I'm confident we'd all agree that looking after kids is bloody hard work!

Whether you're a teacher, a parent, a youth worker, a principal, a caregiver, a junior sports coach … You're dealing with complex emotions, behaviour, COVID-19 protocols, pressures of standardised testing, and the list goes on … And these challenges occur on a daily basis.

Just like any role or responsibility, it's really easy to get lost in the day to day, to put everyone else's needs before your own. That's why it's really important to look after your own mental health and wellbeing.

Whatever your role — as a teacher, educator, parent or caregiver — you're unable to support the mental wellbeing of young people trusted in your care unless you're looking after your own wellbeing first and foremost.

But for most of us, that's an issue in itself. Here's why.

The stats say it all

According to the National Foundation for Educational Research, teaching is one of the most stressful jobs in the world. That's quite alarming — although maybe not that surprising, right?

In fact, research conducted by Donna Cross of the University of Western Australia titled ‘Teacher Wellbeing and its Impact on Student Learning’ revealed that there are key issues teachers in Australia, the UK, New Zealand and the United States report they are facing:

• high workloads
• workplace bullying
• poor leadership
• time-management issues
• expectations of new teachers to produce the same results as experienced teachers
• high expectations from parents
• high expectations from standardised testing
• having hard conversations with students, parents, colleagues and school leaders
• being under appreciated
• being underpaid.

What's more, a 2021 Australian College of Education survey of more than 500 Australian teachers revealed that:

• 84 per cent of educators were considering a career change
• 75 per cent feel stressed by their work
• 82 per cent struggle with work–life balance
• 36 per cent are not satisfied in their job.
• 26 per cent are working at least six days a week
• 49 per cent are dissatisfied with their pay.

Now, while I count myself lucky that I wouldn't usually include myself in these statistics, there's something else not represented here that's even more worrying.

The root of the problem

During 2015, while working as a primary-school teacher, I spent the majority of days turning up to school anxious and trying to hide it. My mental wellbeing issues had nothing to do with my role at school — they were more to do with a personal breakup I was going through — but they definitely impacted my ability to lead our PE department.

I had to withdraw myself from our shared office regularly because I couldn't bear the thought of talking with people. This had nothing to do with my colleagues or the school. For the first time I felt a sense of loneliness and a lack of self-worth, and I developed severe anxiety.

One Sunday I was in bed, not wanting to face the world, and I didn't know how I was going to get through the coming week at school. I felt my only option was to take some time off, so I booked a doctor's appointment. Even though it was a simple task, it felt like a mammoth effort to make the appointment.

After being called into the doctor's small consultation room, I sat down with the anxiety butterflies kicking in my stomach. The doctor asked, ‘How can I help?’ Not being able to make eye contact, my eyes just looked to his shoes and, while fighting back tears, I responded with, ‘I am going through a tough time. I think I need some time off work, but I'm too embarrassed to let my employer know the reason’. The doctor showed empathy and said, ‘No problem, I'll write you a medical certificate’. A sense of relief came over me, but the anxiety remained.

I didn't want to go down the anti-depressant path, as I believed it wasn't the right solution for me. It had been more than five years since I had started my consistent practice of gratitude and positive reflection, so I made the decision to ‘pop gratitude’ and other positive actions, instead of ‘popping pills’.

I returned to adopting many of the skills and practices we've already discussed in this book. I focused on gratitude, empathy and positive reflection to reframe things to a more positive point of view. I started serving others and volunteering (which I'll get to in a moment) because it took the focus off me and moved it to a greater purpose.

This was not an overnight solution to my anxiety, lack of self-worth and loneliness. But, after three months of consistent practice, I got myself back to a neutral state where I felt the anxiety subside. I began to connect with friends again and my self-esteem improved. It wasn't a sprint solution — it was more of a marathon — but ‘popping gratitude’ and the other positive habits is what helped me move forward from my biggest challenge as an adult.

I know I'm not the only person who has experienced something like this because at the end of the day — parents, teachers, or whatever our role is — we're human! And whatever is going on at home will impact work, and vice versa. We aren't immune!

I feel as educators and parents we all have the responsibility to role model gratitude, physical activity, empathy, kindness, positive reflection, service and self-awareness skills.

Two central skills

Through positive education, we are helping to ‘build and protect’ the mental wellbeing of ourselves and the young people in our care.

So, when we are going through a challenging time, we have two very important skills to draw on:

1. self-awareness: Self-awareness can be broadly defined as the extent to which people are consciously aware of their internal states and their interactions or relationships with others.

   Self-awareness of our mental wellbeing is powerful: it gives us the ability to understand how we're feeling. These feelings could be positive emotions such as pure joy and happiness. You could experience these emotions through a big breakthrough in the classroom or by achieving something meaningful to you. Or it could be negative emotions such as frustration, stress or sadness. You could have had a run-in with a parent or be stressed in your personal life.

   It's worthy of mentioning that there's nothing wrong with experiencing negative emotions: we're human beings and it's going to happen. Being self-aware is the first step. Say to yourself, I am not coping at the moment as well as I'd like. I am not feeling my best and I need to seek some support or help.

2. ownership: One of my favourite books of all time is Extreme Ownership by retired Navy Seal Jocko Willink. Jocko says that ‘there is no-one else to blame; you must own your problems along with solutions’.

   I've had many conversations with teachers over the years, and a common theme emerges from these discussions: Teaching can be a demanding and stressful role. Some days I handle the stress better than others, but at the end of the day, it's really up to me to be responsible for my own wellbeing.

   It's true that the environment you work in can, and should, support your wellbeing, but it is also your individual responsibility.

It's critical that as school leaders, teachers, parents, caregivers and youth workers, we recognise where we are at and what we are feeling, and reach out for help or support when we need it most.

Prioritise you

Now, remember that I'm not a GP, psychologist or health professional, but I do recommend that you seek out the kind of support you need, and don't feel embarrassed or ashamed for doing so because that's your duty as a role model! (There are some great contacts in the resources section at the back of the book to help you.)

On a day-to-day basis, however, there are some practices that I have personally adopted to help me in tough times, many of which I've touched on in this book. I'd like to share a couple more here, just to encourage you to adopt your own regular wellbeing practice at home.

These are just suggestions: feel free to play around with them and come up with your own practices. Remember: we are role models and our kids will always benefit from seeing us put these things into practice.

Serve others

In 2015, I came across a quote from the 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso. He says:

When you care for others, you manifest an inner strength despite any difficulties you face. Your own problems will seem less significant and bothersome to you. Reaching beyond your own problems and taking care of others, you gain confidence, courage and a greater sense of calm.

Reading this was powerful, and the timing was perfect because I was in a bad place mentally. I immediately searched for volunteering opportunities so I could be of service to something bigger than myself. It was Muhammad Ali who said, ‘Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth’. This is one of my favourite quotes.

After googling ‘volunteering Adelaide’, I came across Fred's Van. I was aware of Fred's Van, but I didn't really know its purpose. I soon learned that it's a service overseen by St Vinnies. Fred's Van is a food service for people who are experiencing homelessness or are at risk of homelessness and marginalisation. There are vans that travel around to different areas, as well as community centre locations.

So, every third Thursday of the month since 2015 I've been volunteering at Fred's Van at the Kilburn Community Centre in South Australia.

On my very first evening, three things stood out:

1. Volunteering at an organisation that serves homeless/vulnerable people helped put things in perspective immediately.
2. It helped to give me a sense of purpose.
3. It took my mind off my own problems and onto something that was far greater than myself.

Research from Martin Binder and Andreas Freytag suggests that people with lower levels of mental wellbeing can get a bigger boost from volunteering, compared to people who already have a reasonable sense of happiness in their life.

I have personally found volunteering to be a great way to serve and contribute to the wider community. And the other significant benefit is the positive impact it has on my own mental wellbeing.

I continue to volunteer every third Thursday of the month. Our volunteer team has built a strong community; we are a part of something bigger than ourselves, and we have a blast. But, most importantly, we are making a small difference in people's lives and it's something we all look forward to each month.

I'd highly recommend giving it a go if you're looking to add purpose and happiness to your life, while making a difference. Ideas for volunteering include:

• food service (soup kitchen, food bank)
• community gardener
• laundry service
• youth work (drop-in centres, 1:1 support)
• animal shelter
• sports coach
• team manager
• read to the elderly
• chat to the elderly
• leisure buddy (building relationships with adults with intellectual disabilities)
• op-shop assistant.

The great thing about volunteering is it doesn't have to be just focused on you. You could search for opportunities to volunteer as a family, and at school you could provide opportunities for students to volunteer at events — such as fundraisers or junior sports days — or perhaps in the wider community. I have accompanied students to retirement homes, Ronald McDonald House and community fun runs, where students have volunteered.

To find many more volunteering opportunities in Australia you could start by looking at the Go Volunteer website.

Three easy ways to shift your mood

Our wellbeing is a serious topic and shouldn't just be fixed by mood enhancers provided by a doctor. We should definitely look for ‘mood shifters’ on a day-to-day basis. They are easy and free ways to improve our mood straight away.

These are not necessarily prescribed by a professional (although maybe they should be!). They are long-term strategies that you can use all the time and they are things you can practise on your own, with kids or with others.

Here are three mood shifters that research from Szabo and Eerola tell us are ways to improve our mood (particularly when we're having a tough time). I'd love to challenge you to do all three in the next 24 hours!

1. Physical activity

   Go for a short walk around the block or move around instead of staying stationary on yard duty. We are not designed to be sedentary beings! Dopamine and happy hormones flood our body when we are active. It could be a walk, a jog or a home workout. There are heaps of free home workouts available online that require very little equipment. My favourite is a high intensity interval training (HIIT) class. It's challenging, but I always walk out feeling a million dollars; it's the best medicine for mental wellbeing that I have found. Think of ways you can add a little more movement to your day, and get the kids involved: they will never say no to a bit of movement!

   You could take your students out for a fun game or even give them some sporting equipment and allow them to have free play.

2. Music

   Crank up your favourite song in the living room or car and go nuts. Or combine music with physical activity: pop on your headphones and go for a walk or run. Listening to your favourite songs is a sure way to lift your mood. Keep your favourites on a ‘Happy mood’ playlist.

   You could also play music (when appropriate) in class. Wellbeing lesson time could be an opportunity.

3. Laughter

   How good is it to have a good old solid belly laugh? Kids are naturally the best at cracking jokes and being silly. There is a reason why ‘funny cats’ is one of the most searched terms on YouTube. One workshop participant of mine admitted he found YouTube videos of little kids toppling over while learning to walk hilarious. There are also funny memes or GIFs out there that could send you into hysterics.

   Or you could introduce a joke of the day in your class or play a funny video clip of cats and dogs playing up.

For me, if I'm having a bad day, I'm now self-aware that physical activity and gratitude are the main two things that help improve my mood. However, what works for me, may not work for you, so it's important to experiment to find your ‘mood shifters’.

And you don't need to wait until you're in a bad mood to perform your mood shifters. It's important to also practise them when you're feeling good so you can give yourself an extra boost of happiness — and, like I said, kids love getting involved in this stuff!

There are other ways, too, we can look at including these kinds of practices as a staff group, or as a whole school. Let's look at these now.

Wellbeing in staff meetings

It's no joke that staff meetings can be boring. We've all been in one where that one person just talks for the sake of it, repeats themselves 12 times, repeats what someone else has said and, just as you think the staff meeting is over, they start again.

However, despite this often painful experience, staff meetings actually provide an opportunity to create good habits and practices. Staff meetings are a consistent event that is a requirement and therefore presents the perfect opportunity for staff wellbeing practices.

Be Good to Yourself Day

It could be time for school leaders and governing councils to consider allowing teachers to take a mental wellbeing day off at least once a year or perhaps once a term. Swiss International Scientific School in Dubai allows staff to take a day off a year, whenever they choose to, as part of their staff wellbeing program. They call this initiative ‘Be Good to Yourself Day’.

Sharing resources at school

I was running a staff training session at Gilles Street Primary School at the start of the year before students returned. The topic turned to staff wellbeing and, as we know, workload is one of the stresses teachers face — especially planning lessons and creating resources. I asked, ‘Who has a system where you share lesson plans and resources?’ No-one put their hand up. So Principal Michael Bawden said, ‘Ash, you make a great point. Let's add this onto our agenda for this afternoon’.

Sharing resources across your year level team, and even a year level above or below, is a wonderful way to reduce your workload. It also builds a sense of community. Another option is, for example, if you have a passion for maths and another teacher who teaches the same year level has a passion for health, why not swap your lesson plans, materials or resources? You've just halved your planning time!

You could use a platform such as Google Drive, Dropbox or an internal system at your school. To take it a step further, you could start a Facebook group where teachers from all around the world share lesson plans and resources.

You could also consider a teacher buddy system, particularly to support new teachers to the school. It's a simple concept of pairing a new teacher at the school with an existing teacher. It's an effective way of supporting new teachers, whether that be with resources or helping them learn systems and protocols. Simple and easily actionable — just like all the other tips and tools I've armed you with in this chapter!

But remember, it's wonderful to have the intention to practise wellbeing skills, but this means nothing unless you act on it. And as self-help guru Tony Robbins once said, ‘Gratitude is useless, unless you practise’.

So, let's get practising today and make gratitude a part of who we are, so we can encourage it in our kids.