Phase 1—Establishing and Maintaining an Ethical Relationship

Renato’s boss handed him a list of prospects he was to contact to achieve his quarterly targets. Renato had never liked “cold contacts” as he was forced to battle against shyness and insecurity and this led him to fear he was disturbing his interlocutor or wasting time. He was also afraid he might feel an instinctive dislike of the new contact or just find him or her plain boring. How will Renato tackle this challenge by adopting an ethical approach that respects his own character and that of the other person?

Through our training courses, we meet hundreds of salespeople every year working in the most diverse markets: from trade to consumer, from mass market to luxury goods. Invariably, we hear that the success of a negotiation depends largely on the product or service they are offering and its features rather than on negotiation techniques. A natural consequence of this thinking is that we have skilled sales professionals who are all too ready to blame others for their failures, whether it be delays in the manufacturing sector or complaints that the technical department is not designing the right products. These are typical of the excuses we hear: “If we had product X as well, then we could sell more,” “Our services lack feature Y—we would have no trouble beating the competition if we had that.”

If you delegate your success completely to what you sell, you deprive yourself of the most effective and unique element that sets you apart from any other seller and from the competition: your personal ability to enter into a relationship with the customer. As we said earlier when discussing the offer system, you must convince yourself that you too form a part of the product that the customer is choosing. Indeed, if you recall the Maslow hierarchy, you will realize that you are the element that can fulfill the relationship needs—those located at the top of the hierarchy and therefore the most important.

Phase 1 of Sales Ethics is based on the relationship with the customer that runs through the whole bargaining process and must therefore be constantly nurtured:

Let’s specifically analyze the three elements of a customer relationship:

•  Yourself and your system of values

•  The customers and their system of values

•  The exchange of value

The features can be examined as follows:

•  Yourself: To start a relationship based on authenticity you must first construct a positive and honest relationship with yourself, based on an awareness of your capabilities and characteristics, as well as the willingness to grow and evolve. You also need to have a clear idea of your values and the goals you want to set for yourself during negotiation. You should focus on this self-analysis at two specific stages: before the first encounter (preparation for the negotiation) and after its conclusion (analysis of the negotiation). During the sale, you will be focused on the customers and on viewing the world, yourself included, through their eyes. You will have to exploit your relational skills to the utmost and thus identify where your strong points and weaknesses lie. Self-esteem is definitely important, but we wish to clarify what exactly we mean by this term. The verb stimare (esteem) in Italian means to evaluate or measure,⁶ so self-esteem can be seen as a correct evaluation of your abilities and talents. It refers to a self-estimation of your capabilities and the ability to recognize where there is room for improvement (generally called defects) as well as an awareness of what you consider valuable to yourself, as the negotiation you are about to undertake must aim to maximize this value. If you are unable to recognize and exploit your own strengths properly, they may become counterproductive. Take helpfulness, for example, you may want to be open and courteous to others but you don’t want them to trample all over you. The same could apply to determination and self-confidence: In their positive form, these traits provide strength to pursue your goals, but if you are not careful, you could appear arrogant or stubborn! People with good self-esteem are aware of their own personality and know what skills to count on and where they could trip up. In fact, our gifts are not important as such, it is the way we choose to use them. If you think about it, we all have at least one friend who is truly gifted but does not manage to make the most of their talents; on the contrary, we are sure you have come across someone who has managed to turn a potential defect into a winning trait. The biography of Steven Spielberg⁷ shed some interesting light on this tendency. As a child, the legendary director of timeless films like E.T. and Indiana Jones was always making up tales and used to fabricate horror stories to terrify his sisters, yet this same flaw or ability has enabled him to invent some of Hollywood’s most enchanting movies. Unbiased self-evaluation can help you prepare for a sale (and life) with a constructive spirit that targets solutions: What can I do with my best and worst features? How can I enhance them and use them to set my approach apart? How can I maximize my value? You can only improve your way of selling and of generating well-being for yourself and others by building on the features that make you unique and taking full responsibility for all of your characteristics.

•  The Customer: When we discuss the relationship with customers and the need to understand their idea of value, some sellers say, “What do you think I am—a psychologist?” There is no need to get upset; there is a fundamental difference between the profession of a salesperson and that of a psychologist because they are pursuing two different ends. Sellers, unlike psychologists, do not have to treat customers; they have to only put together an offer that will satisfy customer needs. One thing you have (or should have) in common is the ability to listen to and develop a genuine interest in the person to whom you are relating. Both the ability to understand another person, without judging them, and the ability to empathize require a sincere openness to other human beings. Empathy is a voluntary act that allows you to establish an emotional relationship with customers, to immerse yourself in their experience and consider reality from their point of view but with greater objectivity. Indeed, you must become involved without being misled by their vision. Empathy is the most powerful tool at your disposal to understand what your potential buyers need, what they dream of having and why, and thus what their idea of value is. When customers feel they have been accepted and acknowledged positively as a person their natural skepticism will vanish. Empathy then comes from a deep respect for other people, for their needs and desires as well as their fears and anxieties. What practical action can you take to achieve empathy?

1. Respect the people with whom you are dealing: They are the best result of the experiences and opportunities they have had and of the manner in which they dealt with them.

2. Add value to your customers by really trying to understand what is important and meaningful to them.

3. Ask appropriate questions and be really committed to listening to the answers. Active questioning and listening are effective only if you put yourself in the customer’s shoes (see Phase 2).

4. Be sympathetic to the interests of your customers. Tune in to their passions and emotions. You do not necessarily need to agree with them, but only to understand them.

5. Be sensitive, insightful, and courteous and remember you are dealing with another human being and not just a potential buyer with money to spend.

6. Practice being flexible. There are all sorts of different people in the world; if there are over seven billion different sets of fingerprints, just imagine how many stories and experiences the people you meet on a daily basis have lived through.

You should be able to do all this without passing judgment. Your aim is not to decide whether the customer you are dealing with is right or wrong, or whether they were right in coming to you, rather you must get to know and understand them well, resolve any information asymmetries they have as regards you and your offer system, and clear up any confusion regarding their needs and reasons for purchase.

If you don’t like people, we advise you to change jobs: You are not cut out to be a salesperson and certainly, you have no chance of becoming an ethical salesperson! Your customers, like all of us, will have made countless unhappy purchases, taking home items they did not need, products that did not live up to their expectations and will have had negative experiences with dishonest sellers. It’s no surprise then that when they meet you, they may fear making another mistake or perhaps being cheated. Your prospects will always be there to maximize value for themselves and they know you want to do the same. This knowledge frequently leads them to consider buying as a struggle in which they will be forced to defend their interests. Your commitment from the beginning to the end of the negotiation, then, is to reassure them, to overcome their skepticism and build a trust-based relationship that allows everyone to obtain an outcome that generates shared value.

•  The exchange: Sales involve an exchange of value. Any sale has a material component (the seller provides a service-product and receives money from the customer) and an emotional component (the customer will feel reassured and accepted and in some cases be enthusiastic about the relationship with the salesperson). The emotional exchange is based on the reciprocity of feelings, a very powerful mechanism: The more I like a customer, the more they will like me; the more I trust them, the more they will trust me; the more honest I am, the more honest they will be. As we said in Chapter 2, when talking about reciprocity, it provokes a mechanism whereby the customer feels obliged to respond to your action with an equal action. Your positivity creates positivity in the other person just as confidence generates confidence. But how does this emotional exchange actually come about and how can we encourage it? Think of a battery that works by exploiting the flow of electrons between a substance that loses them and another that acquires them, in a continuous flow that, of course, generates electrical energy. A difference in potential is required for this exchange to begin. Reciprocity, which is at the base of Sales Ethics, works in exactly the same way; if you want to make sure that your customer relationship is not a one-off exchange, there must be a difference between what you give and what you receive. This further confirms what we said earlier about incremental negotiation: To maximize your value and generate well-being over time, you should start by giving more to your customers. The first step you can take is to give them your undivided attention and listen carefully, providing answers, confidence, and enthusiasm, as well as services, options, and accessories. Don’t worry, none of this goes against the logic of maximizing value, because the sale is not a zero-sum game where the maximum profit contrasts with the best price. There are many varied values in the field and your investment today will definitely reap rewards tomorrow.

Given these elements, let’s take a look at the context in which the action unfolds. By working on the context of the relationship, and by this we do not mean the physical environment⁸ but rather the emotional dimension, you can focus your attention and engage your potential customer in considering the object of your exchange.

For example, when you visit a customer, you want to make sure their attention is focused on you, and so you divert them from whatever they were doing when you arrived so as to create a mental space that is free from other distractions. This will create a serene environment for the exchange. If, on the other hand, a customer has come to you, for instance to your store, they might be distracted or intimidated by the environment. Remember that people focus their attention, freeing the inner space, when at least one of the following two conditions occur: they understand that you can bring a benefit⁹ to their lives or you have created a positive experience that makes them feel important and makes them feel good.

When we talk about the relationship between customers and salespeople in Sales Ethics, we believe that the exchange should take place in a context characterized by the following elements:

•  Trust

•  Confidence

•  Enthusiasm

You can consider these three elements as objects you should use to furnish the mental space in which the exchange takes place. Although they are intangible, they must be concretely present. It is no good considering trust, confidence, and enthusiasm as an attitude that you can slip on or discard. Ethical Salespeople do not need to fake smiles, pretend enthusiasm, or use polite clichés but only express what they really feel. Therefore, you must first trust yourself¹⁰ and your customer and be confident about your skills and abilities. Equally you need to feel enthusiasm for your work and the opportunity it gives you to be useful to other people.

•  Trust: In Chapter 2, we gave a definition for trust that broke the concept down into several levels. We then made it clear in the diagram illustrating the phases of Sales Ethics that one of the objectives of Phase 1 is to move beyond rings 1 and 2 of the circle of trust, to gain attention. In fact, until you have captured a customer’s attention, they will not really tell you what they need or what they want, therefore you cannot know how to help them and how to present your offer. Communication experts state that there is not a second chance to make a good first impression¹¹ and remind us that the first 30 seconds of a meeting are crucial for creating dialogue. At the beginning, when your customers are still suspended between indifference and skepticism, you have to be especially careful to avoid mistakes that could lead to you becoming victim to their negative prejudices, a first impression that you will have to toil to overcome. At this early stage, people tend to take mentally a part for the whole, precisely the mechanism that leads to the creation of prejudices. A sales clerk who fails to acknowledge us or carries on doing something else without even looking at us leaves us feeling neglected, and even if we do not walk out of the store, any subsequent negotiation will be compromised. In this case, our trust as a customer has been betrayed from the outset and it will be very difficult (if not impossible) for any salesperson to win it back. When we discussed the offer system, we said it comprises several elements, including people, and therefore you. In the diagram illustrating this system in Chapter 2, we place the seller in the area closest to the customer’s eye and in fact, before purchasing your products or services, he or she is meeting and buying you! If customers trust you, this trust will be transferred to your company and the offer you are presenting.

•  Confidence: To make a choice the customer must feel confident. As with trust, to convey confidence you must first possess confidence in yourself and be assured that through you and the products or services that you represent, potential buyers will be able to meet their needs. Self-confidence is also fueled by competence, that is, a thorough knowledge of what you are selling and skills gained through method and commitment to sales training. This does not mean you will necessarily have all the answers the customer wants at your fingertips, but rather that you remain credible and know where to access any information required, without panicking but equally never pretending to know things you do not. Your customers do not expect to meet perfect salespeople, who know everything, but rather real salespeople, who know what they are selling, and are aware of their own limits.

•  Enthusiasm: This Greek word literally means, inspired by God. We like to think that enthusiasm is a dynamic and creative force that is transmitted when we encounter other human beings. An ethical salesperson can convey enthusiasm for what they do, for their work and the offer system without becoming excessively exuberant or excited. The people who succeed in their work are those who love what they do, and are thus able commit to the 10,000 hours needed for success that M. Gladwell theorized. Limited enthusiasm can lead to technical results linked to your competence, but nothing compares to the propulsive power and creativity that a passion for what you do will provide by further activating you inner abilities. It is possible to work as a salesperson and feel comfortable with yourself and with others, to enjoy satisfaction in your work: The fact that you are reading this book means either you already feel this way or this is the end to which you aspire. To convey enthusiasm in a sales negotiation you must respect other people, their diversity, variety, and needs as well as being flexible to accommodate even the strangest requirements and most trivial questions. Too often, we see sellers who are frustrated or angry, fuming as they answer their customers’ questions with an exasperated expression that clearly indicates, “What sort of question is that?” These are the same people who are later surprised that they are not selling much. Our advice to such sellers is learn to respect your customers and take responsibility for creating an exchange of value with them.

Trust, confidence, and enthusiasm must therefore define the context in which the elements of the negotiation will connect according to Figure 5.1. Actors will move in the context according to their knowledge, experience, values, and their own particular characteristics that inform their relational style. You must not imitate a pre-established model but enhance your authenticity: this is a clear and powerful strength.

Figure 5.1 The sales ecosystem

A shy guy who tries awkwardly to crack jokes because someone suggested that this is the way to install a rapport with customers will make a bad impression, triggering indifference in the customer, and failing to get results. He would do better to take full advantage of his ability to listen and calmly illustrate the product while perhaps adopting the forms of weak communication that enhance rather than hide natural shyness, and which can increase the trust and confidence of the customer, as demonstrated by Adam Grant in the case studies in Give and Take. Likewise, we advise against reining in any natural exuberance. If you really want to have fun and make people laugh at your jokes, do not try to appear cold and serious at all costs. Rather you should mold your abilities and adapt them to communicate better with your customer. If the person you are dealing with is rather staid and backs off when you make the first joke, you should soften your approach and choose a more formal presentation.

If you want to be flexible, you must take a humble approach to your communication style and be ready to examine yourself. It perhaps takes greater perseverance to pursue authenticity than perfection, as it requires that we take a good, hard look at ourselves and accept our limitations.

A Few Practical Tips to Set Off on the Right Foot in an Ethical Way

Books on communication skills are full of advice about how to create quickly a rapport with customers and drive sales from the word go. We have selected some of the most useful for overcoming fears and worries while respecting you and your prospect.

If you have attended even one communications course, you will be familiar with the study by Albert Mehrabian¹² in which he analyses the components of a message and provides percentages that indicate their contribution to the understanding by our customer:

•  The verbal aspect (the words we choose) communicates 7 percent;

•  The vocal aspect (volume, tone, and rhythm used) communicates 38 percent; and

•  The visual aspect (body movement, facial expression, eye contact, breathing, and posture) communicates 55 percent.

Yet, despite the low contribution hypothesized here for words as an overall part of communication, what you say matters! If we were to give another culinary example, we could say that they are like the yeast in a cake: only a pinch is necessary, but this pinch is essential!

It is words, both for the information they convey to others and their impact on listeners (ourselves included) that permit our communication to rise or flop. This is even truer when our objective is to make a sale and we must therefore communicate trust, confidence, and enthusiasm to our potential buyer.

We have chosen the most important and effective tips for you to use in this delicate phase at the outset of the ethical sale. They are useful for resolving the doubts that a salesperson like Renato, as seen at the beginning of this phase, may have and which you might share. However, you should bear them in mind throughout any negotiation, interaction, meeting, phone call, or e-mail with your customers.

First Tip: Use Your Time Well and Avoid Misunderstandings

The great architect Ludwig Mies van der Rohe used to say, “Less is more.” We believe this motto, which could be expressed as Cut the chatter and get to the point, applies equally well to the relationship with our customer for the following reasons:

•  Time is a scarce and precious resource. You will do your customers a favor if you get quickly to the point and demonstrate immediately in a few easy steps that you are the right person to meet their needs.

•  If you use too many words you may lead customers to suspect that you are being ambiguous or wish to confuse them with convoluted arguments, thus wearing away their trust.

•  The more words you use and the more detailed your description (examining the minutiae) of your offer system, including aspects that do not necessarily interest customers, the more objections and criticism you will attract due to a mechanism that will be clearer when you read Phase 4.

While carefully examining the amount of words to use, however, you must ensure your description is clear and explicit. Customers are not mind readers and if there is something they should know you have to say it!¹³ We will tell you how to go about this in detail in Phase 3.

Second Tip: Avoid Skepticism

You can arouse customers’ interest and stimulate their trust by using words and phrases that evoke positive emotions and images and emphasize your willingness to go through their decision with them. As we have repeatedly stated, customers approach a purchase with a natural skepticism, which they can only overcome if they feel sure they can trust the seller. Phrases like “I’ll just steal a couple of minutes of your time,” “actually, you are wrong,” or “that’s a bit of a problem” will put your customer on the defensive because they evoke negative images (steal, wrong, problem). Our goal instead is to transfer positive images to the customer’s mind and awaken constructive emotions. If you want to avoid being rude and would like to ask permission before communicating, simply ask, “Is this a good time for you?” Accept their point of view politely by saying, “I understand what you need” instead of emphasizing errors in assessment. It is better to say, “Let’s see how we can resolve the situation together” than focusing on potential problems.

Some time ago, we happened to walk into a store to buy dolls based on the characters of a television series for a friend’s children. We wanted to buy a green one and a blue one, but when we specified the colors we were looking for, the store owner replied “Unfortunately I only have two, a yellow one and a red one.” We felt forced to look for another store, and he lost the sale. What could he have done differently to avoid us leaving empty-handed? He could have chosen to say, “You’re in luck, I have two left; they’ve been such a hit you are really lucky to find them. There’s a yellow one and a red one, which do you prefer?” We would have bought them both and told the children how lucky we were to have found the last two. The interaction would have produced a positive outcome for everyone: a happy store owner, happy children, and two relieved buyers! The Unfortunately I only have two, which sounds like a harbinger of bad news, can then be transformed with little effort into a more reassuring, You’re in luck, I have two left that resolves the situation to the benefit of all.

Third Tip: Prepare Your Customer to Accept an Exchange of Value

We often come across customers who are undecided and uncertain about what they want to buy, they need to trust you more fully to accept the idea of exchange serenely. A key instrument to convey confidence to the customer is to conjugate verbs in the present indicative rather than choosing a conditional tense, which by its nature is used to describe uncertainty. Replace phrases like “You could choose this model” with a more decisive form such as “I suggest this model” or “this model fits the bill.”

Fourth Tip: Avoid Prejudice

As the experts in neuro-linguistic programming teach us, our brains only know how to process positive concepts. The not is filtered at a subconscious level; when I express a negation, my mind initially thinks of the positive concept and then negates it. When the receptionist repeatedly attempts to reassure you saying that the room “is not noisy,” she has actually confirmed your fears by reminding you of all the sleepless nights spent in hotels because of the noise. If instead she had stated just once, “I’ve reserved a very quiet room for you,” probably your mind would have been set at rest as you contemplated a quiet night lulled by dreams. This is why we suggest avoiding negative questions or statements. In Phase 2, we will discuss this concept in greater depth, but meanwhile consider that the likely customer response to your question “Why don’t you try it on?” will be “No, I can’t now.” On the other hand, if you confidently suggest, “Shall we try it on to see how it suits you?” the likelihood of getting a positive “Sure” is much higher.

Fifth Tip: Accept the Other Person

If customers receive you in their office or at home, take note of the objects that decorate the room because these give a clear idea of the tastes and interests of the person with whom you are dealing. Ask yourself if there is something you like or find interesting and then start asking your customer questions about that! There is nothing better than to talk about unusual interests that you have in common if the interest is sincere. The objects and elements of the context that catch your attention will be the first elements to create that common value you are aiming for with your customer. If you talk about something that has value to both parties, you are paving the way to a relationship that will permit each to accept the other. One last point: You will not be drawn to all customers equally. Some will be more similar to you and this affinity will make it simpler to relate to them from the start. With others, it may be more difficult and challenging to build a rapport. When the endeavor seems particularly arduous, or even impossible, try to discover what makes that person special, focus your attention on finding at least one thing that is good or interesting about the customer, and use that to build up your common value. You can learn to see something of yourself in everyone you meet.

Finding and Meeting New Customers: Overcoming the Fear of First Contact

At the beginning of this chapter, when we presented the different phases in Sales Ethics, we mentioned that there is a period before customers first meet us where they will gather information independently. We also said that we might begin interaction with prospects even before our initial meeting, but what if we are the ones to solicit their attention by rousing them from their natural indifference toward something they do not yet know?

Finding and contacting new customers is one of the most difficult and challenging aspects of sales, which is why we want to suggest a few tips.

Let’s first stop to reflect a moment on just how much the success of such a complex activity depends on your own role. To do so, we will consider the meaning of the word success, which in Italian is successo and corresponds to the past participle of the verb succedere, or happen. Thus, we are saying that we achieve success when what we desire happens (or rather we make it happen). In our opinion, the success of an action depends a great deal on what happens inside your head and how you place yourself in relation to this activity, as well as the way in which you have set up and achieved this conclusion. If you are anxious and concerned when looking for new customers you will naturally find an excuse to avoid acting rather than committing yourself to doing it. Your rational mind will suggest, “It’s too early, there will be nobody in the office” or “It’s too late, I’ll call tomorrow” or “I don’t have time now, it’s more important that I prepare this quote.” There are many excuses to put off addressing your real objective: finding new customers.

One method we suggest you try is to exploit the natural curiosity everyone shares when meeting new people and experiencing new situations. Avoid thinking about the immediate result of placing your product and you will immediately improve your chances of success.

If you concentrate on getting to know the other person, your attitude will be calm and relaxed and this is the feeling you will transmit to others, engendering confidence. Bear in mind that selling is a process and eventually a customer will decide to make a purchase.

Very often, the first contact with the customer is by phone (cold calling) and the aim is to schedule an appointment so the relationship can progress. The trick when calling is to attract the attention and interest of prospects in a matter of seconds, using your voice and words alone. This is challenging but not impossible, and involves the risk of immediate rejection, a lack of attention or failure to make an appointment—outcomes that the majority of sellers dread.

We are sorry to say that as with most self-fulfilling prophecies, every time you feel scared when you pick up the phone your voice will be a little edgier and your presentation slightly more awkward. You are more likely to make mistakes and, as expected, you will probably fail to secure your appointment.

It is essential when calling to make sure you speak to the person who makes the decision to purchase: the owner, the director of the corporate sector, the head of the project for which your offer may be suitable. The first hurdle you have to pass is therefore the filter, that is, the receptionists, switchboard operators, or secretaries who may thwart your every attempt to speak with their boss.

First, it is essential that you are clear about the objective of your call: arranging a meeting. If you do not already know the person you have called, do not try to advance your relationship over the phone! Once your goal is clear, it will be easier for you to make your requests with the required determination and clarity. For example, there is no point in explaining everything about your products or services to the secretary who asks, “Can you tell me your reason for calling?” You need to talk with the decision maker who must be the one to accept an appointment, so with grace and determination ask to speak to that person alone. By the way, do you know who this right person is? There is nothing worse for a filter than to find out you have not prepared before calling. Do not pick up the phone until you know exactly the names and roles of the people you may find helpful.

If, despite your firm approach, they insist you should send an e-mail with your request, make sure you have the direct e-mail address of the person concerned and then send a message that will provoke curiosity and prepare for your next call. If you have already sent an e-mail you can truthfully inform the person answering your call, “We are in contact via e-mail and he or she has been informed of my call.”

Remember that generally the secretary’s goal is not to stop you from talking to the manager at any cost, but to avoid taking the blame for passing a call that will be unwelcome. So present your case with all the energy that comes from knowing that you can really be supportive and useful to the person you want to call.

When, at last, your contact is on the line bear in mind these few rules:

•  Stick to a succinct introduction—this call is about your prospect and not about you and your desire for self-aggrandizement.

•  State immediately and clearly, why you should meet and why it is in the other person’s interest to do so. People devote more attention to those who talk about things that concern them. At the outset, the customer is wondering, “Why should I listen to this person?” “What’s in it for me?” or “How can this improve my work or my life in general?” We will help you answer these questions in Phase 3.

•  Do not be scared off by any initial resistance from your potential customer. Initial statements like “No look, we’re not interested” probably just mean that your interlocutors were busy doing other things and are not yet giving you their full attention. Try to encourage them to talk about themselves and their company through targeted questions and a total openness to listening (we will discuss what questions to ask in Phase 2).

If you have followed all these phases, the customer will be curious to learn more. They may even want to know all the details of your offer over the phone, but remember to steer a steady course toward the purpose of the call, that is to set an appointment. In fact, if you are to generate real value you will need to meet face to face. Be ready to utilize this interest as a lever by saying things like “I suggest we meet personally so I can find out more about your company and its needs, then I can explain our products in detail and answer all your questions and we can explore the best solution together.” We will look further at techniques to interest the potential buyer in Phase 3.