INDEX

• A
• accountability, 67, 193, 194–195
• address, terms of, 95–99, 150–153
• anxiety, 3–4, 105, 157, 184
• apologies, 197–198
• appropriateness
  • changing norms of, 3–8, 18
  • of compliments, 176–178
  • contextual clues for, 7
  • dominant-group-determined, 37
  • double standards about, 63–64
  • as personal, 40
  • softening language about, 66–67
  • updating your knowledge of, 198–200

• “articulate,” 171–173, 176, 178, 186–187
• asexual/aromantic people, 55
• assigned female/male at birth (AFAB/AMAB), 52, 73
• audience, 135, 136, 227–230
• autistic/allisic conversation
  • changing norms of, 5
  • context sensitivity in, 6–7
  • “flavor” of words in, 41–42
  • humor in, 72
  • identity-first terms for, 110
  • indexicality and, 36
  • inflating language and, 65–66
  • length of, 12
  • monologuing in, 7

• B
• babies, 50–52, 73, 73
• “bad,” 17, 174
• behavior, 31, 32, 49, 63–65
• behavior, problematic, 66–69, 70, 140
• belonging, 38–41, 84
• bias
  • about “professional,” 25–26, 44
  • avoid expressing, 87
  • via compliments, 171–172, 173
  • grammatical, 173–176
  • identifying “hot spots,” 9
  • in mental models, 173
  • open discussions about, 63
  • via prototyping, 82
  • via semantic frames, 30–33
  • See also discrimination

• binary, gender, 47–53, 73
• bisexuality, 55, 56, 163, 164
• Black people
  • as “articulate,” 171–172, 176, 178, 186–187
  • career restraints for, 44
  • dehumanization of, 154
  • dialects of, 9, 35, 173–176
  • incorporating perspectives of, 127–130
  • inflating language about, 197
  • last names of some, 137
  • master/slave terminology, 182
  • semantic framing of, 30–31
  • “skin-toned” norms and, 157–158
  • unconscious demotions of, 79–82, 85–86, 174
  • “unprofessional” hair of, 25, 42–44
  • vs. white normativity, 43–44

• bleaching, semantic, 184
• blind people, 113, 125
• C
• children
  • gender binary training for, 50–51
  • inclusive language for, 73, 166
  • “Oriental” boys, 143
  • rape of, 140
  • softening language use with, 68
  • students of color, 31

• cisgender, 52
• cognitive challenges, 58, 83, 116
• colonization, European, 159–160
• compliments, 111, 171–178, 188
• context
  • in autistic/allistic conversation, 6–7, 11–12
  • vs. dictionary definition, 27
  • “flavor” of, 38–42
  • pronoun presentation in, 60
  • reading, to avoid demotions, 87
  • words out of, 28–29

• critiques, 32, 37, 70
• culture(s)
  • cultural programming, 83, 84–85
  • cycle of pejoration in, 106–107
  • education on other, 199–200
  • erasure of differences in, 161
  • inappropriate event sites, 127–130, 145
  • Native American, 167
  • US, as Christian, 62–63
  • Western-centric, 142

• cycle of pejoration, 106–109, 196
• D
• DARVO (Deny, Argue, and Reverse Victim and Offender), 70–71
• deadnaming, 46, 156, 167
• deaf speakers, 18, 89, 105, 110, 194, 229
• defensiveness, 70, 71, 192, 203
• dialects, 9, 35, 173–175
• dictionary definitions, 18, 27, 33, 38
• difference-making, 33, 112–114, 116–121
• disability
  • accessibility and, 114, 124–126
  • compulsion to comment on, 112–113
  • crip linguistics, 175
  • historic terms for, 108
  • inclusive language on, 22, 104, 116
  • intrusive questions about, 113
  • and marked/unmarked terms, 118
  • media on, 146
  • and pejoration cycle, 19, 106–109
  • practice with inclusion of, 187–188
  • presumed incompetent, 116
  • respect gap and, 96
  • spasticity, 196
  • terms of address, 109–110, 111
  • types of, 105
  • unconscious demotions and, 81, 177

• discrimination, 33, 44, 60. See also bias
• disrespect, 88, 94, 111, 112, 154
• distorting language, 19, 61–72, 141
• “diversity,” 116–121, 122, 124, 143
• dominant groups
  • appearance of, 112–113
  • centering, 141–144
  • greater allowances for, 64–65
  • ignoring other perspectives, 130
  • masking language for/by, 61–63
  • as “normal,” 37
  • perspective taking by, 131–132
  • references to, 122
  • reinforced via reality distortion, 61
  • softening language by, 66–68, 138
  • as unmarked neutral, 118–121

• double standards, 31, 32, 64
• drawing people in
  • disabled people, 104–116
  • “diversity” vs., 116–121
  • inclusive principle of, 18, 104, 192
  • practicing, 19, 122–126

• E
• education, 1–3, 132, 173, 176
• empathy, 66, 138, 140
• English language, 17–18, 136–137, 152, 175
• erasure, 3, 57, 130, 149
• erasure, preventing
  • avoiding misnaming, 153–157
  • via gender-neutral terms, 150–153
  • how to, 19
  • inclusive principle of, 18, 193
  • of Indigenous history, 158–163
  • of lesbians, 163–165
  • “Oriental” and, 142
  • practicing, 166–169

• ethnic bias, 32, 43, 90, 103–104, 141–142
• euphemism treadmill, 106
• Europe, 142, 159, 179–180
• “everyone,” 133–135, 147, 227
• exclusion
  • via beauty standards, 103–104
  • via gender binary, 50
  • via gender-specific terms, 150–153
  • via “professional,” 43
  • from pronoun circle, 133–137
  • in the workplace, 44

• “exotic,” 38–41, 131
• expectations
  • cultural, gendered, 50
  • low, 20, 115, 122, 171–173, 176–177
  • softening language about, 66

• experience, lived, 131, 158, 181
• expression, gender, 54–55, 56
• F
• feedback, 200
• “flavor” of words
  • about disability, 106
  • “butchering” names, 89
  • cycle of pejoration, 106, 107, 109
  • learning about varying, 132
  • “master,” 182
  • mental health terms, 183
  • overview of, 19, 29, 38–42
  • pet names, 94
  • “professional,” 43–44
  • pronoun presentation, 60

• foreignness, 38–41
• G
• gender
  • binary, 47–48, 49–51
  • critical indexing of, 37
  • dysphoria, 157
  • honorifics and, 95–98
  • importance of inclusion on, 21
  • indexing, 35
  • male gaze, 142
  • marked/unmarked, 118
  • “passing” as, 53, 60
  • semantic framing and, 32–33
  • sexual orientation vs., 55
  • specific vs. neutral terms, 150–153, 166, 167

• gender fluid people, 52, 53
• gender identity(ies)
  • acceptance of, 157
  • appearance and, 56, 57
  • don’t presume, 73
  • and honorifics, 98
  • importance of, 49
  • in LGBTQ+ acronym, 56
  • “outing” someone’s, 59
  • overview of, 51–54

• gender-neutral language, 19, 97, 99, 151, 153, 193
• “good,” 17, 25, 174, 175
• grammar, 49, 58, 175–176, 184
• groups
  • “diverse” to reference, 118, 121
  • education on other, 199–200
  • erasing distinctions in, 161
  • erasing indigenous, 161, 162
  • “Oriental,” 142
  • pointing to identity within, 35

• “guys,” 150–153, 166
• H
• habits, inclusive, 9–10, 17
• harassment, 33, 66–68, 71
• harm
  • via misnaming, 89
  • non-dominant perspectives on, 138–141
  • relational, via language, 10
  • of softening language, 68
  • of unconscious demotions, 84, 85–86, 88

• heteronormativity, 163–165
• heterosexuality, 55, 118, 142–143, 149
• history
  • pain points in, 20, 178–183
  • pre-colonial, 158–159, 166–167
  • slavery, 120, 127–130, 145

• homosexuality, 149, 163–165
• honorifics, 95–98, 99, 154
• humor, 72, 181
• I
• identity(ies)
  • ambiguity about, 163
  • gender. See gender identity(ies)
  • identity-first terminology, 110, 111
  • important dimensions of, 20–23, 49
  • indexing, 34–35, 37
  • via names, 153–154
  • pejorative terms based on, 107
  • perspective taking on other, 131
  • pronoun circles based on, 147

• impact, 68, 195
• inappropriateness, 70, 92–94, 113, 172–178
• inclusion, 53, 59, 89, 133–137
• inclusive language
  • about diversity, 121
  • changing norms for, 198–200
  • contextual clues, 7, 47
  • for disability, 116
  • draws people in, 104
  • on the fly, 10, 17, 194
  • incorporates perspectives, 130
  • for marginalized groups, 3, 16
  • mistakes, 195–198
  • practicing, 23–24, 193
  • prevents erasure, 150
  • principles of, vi, 8, 17–20, 191–193
  • recognizes pain points, 172
  • substitutions, 215–226

• indexicality
  • for Black dialects, 175
  • of gender expression, 52–53, 54–55
  • meaning via, 29
  • of nicknames, 94
  • overview of, 34–37
  • of “professional,” 43, 191

• inequality, 62–65
• inflating language, 63–66, 76, 94, 192
• in-group conversation
  • humor in, 72, 181
  • in social media, 146
  • taking cues from, 199
  • term reclamation in, 108, 110
  • terminology cues from, 111

• inspiration porn, 177, 187–188
• institutional power, 138
• insults, 106–108, 116, 183
• intensifiers, 184, 188–189
• intentions, good, 66, 152, 195
• International Phonetic Alphabet, 91, 92, 162
• intersex, 51–52
• invisibility, 162, 163
• J
• jobs, 1–3, 80–83, 90–91, 174
• jokes, 70–72, 164, 180–181, 192
• judgements
  • vs. identity, 32
  • via inflating language, 66
  • via semantic frames, 31
  • snap, 19, 80, 84, 174

• L
• language
  • twenty-first-century, 3
  • distorting, 19, 61–72, 141
  • of/for dominant group, 21
  • gender-specific vs. -neutral, 152–153
  • ideologies, 8, 173, 174
  • neurotype processing of, 36
  • precise, 135, 137, 143–144, 145, 161
  • revitalization, 161
  • as social action, 10–11
  • US English, 17–18

• LGBTQ+ people
  • discrimination against, 60
  • gender expression for, 54–55
  • gender identity and, 52–54
  • language including, 3
  • lesbians, 55, 163–165
  • and sexual orientation, 55–56

• “lighten up,” 70, 71
• linguistic anthropology, 9, 18, 29, 174
• literal interpretation, 12, 36, 42, 66
• low-frequency names, 88
• M
• majority/minority, 21
• maleness
  • gender-specific/-neutral terms, 150–153
  • honorifics for, 96
  • male gaze, 142
  • perspective of, 138, 139
  • as unmarked neutral, 118–119

• marginalized groups
  • centering identities of, 21–23
  • inflating language about, 64–65, 77
  • intentionally including, 16, 121
  • lesbians, 164
  • LGBTQ+ people, 56
  • as marked, 118–121
  • misnaming, 155–156
  • “Oriental,” 142
  • pejorative terms for, 107
  • presumed incompetent, 116
  • via problematic language, 104
  • references to, 122
  • unconscious demotions of, 79–83
  • with “unusual” names, 90

• markedness, 118–121, 123–124
• masking language, 61–63
• master/slave terminology, 181–183, 186
• meaning
  • cycle of pejoration in, 106–109
  • dictionary definitions, 8, 27
  • examining personal, 44
  • via eye contact, 36
  • out of context, 29
  • personal, subjective, 38
  • semantic framing of, 30–33
  • social, 35

• men
  • “boys will be boys,” 66
  • as doctor prototype, 82, 83, 84
  • in gender binary, 47–48, 50
  • gender-specific terms, 150–153, 166
  • people perceived as, 32
  • as “professional,” 37
  • unconscious demotions of, 82

• mental health, 157, 183–186, 188–189
• minimizing
  • Black people, 174
  • capacity of disabled people, 114–115
  • via “just joking,” 70
  • via softening language, 67, 139–141
  • victim perspectives, 139

• minority(ies), 21, 107, 112–113
• misgendering
  • case study of, 45–46
  • correcting, 61
  • as disrespect, 19, 46
  • via gender expression, 54
  • via honorifics, 95, 97–98, 99
  • how to avoid, 4, 61
  • with inflating language, 65
  • pain of, 54–55
  • practice to correct, 74–75

• misnaming, 19–20, 153–157
• mistakes
  • accidentally offensive, 3–4
  • preparing for/healing from, 195–198
  • private practice for, 74
  • unconscious demotions, 84

• misunderstandings, 11, 36, 66
• monoculture, fragility of, 28
• monologuing, 7, 12
• Mother’s Day, 133–135
• N
• names
  • correct use of, 19, 153–157
  • low-frequency aversion, 89–90
  • marked/unmarked, 120
  • pronunciation queries, 91–92
  • respectful use of, 88–98, 100

• narcissism, 71
• Native Americans, 85–86, 158–163, 168–169
• neurotypical/neurodiverse, 11, 12, 22, 36
• neutrality
  • in addressing disabled people, 122
  • dominant group as determining, 37
  • gender-specific/-neutral terms, 150–153
  • masking language and, 62
  • of master/slave terms, 182
  • there is no, 38–42, 43
  • as unmarked, 118–121
  • and the white gaze, 143

• nicknames, 19, 88, 92–95, 99
• nonbinary
  • defined, 52
  • history of, 9
  • including, 166
  • misgendering, 45–46, 50
  • non-English terms for, 48
  • practicing fluency around, 74
  • pronouns, 4–5
  • reality of, 19, 48

• “normal”
  • as dominant group, 37
  • heteronormativity, 163–165
  • via masking language, 61–63
  • white, heterosexual, men as, 37, 50, 118, 124
  • whiteness as, 143

• norms
  • autistic/allistic conversational, 12
  • changing inclusive, 198–200
  • internalized, vi–vii
  • new, 3–8
  • New York vs. California, 11
  • white, middle-class, 43

• O
• OCD, 183–184, 186
• oppression, 182
• “Oriental,” 141–142, 145, 161
• “othering,” 39–41, 59, 113–114
• “the other one,” 155, 168, 193, 203
• “outing” someone, 59
• “oversensitivity”
  • and DARVO tactic, 70
  • vs. “I wouldn’t mind,” 8, 40, 131, 132
  • vs. perspective taking, 180
  • and terms for disability, 109

• P
• pain points, recognizing
  • from erasure, 150
  • five tips for, 186
  • historic, 178–183
  • how to, 19
  • humor and, 72
  • inappropriate compliments, 172–178
  • inclusive principle of, 18, 193
  • via incorporating perspectives, 130, 145
  • mental health terms, 183–185
  • of misgendering, 46
  • practice, 186–189
  • from problematic language, 8

• pansexuality, 55, 163
• pattern recognition, 83
• pejoration, 19, 106–109, 122, 196
• people of color
  • biased judgements about, 87–88
  • incorporating perspectives of, 127–130
  • presumed incompetent, 116
  • semantic frames as denigrating, 31, 43
  • “skin-toned” norms and, 157–158
  • unconscious demotions of, 79–81, 85–86

• performance reviews, 32
• perspective taking, 130–132, 180
• perspectives, incorporating other
  • case study in, 127–130
  • vs. centering dominant group, 141–144
  • five tips for, 145–146
  • of harmed people, 138–141
  • how to, 19
  • inclusive principle of, 18, 130, 192
  • perspective taking, 130–132
  • via plural skin tones, 158
  • practicing, 146–148

• planning, 12–15, 16
• plantations, 127–130, 145
• politeness, 3, 36, 55, 95–96
• politics, indexicality in, 36
• population statistics, 159–160
• power dynamics
  • misnaming and, 156
  • norm shifts based on, 6
  • perspective-ignoring, 130, 138, 139
  • and softening language, 66–68

• practice
  • drawing people in, 123–126
  • for on-the-fly events, 17
  • incorporating all perspectives, 146–148
  • need for, 23–24
  • recognizing pain points, 186–189
  • reflecting reality, 75–77
  • showing respect, 100–101
  • tips for, 193–195

• presentation, gender, 54–55
• prestige, 50, 80–82, 85–86
• problematic language
  • via cycle of pejoration, 106–109
  • disrespecting names as, 88
  • distorts reality, 47
  • “diverse” people, 116–121
  • effect of context on, 7, 8
  • erases people/history, 150
  • “everyone” as, 133–135
  • as excluding/marginalizing, 104
  • ignores pain points, 172
  • ignoring other perspectives, 130
  • inspiration porn, 177
  • majority/minority, 21
  • making mistakes, 195–198
  • pain caused by, 8
  • “professional” as, 25–27
  • reality distortion by, 61–72
  • recognizing, 191
  • semantic framing, 30–33
  • substitutions for, 215–226
  • tools for eliminating, vii, 17, 18
  • towards disabled people, 113
  • unintentional, vi
  • “we”/“us,” 19

• “professional,” 25–27, 29, 37, 42, 63
• pronouns
  • correcting, 61
  • learning, 55, 73
  • misused, 4–5
  • nonbinary, 9
  • presenting your, 59, 75–76
  • privacy around, 60, 76
  • pronoun circles, 133–137, 147, 227
  • singular they, 57
  • twenty-first-century etiquette on, 4–5, 49
  • “we” as problematic, 19

• pronunciation, 91–92, 95, 99, 100
• pseudo-compliments, 172–178
• punishment, 65, 85–86
• Q
• “queer,” 53, 55, 56, 108, 163
• R
• racial bias
  • Black language stereotypes, 173–175
  • via marked categories, 118, 119–121
  • “professional” as, 27
  • via semantic frames, 30–32
  • vs. white normativity, 19

• racial identity, 21, 35, 37
• raciolinguistics, 174
• rape, 138, 140, 145–146
• reality, reflecting
  • how to, 19, 73
  • inclusive principle of, 18, 47, 192
  • “new” pronoun challenges, 56–61
  • practicing, 75–77
  • pronouns and gender, 47–56
  • reality distortions, 61–72
  • without softening language, 141

• relationships
  • building healthy, vii, 18, 24
  • closeness and norm changes to, 6
  • compliments as strengthening, 172
  • effects of language on, 10
  • event planning for healthy, 12–15
  • interpretive differences in, 42
  • linguistic missteps in, 4–5, 195, 198
  • as softening language, 140

• respect, 12–15, 48, 96–97, 99
• respect, showing
  • for autistic listeners, 36
  • avoiding unconscious demotions, 80–88
  • correct name use for, 88–98, 157
  • to disabled people, 116
  • education on, vi
  • five tips for, 99
  • via honorifics, 95–96
  • how to, 19
  • inclusive principle of, 18, 80, 192
  • for indigenous groups, 162
  • “Oriental” and, 142
  • practice, 100–101
  • via specificity, 143–144

• “retarded,” 108–109
• S
• safety, 4, 18, 60
• semantic framing
  • of candor, 63
  • for “diverse,” 117
  • double standards in, 31, 32, 191
  • of gendered terms of address, 150–153
  • linguistic tool of, 19, 29
  • of “the opposite sex,” 47–48
  • of “Oriental,” 142
  • overview of, 30–33
  • “professional” in, 42–43

• sexual assault, 138–141, 145–146
• sexual harassment, 66–68, 71, 77, 93, 94
• sexual orientation, 22, 55–56, 163
• sexualization, 39–41, 92–94, 142–143
• sign language, 10, 15, 18, 126, 194
• singular they, 57, 58, 61–61
• Six Principles of Inclusive Language, 17–20
• skin color, 157–158
• slavery
  • gag rule to enforce, 63
  • incorporating perspective of, 127–130
  • master/slave tech terms, 181–183
  • names descended from, 136–137, 154
  • role of white people in, 120

• social action, 10–11
• social context
  • excluding disabled people from, 106
  • important identities in, 22
  • inclusion checklist for, 231–233
  • language addressing, 47
  • meaning indexing, 34–37
  • non-Christian, 63
  • pattern recognition, 83
  • power in, 138

• softening language
  • about sexual assault, 138–141, 145–146
  • overview of, 66–69
  • perspectives ignored by, 139–141
  • practicing to learn, 76–77
  • vs. reflecting reality, 192
  • rewriting, 147–148

• “spaz,” 108, 122, 195–197, 224
• specificity, 135, 137, 143
• spelling, 91–92, 99, 100
• spontaneous conversations, 17, 194
• status, 50, 80–81, 156
• status quo, 61–63
• stereotypes
  • bias-based compliments, 171–172
  • of Black people, 9, 173
  • “boys will be boys,” 66
  • gender, 50–51, 73
  • “professional” hair, 25–26
  • “skin-toned,” 157–158

• stigma, disability, 106, 107–109, 114, 183
• suicide, 157, 184
• T
• tech industry
  • master/slave terminology in, 181–183
  • new etiquette in, 48
  • women as “incompetent” in, 116

• terminology
  • cycle of pejoration in, 107–109
  • flesh-color/nude, 157–158
  • gender, 48, 166, 167–168
  • from historic pain points, 178–183
  • master/slave, 181–183
  • mental health terms, 183–185
  • precision of, 143–144, 161
  • using accurate, 67, 73

• “the opposite sex,” 73
• they/them, 57, 58, 60–61, 73
• thoughtfulness, 12–15
• threats, presumed, 85–88
• transgender, 52, 53, 73, 156–157
• trust, 4, 18, 195
• U
• unconscious demotions
  • avoiding, 19
  • of Black people, 174
  • of disabled people, 116
  • practice teaching about, 100–101
  • recipients of, 80–88

• underrepresented groups. See marginalized groups
• United States, 62–63, 159–160
• unmarked things, 118–121, 123–124
• W
• “we”/“us,” 133–135, 147, 227
• white people
  • centering, 139, 141–144, 158–163
  • “race” as other people to, 120, 182
  • “sounding white,” 173–175

• women
  • erasing names of, 155
  • erasure of lesbian, 163
  • “female” as marked category, 118–119
  • fetishization of “Oriental,” 143
  • in gender binary, 47–48, 50
  • pejorative terms for, 107
  • people perceived as, 32
  • pet names for, 92–94
  • unconscious demotions of, 81

• words
  • “exotic,” 38–41, 131
  • “flavor” of, 38–42
  • grammar, 58, 184
  • importance of context, 28–29
  • intensifiers, 184
  • “Oriental,” 141–142
  • as pointing to/indexing, 34
  • roots of, 118–119
  • safe and dangerous, 12

• workplace issues
  • company/client relationships, 18
  • cost of accidental gaffes, 4
  • disability and, 114
  • hiring “diverse” people, 116–117, 121
  • identities to include, 22–23
  • inflating language, 64–65
  • misnaming, 155–156
  • name-based career restraints, 90
  • “professional” hair, 25–26, 42–44
  • pronoun circle inclusion, 135–136
  • semantic framing bias, 30–32
  • unconscious demotions, 84, 87
  • use of “exotic,” 39–41
  • without softening, 147–148