4
Growth Takes Place Outside of Comfort Zones
For Everyone
Core Lessons
- When having a difficult conversation, strive to carefully consider the words that you use; be slow to anger and full of grace.
- Prejudice means looking down on another person or viewing them as “less than” due to differences such as skin color or economic level.
- Racism is based on the imbalance of power between one race and another. The wielding of that power to maintain the status quo is a racist action.
- Just because a person does or says something racist does not make them racist, nor does it even indicate that they had racist intent. Sometimes it's just ignorance.
Chapter Summary
Coach Smitty protests that there's no way that racism is the reason the Locker Room is broken. In the face of his friend's ignorance, Coach Washington prays: “Give me the words to speak; help me be slow to anger and full of grace.” The two coaches have a discussion about the difference between racism and prejudice. Coach Washington explains that although Coach Smitty and Davey are not “racists,” their actions were based in racism because of the way that they used their power and privilege.
Deep Dive Teaching #1: Growth Takes Place Outside of Comfort Zones
Too often we shy away from things that would benefit us because we are afraid. We're afraid to try new things because we don't want to fail. We're afraid to meet new people because we don't want to look stupid.
That fear is not unique to you. Everyone has these fears about failure and fitting in. Most people fear confrontation as well, particularly confrontation with friends or family members. These fears make it normal to want to remain in your comfort zone.
But if the fear of failure or the desire to avoid confrontation is allowed to control your actions, that does the world a disservice. If Coach Washington hadn't had the inner strength to step outside his comfort zone to have an honest and open conversation with his friend about a difficult subject, their team would continue to fall apart.
Growth isn't easy. Remember what growth spurts feel like? They're kind of painful and they leave these weird marks on your skin that never go away. For awhile after a growth spurt, it might not even feel like it's your body. But then you settle in, and what was new and unfamiliar becomes the comfort zone.
Growth takes place when our comfort zone becomes too small to serve our needs. No matter how afraid we might be of stepping outside the zone, it may help to know that we will grow into the new space. Someday, it will even feel comfortable again. At which point, naturally, it will be time to step out and grow again.
Deep Dive Teaching #2: You've Got to Know Your Anger Rights
Coach Washington briefly reminisces on the coach who taught him the “anger rights,” but let's dive a little deeper into what those rights are.
- You have the right to be angry, but you don't have the right to be disrespectful.
Throwing a helmet on the ground due to anger is a sign of disrespect to your team on the bench and your family in the stands. Being rude or unfeeling due to anger is also a sign of disrespect to yourself and others. You have the right to be angry, but not if you allow that anger to drive you to disrespect yourself or your family.
- You have the right to have anger, but your anger doesn't have the right to have you.
Just like you have a responsibility to be a safe driver after getting your driver's license, you have a responsibility to be in control when you get angry. When you forfeit control of your anger, you forfeit the right to be angry. Anger is not responsible for your actions; you are.
- You have the right to get angry, but it's not right to get there too quickly.
The more quickly you get angry, the more destructive it becomes. With a short fuse, you don't have time to reflect on how you can best respond to a situation. The more slowly you anger, the more perspective and information you gather, which you can use to help you manage your anger effectively.
Anger isn't any more inherently wrong than fire. But like fire, it can be destructive if it's not kept within boundaries. You have certain rights when it comes to your anger, but those rights can be forfeited if you let your anger control you instead of the other way around.
For the Individual
My Key Takeaways
Journal Questions
- What is your definition of racism?
- What experiences have led you to that definition?
- What privileges do you have? What privileges do you think others have that you don't?
- What does it feel like to wield your power? And how does it feel when someone else wields their power over you?
- Look back on Coach Smitty's initial reaction to hearing that racism is why the Locker Room is broken. How much do you agree or disagree with his reasoning? Why?
Exercise
Wisdom, Control, and Grace
- Create physical reminders for yourself to choose your words wisely, control your anger, and give grace to others.
- These reminders could be strips of paper with the prayer written on it that you tuck in your pockets or into your books or your wallet.
- If you're more crafty, create a model, paint a picture, or write a song that will serve as a reminder.
Following are some alternate phrases that can be used. Find what you connect with among these or create your own versions. The meaning is more important than the message.
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- Wisdom: Give me the words to speak. Help me choose my words with care. Let me consider the impact of my words on other people. Words matter.
- Control: Help me be slow to anger. Give me a calm, peaceful mind. Let my anger only come out when it is useful to others. Remember the “anger rights.”
- Grace: Help me to be full of grace. Let me give grace to those who deserve it least. Help me to release my anger in favor of grace. Give me a grateful heart and grace-full compassion.
For the Team
Discussion Questions
- What are some hurtful or accusatory phrases that you should avoid when talking about racism? What are some alternative phrases that you can use instead?
- Why is it important to be slow to anger and full of grace when talking about difficult subjects like racism?
- How has racism (an imbalance of power based on race) affected your team?
- What is the difference between being a racist and doing something that is racist? Why do these differences matter?
- How would you recognize prejudice or racism? What are some examples of what those two things (individually or together) look like?
Exercise
Powerball
Follow these steps:
- Divide the group into two equal teams (A and B).
- Team A gets 10 dodgeballs at the mid-court line. Team B stands around one of the hoops.
- Team A has two options with each turn. They can either try to put the ball in the hoop or try to tag out one of the Team B members.
- If Team A chooses to take a shot at the hoop, Team B will watch the shot. If it goes in, the ball goes back to Team A. If it doesn't go in, Team B can try to catch it before it stops bouncing (or hits a wall). If they catch it, that ball is no longer in play and one of the “out” players can come back in (see next step).
- If Team A chooses to try to tag out one of Team B, it's just like dodgeball except with no catching. Team B can only try to dodge. If one of the players on Team B is hit, Team A gets the ball back and the person who was tagged is “out.” If they miss, the ball is no longer in play.
- Play ends when either the balls are all out of play or there are no more members of Team B on the court. Alternatively, play can go for a predetermined amount of time, such as 5–10 minutes. After the first round, have players swap sides and run it again so everyone experiences both sides of the exercise.
Notes:
The purpose of this exercise is to expose team members to both sides of the power imbalance. Use the following points to facilitate a deeper discussion about racism, based on the analogy of the powerballs.
AFTER both teams have played each side of the court, explain or read the following:
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- The balls represent power. In this scenario only some had the power, and the rest couldn't touch it. Think about what it felt like to have that power and what it felt like not to have it.
- How did those with the power use it? When aiming for the hoop, they used their power to achieve a goal that didn't hurt anyone. When aiming for the members of Team B, they used that power to put others down. Aiming for the hoop is normal and expected. Aiming for others is harmful and, in some circumstances, racist.
Notes