SEVEN
Establishing Agreements
The second phase of our mentoring model is negotiating (see Figure 1.1). In this chapter we’ll explore what it means to negotiate the framework of your mentoring relationship in the context of cultural differences. “Negotiating” may seem like a strong word to use in relation to the softer term “mentoring,” but the reality is that mentors and mentees need to establish agreements together to set the parameters of the relationship. The negotiation process is not about a mentor proclaiming their desired practice and the mentee accepting it; nor is it about offering terms and counterterms. Rather, effective negotiation requires mentor and mentee to discuss, adapt, and adopt the parameters that will govern the relationship. Essentially, the negotiation phase gives mentoring partners the time and permission they need to cocreate a relationship that works for both people and that will keep them on track throughout their mentoring relationship.
The negotiation process takes into account the needs, cultural backgrounds, learning styles, and preferences of all parties involved in the mentoring relationship. The dynamics of negotiation must consider the differences between partners in outlook, background, culture, power, and identity. This is why it is critical to begin by spending time learning about each other. According to psychologist Andy Molinsky, writing in Global Dexterity, when you are working closely with someone from a different culture, each person’s cultural code for behavior will likely differ along the following six dimensions:
1. Directness (how straightforward you can be).
2. Enthusiasm (how much positive emotion and energy you can show).
3. Formality (how much deference and respect you are expected to demonstrate in this situation).
4. Assertiveness (how strongly you may express your voice).
5. Self-promotion (how positively you can speak about your skills and accomplishments).
6. Personal disclosure (how much you can reveal about yourself).56
Understanding where each partner in the mentoring relationship falls on these dimensions is critical. After you spend time building trust and getting to know each other, you’ll be more familiar with your own and your mentoring partner’s comfort in each of these categories, you’ll be more able to notice when your approach differs from your partner’s preference, and you can figure out when and how to adapt in a way that is both comfortable for you and authentic for you. Molinsky notes that people often hold on to a false belief that there is one appropriate way to behave. Instead, appropriate behavior falls within a range, which he calls the “zone of appropriateness.”57 The “right” behavior is actually a range of behavior that lies both in your personal comfort zone and in the zone of appropriateness.58
The negotiating process requires mentoring partners to set the parameters of their relationship within the zone of appropriateness. This includes three steps: (1) clarifying mentoring expectations, (2) establishing accountability assurances, and (3) setting well-defined goals. Each step builds on the work you did previously in getting to know each other. Now you can use this knowledge to set expectations and to enable your growth and development. Successful negotiation results in a work plan that helps direct, focus, and maximize your mentoring time.
Step 1. Clarifying Mentoring Expectations
Mentoring expectations are linked to assumptions we make about our roles and responsibilities (see Chapter 5). These assumptions are especially critical to understand and keep in mind during this step, when you are clarifying who is going to be responsible for what in the relationship. Here’s how this played out for Darren and Martin.
Darren was surprised when he received a call from Martin just a few days after the mentoring program kickoff. He hadn’t planned on calling him to schedule time to meet until the following week. But Martin was eager to get started and said that he had lots of questions, so they agreed to meet after work in the café next to the office.
Martin dove right in with questions about work and the company, and the questions continued during their meal. Clearly, he was fired up and ready for change. Darren was glad to see Martin’s enthusiasm and that he had come prepared with questions, but he could tell it was going to take some work to manage Martin’s expectations.
Darren could see that Martin had plenty of drive and ambition and was passionate about making things better, and he was impressed with how well Martin listened and related to him. But as Martin explained that he was looking for a mentor to gain exposure, increase his visibility, and define a pathway to promotion, Darren was taken aback. He couldn’t recall ever feeling the need for a mentoring relationship to increase his exposure. He had assumed that Martin’s motivation for mentoring was simply to have someone to ask about how to succeed at ABC. The whole idea seemed strange to Darren, and he needed to find out more about how Martin expected him to help.
“Martin,” said Darren, “you’ve really thought this through. But I’m realizing that we haven’t talked yet about what we expect from each other in mentoring. Let’s pull back a little. I want to make sure that I’m clear about my own role and what I can do for you.” Darren also wanted to make sure that Martin understood that he was not going to be his fixer, his sponsor, or his complaint department. Plus, Darren wasn’t sure he could deliver on Martin’s expectation that Darren would get him a new role at ABC.
“Tell me a little more about what’s driving you,” said Darren.
“I’ve got to find a way out of manufacturing,” said Martin. “I’m hoping that you can help get me out of there and find something bigger.”
“That might happen as a result of our mentoring,” Darren responded, “but I don’t think it should necessarily be our target. I want to be a sounding board for you, to coach you on your goals, and to help you gain perspective. If it’s needed, I can introduce you to people who might be able to help you get your next role. But I just want to be really clear that I can’t promise you a promotion and I don’t see my role as getting you promoted. I think of my role as helping you become promotable. I can help you think about what you do well, what you could do better, and what skills you might need to get to the next step. How does that sound?”
Martin admitted that was a little disappointing, but that it seemed reasonable. If Darren couldn’t get him a promotion, who could? Martin wasn’t sure how he would get where he wanted to go in his career, but it certainly couldn’t hurt to have an ally like Darren. The conversation then turned to what the pair could agree was Martin’s role as mentee.
» YOUR TURN «
1. What can you and your mentoring partner agree is the role of the mentor in your relationship?
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2. What can you and your mentoring partner agree is the role of the mentee in your relationship?
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3. What is your mutual expectation about what can happen as a result of mentoring?
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Step 2. Establishing Accountability Assurances
Once you and your mentoring partner have surfaced your individual assumptions about the roles of a mentor and a mentee, you can create accountability assurances to manage and set expectations. At this point you may feel like this is an unnecessary step that adds undue formality to the relationship; or you may feel that it goes against a preference for organic connection or lack of structure. And yet—particularly in the context of cross-cultural relationships—these accountability assurances are key to keeping your relationship on track, meeting expectations, managing conflict, and overcoming obstacles during the course of your mentoring relationship. Accountability assurances set a framework for your mentoring relationship that create role clarity and guide your mentoring partner how to communicate with you.
Time and again, we have helped troubled mentoring relationships get back on track by coaching mentors and mentees to revisit the agreements they set with their mentoring partners at the beginning of their relationship. When we ask successful mentoring pairs what the key ingredient to their success was, they often cite the frank, open conversations they had with their mentoring partners about setting agreements as the rudder that kept their subsequent relationship focused and directed.
Setting accountability assurances helps create mutual accountability for the mentoring relationship, so that both the mentor and the mentee understand each other’s roles and preferences. When there is ambiguity in the mentoring framework, there is a higher likelihood that the mentor or mentee will walk away disappointed or confused. For example, mentoring partners who missed this step tell us that they hadn’t met in quite a while because each person was waiting for the other to reach out to schedule the next meeting. Accountability assurances enable mentoring partners to stay in conversation because they have an objective agreement that keeps them on track. Accountability assurances become a reference point to answer questions about original intent and structure. Mentoring is, after all, based on mutual accountability.
The key is to use your cultural competence to define accountability assurances in such a way that they are culturally relevant and responsive. This means making sure that what you both agree to is mutually understood and appropriate to your mentoring partner and their culture, and is not based on your cultural assumptions. The accountability conversation has four components that ensure mutual accountability: ground rules, confidentiality, boundaries, and emotional triggers. We encourage you to have this conversation with your mentoring partner and do it early in the relationship. If you skip it, you may find yourselves backtracking to stay on course. Let’s look at each component in depth.
Ground Rules
The first step in setting accountability assurances is to establish ground rules for your relationship. These include such topics as the following:
» How often are we going to meet and for how long?
» Where are we going to meet?
» What happens if we have to reschedule?
» Who sets the agenda? What is included on the agenda? When does it get sent out? Is there an opportunity for feedback on the agenda?
» Will we summarize what we’ve learned? When? (At the end of the meeting, in a follow-up email?)
» How will we end each meeting? Will we each have a to-do list?
» What are our expectations about preparing for our mentoring meeting? What does it mean to be “prepared”?59
Let’s see how Darren and Martin handled this step.
A few weeks later, Darren felt that conversation was flowing easily with Martin, and they had made progress in getting to know each other. Darren approached the subject of establishing agreements. “Martin, it’s time to set some ground rules for our relationship. Where would you like to start?”
Martin felt like a deer in headlights, staring at Darren as he sat behind his big desk. He appreciated Darren asking what ground rules he wanted, but he felt like he was being disrespectful to Darren by starting off with what he wanted. It was a long way from manufacturing to the executive suite. Martin was quiet for about a minute, which felt to him like an eternity, and then he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I don’t know where to start,” he said. “Maybe tell me what ground rules you set with your team.”
Darren paused, curious about the discomfort he was seeing in Martin. He was surprised by it, since Martin had seemed so at ease at dinner the last time they met. Now, when they were talking about how to formulate ground rules about their relationship, Martin was reluctant to contribute. Darren dove in, trying to alleviate some of the discomfort that seemed to have suddenly overtaken Martin. In a few moments, Martin relaxed, but both Darren and Martin realized that they needed to spend a bit more time figuring out how to leverage their cultural differences about power.
What happened here? By asking Martin to start on agreement setting, Darren’s intention was to neutralize some of the power imbalance that he was certain might otherwise cause too much formality in the relationship. He was trying to communicate to Martin that he had as much say in setting agreements as Darren did. Darren wanted Martin to know that he wasn’t going to unilaterally implement the structure and rules that worked for him. However, Martin, sitting in Darren’s office and being asked by Darren, a senior executive behind a big desk, to suggest boundaries and ground rules for their relationship, couldn’t overcome the cultural subtext that it would be presumptive and disrespectful of authority for him to state the parameters of their relationship.
You can see from this example how setting ground rules up front can help neutralize power imbalances and set the stage for effective learning. The key here is for mentor and mentee to approach this discussion with the shared understanding that they are cocreating the framework of the relationship. And given inherent (implicit) power dynamics, often the mentor must, as Darren did, take extra steps to point out the expectation that the mentee will play as much of a role in forming the parameters of the relationship. Despite Darren’s intention, however, it is most effective for the mentor to be explicit in this expectation and to discuss with the mentee what might be needed to overcome any hesitancy to partner and even creatively to preemptively suggest possibilities. For example, Darren might address the power differential simply by suggesting they move the meeting to the conference table in his office or meeting in a quiet corner in the cafeteria.
In setting ground rules, keep Molinsky’s framework in mind and look for a “zone of appropriateness” where the mentor’s and mentee’s cultural expectations and comfort zones overlap so that each partner can express their expectations and come to an agreement about what behavior is “in the zone.” Let’s return to Darren and Martin to see how else this might play out in setting ground rules.
Through his own self-reflection on how he best made decisions and learned, Darren realized that he most identified with the assimilating learning style—he processes information internally, gathering lots of data and insight, sharing his thoughts only once he has reached a decision or is close to it. For his part, Martin has more of an accommodating learning style. He processes things by talking them out and likes to try things to see if they work.
Once Darren and Martin learned this about each other, they were able to have a conversation about how to make this work for them in their mentoring relationship.
“As we talked about a few weeks ago,” Martin told Darren, “I really need to be able to bounce ideas off you and see how they will stick. I find if I do this with my managers, they think I’m all over the place, or that I’m being presumptuous, but I know you’re more of a thinker—a data guy. What’s the best way to do this without driving you crazy?”
Darren was grateful that Martin was raising this issue. He had anticipated this might be an obstacle and hadn’t been sure how to bring it up. “Well, what if you tee up an issue with what your need is? If you just need a sounding board, you can say so. And if we have an agenda with time limits, it might help me rein it in if we get too far afield. Also, I hope you’ll understand if I ask a bunch of questions and, if you are looking for my opinion or a recommendation, maybe we can agree that you’ll allow me to process for a bit after our meeting and follow up with you with a call or an email once I’ve thought it through.”
Darren also had an issue he wanted to raise, and he figured this probably was a good time to do it. “After all these years in management, I’ve become a low context guy. It’s how our team usually communicates in meetings and I find it helps us focus. I like data and everything, but it really helps me to understand things if we can start with some kind of executive summary. It doesn’t have to be written, but it would be helpful if you can. The point is that if you have a concern or an issue, I think we can tackle it best if you’ve thought through it a bit ahead of time and then you sum it up for me. With more questions and discussion, we can get to the issue better.”
Martin was struck by what Darren said. This framework of “low context” was new to him but he understood. “This is already a bit of an awakening about why my manager gets irritated with me. I’m kind of the opposite. Maybe that makes me ‘high context’?” I like to understand why and what happened and how people feel about something. I’m happy to do an executive summary, and I know you’ll do the same, but I’m hoping you’ll understand if I’ve got some questions around things.”
With that discussion, Darren and Martin began to set some ground rules. Martin would set an agenda for each meeting and schedule some time to think through how to summarize his particular issue for Darren. Darren would give as much detail as he could to Martin, and Martin would try to remember to ask for it if he needed it. When Martin was looking for Darren’s opinion on something, he would understand if Darren asked questions of his own, took the time to process, and then followed up in an email. Darren would commit to getting back to Martin within a week from the discussion and not take too much time thinking it through.
» YOUR TURN «
1. What ground rules might you use in your mentoring relationship?
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2. What potential challenges do you see in setting ground rules?
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3. How are you and your mentoring partner going to hold yourselves accountable for honoring your ground rules?
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Confidentiality
When we approach the subject of confidentiality at our trainings, if the training is in North America, inevitably someone suggests that they should apply the “Vegas Rule”—”What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”—to their mentoring relationship: “What happens in our mentoring relationship, stays in our mentoring relationship.” Our response is always the same: it’s not that simple.
An effective confidentiality agreement must encourage sharing while also creating psychological safety. Confidentiality cannot exist unless there is already trust in the relationship, which is yet another reason that mentoring partners must take the time to get to know each other before establishing accountability assurances. True confidentiality depends on each person feeling a sense of psychological safety. This means that both mentoring partners must feel that their confidentiality agreement is sufficient to create a safe space for sharing—and that is different for each person. The key is to find the “zone of appropriateness” that overlaps the mentor’s cultural code and the mentee’s cultural code.
Recall Molinsky’s dimensions of a cultural code of behavior mentioned at the beginning of this chapter. Mentor and mentee each bring a cultural code about how much emotion they feel comfortable sharing, how much they can self- promote, and how much they can reveal. Mentoring partners will likely discuss the mentee’s strengths and weaknesses, yet the mentor may be in a position to influence (whether directly or indirectly) the mentee’s compensation. Mentors may be on a leadership team with their mentee’s supervisor. There may be information shared that influences the business or potential business strategy. Perhaps a mentor may find themselves in a position to advocate for the mentee without the mentee’s knowledge. All these possibilities must be discussed, and a solution that balances safety concerns, business needs, and cultural comfort with disclosure must be reached.
Here’s how confidentiality played out for Darren and Martin.
As Darren learned more about Martin’s work environment, he saw several opportunities for ABC to make improvements in the processes for quality control in the manufacturing department. On his commute home, Darren had a monthly check-in with one of his peers, Charla, who supervised the company VP’s manufacturing division, among other teams. Darren was tempted to let Charla know of these opportunities for improvement and felt he had a duty to do so, but he was afraid that if he did so now, he would have to reveal some of the information Martin shared with him in confidence.
Darren wrapped up his check-in with Charla early and debated whether to fill the remaining minutes with a heads-up about the process improvements. “I’d better not,” he thought, as his confidentiality agreement with Martin was to let Martin know in advance if he wanted to share anything they had discussed. Darren and Martin had just started to make headway, and he didn’t want to jeopardize the trust they were building. Darren made a mental note to find out if Martin would be comfortable with Darren sharing information before his next check-in with Charla.
» YOUR TURN «
1. What does confidentiality mean to you?
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2. What safeguards would you want to put in place to assure your mentoring conversations remain confidential?
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Boundaries
The next accountability assurance focuses on setting the scope of the mentoring relationship—that is, boundaries. Although it can be a challenging conversation, engaging in a discussion about boundaries with your mentoring partner is essential. In Chapter 3 we discussed how one of the factors that varies by culture is the degree to which we engage each other in specific areas of our lives or diffusely in multiple areas of our lives.60 In specific cultures appropriateness depends highly on context and role. In diffuse cultures, where “everything is connected to everything,” it is impossible to distinguish one’s professional role from one’s personal role or role in the community.61
We saw how this played out for Aesha and Heather. Heather’s expectation, which is typical of those from a more specific culture, was that she would mentor Aesha only on work-related matters. Aesha had a very different expectation. She wanted to address her ability to manage life and work. Only when Aesha and Heather discussed the roots and importance of this need were they able to come to an agreement about boundaries in their relationship in a way that met Aesha’s needs to talk about integrating work and life and Heather’s needs to keep mentoring focused on Aesha’s professional success.
As it was for Aesha and Heather, expectations of boundaries often differ by age, generation, gender, life experience, life stage, and a variety of other factors. Two primary types of boundaries may be relevant in mentoring relationships: boundaries on time and availability, and boundaries on scope of mentoring topics.
Boundaries on time and availability: These are boundaries about when you are comfortable communicating with your mentoring partner. Questions to consider include the following:
» Will I respond or reach out to my mentoring partner on evenings or weekends?
» Am I available while on vacation?
» Will I be available for my mentoring partner to just swing by my office/workspace? If not, what happens if I want to meet at a time not previously scheduled?
» Do I prefer texts, emails, or phone calls?
» How quickly can my mentoring partner expect me to respond?
Boundaries on scope of mentoring topics: Questions to consider include the following:
» Will we talk about only work-related topics?
» Will we talk about development unrelated to my job?
» Will we discuss issues that are related to my personal life or my community involvement? If so, what are the boundaries and limitations to that discussion?
» What happens if you raise a topic that I am not comfortable with?
» How comfortable am I with using the mentoring time for “venting”?
In our workshops we dedicate time for our participants to identify and share boundaries. Here are some examples of boundaries mentoring partners set regarding addressing daily work problems, scope of mentoring, and time and availability.
1. Addressing daily work problems.
» We are not going to spend time talking about day-to-day work problems and crises.
» We will address daily work problems and crises at each meeting but will set a ten-minute limit to address daily work problems.
» If we need to address daily work problems, we will, but we want to be careful to keep our learning goals as the main item on our agenda.
2. Scope of mentoring.
» We are not going to focus on getting a promotion.
» We will talk about work-life and community issues as they relate to the mentee’s ability to achieve their goals.
» We will focus on the capabilities you need to develop to realize your goals.
3. Time and availability.
» If you need me urgently, send me a text and I’ll send you some available times.
» I have to leave early on Fridays and switch into family obligations, so please don’t expect a response until Monday.
» Feel free to drop by if I’m in the office but understand that if I can’t talk then we will schedule time.
Emotional Triggers
We used to talk about emotional triggers as hot buttons, but lately we’ve received lots of pushback on this term. It seems that even the term “hot button” is a hot button! And it is culturally relative. Now we refer to them as triggers. Marshall Goldsmith wrote a whole book on the topic of triggers, and so we will go with his definition: “A behavior trigger is any stimulus that impacts our behavior.”62 This definition is admittedly broad, and certainly its application is not limited to mentoring. We raise it here because part of leveraging difference in mentoring is cocreating a relationship that manages our triggers. Although triggers are often thought of as negative, they can be positive as well. The key to managing negative triggers is to articulate them early on. It will help your mentoring partner understand which triggers to avoid and which triggers to leverage.
In Chapter 3 we offered tips for identifying motivating factors. These can be thought of as positive triggers. We suggest that you and your mentoring partner talk about negative triggers, those that evoke irritation, frustration, or an unproductive emotional reaction in you, like shutting down or getting angry. Be specific about your triggers. If being late is a trigger for you, what do you mean by “late”? In some cultures, arriving within fifteen minutes of the start time is expected. In others, anything after five minutes might be late. In still others, if the meeting occurs within the hour in which it was scheduled, it is not considered late. In our work with global clients we’ve seen that early clarification around the trigger of what is “late” can make a big difference in avoiding future conflict.
There are other triggers as well. Here are two of ours. Coauthor Lois is a stickler for follow-through. When people make promises and don’t deliver in the time frame to which they committed, it really riles her. She manages this trigger in mentoring relationships by asking her mentees to communicate with her in between meetings if they won’t be able to follow through on something. Coauthor Lisa gets triggered when someone sends her an email about something and then texts or leaves a voicemail “just as a backup.” This “belt and suspenders” approach feels intrusive to Lisa. She asks her colleagues to mark an email with a high- priority flag to avoid this trigger.
» YOUR TURN «
1. What are your personal boundary issues?
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2. What cultural boundaries might you face in a mentoring relationship?
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3. What are your negative triggers? What behaviors can your mentoring partner take to avoid them?
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4. What strategies might you put in place to prevent you and your mentoring partner from crossing boundaries and pushing each other’s triggers?
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Step 3: Setting Well-Defined Goals
Learning is the focus and the litmus test for an effective mentoring relationship. If no learning is taking place, then the relationship is not a mentoring relationship. Learning in a mentoring relationship is reciprocal, but the focus of the learning must be centered on mutually defined goals for a mentee’s learning and development. Successful mentoring depends on successful goal setting. Therefore, the goal-setting process is key to creating the strong foundation necessary to achieve positive results during the mentoring relationship. Earlier, during the preparation phase of the mentoring relationship, you and your mentoring partner talked about goals in broad terms. Now, in this phase, goals become more clearly articulated and success criteria are defined.
Starter Goals
A goal first presents itself as a starter goal. Starter goals emerge from initial discussions about the results a mentee might like to see, and at this point they can often be vague, broad, and unspecific. They beg for further exploration and specificity before they can become measurable and actionable (we’ll discuss the concept of SMART goals in depth near the end of this chapter). Let’s look at Darren and Martin’s starter goals.
Once Darren and Martin understood each other’s roles in the mentoring relationship, they began to brainstorm a list of outcomes that might help Martin get closer to his goal of moving out of manufacturing. It all seemed a bit fuzzy, but a few ideas started to emerge.
» Improve relationships with upper management.
» Get better at influencing my upper management.
» Move somewhere else at ABC where I could learn more.
» Help my team develop.
This was a good list of starter goals, thought Darren. He put a note in his mentoring journal to spend some time with Martin helping him set a vision.
We’ll speak more about setting a vision in Chapter 8.
» YOUR TURN «
1. At the end of your mentoring relationship, what skills do you or does your mentee or mentor want to have?
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2. What kind of leader do you or does your mentee want to be?
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3. What do you or does your mentee want to be able to do differently once your mentoring relationship is over?
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Sleeper Goals
Often, while working on goals, sleeper goals emerge. These less-conscious goals weren’t initially uncovered. As the mentoring relationship progresses, however, these goals tend to surface and become new priorities. Darren and Martin provide a good example of how this happens.
As Darren and Martin started to refine Martin’s starter goal of moving out of manufacturing, Darren asked Martin what he thought his strengths were. Martin found he couldn’t answer the question. With further discussion, Darren and Martin realized that Martin couldn’t decide what he wanted to do next until he understood what he did well. A sleeper goal emerged for Martin: “Discover my strengths.”
Soon, another sleeper goal emerged. As Martin was working on helping his team develop, he realized that he needed to figure out how to better delegate. This had been a long-standing yet unaddressed issue. Now, however, it was clear to Darren that Martin would not be able to move forward until this issue was resolved.
Sleeper goals are goals that have been there all along, just not explicitly acknowledged. Once they surface, sleeper goals are no longer sleeping. Now they are compelling and require action.
Make Goals Outcome-Based, Not Performance-Based
Here’s a tip that will help you make the most of the mentoring time and the goal-setting process, and develop the skill of curiosity we discussed earlier in this book: cultivate curiosity by developing learning goals instead of performance goals.63 Beware of the temptation to develop performance-based goals. Many mentoring pairs choose a goal for the mentee that is already a part of a mentee’s performance expectation. This is a missed opportunity to leverage the power of mentoring to advance a mentee’s learning and development. Instead, we encourage you to find an outcome-based goal.
An outcome-based goal is set around the desired outcome of mentoring. It should answer one of the following questions:
» What do I need to know in order to accomplish my goal?
» What skills do I need to acquire?
» What do I want to be different as a result of the mentoring relationship?
» What am I currently good at that I want to build on?
» What am I currently not good at that I want to get better at?
We do not mean to suggest that mentoring pairs shouldn’t discuss strategies to improve performance. However, discussions about a mentee’s performance should be limited and focus more on how to do things rather than what to do. Mentoring is not remedial, it is developmental. When you use mentoring time to focus solely on how to better perform your job, it is a missed opportunity. Mentoring time is often the only dedicated space for mentees to focus on their growth. Let’s explore how this played out for Aesha and Heather.
The first time Aesha and Heather met to negotiate goals, Heather said, “Aesha, I’d like to see you exceed metrics in your annual review. Just good is not good enough. You have to be so good that no one can deny your competency. Hit your numbers out of the park. How is your success measured by your manager? Let’s set some goals around your performance metrics.”
At Heather’s suggestion, Aesha brought a copy of her annual performance goals. They brainstormed six ways that Aesha could “hit it out of the park.” As Aesha closed her notebook, she felt a bit disappointed. She was already going to “hit it out of the park.” And these goals didn’t really excite her. Heather saw the look on her face and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“To be honest,” said Aesha, “I’m not that motivated by these goals. I’m going to do a good job at my current job. I’m worried I won’t be using our time wisely if we only set goals around what I’m already supposed to be doing. I’d love to set some goals around how I can learn new things and grow.”
Heather was a bit surprised—she had always been motivated by the bonus that came when she overdelivered. She reminded herself that she needed to keep in mind that she and Aesha were motivated by completely different things. Heather remembered what she had learned about Aesha and her desire to become a better leader. “All right,” she said, “let’s course correct. At our next session, come prepared with some things you want to learn that do excite you, and we will refine these further.”
Aesha smiled as she wrote down this assignment. Heather had to admit that she was learning some things about mentoring while getting to know Aesha, and she started the next meeting mindful of this wisdom. For Aesha, the main thing was to grow and to achieve balance. Any goals had to incorporate Aesha’s criteria for success, not just Heather’s. Together, they changed Aesha’s starter goals. Now they were: “Become proficient in three of the competencies of a product analyst: strategic thinking, time management, and communication.”
SMART Goals
Before you move forward, set aside time to convert your broad goals or starter goals into SMART goals. SMART is an acronym for goals that are specific, measurable, action-oriented, realistic, and timely.64 Mentors can facilitate the process by encouraging the mentee to choose a goal that is a stretch goal—a goal that will make a difference in a mentee’s abilities, skills, and capabilities. Remember that you are each approaching the mentoring relationship with your own unique views on success, motivation, and ideal performance. Setting SMART goals allows mentor and mentee to clarify how you will measure success and create goals that are personalized and meaningful. Both mentor and mentee must be invested in, and clear on, the desired outcomes.
SMART goals must be well-defined. They must meet certain criteria in order to produce positive learning outcomes. In our experience SMART goal setting is a challenge for both mentors and mentees. It isn’t business as usual. Nor should it be. The conversation that leads to setting goals is critical in so many ways, not just to the outcome but also to the relationship. Let’s see how Aesha and Heather turned Aesha’s starter goals into SMART goals.
Starter goal: Become proficient in three of the competencies of a product analyst: strategic thinking, time management, and communication.
SMART goals:
Strategic thinking: Develop my competency in strategic thinking so that I demonstrate the skills and apply the steps needed to implement an initiative at Any Healthcare (specific). By the end of the mentoring period (timely), I will develop a marketing investment strategy that will define paid and unpaid media activities and produce a return on investment greater than 1.0 (action-oriented, measurable), and solicit and incorporate feedback from three directors (realistic).
Time management: Improve my skills at time management so I can better balance home and family obligations (action-oriented). By the time my in-laws arrive (timely), I’ll have identified and scheduled my recurring tasks, and determined what I can let go of and what I can delegate (specific, measurable). I will have the right tools in place to help me manage my time (realistic).
Communication: Understand what is considered effective communication at Any Healthcare. By my next annual performance review (timely), I will have reviewed three successful marketing annual operating plans and met with the VP of communication (specific, measurable, action-oriented, realistic) so that I can understand Any Healthcare’s protocol and best practices.
» YOUR TURN «
1. Create a SMART mentoring learning goal.
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2. List five ways you will measure your success.
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3. What will be different once you complete your goal?
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Create a Work Plan
Your mentoring agreement will come from the work you have done to clarify mentoring expectations, establish accountability assurances, and set goals. Even if formalizing it into a written agreement seems too much for you, we urge you to at least take notes so you can recall your agreements at any time. Next, you need to create a work plan for achieving each of the goals you have agreed on. Use your work plan to get started and to see your mentoring agreement through to its completion. This will ensure you keep moving forward. If you don’t make a work plan, you will wish you had!
Here’s how to do it: Itemize your learning goals, success criteria, and objectives for each goal. Lay out the specific steps you need to take to move forward. Set a date for completion for each goal and include check-in dates (more about that in Chapter 8). We take Donald Berwick’s sage advice to heart: “Some is not a number; soon is not a time.”65 Make your work plan work for you. Put it in writing and be specific.
Now that you know your mentoring partner better and have established agreements for your mentoring relationship, the real learning begins. In the next chapter, we’ll dive into enabling growth, the heart of the mentoring process.
Chapter Recap
1. Make accountability assurances (agreements around ground rules, confidentiality boundaries, and negative triggers) that are culturally relevant and meaningful for both you and your mentoring partner. This will provide an essential guardrail to keep your relationship on track. Don’t assume cultural relevance! Talk about the assurances before you sign off on them.
2. Effective mentoring is dependent upon setting SMART goals: learning-based goals that are specific, measurable, action-oriented, realistic, and timely.
3. Once goals are set, mentoring partners must make a work plan so that they can gauge progress and stay accountable. It is helpful to set dates to monitor progress that update the work plan until the goal is completed.