CHAPTER 9

Manners, Etiquettes and OLQ’s

 

 

 

Your academics, general knowledge and all other skills may be spectacular, but do you have the social skills requisite to be successful in the workplace? Your educational degrees hold little importance if you are not a well mannered person. You are obligated to know how to conduct yourself in an agreeable manner in every situation – at home, in college, during interviews and other selection procedures and finally in the workplace.

Good professional etiquette indicates to potential employers that you are a mature, balanced and courteous adult who can represent their company with civility, decency and with finesse. Not being well versed in proper etiquettes, decorum and deportment could damage your image, prevent you from getting a job and jeopardize personal and business relationships.

Some mannerisms are universal. Wherever you go in the world, whatever setting you are in i.e. personal or official, whatever social situation you are in i.e. formal or informal, a certain set of behavior is expected and appreciated. This includes kindness, consideration towards others, honesty, cleanliness, timeliness, respect for others, gratitude, social graces and other such virtues. However, with the changing times, as the work place becomes more and more global and competitive, the need for understanding work place etiquettes is becoming essential for success and to move forward in the world. The globalization of businesses has vastly improved etiquettes at work. Every work place has its own complex behavioral dynamics but the basic social rules which make people comfortable with each other remain valid always and at all places. An organization where people are treated well and treat each other well tend to be more successful than others.

With increasing competition, productivity demands, result-oriented appraisals and expanding work culture, people are spending more and more time in their work places. This makes it essential to create a pleasant office atmosphere with minimum personality clashes which can happen only when everyone behaves well, knows their limits and hold respect for others. When people collectively relate to each other in proper protocol and with consideration and compassion, the result is smooth functioning and a happy work place.

Very often it happens that you behave or react in a certain way in a situation and much later realize your mistake and wish you had not done so. In a corporate atmosphere, you may even have to pay a heavy price for the mistake as it may negatively affect your career. If you are still looking for a job, a behavioral faux-pas during selections may result in your not getting that job. In case you are working, such faux-pas may end up reflecting negatively in your annual assessments and confidential reports. Therefore, it will serve you well to know that workplace relationships too demand maintenance.

Consequently, it is important that you make these accepted patterns of behavior as integral to your personality as possible so that you react in situations smoothly and come across as a well-mannered, well-behaved and a polished person.

But the fact to consider is that behavioral etiquettes are not something that you can forcefully display when needed or learn in a day or two. They have to be cultivated and nurtured within oneself over a long period of time. You have to keep them in mind and practice them all the time so that they begin to come forth as natural responses. In the beginning remembering a few basic principles and applying them will serve you well and take you places. As you grow, in life and in your profession, you can keep adding to your repertoire and cultivate a beautiful polished personality.

Pointers for candidates going through a job selection procedure

1. The most important but the least known fact is that candidates are often evaluated from the moment they enter the company premises. Do not wait to enter the GD venue or the Interview room to start behaving. This is a mistake most candidates make. You may not realize it but observers could be casually roaming around the reception area, the waiting area, the lifts etc. One may even be disguised as a candidate and may be mingling with all the other candidates seeing, observing silently. In fact, he may strike up a conversation or a debate with you and evaluate you there and then. How you behave towards the doorman, the receptionist, the liftman etc. and how you interact with the other candidates while in the waiting area could be under observation, evaluation and be a major consideration in your final selection. This is fast becoming a common practice for jobs that need high levels of personal finesse, have a high client dealings quotient and are sensitive positions.
2. Keep to the area where you have been asked to wait, don’t wander around the office space and the areas you are not supposed to be in. Refrain from striking up a conversation with the office members at their work stations.
3. If you need drinking water or want to use the washroom facilities, inquire about them nicely, don’t yell across the room and ask for it.
4. Talk to the receptionist, the contact person or whoever is in charge of the proceedings with utmost politeness. Do not ask again and again as to how much longer you have to wait, do not complain that someone was here later but got a chance first because there may be a legitimate reason for it and generally do not harangue the person in any way. Take care to not make a nuisance of yourself in any way.
5. When in the waiting area, be cordial and complimentary with all the other candidates there. Interact with them, talk and discuss in an easy manner but maintain a reasonable distance. Do not reveal much about yourself and also do not attempt to dig for details from others. Try not to come across as un-necessarily inquisitive such that someone takes offence.
6. Never speak negatively about any other candidate or candidates. If you happen to know of a negative aspect of another candidate, remember it is not your place to speak about it during the selection process and that this is neither the place nor the time for it. If that candidate has done some illegal act or has been in any kind of trouble, then just drop a well worded remark about it and if the selectors wish to pursue the fact, they will do it in their own capacity and as per their own policies. Apart from this, you should not speak derogatively about any other candidate especially if they are strangers to you. If you do so, you might actually end up losing your chances of selection by coming across as a tell-tale and a trouble maker.
7. Be careful not to get into any heated arguments or raise your voice. If other candidates get into an argument, wait for a while to see if they resolve it by themselves. If in a few minutes they don’t and the argument begins to take an ugly turn, intervene calmly, try and separate them but under no circumstances take sides and join in. If you cannot help solve the situation, then just stay away and under no circumstance appear as if you are enjoying the spectacle. Stay neutral.
8. Keep your cell phone on silent mode and talk into it in a low voice if necessary. It is extremely rude and bad social etiquette to converse loudly into your phone in a formal place specially if it is private call.
9. Do not finger, disturb, remove or displace any piece of furniture, cushions, items, objects d’art, flower arrangements or any other such things in the waiting area.
10. If you have picked up a newspaper or a magazine or any other reading material placed in the waiting area, keep it back in a proper condition when you are done with it. Newspapers when left open, crumpled or folded up with inner pages out are bad manners and so are magazines left open and left placed face down just anywhere.

Pointers of general behavior for young professionals

1. Maintain the dress protocol of your office. It wouldn’t do to wear jeans and T-shirts where you are required to be in coat and tie and vice versa.
2. On joining a new work place be alert and familiarize yourself quickly with the premises and the people. Don’t prove yourself to be ‘slow’ by being perpetually lost.
3. Later, make other new employees feel welcome and help them familiarize themselves around the place. Remember your discomfort when you were new and try to make it better for others.
4. When you go over to somebody else’s work station for a discussion, do not peep into their papers or their computer screens.
5. Offices now-a-days have multi-cultural work forces. Be culturally sensitive by learning about different cultures.
6. Try and understand the work and social culture of the office quickly and till that time keep a low profile, don’t participate in gossip and don’t take sides. You may regret something said at this point later.
7. There always is office politics. Avoid it till the time you have laid out your roots and have an understanding of the various unofficial groups, camps, the undercurrents between them. Choose and decide the ones you are to be a part of and then too only if you wish to be a part of it all. Don’t get sucked in if you don’t want to. Learn to say ‘No’.
8. Be cordial, friendly and complimentary to your colleagues. Cultivate mutual respect.
9. Do not over-react to any situation. Find out all the details of any undesirable event, think and then react. Don’t be impulsive and avoid getting into conflicts.
10. Do not get into other peoples conflicts. Avoid taking sides till the time you are directly affected.
11. Refrain from indulging in any negative practices like rumor mongering, back-stabbing, taking credit for someone else’s work, shirking responsibility and such like.
12. Work hard and be honest. Do your best always. Accept your mistakes.
13. Don’t be a whiner who is always complaining. Your behavior should be mature and professional.
14. Do not misuse office property and keep your work station neat.
15. Office stationery often becomes a reason for dispute if borrowed or taken without permission. Always ask before taking and always return borrowed items.
16. Use the shared areas like the office kitchen, the photocopier area, the lunch room etc. with respect and consideration.
17. Show respect for others time by showing up for a meeting on time, not keeping them waiting to see you and by not interrupting too often.
18. If someone you wish to speak to is already talking on the telephone, wait for him to finish before you start speaking.
19. Office parties can be tricky. You don’t have to be as formal as in the office but it also does not mean that you let go completely. Avoid drinking too much, don’t try to get too close to anyone and don’t let your guard down or crib about anyone.
20. Keep a non-obtrusive ring tone and message tone in your cell phone. Switch it to silent mode during meetings and when you are visiting your Boss’s cabin.
21. During telephone conversations, keep your volume down. If you speak too loudly, you not only disturb others but may even unwittingly give out confidential or sensitive information.
22. Always reach your office on time and do not look to leave early.
23. Maintain office decorum. Avoid speaking out of turn or too much.

Etiquettes for formal situations

However good you may be in your job, never underestimate the importance of interpersonal skills. No matter how hard you work or how brilliant your ideas are or what level of expertise you hold, if you cannot connect with the people around you, your professional life will suffer. Good interpersonal skills always serve in reducing conflicts. How your colleagues, seniors and juniors perceive you, has a vital impact on things as minor as your day-to-day happiness in the office and as major as the future of your career.

Working in an office will continuously put you in situations where dynamics of formal behavior will come into play. You will have to deal with not only your colleagues but also with clients, business associates, delegates, visiting officials and a whole variety of other people. If you are aware that your interpersonal skills are up to the standards, it will fill you with confidence and that will reflect positively in your behavior which will be fruitful and productive for your company.

 

Given here are some basic and simple pointers –

1. Learn the art of introductions. Always introduce people to each other if you happen to be the mutual connection who knows them but they are strangers to each other. There are certain simple rules to introducing people to each other in the right manner –
   • Always introduce the guest or the outsider first regardless of position and gender of both.
   • If the two people are from the same organization, introduce the lady first.
   • If they are of the same gender, introduce the senior person first.
   • Make sure you have the names and designations correct. In case of any doubts, clarify politely but under no circumstances make wrong introductions.
2. Practice how to give a proper, strong business like handshake. Handshakes are of many types and each conveys a lot of information about you to a person who know how to read them. They will definitely try to use that information to their benefit during business deals or when interacting with you. (Read more about handshakes in the chapter – Body Language.)
3. Exchanging of business cards has a proper protocol. Always offer your cards face up and right reading side towards the receiver. Take hold of the other people’s card respectfully. Do not stuff it straight away into your pocket or briefcase, give it a look and speak out the name. Compliment if there is something unusual about the card.
4. It is considered rude to ask too many personal questions. Facts about a colleague’s personal life and family are none of your business. Wait for a friendship to develop or for the person to tell it all of his own free will. Do not go about telling your own personal details too.
5. Do not use first names unless you are superior in designation or you have been invited by a person to do so. Some companies maintain a first name policy throughout the ranks, in such a case you have to use first names.
6. The people with whom you work reflect your own attitude. If you are suspicious, unfriendly and condescending, you will find these traits echoed all about you. But if you are on your best behavior, you will bring out the best in the people with whom you are going to spend most of your working hours.
7. Special attentions are required for meetings and conferences. It is very rude to be late or not attend at all without prior intimation. During the meeting, don’t be noisy, tap your pen and shuffle your papers around. Pay attention, don’t interrupt a speaker without an agenda and don’t distract people.
8. Maintain confidentiality of all office matters but always keep your Boss informed. Never be caught on the wrong foot for with-holding information.
9. All work places have informal groups of people. As soon as you join your job, be careful of not becoming a part of any. Stay neutral in the beginning and study the groups and its members and choose to become a part of the group you most identify with. This way you will avoid getting connected with people who are wrong for you.
10. No one is immune to meeting decidedly offensive and abusive people. The trick is not falling to their levels and meeting them there. You must maintain your standards and deal with them with polished finesse and put them in their place. If this person has an established reputation, then you can also ignore him as everybody knows what he is like and nobody will pay attention to what he is saying.

Dining etiquettes

Popularization of fast food and the accompanying easy table manners have left most people with seriously inadequate knowledge of dining etiquettes. Thus, it has become imperative to brush up on formal dining artistry. Nowadays, formal sit-down dinners are becoming less and less frequent but there still are occasions when you have to attend a business lunch or a dinner at a swanky restaurant or in the corporate dining hall where you will be required to display flawless table etiquette. Due to the lack of time, more and more deals and interviews are happening over a meal. Behaving boorishly on that one important business meal due to the lack of adequate table manners, could have drastic and unwanted results. An important business deal may get dropped or you may not get that much coveted job. Table sophistication becomes an indispensable quality at such high pressure times.

There is more to table manners than just eating with your mouth closed without making a noise and not speaking with food inside your mouth. A surprising amount of attention goes into proper behavior during a formal meal but picking these up is not difficult at all. You just need an attitudinal shift and a willingness to learn along with a sharp sense of observation.

At a Buffet

Dinners are mostly buffets now, but they too require a set of mannerisms so as not to appear uncultured and unrefined. Remember these in the case of a buffet meal –

• Do not rush for food.
• Offer plates and cutlery to seniors, guests, clients and any accompanying ladies first before taking one yourself.
• Make sure your guests, clients or seniors have served themselves before you serve yourself.
• Move patiently with the food line. Do not jostle for food. Trying to jump line is very juvenile and bad manners too.
• You shall project a very negative image if you pile your plate high with food. Serve yourself decent quantities and opt for seconds instead.
• Move away from the serving area after you finish serving yourself to clear up the space for others.
• Practice at home and make sure you know how to hold a heavy plate in one hand and eat with just the other one.
• It is bad form to leave a lot of food uneaten on your plate. Don’t be wasteful. Serve as per your needs and go for seconds if you need more.
• When you go back for seconds, serve yourself with the clean hand so as not to mess up the serving spoon with your soiled hand.
• Practice eating neatly. Your fingers should not get too messed up with food, only the first digits of your fingers should come in contact with food.
• DO NOT lick your fingers.
• As in a buffet you will not get a finger-bowl, wipe your fingers clean with a napkin and not by pouring water over them from a glass of drinking water. Please do not wash your hands in the plate or in the bins kept for placing used plates.
• Serve yourself dessert after the others and only a little at a time.
• Keep your used plate in the discard bin and not leave it lying about here and there.
• Pace your eating so that you are not left the last one standing with a plate.

At a formal Sit-down meal

On occasion, you may find yourself at a sit-down meal. It may be as informal as grabbing a bite at a corner café with a business associate or it could be as formal as a full-fledged business lunch or a celebratory dinner with full service or it could be a high profile working lunch in the corporate dining hall. Informal meals are not too difficult to tackle and a repertoire of very basic etiquettes will see you through. It is the formal or the semi-formal meals you need to prepare well for.

Here are some starter points which you can learn and build more sophisticated ones later, to ultimately reach a high level of finesse as you advance in life and profession.

• Arrive in time. In case you are going to be unavoidably late, call and inform the host or whoever is in charge. Also mention your expected time of arrival.
• Turn off your cell phone and pagers. Don’t keep pulling your phone out to check when at the table.
• Wait for guests/seniors/ladies/ to be seated before taking a seat. Ladies here should take the offer of a chair pulled back from the gentlemen.
• Sit upright. Your back should neither slouch nor take the use of the backrest. Keep your elbows off the table.
• Don’t keep bags, briefcase, files or any other un-necessary accessories on the table.
• On sitting, take the napkin, unfold it and spread it on your lap.
• If food-ordering decisions need to be taken, offer the choice to your guests or seniors.
• If you are the guest and are required to order, do not order the most expensive items. Take care to order those foods which are easy to tackle and not messy to eat.
• If you are the host and the guest requests you to order, inquire about his preferences, specially regarding vegetarian or non-vegetarian food and maybe also about the level of spiciness.
• Wait for your turn to serve yourself and serve modest amounts. Serving bowls are always received from the right hand side and passed on to the left after serving oneself.
• Do not begin eating till everyone has been served. Even then, wait for the host to start which is a signal for the meal to begin.
• If you need anything that is out of reach, politely ask for it to be passed to you. Never reach out or stretch out for it.
• Learn and practice beforehand the proper use of cutlery. Laid out cutlery is usually used outside-in. In European ways you hold the fork in the left hand and knife in the right and food is forked into the mouth with the left hand itself. In American ways, the food is cut by holding the fork in the left but forked in by changing it to the right, but whenever the fork is being used like a spoon to eat rice, noodles etc. it is always held in the right hand unless you are left-handed.
• Your spoons, fork and knife should not make loud clattering sounds on your plate.
• As a general rule, anything served in a plate is eaten with a fork and anything served in a bowl is consumed with a spoon. So, this means you need to know how to eat rice, vegetables and many other food items with a fork.
• Indian food is eaten with hands. For formal situations, a combined system of western and Indian style of eating has developed. In this you eat your rotis rolled up and held in the hand and vegetables, dals and curries with a spoon.
• Always spoon-up the soup away from you and sip it from the side of the spoon, not the front, unless it has chunky pieces, in which case open your mouth and eat it. Never slurp and never try to spoon up the dregs.
• While eating, don’t move your hands about too much, don’t make gestures with a fork or spoon in it and don’t point at someone with your fork or spoon especially with food speared on. Put your cutlery down on your plate if you need to use your hands to make a point.
• Never leave a spoon in a bowl or a cup when you are finished with it. Always put it in the saucer or the plate underneath.
• If you need to leave the table for a few minutes in between the meal, excuse yourself and leave quietly. Leave your napkin on the chair as an indication to the waiter that you will be back and your dishes should thus not be removed.
• Close your plate at the end of a meal by laying down your cutlery face down from the centre of the plate at 6 o’clock position. If you are just putting down your cutlery and plan to resume eating, then lay it open-faced diagonal to the plate.
• Finger bowls are bowls of warm water with slices of lemon in them. They are not for drinking as digestives but to wash and clean your fingers. Never dunk your entire hand in them, just the tips of your fingers and that too only one hand at a time. Use the lemon slices as cleansers and then gently tap-dry your hands on the napkin. Don’t ever wash your lips with the finger bowl water! Just wipe your mouth clean. If you feel you need moisture to clean your mouth, use the part of the napkin that got moistened after you wiped your wet hands on it.
• At the end of the meal, never refold the napkin but don’t crumple it too. Leave it roughly folded on the left hand side of your plate.
• During the meal, keep the conversation going on pleasant things or on business affairs. Do not let the conversation taper off especially if you are the host. Pay full attention to the people you are dining with.
• If you feel a cough, a burp, a yawn or a sneeze coming on, use your napkin to cover your mouth or nose immediately.
• Don’t blow on your food to cool it. Wait a bit.
• Don’t eat very large bites. Don’t stuff your mouth with large mouthfuls of food.
• Don’t play with your food.
• Don’t make fun of any food item new to you or if you don’t understand it.
• Pace your eating with others so that you don’t finish too early and are not left half-way either.
• If you let something fall on the floor, e.g. the napkin or cutlery, don’t pick it up, ask the waiter for a fresh one.
• On finishing, don’t push away your plates and don’t stack up the utensils.
• If you are the guest, don’t offer to pay the bill.
• If you are the guest, always compliment the food for its taste and quality and thank your host graciously.
• Please don’t lick your fingers.
• Don’t scrape last scraps of food off from the plate.
• Picking teeth on the table is unacceptable.
• Applying or touching up your make-up on the table is also unacceptable.
• Never comb or fix your hair near the food area.

There are so many other points but if you are able to remember and tackle the above basic ones, you will do ok. As you grow more at ease with these, more confident, you will find yourself automatically observing and picking up more as you go along.

Telephone etiquettes

Although several different means of communication like the email, fax, SMS and instant messaging are used on a wide scale today, the telephone maintains the number one position as the most common and extensively used means of communication in personal as well as in business life. Today, a telephone conversation is as important as the actual face-to-face conversation and hence, one needs to be very careful while making as well as answering calls on a telephone.

Customer service and customer handling are big business and telephony has become a major part of it. Customers, clients, business associates etc. are mostly dealt with on the phone in these busy times specially now that businesses are globally spread out. Good or bad telephony can make a difference in the bottom line and thus the employees need to be well trained in telephone etiquette.

Personal relations within the work place or outside of it are increasingly being maintained on telephones. With the advent and popularization of cell phones, people are available 24/7 and more and more business and personal affairs are being conducted on the phone. Various roles are played on the phone while talking to people of different categories and a quick switchover is a real time skill need. For this, a deeply ingrained sense of etiquette system is required.

Although personal phone calls do not have any strict protocol to be followed, there are some basics that one needs to remember during an official telephone conversation. In a telephone conversation, two parties are involved – the caller and the receiver. Some etiquettes are common for both but there are a few that are role specific –

If you are the caller

• Do not play the ‘Guess who?’ game. The burden of introduction falls on the caller. The receiver should not need to ask – Who is calling? If you have initiated the call, it is your duty to introduce yourself, name the place from where you are calling and state what it is you are calling about.
• Make sure you are calling at the appropriate time. Avoid calling before and after office hours. Give 10-15 minutes after office hours begin to allow the person to settle down and start the day. Refrain from calling at the end of the work day unless crucial. If possible, take the lunch hour into consideration too.
• Before placing the call, be sure of who you want to talk to, in which department and what exactly you want to say. Making a call unprepared results in wasted time and may also irritate the call receiver.
• Be mentally prepared to be put on hold or to be told that the person you want to talk to is not available. Shouting and demanding an explanation is not going to take you anywhere.
• Leave a short message for the person if unavailable and state clearly whether you will be calling back or you expect a call from him.
• The duty of closing the call is also of the caller. So, if you are finished with the conversation, thank or wish the receiver and close the call without keeping the other person un-necessarily on the line wondering if you want to say something else too or not.

If you are the receiver

• Never open with a “Yes?” After the initial greeting, respond according to what the caller has to say.
• If the call is for you, proceed with the conversation. If for some reason you cannot talk at that time, politely say so and promise to call back.
• If you need just a little time to find out whatever information the caller has asked for, then first explain this to the caller, tell him you are going to put him on hold for this many minutes and then be sure to go back within the time limit promised. It is very rude and irritating to be put on hold for an indefinite period of time.
• If you need more time to respond to the query, explain and assure to call back within a certain time period.
• ALWAYS call back whenever you have promised to. If you have not been able to find out the relevant information, call, explain the situation and ask for more time.
• If the call is not for you or you think someone else can help the caller better, explain to the caller that you are connecting him to the right person. The third person should be told who is on line so that the caller need not introduce himself all over again.
• If the call is not for you and the required person is unavailable, say so and offer to take a message. Make sure you note down the name and number correctly. Do not forget to pass on the message.
• Most companies have a preferred way of responding to callers for the receptionists, front desk executives and the telephone operators. They are put through suitable training.
• It is the caller’s privilege to close the call. Don’t hang up first.

General telephone etiquettes

• Speak clearly in a well modulated voice that is neither too soft nor too loud, the entire office need not hear your conversation.
• Allow the other person to finish before starting to speak. Crossed conversations waste a lot of time in way of repetitions.
• Pay full attention to the conversation on the phone and stop what ever you were doing at the time.
• Avoid personal calls during office hours.
• If you call a person on the landline and it is busy, don’t immediately call on the cell phone. The person will obviously not be able to attend that too.
• Keep the talk as to the point as possible with just the basic pleasantries. It is not desirable to prolong the official calls too long even if the person on the other side is known to you.
• Do not talk with food or drink in your mouth.

Cell phone etiquettes

The advent and popularization of cell phones is a big boon to the field of communication. It is beneficial and comforting to know that connectivity and information, business or personal, is available immediately. However, cell phones can become a nuisance if not used with proper thought. People now take others and their availability 24/7 for granted with such a handy tool making it possible. However, others time and personal space should not be un-necessarily invaded. People who use their phone thought-lessly in public places are called “cell phone bores”. Given below are some basic shots at being cell phone savvy.

• If you are carrying your cell phone to the GD and interview venue, either switch it off or keep it on silent mode. Under no circumstances should it ring out during the GD or the interview.
• In the case of receiving a call during the selection procedures, refrain from answering it.
• Maintain a simple and a neutral sounding ring tone. Very loud and flashy ring tones will be annoying in the office atmosphere.
• If you are expected to be contactable by people related to your work during office hours on your cell phone, your caller tune should be simple and neutral.
• Keep your tone civil and speak softly into your cell phone when in office or in public places. Nobody wants to hear of your conversation about how the meeting went, what time you are reaching where, what you bought the other day, what you had for dinner yesterday or any other such trivia from your life.
• Your cell phone does not have to go everywhere with you. Theatres, movie halls, conference rooms, temples, restaurants etc are places where you can leave your cell phones behind with a firm notion that you are not going to answer any calls anyways. Check on your missed calls later and call back.
• Avoid multitasking. Do not eat, attempt listening to others, work on the computer all at the same time when on the phone.
• Your life and the lives of the people around you are much more important than your phone call. Therefore do not text, call or attend calls while driving.
• Texting or checking up on news or cricket updates when in company gives a signal that the person or people who are with you are not important enough or the events around you are boring you. This is impolite and spoils relationships.
• Each person is surrounded with a personal space which provides a feeling of calm and safety and the invasion of which is uncomfortable. In a public place if you absolutely have to attend a call, make sure you are a few feet away from the nearest person and keep your volume down and conversation to the minimum.

Officer like qualities

What is the image that comes to mind when we say the word “Officer”? We think of a person who is impeccably dressed, has polished manners, conducts himself impressively, carries himself with confidence, interacts with others in an appropriate way and seems to do it all with a sense of great ease and grace. He is comfortable with himself and knows how to deal with the world. Everybody likes to be around such people and are attracted towards their presence. They come across as reliable and desirable people.

In these global times, when companies are to be represented by its employees in the world, to its valued clients, business partners, associate companies and suchlike, it is understandable that they seek very personable and presentable people to be the face of their company. The person representing the company carries the burden of building the image of the company. If this person is officer like, smart, with an impressive external as well as internal personality, he carries this burden well and he is in turn treated well by the company.

One must keep in mind here that everything is not done just for professional gain. Everything does not have to lead to something related to work life. This is a life lesson. The personality so developed will be yours for your whole life, in all its aspects; it will help you in every sphere of life and bring you great satisfaction.

So, are such people born this way or can such a personality be cultivated? Does one have to be financially rich to train to be officer like or does money have nothing to do with it? Do we have to go to a special place to learn to be like this or can we help ourselves? The good news is that all this is achievable by every single one of us, requires no investment in terms of money and we don’t need to go anywhere. It’s inside of us from where such a personality can sprout forth. Anyone can ‘work’ on himself, learn, improve and manifest such a personality. Such a personality has nothing to do with height, build, skin color, race, social background or religious beliefs. It is about knowing oneself and having a deportment that is forceful or kind, as the need may be.

Identification of the qualities which are the construction blocks of such a personality and then learning them and practicing them to the extent that they become an integral part of your daily behavior is the way to do it. Although there are scores of small facets that go into it, listed below are some to start with –

• Politeness – The very first aspect we note about an officer like person is his politeness. It is a joy interacting with such a person. He will be polite to all people, above or lower than him in status. The most attractive and wonderful thing about him is that his polite behavior is not reserved for only those people who are above him or important to him. The fact that he will be polite to everyone, including those beneath him, is what makes him stand out from the crowd. Politeness is a social grace. It exhibits the upbringing and the emotional grooming of the person. It shows that the person has a regard for all human beings and that his manners are impeccable. But, one fact to consider will always be that some aspects of politeness differ from country to country and culture to culture though the very basics of treating everyone with respect and regard remain the same all over.
• Knowledge – an empty or an inadequately filled brain can never impress others, however good with words or good looking you may be otherwise. Cultivate a knowledgeable brain, know your facts and always be on top of the latest news. If you talk a lot of sense and say it well, people will stop and listen to you, pay attention and this will make it easier for you to achieve what you set out to. Knowledge truly is power. It is better to be more knowledgeable than good looking because knowledge is what ultimately matters. It will be of no use if you are well dressed, good looking, have a good voice and communication skills if as soon as you open your mouth to say something, you appear a fool because you don’t know what you are saying! Knowledge is the one thing you can get by on even if you do not have an impressive physical personality. An officer like person is expected to be so.
• Diplomacy – Tact is a quality of extreme importance and value. At its heart, tact and diplomacy are the skills of being sensitive to the feelings and opinions of other people. Those who possess it are naturally able to sense what is really going on in the minds of others, and then respond with a certain delicacy of feeling that influences people well. Learn how to be more tactful and diplomatic to build and maintain interpersonal relationships that affect job performance. Knowing how to choose the best words, emotional tone, and non-verbal communication will ensure your message is delivered appropriately and effectively. Practice how to be tactful and diplomatic without compromising your position or diminishing your authority in even the most difficult situations. You will be amazed at how communicating with tact and diplomacy can help regain your enthusiasm to work with people. Developing skills to do and say the right thing can do wonders to rebuild relationships that can impact your image and your career in a positive manner.
• Sense of Honor and Integrity – Honor and Integrity is doing the right thing even when you know no one is looking. This means that you are never dishonest, you are never sneaky, don’t cheat and look to take unfair advantage even if you are sure you will be able to get away with it. You have to prove yourself to be trustworthy and a person of your word, your promise. People you deal with should find you utterly dependable. It is an inviolable and unshakeable image that has to be cultivated and for this all dealings should be above the table and transparent. Remember, integrity is difficult to gain, challenging to maintain but very easy to lose.
• Conduct and Deportment – should be such that it is respectful towards all. Behavior towards others in accordance to gender, age, position and mutual relationship is a must. An officer like person will also always be socially responsible, never harm people below him and keep the interests of the people of the lower levels in mind. A person should earn the respect of his subordinates and not demand it as his right by virtue of position.
• Leadership qualities – A good leader is that who can bring out the best of the others and let them feel good about it without taking any undue credit. You don’t have to be a designated leader and in any situation if you can rise and fill the position, take the team forward, make an impression, you will be noticed. Take it upon yourself, anywhere where the need arises, to take charge of the situation and carry all the people with you for the collective good of the team or the organization.
• Initiative – Always be first and ready to take on tasks within your area of expertise. Take the initiative to offer ideas and solutions if there is a snag or problem at work and you know you can try handling it. Don’t wait to be asked in an attempt to feel ‘important’. Earn your image by being knowledgeable, capable and helpful. Show the energy and the drive to go beyond the call of duty and set an example for others which they can follow.
• Sense of Justice – A person who is officer like will have high morals in attitude and action and will dispense fair justice in daily dealings. Justice has primarily to do with conduct in relation to others, especially with regard to the rights of others. Sound judgment paired with intention of fair play can help you achieve this easily. People will develop faith and confidence in you.
• Loyalty – Faithfulness towards the organization, its principles, objectives and aims at work and towards friends and family in personal life is the most important character trait in anybody. A sense of loyalty should be high in your priorities. This gives you a reliable and a dependable character. It gives you integrity. It gives you pride. It puts you in touch with the worthiness inside of you and gives you a sense of belongingness with what you are associated with. Remember, nobody likes traitors!
• Sense of Humor – A sense of humor simply put is the ability to be amused. A sense of humor is an important part of human relationships and plays a vital role in human interactions. A person of cheerful disposition is always welcome everywhere. Such a person is liked by all and thus finds it easy to influence others. The ability to laugh can dispel tension and help people make good decisions. Humor is one of the greatest assets a person can have. Working to build your sense of humor will help you out a lot in life, including the ability to defuse difficult situations and in reducing your stress levels. People with a balanced sense of humor are happier and healthier and that manifests in their deportment, in how they carry themselves through the ups and downs of life. Part of having a good sense of humor is the ability to take a step back and view one’s own life through a comical filter. The ability to see humor in one’s own faults and missteps is an important part of enjoying life and growing from mistakes. Learn to laugh at yourself more than you laugh at others.

This is in no way a complete list of what gives you an attractive personality. There are so many aspects, most of which you probably already have or know of, that go into giving you a strong character. Always maintaining your poise, being courteous, being immaculate in your manners and dealings, maintaining good health, dressing as per the occasion and keeping in check your emotions will contribute to your OLQ levels.

Political correctness

Have you ever come across statements like –

 

“Be careful of your dealings with Biharis or Punjabis or Marwadis”.

“You can’t go on that trip, you are a girl”.

“They are American, they wouldn’t care”.

 

Well, the above sentences are all politically incorrect because they are generalizing people of a category which may be unfair and taking for granted some characteristics which may not apply to all. Anybody from anywhere can be untrustworthy and not all Americans are uncaring and of course now-a-days girls can do most anything.

You may also have come across words like –

 

Chairperson instead of Chairman

Postal worker instead of Postman

Senior citizens instead of Old people

Differently abled instead of handicapped

 

The words above are a result of political correctness as –

• a woman could be chairing a board hence Chairperson and not Chairman
• it could be a woman working in a post office
• it is considered rude to call old people old, so Senior citizens is a politer way of speaking.
• it is insensitive to call handicapped people so and because they often have other capabilities, they are differently abled.

Similarly we have visually impaired people instead of blinds and so on. This is a way to be kind, polite and not hurt sentiments.

The primary goal of Political Correctness is to avoid or suppress behavior that may be offensive. We now live in environments where diverse groups of people cooperate, collaborate and co-exist. It is in our interest that we work productively with our focus on improving our work relationships, not on demeaning, insulting or manipulating each other. Misunderstandings that lead to breakdowns in work relationships are counter-productive. They are bad for business. They can also be personally harmful. It is important to clearly say what you mean to say. Your choice of words should be helpful to the process of improving workplace relations and productivity and not vice versa.

Respect is the key word here. Respect builds trust which allows for deeper understanding. You may not always know exactly what to say, but if your choice of words is guided by a spirit of respect, you will most likely avoid offending anyone’s sensibilities. Respect is a nice value to have in all other aspects of your life, but it is essential to your success at work. The basic premise behind being politically correct or tolerant in the workplace is treating others the way you would want to be treated. If you treat others with respect and caring, your overall professional experience will be much more positive.

The rules of Political Correctness in the workplace are about consideration for the feelings of our colleagues. By following them, we demonstrate that we care about the people with whom we work. Being politically correct is a fine art and there is little science to it. It’s easy to say something in a way that makes someone uncomfortable without intention and actually meaning any harm. If you suspect someone intends to be rude with you, it’s easy to read unkindness and antagonism in their choice of words. If, on the other hand, you are working together in an environment of mutual respect, small matters of phrasing and word selection are easily overlooked or gently corrected. This requires a high level of trust and an easy sense of humor.

Political correctness does not just mean watching what you say. In its best sense, being politically correct means learning about others and respecting the differences that make each of us unique. In the workplace, there are steps you can take to make sure you are not only following the “PC rules,” but are also making your life richer.

More often than not, politically incorrect ideas are formed by stereotyping which affects our thinking. Stereotyping can create negative images and can be damaging. What is required is to evaluate your thinking and see if you have any preconceived notions about people of certain categories. Everybody naturally gravitates towards others who are similar but so much can be learned and gained by reaching out to others who are unlike you. Make an effort to get to know a few people who are of a different ethnicity, a different religion, or from a different country. You’ll be surprised by how much you learn, and how much you’ll find that you have in common.

Being part of a workplace can give you a tremendous opportunity to learn about new cultures. You can build relationships with others who are different than you, and talk honestly about your differences. Ask questions respectfully to learn more about differing norms and values, and to find out how others want to be treated. If you approach your learning with respect and sincerity, those around you will see that you are open towards and appreciative of differences.

A professional environment is a big change, particularly for those who are straight out of college. The way and the freedom with which you interacted at college level is very different from the way in which you have to behave as a professional. You cannot be casual anymore and you cannot just say anything that comes to your mind without weighing it first and contemplating as to what inferences can be taken out of it. Being careful about stuff that you say outside the office is important as it can travel inside the office and become crucial there. Many people run into serious trouble at work by telling a joke they thought was innocent. This is because what seems harmless to you could be hurtful to another. A work place needs to be a safe and productive place for every employee. Jokes about minorities, women, gay people, individuals with disabilities, senior citizens or jokes that are rude have no place in such an environment.

In this day and age, who we are and where we are from determines how we interpret things like the news and current events. If you feel the need to speak your opinion about politics or current events at work, make sure you do so in a way that demonstrates to others that you are tolerant to differing opinions and that your interpretations are not tainted by your background and ignorance.

As you go ahead in your work and career, you will meet many people; come across many schools of thought and many more such politically correct or incorrect phrases. Be alert and pick them up, remember them and use them to your advantage. Remember, you can never be too polite. Politeness is a virtue that is always appreciated and never goes to waste. Political correctness has become an essential part of politeness and should be practiced liberally to sound polished in these sensitive times.

A note on people skills

This is like a coming together and culmination of everything else and all your skills. To have very good people skills first you have to be very sure and grounded yourself. Your emotional health should be good and that can be only when you are mentally at ease and comfortable with yourself. You have to be happy and satisfied with yourself and how you are taking your life forward, only then can you relate with other people in peace.

Whatever you want to achieve, wherever you want to go in life, you will have to deal with, interact and collaborate with other people in the process. The success you achieve will be influenced by the kind of relationships you build. You have to be able to influence people, build trustful bridges, make friends and maximize the potential of each relationship.

For this to happen you have to respect people, treat them with compassion and value them above material things. Be the kind of person that people like to be around with. Be genial, amicable, tolerant, encouraging and open minded. Be patient with people who are slower and with lesser skills. There is no greatness in taking pride on being better skilled and treating others with disdain. Do not indulge in a feeling of superiority.

Develop cultural intelligence and show interest in others lives without being overly inquisitive. Learn to let go of others mistakes once they are genuinely regretful. Learn to trust and thus teach to trust by example. Try to bring out the best in other people. You don’t particularly need a designated title to be an encourager, a leader and motivator.

Be ready to change and re-learn all the time. Remember, people change. So, your image and idea about them too should be open to change. By giving people second chances, you make them feel worthy, good about themselves and win friends for life.