Chapter Ten

Coherence

Connect Your Thoughts

In well-written text, one thought is connected to another. The words and sentences are arranged logically and coherently. As a result, the reader moves easily from one point to the next and understands how the individual points relate to the whole. A well-written text seems unified and conveys a singleness of purpose.

In a poorly written text, on the other hand, the connections are not apparent and the development seems disjointed. As a result, the reader is often surprised or unprepared for the next thought and doesn’t understand how the various points relate to one another. A poorly written text contains elements that seem irrelevant or unrelated to the central argument.

Just as you should arrange your sentences into logically developed, coherent paragraphs, you should arrange your paragraphs into a coherent whole. In this chapter you will learn techniques for making your text hold together so that the reader sees the connections.

Connect Your Sentences and Paragraphs

The process of reading is, by nature, linear and sequential. In other words, every sentence operates in the context of what precedes it. Conversely, the thought of every sentence is developed, elaborated, limited, or in some way modified by what comes after it. The coherence of your text depends on how carefully you make connections, not only within your sentences but also between your sentences and between your paragraphs.

Tell your reader where you’re going.

Perhaps the most obvious way to make your text hold together is simply to tell the reader where you’re going. The more you can help your reader anticipate what comes next, the more your text will seem to cohere. As I noted earlier, an organizational statement would be out of place in narrative writing (where the reader prefers to be surprised by the events of an unfolding plot), but such a device is particularly useful in expository and persuasive writing (as when an attorney introduces a claim by writing “The plaintiff seeks to establish beyond a reasonable doubt the following points: That the defendant …”). If your report has three components, tell your reader “this report has three components” and list them. As a rule, your organizational statement should appear as the last sentence of your introduction.

If your message addresses two issues, for example, tell the reader in your opening what to expect. Don’t surprise the reader with your second point. Compare, for example, the following openings:

Use transitional words and phrases.

Use connecting words and phrases to establish relationships between your sentences and paragraphs. Demonstrative pronouns and demonstrative adjectives (this, that, these, and those), for example, are good for indicating connections. As their name implies, they “demonstrate,” “show,” or “point,” and the direction they point is backward. Another type of connecting word, a conjunction, comes in two varieties: coordinating and subordinating. Coordinating conjunctions (and, but, or, nor, for, yet, and so) join elements of equal value (as in She wrote the message and sent it); subordinating conjunctions (words such as although, because, if, and when) subordinate or diminish the importance of the phrases or clauses they introduce (as in Although she wrote the message, she didn’t send it).

Here are some commonly used transitional expressions, presented according to their functions:

Amplification or addition
also	in addition	equally important
and	many	in other words
besides	moreover	similarly
first	too	likewise
second	finally	furthermore
third	next	another reason

Cause/effect; consequence or result
and so	so	due to
accordingly	if	thus
because	since	hence
consequently	therefore

Comparison or analogy
in the same way	equally	again
likewise	similarly	also
analogously

Contrast or alternative
but	conversely	on the other hand
however	in contrast	although
in spite of	nevertheless	though
on the contrary	contrary to	alternatively
still	yet	despite

Condition or concession
although	if	unless
even though	provided that	no doubt
of course	to be sure	it is true
granted that

Conclusion
finally	in short	as a result
at last	in summary	consequently
in conclusion	to conclude	accordingly
therefore	thus	to summarize

Emphasis
of course	after all	to repeat
obviously	above all	unquestionably
again	in fact	indeed

Illustration or example
for example	specifically	as an illustration
for instance	that is	in effect
particularly	in particular	namely
in other words	to illustrate

Relationship in time
next	then	at times
as soon as	until	beforehand
last	later	earlier
before	afterward	after
when	recently	eventually
subsequently	simultaneously	at the same time
thereafter	since	currently
during	from now on	meanwhile
now	at present	once
soon	while

Repeat key words and phrases.

Your reader remembers. (Or at least an attentive reader does.) Once you present a word or an idea, that word or idea takes on special meaning. From that moment on, you and your reader are speaking a private language. A gerund is no longer just a part of speech, but a verbal noun, one that can serve as a subject or an object in a sentence. A crayfish is no longer any crayfish, but a particular crayfish, the one you caught at the end of the dock with a ball of bread and dropped into the boiling pot of water but then couldn’t bring yourself to eat. When you repeat that special word or refer to that particular experience, it reminds your reader of the world you have created or the context in which you are operating.

You might write the paragraphs in an essay about your last summer days at the lake before leaving for college, for example, by repeating words such as red pine seedlings, sandbar, sunfish, dock, crayfish, childhood, adulthood, and memories. You might give coherence to a story about moving your mother or father to an assisted care facility by referring to feelings and concepts such as love, support, abandonment, loss, memory, and security. You might end one paragraph with “It was a decision based on love” and begin the next with “Even decisions based on love, however, can feel like abandonment.”

Use parallel structure to bind with rhythm.

In addition to making connections by using words that point and by repeating key words and phrases, you can bind individual parts of a piece into a more coherent whole by using rhythm. As I discussed in chapter four, one of the most powerful and commonly used methods of establishing rhythm is parallel structure. When you use parallel structure, you create a pattern, and the pattern serves to increase coherence.

As an example of how parallel structure can be used as a coherence device, look again at the opening paragraphs of this chapter (the parallel elements are marked by italics):

Note how the parallel structure—In well-written text, As a result, A well-written text—in the first paragraph establishes a pattern that helps the reader anticipate what comes in the second paragraph: In a poorly written text, As a result, A poorly written text.

Maintain a consistent string of topics.

Another method of achieving flow is to begin successive sentences with the same topic. Although this method will create monotony if carried too far, it can enhance continuity by linking one sentence to the next. Consider, for example, two versions of a paragraph from Susan Sontag’s AIDS and Its Metaphors. The first version (which I have altered from the original) lacks continuity because each sentence takes a different topic as its subject. The second version maintains continuity because each sentence takes the same topic (with one slight variation) as its subject. (Topics are underlined.)

The reason the second paragraph is easier to follow is that continuity is maintained by the unbroken string of topics.

Use Sentence Beginnings and Endings to Create Flow

Coherence between sentences can also be achieved by following a simple principle: Begin your sentences with information familiar to your readers, and end your sentences with information unfamiliar to your readers. In other words, to create a natural progression and flow in your writing, look back before you look ahead. Williams calls this strategy the principle of “something old, something new.”

Start with new information.

Use the principle of “something old, something new” to check the ordering of your information when you are revising for continuity and flow. Consider, for example, the placement of the phrase during this time in these sentences: “Frostproof, Inc. has been selling its line of super-insulated long underwear for more than ten years. We have improved our product substantially during this time.”

After its first mention, the reference to time (more than ten years) represents old information. Note how moving what is now a familiar idea to the beginning of the second sentence improves continuity between the two sentences: “Frostproof, Inc. has been selling its line of super-insulated long underwear for more than ten years. During this time we have improved our product substantially.”

Likewise, consider the sequence of ideas in these two sentences: “As I mentioned in the unit meeting, we plan to merge our marketing and research departments. We must resolve a number of issues, however, before this happens.” Now reverse the order of the main clause and the prepositional phrase in the second sentence: “Before this happens, however, we must resolve a number of issues.” Note how this more logical sequence helps the reader look back before looking ahead.

Here’s a passage for you to reorder according to the principle of something old, something new (old information is in italics): “Temporary employment is easier to find during the late summer. Demographics have shifted as a result: Thousands of Hispanics have moved to Minnesota to find work.”

If you moved as a result to the beginning of the second sentence, you improved the coherence of the passage. It now reads: “Temporary employment is easier to find during the late summer. As a result, demographics have shifted: Thousands of Hispanics have moved here to find work.”

End with old information.

The something old, something new principle also applies to the placement of technical terms in your sentences. As Williams points out, your readers will more readily grasp a technical term, particularly an unfamiliar one being used for the first time, if they encounter it at the end, rather than the beginning, of a sentence. For example, rather than “Metadiscourse is the language writers use to indicate what they are thinking,” write “Language used by writers to indicate what they are thinking is called metadiscourse.”

End with what you intend to develop next.

Logic suggests that the best place for information that will be developed in subsequent sentences is at the end. For example, if you mention two or more items but intend to discuss only one, present that one last. Rather than “We attribute our phenomenal success to many factors, including hard work, careful planning, and effective communication. Our planning got off to a good start when …,” write “We attribute our phenomenal success to many factors, including hard work, effective communication, and careful planning. Our planning. …”

Many writers end on the wrong note when they use two common sentence structures: sentences beginning with there are or there is and sentences with colons. For example, rather than “To prevent burnout, there are several practices that one can employ,” write “Burnout can be prevented by several practices.” Rather than “There are three errors that writers frequently commit,” write “Writers frequently commit three errors.”

Sentences with colons often follow the same pattern. Rather than “Our demands include …,” write “We have three demands: …” Rather than “Mae West once said she found two kinds of men attractive: the kind with muscles and the kind without,” write “Mae West once said she liked two kinds of men: the kind with muscles and the kind without.” Again, coherent writing is a matter of keeping related elements near each other.

Use “it shifts” and inversions to move new information to the right.

Although there are constructions can result in discontinuity, it is constructions can help you keep things in the right order. For example, in a legal brief discussing the requirements for establishing fraud, rather than “Establishing the requisite intent to mislead would be equally difficult,” use an “it shift” to create a smooth transition: “It would be equally difficult to establish the requisite intent to mislead.” (Note that when used in this construction, it is not a pronoun. It has no meaning in itself but is merely a place-holding word. As I discussed in chapter one, place-holding words such as it, there, and what are called expletives. Although expletives often result in wordiness, they can be used to increase emphasis as well as to improve continuity and flow.)

Similarly, a subject-complement inversion (which I discussed in chapter four as a technique for adding variety to your sentence structure) is a handy technique for ordering information according to the something old, something new principle. For example, consider how both rhythm and continuity of thought are improved when this sentence, “Maintaining quality control is another challenge,” is rewritten as “Another challenge is maintaining quality control.”

As another example, consider the sentence you are reading now as well as the sentence that comes after this colon: “The little links are equally important.” Note that in the first sentence, the old information (As another example) comes first and the new information (consider the sentence) comes last, as it should. In the second sentence, however, the connection to old information (equally important) comes not at the beginning but at the end of the sentence. For a more natural, coherent order, reverse the sentence parts so that they follow the something old, something new principle: “Equally important are the little links.” You can see how the order of the revised sentence leads the reader—logically, coherently, and efficiently—from what has been developed (something old) to what will be developed (something new). As illustrated by the first sentence in this paragraph (the paragraph you are reading), the something old, something new principle is particularly useful when creating a transitional sentence whose function is to connect the thought of one paragraph to the next.

Here’s a sentence for you to revise according to the something old, something new principle: “Establishing the requisite intent to mislead would be equally difficult.” (Hint: Move the old information from the last part of the sentence to the first part.)

Use the passive voice to move old information to the left.

In addition to “it shift” constructions and inversions, another method for moving old information to the left and new information to the right is the passive voice. For example, note the momentary discontinuity in the relative clause or dependent clause that follows the main clause of this sentence: “We are studying advertisement strategies that other companies use to recruit minorities.” Compare that discontinuity with the smoother connection in “We are studying advertisement strategies used by other companies to recruit minorities.” The problem with using the active voice in the relative clause (that other companies use) is that it introduces a second subject (companies) before indicating how that subject relates to advertisement strategies. In contrast, the passive voice (used by other companies) moves the modifying word used forward so that it is adjacent to, and links with, the phrase it modifies. The result is that the momentary “hitch” (discussed below) is eliminated and the words flow more naturally.

Here’s another example of using the passive voice to create the appropriate sequence of information. Note the break in continuity between these two sentences: “Our apparatus indicates whether a remote party has attempted to initiate a three-way call by using a ‘hook flash’ signal. Depressing and releasing a telephone hook switch generates a ‘hook flash’ signal.” Once mentioned in the first sentence, “hook flash” signal becomes old information and, as such, it should be placed at the beginning, rather than at the end, of the second sentence. The passive voice enables you to arrange the information in this something old, something new order: “Our apparatus indicates whether a remote party has attempted to initiate a three-way call by using a ‘hook flash’ signal. A ‘hook flash’ signal is generated by depressing …”

For practice, see if you can use passive constructions to eliminate the “hitches” in these sentences:

• Information our engineers provide to our marketing staff must be accurate.
• The plan our marketing staff unveiled is ambitious.
• A goal all writers share is clarity.

(Hint: Move the italicized words forward.)

Maintain Continuity and Flow Within Sentences

Have you ever thought about how golf courses are laid out?

Not far from the green of one hole is the tee for the next. Because one hole is linked to another in this logical fashion, you save walking distance and time.

There’s a reason golf courses are laid out this way. Who would want to finish playing one hole and then have to walk the distance of a fairway to get to the next tee?

Well-constructed, coherently arranged sentences work the same way. They maintain the links between the various units of composition, both large and small. Here are some techniques to help you maintain those links in green-to-tee order.

Keep adjective phrases together.

When you make comparisons using phrases such as such as, different from, similar to, and other than, be careful not to split the adjective phrase (write “phrases such as” rather than “such phrases as”). If you divide the phrase, you create what Williams calls a “hitch in the rhythm of a sentence.” To avoid this hitch, or minor break in continuity, avoid dividing the phrase and placing one part before the noun and one part after. Instead, place both words of the phrase after the noun. For example, rather than “a different style from mine,” write “a style different from mine.” Rather than “a similar strategy to hers,” write “a strategy similar to hers.” Rather than “other reasons than greed,” write “reasons other than greed.” And rather than “The pro used as creative a design as anything of Arnold Palmer’s in laying out this golf course,” write “The pro used a design as creative as anything of Arnold Palmer’s. …”

For practice, revise these sentences to reconnect the split adjective phrases:

• She offered a different proposal from mine.
• I offered a similar proposal to John’s.
• We acted for other reasons than those you cited.

(Hint: Reverse the order of the italicized words.)

Help your reader keep track of subjects and verbs.

Sentences with long gaps between subjects and verbs are disorienting. Reducing those gaps helps the reader see how the subjects and verbs relate. You can accomplish this by rearranging the sentence to avoid the interruption or by clearly marking the interruption.

Compare the following sentences:

If you prefer an order that maintains the long gap between subject and verb, you can make it easier for your reader to follow your meaning by marking the intervening phrase or clause with dashes. For example, consider the following sentence with and without dashes:

Perhaps the easiest revision, however, is simply to divide an unwieldy sentence into two shorter sentences:

Avoid unnecessary shifts in subject, modified subject, person, voice, and tense.

Coherence comes from connectedness, continuity, and consistency. (Think of these attributes as the four Cs of writing.) Coherence also is a matter of creating an expectation in your reader’s mind and meeting that expectation. You can maintain coherence by avoiding unexpected departures from established patterns. Those departures frequently take the form of unnecessary shifts in person, subject, modified subject, voice, and tense.

Shifts in person. Personal pronouns come in three varieties: first person, second person, and third person. Each may be singular or plural (I, we; you, you; he/she, they). Don’t shift from one to the other without good reason.

Change “If writers proofread carefully, you will avoid making embarrassing errors” to “If writers proofread carefully, they will avoid making embarrassing errors.”

For this shift and the four below, I’ll give you a sentence to revise. Suggested revisions appear below.

Eliminate the shift in person in this sentence: “If managers want to succeed, you must communicate effectively.”

Shifts in subject. Change “Although some people consistently arrive on time, there are others who do not” to “Although some people consistently arrive on time, others do not.” (In the first sentence, the subject of the introductory dependent clause, people, is continued in the main clause with the word others, but only after it is needlessly delayed by there are.)

Change “Please let me know if there are any problems” to “Please let me know if you have any problems.” (Because the first part of the sentence is in the imperative, the implied subject is you.)

Here’s a sentence for you to revise: “Although these products have good price values, uniqueness is lacking in all of them.”

Shifts in modified subject. Change “When pickled, I think herring tastes like caviar” to “When pickled, herring tastes like caviar to me.” (The shift in the first sentence is called a “misplaced modifier” because the modifying phrase, When pickled, is not properly placed near the word it modifies. Since correcting the problem involves changing the word order in the main clause, however, it might more logically be called a “misplaced modifiee.”)

Change “Working twelve-hour days, the project was completed on time” to “Working twelve-hour days, we completed the project on time.” (This sort of shift is called a “dangling modifier” because the implied subject fails to appear, which leaves the modifying phrase, Working twelve-hour days, dangling.)

Here’s a sentence for you to revise: “When plastered, you are ready to paint your walls.”

Shifts in voice. Change “We secretaries take pride in our work, and our assignments are completed on time” to “We secretaries take pride in our work, and we complete our assignments on time.” (In the first sentence, the voice shifts from the active in the first clause to the passive in the second clause.)

Here’s a sentence for you to revise: “If standard programming information is needed, refer to the Project Implementation Manual.” (Note the shift from the passive voice in the first clause to the imperative or command mode in the second clause. Try using the active voice in the first clause. The active voice seems less incongruous when coupled with the imperative mode because you serves as the subject in both clauses.)

Shifts in tense. Change “The team members worked on the project for three months, and they do a first-rate job” to “The team members worked on the project for three months, and they did a first-rate job.”

Here’s a sentence for you to revise: “Your coverage would terminate and will not convert to an individual plan.”

Here's how you might have revised those five sentences to eliminate shifts in person, subject, modified subject, voice, and tense:

Avoiding Unnecessary Shifts
Change this	To this
If managers want to succeed, you must communicate effectively.	If managers want to succeed, they must communicate effectively.
Although these products have good price values, uniqueness is lacking in all of them.	Although these products have good price values, they all lack uniqueness.
When plastered, you are ready to paint your walls.	When plastered, the walls are ready to be painted.
If standard programming information is needed, refer to the Project Implementation Manual.	If you need standard programming information, refer to the Project Implementation Manual.
Your coverage would terminate and will not convert to an individual plan.	Your coverage would terminate and would not convert to an individual plan. Or this Your coverage will terminate and will not convert to an individual plan.

Arrange your material according to natural progressions.

One of the best, and most obvious, ways of maintaining coherence is to go with the flow. In other words, respect the natural order of things, which, for our purposes here, we might define as any progression that seems logical and reasonable to your reader. You can create a natural progression in any number of ways: by moving from general to specific, from less recent to more recent (or from more recent to less recent), from simpler to more complex, from shorter to longer, from less important to more important, and from less vivid to more vivid.

Increasing specificity

Your reader naturally prefers to move from the general to the specific. As an illustration of this preference, consider the “number-age-nationality rule.” Few native speakers of English are consciously aware that they know this rule, but virtually every native speaker follows it. For example, I’ll give you three adjectives and one noun, and I’ll ask you to place the four words in what you consider their most natural order. The adjectives are French, three, and young, and the noun is explorers.

How did you arrange them? Chances are you placed them in this order: three young French explorers. In fact, no other order—young three French explorers or French three young explorers, for example—seems right. Although you weren’t told to arrange the adjectives in a progression from general to specific, you did so naturally.

Your reader expects the same type of progression in your writing, so meet that expectation by arranging your words and thoughts—within sentences, paragraphs, and documents—so that you progress from the general to the specific. Rather than “little nice house,” write “nice little house.” Before describing and illustrating seventy-five ways to make a million dollars, identify the general categories into which the specific methods fall (such as making money honestly, making money dishonestly, helping others, and helping yourself).

Chronology or sequence

Rather than “She hired a lawyer, filed a complaint, and gathered her evidence,” write “She gathered her evidence, hired a lawyer, and filed a complaint,” which reflects the order of occurrence. Rather than “Writing with style involves imitating the techniques of good writers and reading their work,” write “Writing with style involves reading good writers and imitating their techniques,” which again reflects chronology. Rather than “Connect your paragraphs and sentences,” write “Connect your sentences and paragraphs,” which reflects the order in which they are created.

Increasing complexity

Just as a child learning mathematics is better able to grasp the subject if the teacher begins with basic concepts and progresses to more complex ones, your reader will follow your development more easily if you progress from the simple to the complex. Before explaining the intricacies of how a mechanism works, for example, explain its purpose. Before describing a comma splice (two complete sentences linked with a comma rather than separated with a period or other closing punctuation mark), explain what constitutes a complete sentence (a group of words that contains a subject and a verb and expresses a complete thought).

Increasing length

The same principle of natural order applies to length. When you are working with successive phrases and clauses of unequal length, arrange them so that they progress from shorter to longer. This arrangement is especially important in parallel structures, where beginning with shorter clauses and moving to longer ones establishes the pattern earlier in the sentence. The sooner the rhythm of the sentence is made apparent to the reader, the more coherent the sentence will seem.

For example, compare “My primary responsibilities are to create a new database of economic reporting techniques, to reorganize the branch offices, and to manage staff” with “My primary responsibilities are to manage staff, to reorganize the branch offices, and to create a new database of economic reporting techniques.” Read both versions out loud. Can you hear how the order of the second version creates a more natural rhythm? Likewise, compare “He had fine manners, was a hard worker who never wasted time, and was literate” with the way Pauli Murray actually wrote the sentence in Proud Shoes: The Story of an American Family: “He was literate, had fine manners, and was a hard worker who never wasted time.”

Here’s another example. Compare “We can meet these professional development goals with surveys, on-site assessments, the purchase of necessary equipment and software, and training” with “We can meet these professional development goals with training, surveys, on-site assessments, and the purchase of necessary equipment and software.” In this example, however, there is a problem with the revised version. Although following the order of increasing length produces a more pleasing rhythm, it also creates an illogical chronology or sequence (assuming assessment of needs and purchase of equipment precedes training). In examples like this, you must choose between better sounding prose and more logical development.

Increasing importance

If your intent is to emphasize priority, you should follow a descending order. In other words, present your more important information first and your less important information last, regardless of the relative length of the successive words or phrases. Compare, for example, “He was dismissed for insubordination, carelessness, and tardiness” with “He was dismissed for tardiness, carelessness, and insubordination.” As reflected by the first version of this sentence, content should take precedence over style.

Increasing intensity

The principle of increasing intensity applies broadly, from narration to description. In narration, your plot should move toward climax. In description, your most vivid and memorable detail should be your last. Compare, for example, “I was desperate for the company of someone who cared for me, eager to become part of the family, willing to do my share” with “I was willing to do my share, eager to become part of the family, desperate for the company of someone who cared for me.”

In well-written periodic sentences—whether constructed with narrative or descriptive elements—the successive clauses are usually arranged in order of increasing importance, intensity, or vividness, or some other climactic scheme. Consider, for example, George Orwell’s periodic sentence that I quoted in chapter four. His sentence loses some of its effectiveness if the most striking detail is presented first rather than last:

Compare that version with the way Orwell wrote the sentence:

There are, of course, times when considerations of priority, chronology, diplomacy, or persuasive strategy override arrangements based on rhythm and technique. In those cases, once again, content takes precedence over style. Otherwise, arrange your material according to the natural order of things.

Maintain unity and coherence.

To maintain unity is to make sure everything fits together. Remember: A coherent piece of writing never leaves the reader wondering why a particular point is significant or how a particular piece of information is relevant. Every part relates to the whole. Well-constructed sentences and paragraphs connect with the thoughts of what preceded them the way a green is linked to the next tee in golf. They maintain both little links (within sentences) and large links (between sentences and paragraphs) in green-to-tee order.

As the nineteenth-century English author Thomas De Quincey once wrote, “All fluent and effective composition depends on the connections.” I wonder if De Quincey ever played golf.