Truth 43. Negotiating with different demographic cultures

Cultural differences can dramatically affect negotiations. For example, when people from the United States and people from China were shown a picture of a group of swimming goldfish and asked to make a one-sentence summation of what was going on, the stories the people from the two cultures told were diametrically different.³⁷ Americans told stories of leadership and taking the helm. Stories about CEOs and their direct reports were not uncommon. People from China told stories about community members attempting to catch and protect a teammate and stories about the importance of working in the community.

The U.S. stories were about leadership and individual effort. The Chinese stories were about community and team effort. These different stories illustrate one of the most profound differences among cultures: individualism versus collectivism.

Individualists see the world as their oyster. They see themselves as independent entities acting upon the world. They don’t accept circumstances. They fight for what they want.

Individualists and collectivists also give themselves away with their pronouns. Individualists use many more I, me, and mine pronouns; collectivists use many more we, us, and our pronouns.

Collectivists see the world as a big tapestry, in which they represent one thread that makes a whole pattern. Collectivists take others into account when making decisions. They are willing to make adjustments so that the community can be best served.

Individualists and collectivists also give themselves away with their pronouns. Individualists use many more I, me, and mine pronouns; collectivists use many more we, us, and our pronouns.

Cultural differences can also lead an unsuspecting negotiator into a barbed-wired fence.

One young woman from the United States, Elisa, shared a depressing story about a cross-cultural negotiation in her company. At age 26, she was an engineer responsible for product development. Her team, which happened to consist of three men and herself, counted on her as their “knowledge leader.”

Her trip to Asia was a complete failure, however. It was not because she failed to prepare. From the first moment of making contact with the counterparty, she was treated as a secretary. She was expected to take notes, make tea, and pick up supplies. The counterparty directed all conversation to the men on her team and did not acknowledge her. She was not invited to several key meetings—even though she was the lead negotiator.

My student had walked unsuspectingly into a hierarchical culture. Hierarchical cultures are traditional cultures that recognize males, tenure, seniority, and rank. Hierarchical cultures are based largely on who has status in society. Elisa lacked gray hair, and she had the wrong chromosomes. It did not matter that her team saw her as the lead negotiator; the counterparty did not acknowledge her. The senior people in hierarchical cultures are to be respected, and it is their job to take care of those who are dependent upon them.

The next time you negotiate with someone from a different culture, take the time to find out how that person views the world.

Elisa, of course, had been a member of egalitarian status systems all her life. In egalitarian cultures, the merit of one’s ideas determines one’s status in an organization. In egalitarian status systems, there are status layers, but they are permeable through hard work and smarts.

The next time you negotiate with someone from a different culture, take the time to find out how that person views the world. Don’t assume that your view of the fish swimming is his story.