BALANCE
AN INTRODUCTION TO BALANCE
Excellent leaders often forgive mistakes and always give people a second chance. They are careful people who think things through before acting. They do not seek the spotlight, preferring to let their accomplishments speak for themselves. They consciously regulate what they feel and what they do and are in control of their emotions. Treating all people fairly is one of their guiding principles.
SECOND CHANCES
21. I give people a second chance if they have done something wrong. Or put another way: to err is human; to forgive divine.
Have you ever been really disappointed in someone you lead because they screwed up? You put your trust in them and they let you down? You had provided clear guidelines (so you thought) and yet they still managed to miss the deadline or produce something that looked nothing like what you wanted? Annoying, isn’t it?
If someone in your team really has performed very badly, there are a couple of ways that you as a leader can react that will be guaranteed to make things much worse.
First, if you fail to be explicit about what was wrong and don’t provide the support – either a direction or some coaching – to help the person improve, then you can be fairly certain that similar problems will recur. Don’t just cut an under-performer adrift but provide some overt help in order that they improve.
The second unhelpful reaction is never to allow that particular team member to earn back your trust or your respect again. We know that it sounds medieval but we’ve both worked with a good number of leaders who have told us early in our work together, much less so later, that once someone has let them down, that person is never able to earn their way back into the leader’s ‘good books’ to the same degree again. Ever.
Woah!
Do you have any idea what the results of such an approach might be?
- People stop taking risks, trying new things and being creative.
- The team stop telling you when they’ve messed up.
- Members of the team stop respecting you because respect is mutually earned.
Forgiveness isn’t a soft and fluffy approach to leadership. Quite the opposite. It is much harder to get over your disappointment (which you are at liberty to communicate, by the way) and still help the individual get better. They will know they messed up, so help them to improve. No one comes into work every day with the express purpose of failing.
How can you integrate forgiveness into your leadership? You can believe, think, say, do and ask yourself.
BELIEVE
Much of the poor leadership response we see in this sort of situation is fuelled by some faulty beliefs:
- Failure is terminal.
- People are letting you down.
- Perfection is attainable.
- High performance can be achieved in a straight line rather than by overcoming lots of bumps in the road.
If you hold any of the above beliefs, you are going to find it hard to forgive, including, by the way, forgiving yourself for failing. Failure happens and it is a great teacher. Start to believe this and practising forgiveness becomes easier.
THINK
Adopt an open, inquisitive mindset. Explore the reasons that a project or a deliverable didn’t go to plan. Seek to understand the viewpoint of the person that didn’t perform adequately. Think about what you as a leader could have done differently to ensure success. Along with all those involved, think about what learning you can take from the experience to ensure better performance next time.
SAY
The language that accompanies an inquisitive mindset capable of forgiveness is one of questioning. So the next time something goes wrong, ask the person or people concerned:
- What was your understanding of what was required?
- What happened?
- What would you do differently next time?
- What other resources could have made this easier?
- How could I have been more helpful?
Ironically, when you start to ask what you could have done differently as the leader, many people realise that the answer is not much and that the accountability sits squarely with them.
DO
Your action in relation to forgiveness is somewhat dictated by opportunities to practise. However, here are some steps you can take to flex your forgiveness muscles:
- Think about a recent example where you could have shown more tolerance to something that didn’t go so well at work or home. Dissect the example and how you responded.
- Consider how effective your response was in:
- resolving the crisis in the moment
- building the performance confidence in the other person for next time
- taking the learning from the situation.
- List all the things you will do next time to ensure better immediate and longer-term outcomes.
- Schedule a team meeting to reset expectations. Be explicit with your team about your approach to people not performing well. Ensure it includes timely, clear and specific feedback, as well as support. Also, agree to create an environment where people feel safe to come and tell you when they have failed to perform appropriately.
ASK YOURSELF
- How do I view the pursuit of perfection?
- What is the value of failure?
- What do I notice happens to me when I perceive someone has let me down?
- What other ways are there to thinking someone has let me down?
- How open am I to fully trusting someone who has erred?
- When I failed to deliver in the past, how was that handled by my leader? What impacts did that have on me?
- What changes will I make in relation to forgiveness?
CHOICES AND CONSEQUENCES
22. I am a careful person who examines all possible choices and consequences before drawing conclusions. Or put another way: take a 360° view, then just decide.
This particular attribute of a leader may, initially, seem at odds with the fast-paced world in which leaders now find themselves. With an ever-increasing rate of change, where the scale of such changes can often be seismic, on first glance prudence seems a little out of a place.
The PR problem prudence has is that it can be used negatively in a way to suggest a leader who is overly cautious or wholly risk-averse. Such definitions represent prudence unfairly. Whilst a leader who is prudent may want a greater depth to the data they have before making a decision, being prudent should not be taken to mean someone who will neither take a risk nor make a decision.
There is a quality to prudence.
It helps balance decision making (and decision makers) that rely perhaps too heavily on gut feelings or who don’t, can’t or won’t get involved in deep levels of exploration and due diligence before making a decision. There is an important difference between being risk-aware and being risk-averse. The latter stifles growth and plays counter to much of the opportunist tendency of leaders. The former is wise and enables risk of any magnitude to be taken, safe in the knowledge that all the available relevant information that could have been considered has been.
An important distinction to make is that someone who is prudent can be so when the situation requires it. They can be said to demonstrate the highly desirable skill of ‘contextual prudence’. This is quite the opposite to a leader who is more generally too timid to make a decision. Whilst such timidity may be wholly understandable with some leaders, if they are new or relatively inexperienced, more generally, it is an unhelpful trait. Thankfully, it is something leaders can address with the help of an excellent mentor or experienced leadership coach.
So how can you become more prudent? You can believe, think, say, do and ask yourself.
BELIEVE
Depending on your self-awareness around being prudent, you might need a check to your ego or a boost to your confidence. If you believe your experience and knowledge allow you to make fast and accurate decisions, you may need to accept you don’t know it all and more analysis might be prudent. If you know you can delay decision making in order to find that final piece of information, greater self-belief in your ability to decide could prove useful to you and those you lead.
THINK
The mindset required to handle prudence effectively really is one of balance. It is a view that accepts you will never find all the information available whilst also not being overly reliant on gut feel and intuition. Checking yourself, and the mental patterns you might adopt without sufficient awareness, will help enormously to strike a better balance between conviction and diligence when it comes to key decisions. No one likes being led by a complete maverick or a total worry-wart.
SAY
The language around prudence is one that seeks to check the balance of where a situation is at any point in time. One particular CEO we worked with in the utilities industry regularly asked his leadership team an interesting question, ‘What don’t we know?’ It is a good way to help you and others consider some of the areas that haven’t yet been explored or have not been sufficiently researched.
DO
Here is a tip that will help you decide in a timely and prudent way.
The major challenge for any leader is knowing when enough information is truly enough, when the depth of detail considered is sufficient. From our days of academic research, we were both advised that exploring the data usually can conclude when the same messages, themes or insights are surfacing. Therefore, once the data is ‘saturated’, and there is seemingly nothing new to find, then there is probably nothing new to find … at that moment in time.
And ‘at that moment in time’ is an important caveat. Many situations are fluid and changing frequently. Therefore testing may need to continue until an agreed point in time, otherwise a leader’s research could potentially go on ad infinitum and this could lead to a perception from others of being indecisive.
You know when enough is enough, when you are finding nothing new to add.
ASK YOURSELF
- How comfortable do I feel with this level of information?
- What more do I need to be satisfied that we have done a sufficient amount of research?
- When will I know that I have sufficient data?
- What consequences to this decision have I/we not thought through yet?
- What is stopping me making a decision?
- Have I mitigated as many risks as possible?
- What have I learned that will help me make future such decisions more quickly?
ACCOMPLISHMENTS
23. I prefer to let my personal accomplishments speak for themselves. Or put another way: from humble beginnings …
Displaying humility without appearing to lack self-confidence is a difficult balance. Showing confidence without coming across as arrogant is equally challenging.
We are both sports fans and particularly love watching athletes and players being interviewed on TV immediately after they have been successful. It gives a valuable insight into their inner workings. In those moments of victory, when emotions run high and guards are down, athletes typically give this range of responses about their success:
- It’s all about me.
- It’s all about my team and supporters and I don’t know how I’ve managed to win.
- I was really pleased with my ‘execution’ – the ‘in’ word of Team GB at the Rio Olympics – and I acknowledge the hard work of all my supporters.
What might leaders learn from such unfettered responses?
The first type of response echoes one we see leaders model often. Teams are just seen as a means to an end, often to their detriment. The individuals who made a success possible are not recognised.
The second type of response is more nuanced. Here, all the glory is given to everyone else other than the leader, whose efforts in organising, motivating and driving the team are left completely unmentioned. In our experience, this can happen for several reasons, including:
- The leader is genuinely aware of how much everyone else has contributed and wants to recognise that.
- The leader lacks some confidence, doesn’t like the limelight or doesn’t want to raise expectations about how much they can be relied on to produce such great performances again.
The third response is more balanced. Taking such an approach neither overstates nor underplays the role of the leader. The leader is sufficiently confident of the role they played and equally has a clear and overt appreciation of the efforts of the support team. Such an approach works well for leaders because it’s just the right thing to do.
So how can you get the balance right between humility and arrogance? You can believe, think, say, do and ask yourself.
BELIEVE
A central idea to having clarity in relation to your levels of humility is what you believe leadership to be about. What is the role of a leader? What is the role of followers? What is the purpose of your team?
These are challenging questions that you will do well to explore. Believing in a two-way relationship with your team is a great place to start. Failing to do so means your resulting attitudes and actions will be out of balance.
THINK
Check your thinking and actions. It is easy to slip too far towards either self-orientation or being overly focused on everyone else:
- Reflect regularly on whether you are recognising the achievements of individuals in your team.
- Think about the current projects and consider who deserves to be recognised for their contribution.
- Next time you get some praise from your boss, once you have thanked them for their recognition, think about who else played a key role and mention them too.
SAY
Say two things.
First, at team meetings – if you mean it genuinely – identify people who have contributed significantly to key successes. Get used to sharing the limelight, even when you know you may have done much of the work too.
Second, when you get praise, don’t brush it off but acknowledge it with thanks. Then drop a name or two of other key contributors in there.
DO
Here are three ways to build a culture of humility in your team:
- Build a team culture where humility about performance and achievement is coupled with an appropriate level of self-confidence. Start by challenging, in a supportive way, how members of your team respond to recognition. If they either over-focus on themselves or on others, you can hold them to the new standards of your team.
- Consider moving to reward/recognition at a whole team level. This ensures that everyone appreciates that great things can rarely be achieved alone and it keeps you focused on ensuring everyone contributes and everyone is recognised.
- Personally, ensure you hold yourself to the highest account in terms of your performance. Then it is a bit easier to acknowledge your hard work when you receive praise. You will no longer need to brush off recognition because you can be satisfied you truly gave your best efforts.
ASK YOURSELF
- To what extent did I do a really great job on this project?
- Who was instrumental in our success with this outcome?
- What can I do to share the limelight with those that really deserve it?
- What does sharing the recognition with others do for my self-confidence?
- What does it mean to be a leader of other people?
- How can I build a high performing team?
- If I were my boss, who should I know about from this team and why?
CONTROL
24. I am disciplined and in control of my emotions. Or put another way: have a word with yourself!
People look up to and respect leaders who are passionate about what they do and who can resist the temptation to ‘throw their toys out of the pram’ when the going gets tough or when they don’t get their own way.
This ‘emotional coherence’ is, in essence, the state of maximum efficiency and super-effectiveness, where body and mind are one. In this state, leaders are more focused, flexible, clear, energetic and, most importantly, positive. They are in control of their own responses. Such self-control has a positively contagious effect on others.
Neuroscience tells us that when we are under intense pressure we can temporarily lose the ability to think rationally and indeed even our active IQ faculty is reduced. Hence, why being able to control your physical response to pressure is such a key skill set. This ability for self-control is centred on your capacity to regulate your breathing.
Highly successful leaders know that under stress our breathing patterns become erratic and short. We can find ourselves unable to breathe rhythmically at precisely the time we need to most. At such moments, you need to find a way to first recognise what is happening to you and then to take control so that you can return quickly to the state in which you communicate most naturally.
Renowned psychotherapist and researcher Bessel van der Kok advocates the regular practice of yoga for helping with self-regulation. He tells us that its techniques help us to create a rhythm between tension and relaxation, which we can all learn to recognise in our everyday lives. A number of our regular clients, who have tendencies towards volatility (or even hostility) under pressure, have made significant breakthroughs by adopting yoga practices to help with developing self-control.
By finding this emotional balance and increasing our levels of self-control, we can unlock greater intellectual capacity and energy reserves. Physical and emotional lucidity and consistency gives rise to greater cognitive ability, and makes it less likely that our brains will ‘shut down’ under pressure and lead us to places we would prefer not to go.
So, how can you find such self-control? You can believe, think, say, do and ask yourself.
BELIEVE
Central to self-control is the belief that you can exercise control over yourself. Holding the belief that ‘I am short-tempered’ is a very different belief from ‘I can behave in a short-tempered way.’ The former is a static, global and self-limiting view of you. The second suggests a behaviour that shows itself at specific times. The latter position also hints that you might be able to manage and change the way you behave … which you can, so choose to believe ‘I can sometimes’ rather than ‘I am’.
THINK
Be honest. Do you really want to change your current lack of self-control? If you think you do, great. If you don’t have the will to change, you won’t. You need to genuinely think this is important, otherwise it is one of the more challenging sets of behaviours to adapt. So, think about:
- Where is my level of commitment to change?
- What am I willing to do to make the required changes?
- What are the benefits of changing? For me, my team, my family …
SAY
Sometimes a little bit of mental space is the most important thing to improve self-control. Therefore, some great phrases that will help when you need to regain your equilibrium include:
DO
Here are three ways to practise improving your self-control:
- Next time you are in a combustible situation, ask yourself, ‘What am I feeling right now?’ Do this regularly and you will recognise patterns of physiological signals, such as your stomach churning, your shoulders rising and your face feeling tense. As you become aware of your feelings, you will soon be able to shift emotions, maybe from ‘anxious’ to ‘curious’ or even ‘excited’.
- Experiment with consciously shifting your emotions from anxious to curious in the following conditions and note the impacts on the quality of your thinking:
- Quietly, alone, prior to a routine meeting or conversation.
- Quietly, alone, prior to a difficult conversation or meeting.
- In the middle of a routine conversation with others.
- During a high stakes conversation or when a meeting is reaching a critical moment.
- During a conversation or when you are asked a challenging question.
- Set time aside daily to practise breathing mindfully – say, five minutes a day. Put your hands on your stomach and focus on breathing from the pit of your stomach. If you are doing it right, you will feel your stomach rising and falling, rather than your chest. Count up to 7 on the inhale and 11 on the exhale. You will quickly become more aware of your emotions.
ASK YOURSELF
- What sort of leader do I want to become?
- What impact does my current lack of self-control have?
- What do I notice triggers me to lose self-control?
- Who do I know who is a really calm leader that might be willing
to help me? - How committed to change am I?
- What time will I get up in the morning to practise mindful breathing?
- How can my family and loved ones help me?
FAIRNESS
25. I treat people with fairness and dignity. Or put another way: human beings first, means of production second.
Do you get anxious about whether you have treated an individual similarly in one situation to how you responded to similar situations previously? Are you a leader who ensures people in your team know where they stand and feel that you are consistent in the positions you hold? If you can answer ‘yes’ to these questions, then it is likely that fairness is an important value for you. If not, then read on.
The point here is not to ensure that you get every decision 100% correct, 100% of the time. No one can promise that. But what we want to help you understand is why fairness is so critically important to people and why fairness is not the same as equality.
Let’s deal with the latter point quickly.
Fairness and equality are not the same. Everyone receives the same salary in a pure meritocracy, on the basis that each person produces exactly the same work for the same number of hours and generates the same value for the organisation. Yet, you know there are people in your team who perform at a consistently higher level than others. To pay them an equal salary to those who are not performing at an equal level is unfair. It would be a case of equality being (markedly) unfair. We are confident that you recognise and reward the better performers differently from those who are not at that level yet. That’s fair. Unequal, but fair. Don’t confuse the two.
So, why is fairness so important? We seem to be hard-wired to identify unfairness from a young age, but as we get older most of us learn to accept that life throws up inequality from time to time.
When people judge things to be unfair, their neurological response is to provide fewer resources to an important part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex. This results in our diminished abilities to think consciously and in a more complex way. People tend to ‘revert to type’ when threatened by unfairness, which is not a great platform for high performance. Finding ways to increase the sense of fairness across your team improves trust in you as a leader and raises engagement with those that follow you.
So, how can you increase a sense of fairness across your team? You can believe, think, say, do and ask yourself.
BELIEVE
Striking a balance between consistency and fairness is difficult. Exceptional leaders believe in following organisational policy consistently, in combination with a pragmatic view of the world. There is a belief that, whilst consistency is vital for avoiding anarchy, each situation should be dealt with on its merits. Leaders appreciate that adult professionals have the ability to discuss, negotiate, even disagree fundamentally, and yet do so in a way that retains effective relationships. Taking time to ensure fairness is important to effective leaders.
THINK
When leaders are faced with difficult situations, especially where staff are concerned, they tend to think about what an ‘ideal’ solution would be – one that works for everyone, is fair and displays consistency. They empathise and project what any proposed course of action would be like, from the view of those involved. Being just and fair is central to the solutions they seek.
SAY
Leaders of character employ internal dialogue to check how to proceed fairly:
- What did I do last time?
- How would this solution be for X, Y and Z?
- What are the pros and cons for all involved?
Leaders of character also ‘sense-check’ their internal chatter with others:
- How did you feel about this when we did it last time?
- Last time we did X, I’m proposing we do the same now. Are you happy with that?
- I’m keen to make this work for you and [the other person concerned]. Within the constraints we face, what would you like to see happen?
DO
Here are five things you can do immediately as a leader to avoid a meltdown amongst your team members by ensuring that you are being, and being perceived to be, fair:
- Do your due diligence: ensure you preview decisions and review your actions so that you are being consistent wherever possible.
- Communicate: where you can, explain clearly your decision-making process so recipients understand why you ended up at your conclusions.
- Share decision making where possible: get the team to contribute to decisions where appropriate – it helps engagement and provides insight into the process that was taken.
- Be open to the fact that you will get it wrong: you are a human being. You will get things wrong from time to time.
- Provide feedback often: it is unfair for people that you lead to be unaware they are not performing at the standard that you need them to. If there are technical or behavioural issues, it is fair of you to provide clear, timely, action-oriented feedback for that individual.
ASK YOURSELF
- Am I trying for equality here when fairness would be a better result?
- What can I do here to ensure all parties feel fairly treated?
- What feedback do I need to provide and to whom?
- How fairly do I treat myself?
- To what degree is this action consistent with how I formerly acted?
- What would be the ideal solution for all parties here?
- What might X be feeling right now?