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SALES BADASSES ARE INSTANTLY LIKEABLE
The Secrets of Making People Like and Trust You Instantly—and Making Them Buy
Sales Badass. Just the name conjures up images of some Hollywood-type sales pro with slicked back hair, an $8,000 custom suit, an imposing figure with a serious look and strong body language. Someone like Alec Baldwin’s character in the movie Glengarry, Glen Ross.
It hardly conjures up images of someone who is instantly likeable; however, one of the primary skills of the Sales Badass is to do just that—be not only likeable to prospects, but also to gain instant likeability and immediate trust that is enduring. It will not only set the ball rolling in motion to get the sale with no trouble from competitors, it will stick all the way through that sales pro’s relationship with the prospect, soon to be customer.
Politicians are prime examples of likeable bad asses—they can be dishonest, deceptive, and downright ruthless. Donald Trump is by far one of the most polarizing presidents of all time, and yet those who have met with him, in either a business or political context, will say he is the kindest and most gracious host who has ever had them.
Likewise, George W. Bush simply doesn’t have a personality that the media likes. He just doesn’t, and his frequently awkward speech comes across badly on television and leaves people with the impression that he’s arrogant. As someone who lives just a couple of stoplights away and has talked with him numerous times, I can tell you he’s the kindest, most generous man, who never speaks a bad word about anyone. I’ve never met Bill Clinton but have heard the same. (I met George H.W. Bush and it was true about him as well.)
Now consider people like me. It’s true that I’m not exactly “Guy Smiley” … but it works. (However, smiling is extremely important in the right situations, as you’ll learn in just a minute.) There are multiple reasons, but for now, let’s start getting people to like you the moment they meet you. Keep in mind this doesn’t just apply to sales—these are life skills that can be applied to any person-to-person interaction, so use them to your advantage whenever possible.
Here’s a real-life example of how I used the strategy you’re about to learn back in my days of advertising sales to win over a difficult yet valuable prospect everyone else in the office failed to engage. He was a big man from North Carolina, older and very, very Southern, and all the sales reps who failed to get through to him were kicked out of his office within a few minutes with a loud, Southern, “WE CAN’T DO BUSINESS! GET OUT!”
It’s the kind of challenge I just couldn’t resist, so I called and he accepted a meeting. (Note that he always accepted meetings, they just rarely lasted long.)
I arrived at his office and the receptionist asked me to take a seat while she notified him.
When it was time to go in, here’s how I made my entrance, and notice precisely what I did:
First, I opened his office door and stopped in the door frame. Immediately upon making eye contact I flashed my eyebrows for a split-second, gave a broad smile that was complete and included my eyes and crow’s feet, and tilted my head to the side. Since I was a man communicating with another man, the only time this technique is used, I also quickly jutted my chin out as well.
He welcomed me in with an equally huge smile, gave me a hearty handshake with both hands—always a good sign!—and invited me to sit down.
I maintained my likeability strategy through the appointment, changing facial expressions and smiling and not smiling when appropriate, using the head tilt when it made sense to do so, and I walked out with a deal without hearing, “WE CAN’T DO BUSINESS!”
Please note that the Sales Badassery Likeability Strategy includes three specific techniques. When I opened his office door and paused in the door frame until he made eye contact, that was a separate body language move that communicates dominance and so-called Alpha-ness. In other words, it set me up as a potential leader of the situation, which is how I ended up.
Now, before going any further, I need to eat some of my own words here. In the past I’ve always talked about the fact that you have to get your prospects to respect you in order to get a sale, and that being liked wasn’t necessary. And it’s true, to a degree. I’ve had plenty of customers who didn’t necessarily like me; however, they all respected me, and it’s why they bought from me in the first place. And they continued buying. I’ve always been critical of so-called “sales experts” who endlessly preach that you must be likeable to get lots of sales. I’m living proof that isn’t true, but after adding likeability to the mix while keeping respectability, I’ve discovered a truly killer combination that will nail down the sale for you every time.
Just being likeable will get you sales—to a degree. Likewise, only getting respect from prospects will also get you sales—to a greater degree than likeability alone, but the one-two punch of both like and respect put together is really a knockout combination.
Before I go into the details of the Sales Badassery Likeability Strategy, know that this information was developed by the FBI’s behavioral analysis experts and is routinely used by FBI agents who interrogate suspects, frequently with the suspect even saying, “Hey, for an FBI [interrogator/polygraph examiner/special agent], you’re a pretty nice guy!”
The Three-Step Strategy to Instant Likeability
Remember those former US presidents I mentioned? Seemingly everyone who meets one will tell you that they “make you feel like the only person in the room.” Having met three—Gerald Ford was the other, in case you’re curious—I’ve not experienced that; however, as an expert on this topic, what I have noticed is what I’m about to explain in detail, and it’s this sequence of techniques that creates the “only person in the room” feeling. (Something tells me that Bill Clinton only runs this on attractive women, but hey, who am I to judge?)
There are three steps you must execute immediately upon meeting someone new (four for men), sales prospect or otherwise, to get instant likeability and immediate yet lasting trust:
- The eye flash
- The full smile
- The head tilt
- The chin jut (for men only)
These are the so-called friend signals that our brains have developed to look for and recognize, all unconsciously. When someone meets you with a quick eye flash followed by a broad smile and head tilt, your logical brain doesn’t say, “Wow, he did the eye flash and is now smiling with his head tilted. I guess I must like this person!” In fact, it all happens automatically and unconsciously.
If you’ve ever had a hunch that you didn’t like someone, and who hasn’t, it’s likely because that person didn’t send you the friend signals upon meeting. And when you meet someone, speaking in a professional sense, and notice there’s just something about him or her that you like and you want to do business with that person, that’s why. They unconsciously sent you the friend signals, your brain unconsciously interpreted them, and neither of you was ever aware of any of this going on.
The Eye Flash
We’ll cover the eye flash first, followed by the other two, and then learn how to put them all together into one fluid action.
You’re probably never even noticed it, but when you meet someone you like, you flash your eyebrows for just a split second; the actual time for a natural eyebrow flash is about one-sixth of one second, so yes, this will take practice to get it right!
Start observing other people when they meet you, even just walking down the street making eye contact and saying hello. The ones who respond positively to you will also unconsciously flash their eyebrows for about one-sixth of a second. (Of course, this doesn’t work in New York City, where saying hi to random strangers will just make people assume you are insane, but it works great here in Dallas.)
Not only do our brains interpret this signal, they actually look for it! So, if the signal is present, what the other person’s brain interprets is that we are not a threat, we are not dangerous and do not need to be avoided.
The eyebrow flash works exceptionally well at networking functions. Let’s say you’re at a large networking mixer in a big venue. Or even in a small one. Simply look for someone you’d like to talk to—it can be any person at random just to test this out—and send an eyebrow flash upon making eye contact.
If the person is interested in talking with you, you’ll receive an eye flash right back. That’s your green light to go introduce yourself and start a conversation. (And yes, this works in the dating game just as well as in the game of business.)
If you receive no eyebrow flash back—and you have to watch for it, because it’s quick—you’ll know not to waste time with that person. It could be a fluke and if it’s an important person you can still try, assuming you use these techniques, but chances are it’s not a good contact. (See, you’re learning more of my signature “qualifying out” strategies without us even talking about qualifying prospects yet!)
On that same note, whether you’re at a networking event looking for new contacts and prospects or a single person looking for a date, you can keep a keen eye for other people’s eyebrow flashes and save a lot of wasted time avoiding the people who don’t reciprocate yours.
Keep in mind that an effective, friendly eyebrow flash must be accompanied by brief eye contact. The human brain interprets extended eye contact from a stranger as a threat, at least speaking in terms of business relationships—this isn’t a dating or flirting book. If you don’t believe me, try it. You’ll find that people are so put off by extended eye contact that they will go out of their way to avoid any further eye contact with you from that point on. And no, don’t test this on high-value prospects or other contacts you’d like to make!
Most importantly, remember that it should last only one-sixth of a second. The first several times you try this you’ll wind up doing an exaggerated eyebrow flash which other people will interpret as phony, and phoniness does not a solid relationship make. So take time to practice in front of a mirror, preferably daily for several days until you get this right. The key operational term here is brief—one-sixth of a second and that’s it!
The Broad, Genuine Smile
For all my talk about looking serious in photos, a genuine smile is critical to gain trust and likeability from a prospect.
And I don’t mean just any smile. No phony smiles here. No fake picture smiles here. (Don’t you hate it when you’ve been holding a smile for what seems like forever and the person is still fiddling around with the camera? Yeah, me too. Just take the damn picture already.)
I mean a smile. A real smile. That means a smile that makes you look truly happy to meet someone. Indeed, it is the same smile that people show when they are genuinely happy!
The elements of the true smile are:
- A wide, broad smile
- A smile that extends and shows in your eyes
- A smile that’s big enough to cause crow’s feet (the little wrinkles outside your eyes when you are genuinely smiling) to appear
Again, you can practice all this in front of a mirror, and in fact you’ll need to in order to ensure you have a genuine, effective smile; I know plenty of people who put on fake smiles and seem to force them. Even my conscious mind can detect phony smiles, let alone the unconscious part of my brain!
A smile is a powerful likeability signal. It puts people at ease, communicates friendliness and confidence, and makes you more attractive and desirable to do business with.
It also releases endorphins, the feel-good hormones in our brains that are most well known for the so-called runner’s high or exercise high that many of us have experienced. They’re also the body’s natural painkillers and in fact attach to the same opioid receptors in the brain as actual opioid drugs, and as a result they make us feel more relaxed and at ease – which all just adds up to more self-confidence and ability to close the deal.
Perhaps most importantly, a genuine smile puts the other person at ease, makes them feel relaxed, and it makes a person more receptive to others or, in this case, you, dramatically increasing the odds that you’ll close the sale.
Spend time practicing the real smile in the mirror. Unlike the eye flash, this one will be easy to perfect—just put on the kind of smile you experience when you are genuinely happy—seeing loved ones after a long time apart, seeing your kids at the end of the day, getting great news—you name it.
Beware of the fake or “forced” smile, which is instantly recognizable as fake, sometimes by the conscious mind, and always by the unconscious. The “real” smile is used with people we want to build a connection and relationship with, whether that happens to be personal or, in our case, business.
Once you’ve got that down, practice in a mirror with a correct split-second eyebrow flash immediately followed by a real smile. It did take me a little while to perfect this, so practice, practice, practice!
Now that you’ve got those two moves down, it’s time for the easiest one.
The Head Tilt
The head tilt is the third component in the Sales Badassery Likeability Strategy and is the easiest to execute.
At the same time you put the broad, genuine smile on your face, you tilt your head to either side slightly. Which side doesn’t matter unless the other person has their head tilted, in which case you want to mirror them and tilt in the same direction.
Don’t make it overly exaggerated, either. Just a slight tilt to either side. You don’t want to come across like you’re doing it on purpose or trying too hard. That will effectively neutralize the entire likeability strategy.
Here’s why the head tilt is such a powerful “like” indicator: Back in ancient times, or the time before writing, if you will, there were no guns and it was common practice, in battle or in murder, to sever an enemy’s carotid artery, the large arteries on either side of the neck that feed the brain. Severing either carotid artery causes unconsciousness within seconds and death within minutes.
Because we’re programmed to operate as we did back in the caveman days, thanks to evolution lagging by about a hundred thousand years, we still unconsciously guard our carotid arteries from anyone we don’t trust.
For example, when we’re with a person we don’t know, don’t trust, or have reason to believe is suspicious, we hold our heads perfectly upright. We don’t realize we’re doing this, we just do it. It’s the same reason people tend to tense up their shoulders when under stress and drop them when relaxed; the uptight shoulders held high guard our carotid arteries from potential damage. Since our brains can’t tell the difference between the stress of paying the bills or the stress of an enemy tribe member coming up from behind and slitting our throat, it’s an automatic response to stress to tense up the shoulders and hold them higher than normal rather than letting them relax.
On the contrary, when we’re around people we like, trust, know, and feel safe with, we naturally tilt our heads. We’re okay with exposing our carotid arteries (or at least our brain is—remember this is all unconscious) in friendly company because there are no adversaries present wanting to slit our throats, keeping in mind our brains are still programmed for the caveman days.
That’s why the head tilt is so effective in gaining likeability and trust from a prospect you’re meeting for the very first time. Although they’re not aware of it, their brains see our tilted heads and exposed arteries and tell them, “This person is okay—you can trust him or her and safely do business without getting burned.”
It also subcommunicates to the prospect that you do not see that person as a threat. It mutually helps to identify two people to each other as “friendlies” rather than “adversaries” (see Figure 1.1). It sets the stage for a mutually beneficial sales transaction that will exclude your competition, or at least the ones who don’t know this stuff, and you can still practice everything in this book and still remain a Sales Badass—just a very likeable, trustworthy Sales Badass!
Figure 1.1 President Ronald Reagan perfectly executing the broad smile, the head tilt, and the eye flash upon meeting Mikhail Gorbachev. If these techniques can topple the Soviet Union, what can they do for you?
For Men Only: The Chin Jut
Men reading this won’t need an explanation—we all already notice that we tend to do a chin jut when we happen to run into a friend in public and want to make ourselves known.
This technique is best reserved for follow-up appointments or if you do indeed happen to run into your prospect in public. Giving the chin jut, which happens naturally along with the eyebrow flash (try it), identifies you as a friend, not just someone who is potentially friendly. It solidifies the bond between two men that was created upon the initial meeting.
Remember, this is a men-only technique. Women don’t chin jut each other! So if you’re a man, go to a mirror and do it. Notice how your eyebrows almost naturally flash when you do! And if they don’t, then just keep practicing until you have it all put together in one smooth sequence: the eyebrow flash and chin jut simultaneously, immediately flowing smoothly into a genuine smile and head tilt.
Good news: You’re in. And they like you already—before you’ve said a word!
Sales Badassery Truth
The Sales Badass always maintains an image of power—think Harvey Specter from the USA television show Suits—however, the Sales Badass is always likeable and worthy of trust.