procedures, and processes. For example, a numbered list can guide readers on how to do something:
Scout actively for opportunities to organize a sequence by dates or milestones:
Using numbered lists may sound simple-minded, but they bestow a clarity that is so unambiguous, few people can misinterpret your meaning — no matter how hard they try.
5 Insider Secrets of Tripling Your Conversions Overnight
As I discuss in Chapter 12, many experienced bloggers think up a headline like that first, brainstorm for related ideas, and then write the copy. The Part of Tens at the end of this book follows the same pattern. This format appeals to readers and channels your knowledge in a different way, helping you uncover ideas you didn’t know you knew.
When I wrote “Ten Ways to Advance Your Career with Writing” (Chapter 15), for example, I committed to the topic because it seemed like a subject people would want to know about. Then I brainstormed a list of possibilities, angling in on my knowledge base from a new perspective. I ended up with almost 20 ideas and chose the best.
Numbering is also a staple for presenters:
The technique works every time because audiences like knowing how much is ahead of them, and love ticking off the speaker’s progress. It gives them easier-to-remember takeaways, too.
You need to know when to stop, though. In a speech, going above more than five numbered items is usually more than listeners can handle. In print, as with bullets, I suggest limiting yourself to seven. However, there’s something magnetic about “ten.”
Between on-screen writing habits and PowerPoint-type presentations, reading has become a bullet-heavy experience.
Like numbering, bulleted lists convey information tightly and neatly. They’re appropriate for summarizing, offering checklists, and providing information-at-a-glance. What’s more, readers like them — but only up to a point. Used incorrectly, bullets can kill. Audience interest, that is.
Don’t use too many. Research shows that people can’t absorb more than about seven bullets at one go. They tune out after that because each bullet typically makes a separate point and gives little logical connection to hold onto. If you must present more than seven bullets, break them into more than one list and intersperse some narrative material.
Use the same sentence structure for every bullet. Start each item similarly. Sentence structure must be parallel so as not to confuse readers. You can begin bullet points with action verbs, for example, such as when you present accomplishments in a résumé:
Or you can compose a bullet list that starts with nouns, such as:
You can refine this list by rearranging points two through four to start like the first one:
But that approach produces an annoying repetition of you want. The solution: Find an introductory sentence that covers the points you want to make. For example:
Or, just issue orders:
Punctuate and format bullets consistently. In this book, the first phrase or a sentence is often bold, and I don’t use periods at the ends of bullet points that aren’t complete sentences. In some bulleted lists, each item begins with a capital letter (that’s the For Dummies style). In others, they’re all lowercase.
There are numerous variables in punctuation and formatting. The styles depend on the situation and organization. Figure out your preferred style, or your company’s, and apply it consistently to all your lists and your writing in general. Many organizations issue style guides that cover most aspects of writing and graphic presentation because consistency is important to branding. If such a guide is not available where you work, you can achieve your own consistency with a commercial style guide. Most commonly used are the AP Stylebook (Associated Press) and the Chicago Manual of Style. For Dummies uses a combination of its own style guide and the Chicago Manual of Style.
Tell readers what your bullets mean with good narrative writing or a quick introduction that puts the bullets in context. In a bio or résumé, for example, using all bullets to describe your assets defies readability. Begin with a well-written overall description of your current job followed by a list of your accomplishments — but put the information in context. For example, a job description can say “Consistent performance beyond company goals for three years,” followed by your bulleted evidence (but no more than five to seven, and stated in sentences with parallel construction).
Don’t automatically take the easy way out and use bullets and numbered lists when you have information to share or want to present something persuasively — which applies to most material you write. These formats may be fast to draft, but if they don’t present your message as clearly as possible, you undermine your success. Take a hard look during the editing stage to see if your material might present better and be more persuasive in narrative form, or by translating some portions into a visual, such as a table or graph.
Unlike the common cold, common writing problems can be treated and even prevented. The prescription is simple: Be aware of your own mistakes, which are nearly always consistent.
Improving your grammar is somehow a personal thing, so if you want solid grounding, I recommend that you scout what’s out there in books and on the Internet. Choose a resource compatible with your learning style and dig in.
My grammar-related goal in this book, more modestly, is to:
Infinitely more can — and has — been written about writing it right. See the sidebar “The journalist’s grammar guidelines” later in this chapter for what may be the most succinct rundown ever created.
Stop stressing about commas! If visual cues don’t work for you, use oral ones. The reading-aloud trick I recommend in Chapter 4 works surefire to tell you when you need a comma. Note the difference:
If you read the words aloud to say what you presumably intend — that Grandpa should eat — the first option sounds this way:
Eat (pause and downward inflection) Grandpa
A long pause with a change in inflection signals the comma is needed. And definitely, this sentence needs the comma. Notice in the example that the downward tone can be voiced after “eat,” or the first syllable of “Grandpa.”
Too many commas can also be a problem:
Reliance on the Internet, as the source of all information, produces problems for the connected generation.
Read this sentence and you hear that it works better without pauses where the two commas are placed. They interfere with smooth reading and should be cut.
Badly placed commas in cases like this often signal a wording problem. A better version could read:
Relying on the Internet for all information creates problems for the connected generation.
Grammar is something that everyone can always touch up on, the writers should use simple punctuation, properly place the punctuation marks, things like too many commas and semicolons can confuse the reader.
The read-aloud test shows that the long, sustained pause after touch up on calls for starting a new sentence. The comma between the two middle thoughts doesn’t work either because an and should connect them. Insert that conjunction and it’s then clear that you need a period after marks, because to read meaningfully demands another sustained pause. The result:
Grammar is something that everyone can always touch up on. Writers should use simple punctuation and properly place the punctuation marks. Things like too many commas and semicolons can confuse the reader.
Another way of fixing this paragraph is to connect the whole second part with a transition and cut some redundancy, as in:
Writers should use simple punctuation and properly place the punctuation marks, because too many commas and semicolons can confuse the reader.
Train your ear and with a little practice, you improve your punctuation quickly. I once argued with the best grammarian I know about the reading-aloud method, running through a whole list of examples. Finally, she said, “The problem is it only works 97 percent of the time!” I figure I’ll take my chances with the 3 percent and you may also prefer to.
As with commas, reading aloud gives you the clue about how to use however in your writing.
Many perfectly decent writers embarrass themselves with sentences like these:
Reading these sentences aloud shows that long pauses are necessary before each however. You can break up both statements into two sentences with periods after weekend and January 15. The second sentence in each case starts with However.
You can also separate the thoughts quite correctly by adding a semicolon before however in both sentences. But generally speaking, semicolons seem old-fashioned in business writing. They have a literary air and are falling out of favor.
He agreed with Jane, however, she was wrong.
He wants to know, however, so he can plan his vacation.
Moving however to the front makes nonsense of the first sentence. With the second sentence, however, the move retains the basic meaning.
Using the wrong pronoun is incredibly common, even in the work of professionals. For most communication jobs today, candidates must take a writing test. All those I’ve seen include a disproportionate number of questions geared to reveal this failing.
Pronouns have a simple function — to stand in for nouns so you don’t have to keep repeating them. One cause of confusion is when to use me instead of I, he rather than him, and so on. For example:
Both sentences are wrong. One way to figure that out: Switch some of the wording so the correct pronoun becomes obvious. In the first sentence, if you substitute us for you and I, it works fine. But if you substitute we (the plural for I), the sentence sounds absurd and you’re clearly wrong. Me is therefore correct.
In the second sentence, you can choose to say We will go to the conference, and because the singular for we is I, that pronoun is correct. Or, you can eliminate Mark and Harold from the scene altogether, in which case you obviously must say I, not me.
Another cause of confusion is when to use a plural pronoun (like their) as opposed to singular (his, its). In these situations, stay alert to the original noun.
A journalist must always be attuned to their readers’ interests.
This sentence is wrong because journalist is singular, not plural. But the sentence raises other issues. If I correct it to:
A journalist must always be attuned to his readers’ interests.
Will I be accused of sexism? Perhaps, but the jury is still out on how to avoid this. You can
Journalists must always be attuned to their readers’ interest.
Rework the sentence to avoid the problem entirely:
Journalists must always be attuned to reader interest.
When you’ve altered the sentence this far, if you take one more look, you’ll see an option for shortening it further and making it more dynamic:
Journalists must always attune to reader interest.
That’s the present tense trick referred to in Chapter 4. Be attuned sounds passive and like a state of being rather than action. Must attune feels like an imperative and an active process. It even provokes some curiosity: How does a journalist attune to his readers?
Here’s another sentence. See if you can correct it before looking at my version:
Everyone should use their discount when ordering online.
This is a very common mistake because while everyone is obviously singular, correctness puts you into that awkward him-her territory. A few alternatives via the sidestepping technique:
All will work. They say marginally different things, so your choice depends on the message context and medium. If you’re writing a print piece like a flyer or advertising circular, you’d probably use the first statement. If you’re writing a blog about leveraging discounts, probably the second seems most natural. If the statement was destined for a website that sells the product, ordering online becomes extraneous — it is obvious people are ordering online — so you’d be better off with
Use your discount when you order.
The company is widely criticized for its actions.
But in the United Kingdom, the plural is used (and the spelling differs):
The company is widely criticised for their actions.
Each, anyone, anybody, everyone, either, neither, nobody
All are singular. Pronouns to represent them must be singular, not plural. For example:
Of course, the second sentence puts us back in the annoying “his or her” territory. Do you see a way to sidestep the awkwardness?
Almost always, choose that rather than which. The latter word refers to something specific. When you’re not sure which to use, try using that and see whether the sentence has the same meaning. If it does, keep that. For example:
The report that I wrote at home is on John’s desk now.
But if you find that that doesn’t reflect your meaning, you may mean which.
Note that you can write the sentence this way:
The report, which I wrote at home, is on John’s desk now.
The second version calls attention to where you wrote it. And observe that you need two commas to set the clause off. Which always requires two commas unless the phrase appears at the end of the sentence. Another instance:
We provide afternoon breaks which, we know, help reduce stress.
You’re using which correctly if you can eliminate the phrase inside the commas (we know) without changing the sentence’s basic meaning. If you remove the non-essential phrase, the sentence becomes:
We provide afternoon breaks that help reduce stress.
Does this sentence carry exactly the same meaning as the original? Basically yes, but if the “we know” is important, it doesn’t. In order for a sentence to carry your meaning, you must know what you want to communicate. I find my word-processing program is a demon at catching the that-which mistake, so when it’s highlighted on the page or in the spell-check stage, listen. Usually it’s telling you to change which to that.
For reasons I can’t understand or explain, contemporary writing is chock-full of thats and very few whos. People have become depersonalized into objects. Speaking for myself, I find this practice disrespectful. The following sentences are all incorrect:
This is foggier territory. Grammar enthusiasts insist that you differentiate between the word used as a subject (who) and as an object (whom, as in to whom). But adhering to the rule can land you in some stuffy places.
In the first two sentences, the less correct version works better for general business writing — reflecting the natural conversational style you’re aiming for:
Like other wording choices addressed in this section, grammatical standards have relaxed, and only the rare individual complains about sentences that begin with and or but. The Wall Street Journal does it, the New York Times does it. I do it, a lot. And so can you.
But not so often that it loses its effect. Starting sentences with these conjunctions adds to your rhythmic variety and gives you a way to add a little verve, especially to online writing. It works best with short sentences.
Because can be used the same way, although I still hear people repeating the schoolroom mantra against starting sentences with that word. And you can start an occasional sentence with “yet,” “or,” and “so.”
You probably recall your grade school teachers drilling this idea home: “Every sentence must be complete! Noun, verb, object!” Technically this remains true, but as our pace of life speeds up, so must our written language. For example, it’s fine — except when writing the most formal documents — to say:
An often-quoted piece of wit attributed to Winston Churchill underscores the silliness of strictly obeying some rules:
This is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which I will not put.
Obviously, it’s more natural to say,
This is the sort of bloody nonsense I won’t put up with.
Similarly, sentences such as these that end with prepositions are fine:
Commas, periods, question marks, and other punctuation signals matter a lot: They tell people how to read your writing. Often, they substitute for the tone of voice, inflection, gestures, and body language we naturally use when delivering a message in person. Some marks — like commas, periods, and question marks — are essential. The question mark always denotes a rising inflection. Did you know that every language in the world asks questions with this rise? Curiosity is built into our human brains.
But other punctuation indicators go in and out of style. Here are my personal opinions on current punctuation style for practical business writing. Take them to heart or not based on your own preferences and each writing situation. I have found that once I looked into it, punctuation is more interesting than I expected, so see if you think so, too.
The semicolon should be used sparingly in business writing, at best, because it usually accompanies complexity — long sentences that demand deciphering.
Parentheses are similarly unpopular because they’re distracting and slow down reading. The modern slant is “stick to the point” and don’t confuse people with more than they need to know. So generally speaking, decide whether what they contain is worth including in the message or else omit the statement altogether. An exception is when you refer to something specific, as in (see Chapter 4), a phrase that appears often in this book. Parentheses remain useful to denote an aside, despite these caveats — just be sure they don’t interfere with reading.
The dash, on the other hand, is quite popular and as you probably noticed, I’m partial to it myself. It carries a tight telegraphic feeling and saves space. But too many will kill the broth, so keep the number down and resist using them to save yourself from thoughtful writing. And remember that generally, you need two of them, one before and one after the comment.
Colons are helpful when used to precede lists and examples. They can also produce special effects when you want to emphasize something: The CEO called for great new ideas that involve no risk to the company: The silence was deafening. Depending on your style guide, the part following the colon should be capitalized if it is a complete sentence, or not.
Quote marks are a bit tricky and writing testers like to trip people up with them. The basic rule: In the United States, periods and commas always go inside the marks. Question marks and exclamation points only go inside if they are part of the actual quote. But in the United Kingdom, single quote marks are used, and periods and commas go on the outside.
Along with emoji, exclamation points illustrate the living language idea best of all. They were until recently identified with “girlish enthusiasm,” and business writers scrupulously avoided them. But today, because we depend so much on written communication in our work lives, the emotional deficit of written language often makes itself felt. Exclamation points have risen to the occasion.
To equip our contemporary media with a little emotion on demand — enthusiasm, excitement, surprise, intensity — exclamation points have been called back into service.
The serial comma is the comma you use — or don’t use — for the last item in a list. For example, you can write a sentence this way: Nancy picked up parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. Or, Nancy picked up parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.
If you use a style guide, it will give you a consistent approach to follow. For Dummies style is based on the Chicago Manual of Style, which requires the “extra” comma. Throughout this book, that’s how sentences are written — except where my sharp-eyed editor or proofreader missed the omission or decided they didn’t apply. The paradox is that while serial commas help book copy to be read thoughtfully and more memorably, and therefore support learning, they don’t promote the speed-reading that is essential for business writing. If you have a style choice, I recommend not using the serial comma, except in cases where you find it clarifies your sentence. Consistency in this regard is not a big concern for everyday messaging.
Before sending out your message or document into the world or to its target audience of one, review it at both the big-picture macro level and the close-in micro level.
Once you’ve edited your message or document and are satisfied with the writing, it’s time to return to the big picture and assess your overall message in terms of content, impact, and tone. It’s not sufficient to send a technically perfect message that isn’t ready to accomplish what you want!
Forgetting all the work and the decisions that went into what you’ve written and edited, look at your text as a self-contained piece and consider:
Step even further back and read your document from your recipient’s viewpoint.
And finally,
Correct any problems using ideas and tips in this book, plus your own common sense. Chapter 2 tells you how to understand your goals and your audience and build messages that draw the response you want. Choosing appropriate graphic options is covered in Chapter 3, and the preceding sections of this chapter.
In professional communication circles, proofreading is seen as separate from writing and editing. But in these economically tight times, copywriters, journalists, and even book authors often wear all three hats. Many publications now outsource their proofing services, or eliminate them altogether. If you’ve noticed a growing number of mistakes in what you read, that’s the reason.
Most writers are highly consistent in the errors they make, so creating a list of your writing shortfalls helps you sharpen up — and ultimately speed up — your writing.
Try This: Treat yourself to an in-depth session to review either a major document or a batch of smaller messages. Or gather information and insights over time. Better yet, do both. Start by thoroughly editing your selected work using the various criteria I explain in this book. Look for patterns of errors and less-than-wonderful writing. Addressing these particular problems will really benefit you.
Record the challenges — and the solutions — systematically. For example, in editing the chapter you’re reading now, I made notes about what I found to need improvement. That list appears on the left. Then I wrote down the solutions on the right.
My Problems |
Solutions |
Too many words ending in -ing |
Find substitutes for most and rewrite as necessary. |
Too many long sentences |
Break them up or tighten by cutting. |
Need to fix sentence rhythm often |
Read the sentences aloud and add or cut words so they move better. |
Too many sentences per paragraph |
Break them up. |
Too many long words |
Replace with short ones, mostly. |
Too much passive voice |
Substitute active more interesting verbs. |
Repeated and boring words |
Replace them. To do this quickly, look up the word up to find synonyms in an online thesaurus (for example, search for “boring” syn). |
General wordiness |
Keep an eye on Microsoft Word’s Readability Statistics, and find more interesting verbs that promote an action feel. |
Too many qualifiers (such as you might, you can, you should) and extra phrases |
Cut, tighten, and/or rewrite. Cut the hedge words and write in present tense! |
This analysis produces a road map I can use to review everything I write, from an email to a home page to a proposal.
To care about what you write is a different way of thinking. Do you really need to plan, draft, edit, cut, rewrite, add, subtract, edit, and proofread everything you write? You be the judge. But before you decide most of the process isn’t necessary, consider whether or not your reputation and effectiveness are on the line nearly every time you write. I bet they are.
Try This: Use the plan-draft-edit process for everyday messages and see if you start getting what you want more often. I believe you will. The good — no, great news — is that when you practice the plan-draft-edit process on the small stuff, you’re ready to use it for the big stuff: proposals, reports, articles, websites, blogs, and marketing materials. You’ll ultimately save time and plenty of headaches.
Now that you’re ready to apply all these ideas to your workday writing life, in the next chapter I focus most immediately on email messaging. This short-form communication is the lifeblood of most organizations and has become a central staple for marketing, overshadowing its more glamorous cousin, social media. Don’t overlook its value or pass up honing your skills with email.