Conducting a Feedback Discussion
The goal of a feedback conversation is to reinforce positive behavior or improve performance. When giving corrective feedback in particular, don’t just air your grievances or criticize; focus on the future by conveying the specific changes you want the person to make. That starts with careful planning.
Plan the interaction
No matter how quickly you need to give feedback to an employee, it’s essential to prepare for the encounter. Once you’ve determined that you need to share your perspective and decided when it needs to happen, shift to working on the substance of your feedback. Here’s what you should consider:
• Gather all the information available about the behavior in question and its effect on the team or project to obtain an objective view of the issue. As you prepare, ask yourself what you would do if the recipient were to object to what you understand to be the facts, or if she presented other evidence you did not know about.
• Create a discussion plan. Jot down what you want to talk about, and anticipate the recipient’s reactions to the feedback session. Craft some follow-up responses.
• Prepare yourself to listen, not just talk. You might, for example, allow for half of the session to involve asking the recipient questions and half to be spent listening to her answers, rather than making comments yourself. Also anticipate what kinds of questions she might have and expect to answer them.
• Consider what you want to get out of the discussion, both in the short term and the long term. (We’ll discuss this in more detail in the upcoming chapter “Developing an Action Plan.”)
Organize your thoughts in writing. Table 2, “Planning a feedback session,” uses the example of Judy to show you how to identify the kinds of questions you will want to answer before you begin the discussion.
Then consider the logistics of your feedback session:
• Whenever possible, give the recipient advance notice that you want to speak with her regarding some performance feedback. Find a time that she will find convenient, but without undue delay. Arrange to hold the discussion in private, particularly if the feedback is corrective.
• Arrange to have note-taking and scheduling tools at your disposal to record important points during the meeting as they’re discussed. Having a pen, paper, and your electronic calendar at the ready shows that you intend to follow up.
TABLE 2
A feedback recipient is much more likely to hear what you have to say and learn from the experience if she sees that you’re prepared. You’ll also be more relaxed as you communicate, and the recipient will feel more confident in accepting your guidance.
Initiate the exchange
The first few moments of any feedback session are crucial. The initial signals a feedback recipient perceives from you are likely to influence her attitude throughout the rest of the conversation.
When you’re giving positive feedback, sending good early signals is usually not difficult. The very context—that you want to say something complimentary—is often enough. Identify what you’re praising in specific terms. For example, “Maria, you did a great job on the Simmons project this past week. I was particularly impressed with how you handled the client’s concerns about deadlines and the action plan you developed in response. I’d like to show what you did to the rest of the team.” Don’t end there. Ask Maria what allowed her to do such a great job. You may discover gems you didn’t anticipate.
Corrective feedback can be more difficult. There is no foolproof formula, as individual circumstances and personalities will determine the best course of action. But these principles can help:
• Sit without physical obstacles, such as tables or desks, between you.
• Avoid interruptions. Silence your phone if you can, and ignore e-mail, texts, and other intrusions during the conversation. Focus completely on the person you’re speaking with.
• Adapt your communication style to that of the recipient. For example, if she’s a very social person, spend a few minutes talking casually before starting the feedback session in earnest.
• Assume a tone close to that of an experienced teacher: Show confidence in the guidance you provide, but don’t be patronizing or judgmental in offering it.
• Consider the recipient’s point of view and perspective. Try to understand who she is and how she wants to grow.
• Imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes. Consider what you would need to hear in order to walk away from the conversation feeling ready for positive change.
• Be sensitive to ways in which gender, race, age, or other differences might affect the recipient’s response to your feedback. Individuals with certain backgrounds, for example, might find direct, to-the-point feedback demotivating. In such cases a gentler discussion may be warranted.
Let’s return to the example with Judy. You might be tempted to begin the conversation by summarizing what you’ve heard and laying down the law: “Judy, I’ve heard from a customer that you were really rude to him last week, and a number of other team members overheard and agreed. You just can’t speak that way to a customer. What do you have to say for yourself?” This sort of approach is likely to make Judy defensive and isn’t going to make her any less angry and anxious than she may already be (as you will have identified in your prep work).
Instead, you might start the conversation in the following way to remove some of the barriers you identified: “Judy, you know we’re here to discuss what happened on your customer call earlier this week. I’d first like to share the information I have about the situation, and then I want to hear your point of view. After that, we can discuss what to do next. How does that sound to you?” Because you opened the discussion in this way, Judy can immediately see it as a two-sided conversation and understand that you aim to work with her to find the right solution to the problem. She’ll know that she will have a chance to be heard, and that may make her feel less angry and anxious and more respected. You can then describe your understanding of the incident and encourage her to share her point of view.
Engage in dialogue
Whether you are giving positive or corrective feedback, once you have initiated the conversation and have described the issue to the recipient effectively, encourage her to explain her behavior in her own words. Pay close attention to how she responds. Specifically, you should do the following:
• Listen actively. Concentrate on the recipient’s message and its implications rather than on your response. In particular, listen to what she is describing and what images and metaphors she uses, and if you don’t understand something, ask.
• Notice nonverbal cues. Take note of the recipient’s body language and tone. Does her tone of voice and facial expression match what she’s saying? Does her body language appear tense or uncomfortable? Comment on what you see and ask her to tell you more about it. (“Judy, you seem angry. Did something I said seem unfair to you? Tell me about it.”)
• Monitor your own reactions. Sitting back and crossing your arms both imply resistance. Tapping your pencil or eyeing your smartphone suggest you’re not interested. If you lean forward, maintain eye contact, and nod your head, you show that you’re listening and understanding what the other person is saying. The feedback recipient may also use this opportunity to give you feedback—you need to handle that with the same openness you expect of her (see the sidebar “Receive feedback openly.”)
• Paraphrase what the recipient says. By restating her response in different words, you show the other person that you have understood her point. If anything is unclear, ask more questions until both of you are on the same page.
In cases of corrective feedback, after you share your concerns and listen to the recipient’s point of view, you’ll want to identify the core issue at play. That’s not always as easy as it seems; sometimes surface behavior stems from a deeper problem.
RECEIVE FEEDBACK OPENLY
As you talk about an issue, listen to the recipient, and ask questions, you may discover that he has feedback for you about a particular process, how you communicate, or how you’ve interpreted the issue at hand. You must learn how to receive feedback openly—and to value its rewards.
When others give you honest feedback, you have an opportunity to improve your relationships with them by showing how well you interact with people, your awareness of the impact of your own behavior and actions on others, and your process for getting work done. Here are some tips to remember as you receive feedback:
• Listen carefully to the other person’s point of view, and consider the feedback giver’s intention. What does he want you to take away from this discussion? Think about the validity of the feedback, and ask questions if you’re unclear about anything that’s been said.
• Let your defenses down. If you find yourself getting upset, try breathing deeply or taking a short break.
• Resist the urge to justify the behavior or actions that are being criticized. Wait for your chance to respond, and present your perspective clearly and calmly.
• Identify what you can learn from the feedback. Focus on how you can improve in the future and how the person giving the feedback may be able to help with that effort.
• Come up with a plan of action. Work with the person giving the feedback to develop a series of steps you can take, and ask for his support. Write down your plan as you discuss it.
• Finally, recognize when criticism of your behavior, even when valid, has no place in the current conversation. If that is the case, set aside a separate time to discuss that feedback, and continue with the issue at hand.
You always have the right to verify feedback you’ve received with other sources of information. This can help validate or modify the message you’ve been given. But always thank the other person for the feedback: It is a gift that can improve your relationship.
If, for example, you have an employee who is regularly late to work, you may both agree that’s the problem that needs to be solved. But the underlying causes may not be evident. She may be late to work because she’s having difficulties at home, or she may be unhappy about work and resisting coming into the office. She may simply be unconcerned about her precise arrival time, because she consistently gets her work done in a timely manner. Digging down to the root cause will allow you to analyze next steps that can correct the behavior and help the recipient—and the rest of the team—work more productively.
There is no easy script to follow for feedback discussions. Every conversation is different based on the situation and the people involved. But following the steps presented in this chapter will give you the best chance at having a fruitful conversation. In the next chapter, we’ll help you turn a feedback discussion into practical steps by developing a plan of action.