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PRINCIPLE 6. Shift Your Focus of Attention

De-reflection can only be attained to the degree to which . . . awareness is directed toward positive aspects.¹ (V. Frankl)

Sometimes it is the gravity of the hardships or challenges we face that forces us to detect the meaning of life’s moments. After waging a courageous, year-and-a-half-long battle with pancreatic cancer, Patrick Swayze, the actor and classically trained dancer whose leading roles in the blockbuster films Dirty Dancing and Ghost made him a popular movie star, died on September 14, 2009. He was fifty-seven years old. “I’m proud of what I’m doing,” Swayze had told the New York Times in October the year before his death, when he was still filming The Beast, an A&E television series in which he starred as an FBI agent. “How do you nurture a positive attitude when all the statistics say you’re a dead man? You go to work.”

We all have known people, often people close to us, who have passed on. We may even have experienced the death of loved ones who have battled terminal illnesses, such as pancreatic cancer or breast cancer. If we are fortunate, we may know people like Patrick Swayze and Elaine’s mother (whose story is recounted in chapter 1) who were inspirations and role models in ways that are not always easy to describe. Despite personal hardships and formidable challenges, these people represent human beings at their best, even as conditions are the worst. Observing them, we bear witness to the resilience and unlimited power of the human mind and spirit, and we come to better understand how the search for meaning is the primary intrinsic motivation of all human beings.

Andy is a former executive with a major software company. He used to make more than $130,000 a year and had a terrific benefits package. He supervised teams of software programmers in several states and had an office overseas. But not anymore. Like scores of other well-paid workers, Andy was laid off and has been unable to find a job that offers the same—or even similar—responsibilities, status, salary, and benefits. Instead, out of desperation, he has found himself grasping at survival jobs offering considerably less. “Desperate times call for desperate measures,” he says. “This is no time to be picky. Since being laid off, I’ve sold jewelry in a department store and worked as a cashier at a ski slope, both at eight dollars an hour. Now I sell golf equipment.”

Andy, however, is more than a mere survivor in a job market that calls for desperate measures. Although he is empathetic, Andy doesn’t really see himself as grasping at straws like some displaced workers. He would say that he’s not in the same boat at all. You see, Andy isn’t driven by frustration, money worries, shame, or embarrassment. In fact, he doesn’t feel that he is going backward; rather, he feels that he’s going forward. An avid golfer, Andy has moved on to jobs related to his hobby—first selling golf equipment in a mall sports shop and now helping to run the pro shop at a local golf course. In his current job, Andy sees an even more positive side. “My work is a lot simpler and less challenging than it used to be, but I’ve learned to be humble,” he says. “I see guys coming on to the golf course wound pretty tightly. They’re guys who come in and are late for their tee times and they expect me to do something. I enjoy dealing with people who remind me what I used to be like.”

Andy has learned a great deal since he was cut from his executive job. He has been able to see the silver lining, the hopeful side of what could have been a cloud of despair and a time of inner emptiness. Instead, he shifted his focus to more important matters in life and discovered deeper personal meaning in the process. For instance, he welcomes the opportunity to spend more time with his family, now that he’s not flying all over the country and overseas. As Frankl wrote:

Other things being equal, an unemployed person who maintains his morale will have better chances in the competitive struggle than a person who has become apathetic. He will, for example, be more likely to get a job which both apply for.² (V. Frankl)

Throughout my (Alex) own childhood, whenever things went wrong, a voice from inside my head said, “Think about something else.” And I would. When I was a teenager, during an equestrian jumping competition, I was thrown into a water jump and the horse fell on top of me. As I lay submerged in the water, I thought about my horse, hoping he was okay and could complete the course. I thought about my horse and his welfare instead of my own. In essence, I was practicing the principle of de-reflection by shifting my focus of attention to something else, something more positive than what I was actually experiencing at the time.

Often as children we are naturally resilient; nothing keeps us down for long. Our attention spans are short, our interests many, and our involvement with whatever is happening is complete. As children, most of us knew instinctively how to “think of something else” should someone hurt our feelings, steal our toys, or eat our candy. We might yell and scream for a few moments, but not for long. It wasn’t natural to hold onto our thoughts, to become obsessed about wrongdoings. We’d simply get on to the next big adventure. There was always something more exciting to think about and do. However, as adults, this skill often seems to disappear. We learn to think things through, which is useful. But when this type of thinking becomes an obsession and we choose to dwell repeatedly on negative things, it’s not as useful anymore.

De-reflection is intended to counteract . . . compulsive inclination to self-observation.³ (V. Frankl)

We often wish to have a smooth life, without any conflict. But conflict is part of life. Conflict arises when we think the world should operate according to our expectations or that we should have some control over what others think, say, and do. Conflict arises when we believe our way is the best, or when we think the world isn’t fair and we want to restore our vision of what constitutes fairness to the world. Conflict arises when we feel others are not honoring or treating us well; we might feel like a victim of unjust actions or words. How we respond to conflicts, real or perceived, can trap us in our own mental prison. We spend our time and energy in anger and resistance, becoming stuck, becoming prisoners of our thoughts. Our energy ceases to flow freely, which starts to take a toll on our health—our spirits, our minds, and our bodies.

We can choose to hold onto our anger and resistance, or we can choose to let go. If we let go, we can begin to heal by shifting our focus to something or someone else. We can choose to shift from negative thoughts and negative situations to positive ones. In doing so, we regain control of our emotions and thoughts. This way, importantly, the tension and drama can finally end. When we shift our focus, we often gain new insights into a problem. We can begin to see the situation from someone else’s perspective. Remember, there are always more than three sides to every situation. De-reflection encourages us to perceive something new in a situation so that we are able let go of our old attitudes, perceptions, and patterns of behavior. Through this meaning-centered process, we are able to mature by transcending those conditions that limit us, so that we can make new commitments. The principle of de-reflection, Frankl would say, helps us to ignore those aspects of our life and work that should be ignored.

Focus on the Positive

Years ago, I (Alex) was working in Illinois for the state department of mental health. I was responsible for coordinating social services within a subregion of the city of Chicago, working with an inpatient psychiatric unit in one of the state’s mental health facilities. This particular facility, along with others in the metropolitan Chicago area, was overcrowded with patients, many of whom were either psychotic or prone to violence, and my unit was suffering from a severe staff shortage. The facility was so overcrowded that patients were sleeping on the floor in the hallways! I felt that we weren’t meeting our ethical and moral obligations to care properly for our fellow human beings. For these and other reasons, both union and nonunion employees complained incessantly about the problems the facility faced. Increasingly, a number of employees avoided work by calling in sick, which made an already poor staffing situation worse. Those of us in supervisory or management positions staffed the agency as well as we could, frequently working multiple eight-hour shifts. Eventually, the complaining and resistance escalated into a full-blown walkout and strike led by union officials.

My boss, Rita, a registered nurse and longtime mental health administrator, said, “Good for them! However, the show has to go on, so let’s see what we can do without them.” I thought, Without them? How are we going to do that? We’re in a serious predicament with no obvious resolution. Maybe she just doesn’t get it. But Rita knew much more than I gave her credit for. First, she focused on the potentially positive implications of the walkout—that we might finally get the resources we had needed for so long. Second, she stressed how much camaraderie was being discovered among those who were left minding the psychiatric unit. We were getting to know each other better, relying on each other more than ever. Rita even invited any patient who had the capacity to help us to lend a hand. For Rita, our situation was reminiscent of her medical MASH-type unit in Vietnam. She had survived that situation, and she was sure she would do the same this time around. By shifting our focus of attention to positive experiences, we found the potential for meaning in our predicament. Inspired by Rita’s guidance and capacity to de-reflect, as Frankl would say, we were not subdued by our circumstances no matter how dire they appeared at the time.

Creative Distraction

Using our imagination can also help us distract ourselves from certain potentially negative situations, or to de-reflect, as Frankl suggested. Italian film producer and actor Roberto Benigni is well known for using his imagination in ways that allow his audiences to take mental excursions without having to physically travel anywhere. In his internationally acclaimed, Academy Award–winning movie Life Is Beautiful, Benigni shared his sentimental tale of a Jewish man, Guido, trying to shield his son from the horrors of the Holocaust. While imprisoned in a camp, Guido creates and plays an imaginative game with his young son, using the game to explain features of the camp that otherwise might have been frightening to his son. By shifting his and his son’s focus of attention, from the misery of the camps to a more lighthearted, positive outlook, Guido hides the true horror of the situation from his son and eventually saves him. (The movie has been criticized by those who feel it unrealistically and inappropriately makes light of and pokes fun at events that were so horrific, but Benigni’s “comedy” was based on the story of his own father’s two-year ordeal in a Nazi labor camp and therefore is grounded in reality.)

Frankl himself also seized on various fantasies to fight off despair during his imprisonment in the concentration camps. He envisioned meeting his mother and visiting with his wife. He imagined himself climbing mountains again—one of his favorite pastimes. He fantasized about personal pleasures, such as having a warm bath, and more public ones, such as lecturing to a packed auditorium. In the latter image, he said, his own ambition helped prevent final despondency. For prisoners, it’s often food that stimulates their imaginations and sends them off on mental journeys. They re-create, over and over, the meal they will eat when they are free. In their imaginations they create the colors, textures, tastes, and scents of this food so vividly that the meal sees them through years of isolation and hopelessness. It’s the idea of the perfect meal that offers meaning to their lives.

By extension, when we are in a miserable job or personal situation, our choices are to either quit or stay and find meaning in what we are doing. Unless we have an armed guard dictating our every move, we always have the freedom to choose our attitude and, usually, the freedom to choose our next steps. When we are stressed at work, for example, we can always shift our focus of attention to something else: a favorite place, a favorite activity, even a favorite smell. A person we know decorates her office with mementos from trips she has taken around the world. When work grows stressful, she focuses on a favorite vacation spot and, in Star Trek fashion, transports herself to it until she relaxes. Another person imagines himself sailing, often using aromatherapy and music to help shift him into the spirit of his vision. Your image of escape could be anything: use whatever works—it’s your imagination. To quote Albert Einstein, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

When we become too focused on what’s in front of us at work—an oppressive manager, a wayward employee, a complicated task, or a boring routine—we can lose sight of the meaning in our lives. Our ability to detach from any distress and focus imaginatively on something that pleases us can return us to our freedom and to our source of authentic meaning. Creative distraction, or de-reflection, to use Frankl’s word, is also useful when we have to do something really important at work, such as give a presentation or participate in a crucial meeting. By paying attention to our breathing and to tension in our bodies, and by imagining ourselves in a safe, nurturing place, we can calm ourselves. We can return to ourselves and not be so vulnerable to whatever role we think we are expected to play. When we bring our authentic, centered selves to the situation, even if we don’t always know the right thing to say, we speak from our inherent authority, the person we essentially are. This is something to which we are all sensitive. We all recognize when someone is being authentic, and we respond with comfort: we like them and feel at ease. By drawing imaginatively from the source of our authenticity, we can move beyond role playing in our jobs. An ethics of authenticity emerges, and real work can begin.⁴

Exercising our ability to de-reflect difficulties at work, as well as of course in our personal life, helps us to be more resilient. We may even feel more confident because we have a reliable, constructive way of coping when situations become difficult. This mind-set can serve us in minor work-related challenges, such as deciding which project to fund, and in big ones, such as how to deal with losing our jobs. On a personal level, the meaning-centered principle of de-reflection increases our resilience and ability to cope with whatever life challenges may come our way. Our ability to forget ourselves and our problems for a moment and focus our attention on something else can help us feel freer. No longer prisoners of our thoughts, we are restored to an awareness of meaning and thus are more likely to experience life to the fullest.

Meaning Reflections

The “Mental Excursion Exercise” will help you practice de-reflection (that is, to shift your focus of attention). It is based on using your imagination to take a mental journey elsewhere in order to gain new, creative insights regarding issues in your work and everyday life. First, write down a challenge you are facing. Now list situations that may be or seem similar to your challenge. Stretch your imagination as much as possible, remembering that you are trying to escape from your actual challenge, so identify situations that are different from each other.

It may help to complete the following sentence: “My problem situation, [What is it?], is like [What is analogous or similar to my situation?].” For example, “The challenge of having to merge two different organizations is like getting married.” Once again, get creative and stretch your thinking! Now list all the steps needed to get married. Some of the steps required in this challenge may lend insight into the steps needed to merge different organizations. Here are some examples: deciding where to live (choosing the best location for the new office) and inviting the families for a rehearsal dinner (inviting members of each organization to dinner to get acquainted before the merger). The “Mental Excursion Exercise” helps you avoid being so obsessed with your challenge that you are unable to see new solutions.

Meaning Questions

• How do you use your imagination to refocus your attention when dealing with problematic situations?

• Think of a situation where you were forced to deal with the fear of change. How would shifting your focus of attention help you deal with this situation?

• How can you help others learn about de-reflection to help them cope with stressful situations in their lives, such as health issues, unemployment, or financial difficulties?

Meaning Affirmation

I will shift my focus of attention in order to gain new perspectives and, by doing so, find deeper meaning.