6
RELATIONSHIP SELLING
Relationship selling refers to a sales interaction that focuses on the quality of exchange between you and the buyer rather than the price or specifications of the product or service. It can readily be a component of all of the types of selling discussed in this second half of the book.
The beginning of relationship selling is a mindset. It is a shift from focusing on selling something to focusing on helping the customer. As we look at ways to use body language to reinforce your positioning as a “helper” rather than a “seller,” we will also explore some common pitfalls.
The positive mindset shows up in myriad ways. A big indication is your use of active listening. When you’re the one doing all the talking, the meeting is all about you, not the customer. But when you’re in tune with your customer’s priorities, your advantage in the meeting is that your ears are open more than your mouth.
You will also find yourself driven by truth and ethics when you focus on the customer. For example, if he raises an issue or describes a problem and you know you are not the best person to address it, you will tell him. “We could do that, but I’ll tell you who could handle that better” is a powerful, trust-inspiring statement. It is a moment when a person who does sales can be described as a sales professional. It is a moment that potentially launches a long-term relationship with a customer.
When we label someone a transactional salesperson, it is not a compliment in the context of relationship selling; in fact, it’s the antithesis of a professional engaged in it. The term describes an individual with laser-beam focus on exchanging product or service for money. There is a time and place for that, and some people in sales excel at transactional sales, but the occasions to use it are not covered in this book. In contrast, sales professionals who rely on relationship selling—even as part of a spectrum of approaches—want to work with someone over a period of time, or at the very least, have earned the enduring respect of the customer or prospect.
In the fundraising realm, for example, you might establish a rapport with someone who gives an initial donation. But if you do a good job, the rest is stewardship—that is, nurturing the relationship so the donor consistently feels both your appreciation for the gift and a connection to how the gift has made an impact. Your work is to connect that person with something that he values. A common result is additional gifts.
Needs and Desires—Not Yours
Whether you are dealing with a product or service or the aim is to secure a donation for a cause, the prospect’s motivations that you may not have considered include:
• Practical.
• Moral.
• Social.
• Spiritual.
• Historical.
Practical
A desire to make a practical choice is rooted in the person’s need to feel he’s operating with common sense, intelligence, and logic. In some situations, the connection is obvious. If the buy is a car, for example, he would care about durability and other life-cycle issues. If it’s accounting services, focus would be on the credentials and reputation of the firm relative to the cost.
The need to rehabilitate a company’s image could also be considered practical, though. A large donation to a hospital could be motivated by the desire to uplift media and shareholders’ perceptions of the company. A company’s decision to invest in a corporate jet could also be practical if its facilities requiring executive oversight are not near commercial airline hubs and spread all over the country.
When a literary agent pitches a non-fiction book to a publisher, typically there is an assumption that the agent thinks the property has some kind of educational, ethical, entertainment, or other value. But if the presentation does not make it clear how and why the book will make a profit—the practical need of the publisher—then the pitch falls short. Rejection is an email away.
It can be easy to miss that a prospect sees what you offer as “practical” if you are working the realm of charitable contributions from individual donors. Research from multiple sources affirms the assumption that most reasons that people give money relate more to the heart than to the head. There is one reason, however, that can be very practical: the desire to be held in esteem as a leader or role model. A Psychology Today article entitled “The Selfish Act of Kindness” cited research out of the University of California—Berkeley, that indicated the practical, and self-centered, reasons that people give are to retain or gain status, cooperation, and influence: “Those who give more, get more. The most generous among us have greater influence and are, to put it in seventh grade terms, more popular. Whereas, the meanies who are grouchy and unhelpful are more likely to be cast adrift from our clique.”1
Moral
Instead of buying a car based on price and size, you decide to buy a hybrid because you believe it’s better for the environment than an all-gas vehicle; that’s a moral decision. It might be accompanied by a practical desire for good mileage, but getting more than 50 miles to the gallon is more like a bonus to you than a motivator. Similarly, you give money to a health-related charity because you want to help save lives.
Morality surfaced as a significant factor in consumer uproar over Amazon’s purchase of the Whole Foods grocery chain. In voicing a sentiment Whole Foods suggests was shared by many customers, one commenter on Whole Foods’ Facebook page asserted, “This is very upsetting...I want good ethically sourced organic food.”2 The implication was that Amazon would never allow such “moral” practices to remain in place. The backlash over the proposed purchase grabbed the spotlight in the movement for “ethical consumerism,” which involves buying and boycotting as compelled by one’s conscience and values.
If the consumer impetus to make moral buying choices is clear, do some corporations also make purchasing decisions based on their conscience and values? One of the companies that Jim has worked with is Aflac, the insurance company most associated with the duck who quacks the company name in commercials. On its website, Aflac declares its Fair Purchasing policy, so if you are a vendor trying to sell to Aflac, you would need to be keenly aware that a culture of morality guides buying decisions.
In the course of conversation with your prospect, you may hear moral priorities surface. They may not have a direct link to the company’s purchasing policies, but they appear to have importance for the person you’re meeting with. It may make a difference if she knows your company has a commitment to ethically sourced materials, supports wage policies exceeding industry norms, maintains scholarship programs for employees’ children, and has a corporate foundation that supports educational programs in low-income communities. You wouldn’t necessarily want to provide a litany of good deeds and morally-driven programs, but slipping that information into the conversation could only help.
Social
Social needs and desires are powerful drivers because they reflect affiliation with someone or something the person holds as very positive. The perception is that a connection to that person, product, or circumstance is elevating in some way.
A social motivation for buying or donating is strong in many areas such as consumer goods, professional services, charitable giving—most any selling situation you can think of. Whether it’s a matter of what you’ve chosen to wear or who sees you at the museum gala, how you spend your money can give you membership in a tribe.
People making buying decisions for companies may show their social priorities by choosing a firm or expert with star quality. The prestige factor makes them part of an elite club. This could be an advertising agency that had earned awards or an organizational consultant with a bestselling book. For example, the senior executive of a company seeking services in the area of risk consulting and corporate intelligence might want to hire the company founded by Jack Devine (Good Hunting). His competence in the area of security is unquestionable, but so is the social value of having your security needs handled by a 32-year veteran of the Central Intelligence Agency who could easily be described as “America’s M”—a reference to the character in James Bond movies coordinates spy activities worldwide for MI-6.
Investing in something like a luxury suite at a professional sports venue also has a social component. In this case, the company is buying the opportunity to create a unique social environment for major customers, partners, shareholders, and other key players.
Spiritual
“Spiritual” is a broad concept that goes well beyond religion. It is about associating with a higher purpose. You can engage the desire of a prospect to make a spiritually motivated purchase by appealing to the person’s desire for self-fulfillment. This is a concept discussed by psychologist Abraham Maslow in his 1943 classic paper, “A Theory in Human Motivation.” We have a more thorough discussion of this in Chapter 10, but the relevance here is that people reach for the realization of psychological needs after their basic physiological needs are met. And then, if they are successful in meeting those psychological needs, such as a connection to other people and achievement in a career, they can hit the highest high: self-actualization.
Spiritual needs are not necessarily met only by donations to religious organizations, although such gifts have the most obvious connection. Spas and resorts featuring yoga, meditation, and cleansing rituals often appeal to the spiritual aspirations of clients in distinguishing their programs from “ordinary” vacations. In addition, some consumers go beyond the realm of morality in making choices related to the environment, food, arts, and more; the impetus behind their spending choices is somewhat akin to a religious belief. Their buying power is activated by a sense of higher purpose.
YMCA has a unique place in a discussion of spiritual motivations for operations and purchasing. Founded in 1844 as the Young Men’s Christian Association (YMCA), organization now operates worldwide and, with $7.3 billion in revenue, ranks fifth on the Forbes list of largest U.S. charities.3 Consumers would book space in their outstanding facilities regardless of their religious beliefs, but many families, individuals, and organizations go to their properties at least in part because of the religious orientation. Vendors need to know that their practices, products, and policies should be in sync with those of the Y. For example, a shared services policy puts some Ys into cooperating purchasing arrangements with like-minded organizations in their area that want to cut costs. At the heart of it all—income or expenditures—is the organization’s mission statement: to put Christian principles into practice through programs that help healthy spirit, mind, and body for all.
Historical
The motivation to make a purchase or donate funds is historical in nature if the person wants to establish a significant, lasting presence. “Legacy” is a key concept in this, meaning there is an objective to leave something of value behind for the next generation. Integral to this is the concept of “memorable,” meaning that the person (or company) intends to be remembered for making the purchase or donation. This is a potential motivator behind purchases like real estate, charitable donations, or investment in collectibles, to name just a few.
The Citadel (The Military College of South Carolina) provides a solid example of how to engage a prospect in an historical way. The college links legacy giving tightly to the mission of the school—that is, to develop “principled leaders in all walks of life by instilling the core values of The Citadel.”4 A legacy gift, therefore, is positioned as a way to leave something behind for the entire nation—for democracy itself—not just your family or the next generation of students at the college.
Although this example is charitable in nature, there are companies that have purchased properties and assets that also have a strong historical motivation. For example, over the years, some major companies have purchased buildings on the National Register of Historic Places with the dual commitment in mind of making a profit from the use of the property and being recognized as having preserved it.
This story about ignoring a prospect’s priorities came to us from the prospect herself. She was dumbfounded that someone in fund-raising could be so blind to the basics of nurturing a potential major donor.
Eileen is a successful attorney who was planning to write a large check to her university as part of special alumni campaign. In the meantime, she found out that the university had taken an official stand on a social issue of great concern to her—a stand that ran counter to her own. She didn’t send the check even though she had pledged the money. When someone from the university called her, she told him why she was refusing to send the money. The fundraiser then made three classic mistakes:
1. He minimized the moral weight she gave to the issue. “The university represents so much more,” he told her. “You should look at the big picture.” The word should in that context is a finger-wagging word, intended to make Eileen feel obligated to proceed with her donation.
2. He assumed that her desire to maintain her tribal connections with other alumni would supersede her need to stand her ground on the issue. It didn’t seem to occur to him that her connection to other people in her life who shared her view was stronger than her ties to the university.
3. He pressed her on the morality of keeping her word. She ended the call right after that assertion.
Instead of drawing her closer to the university and the positive impact her donation would make, every argument he made pushed her further away. This is the opposite of closing: He opened the door so she could walk away.
The successful approach would have been to:
• Give her a voice for her concern rather than minimize it.
• Revise her sense of tribal connection by focusing on people from the university who share her point of view, not just a connection to fellow alumni.
• Create a reason to reconnect.
The turnaround could have begun like this:
“You make a good point and I’m certain it’s shared by a number of alumni. This has become such a hot-button issue in our society that it’s important we talk about it.” Eileen is now listening and glad at least someone at the university seems to think her point of view has merit. He then adds, “I have an idea.” He asks her if she would be willing to post something about the issue on the alumni section of the university website. He notes that university administrators are required to respond to any comments related to policy. She agrees.
His next move is to forge a connection. “Great! When you post it, if you will email me a note, I’ll personally bring the post to the attention of the director of alumni relations. Here’s my address.” Eileen thanks him and assumes the call will end there. “One more thing,” he adds. “As soon as I know it’s posted, if I’m in conversation with other alumni who share your views, I’ll let them know they can comment on your post.”
With that, Eileen feels as though speaking up may have been worthwhile. As for the fundraiser, he has now established a reason for email contact with her in the future. She will remain on his prospect list.
This real fundraiser in the scenario, rather than our invented person who knows how to develop a relationship, is an example of person exhibiting a transactional approach. Transactional selling does not put considerations like the five we described front and center in the conversation. The big question for transaction-minded sales people in profit and not-for-profit environments is not, “What’s driving him to do business with me?” but rather “How much money can I get out of this guy?” Falling into this mindset is one of the pitfalls we will now explore.
Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them
All of these problems relate to going off the track toward a good relationship with your prospect. You know your objective: focus on the quality of your interchange with the client and that person’s purchasing priorities. But sometimes, the lure of easy money, the apparent ease of the challenge, or misconceptions about the nature of the encounter will drive you toward serious pitfalls. In some cases, these problems occur because your expectations for the meeting just miss the mark. It happens.
In this section, we look at the pitfalls and key ways to avoid them. In the next section, we help you pick up the pieces after you’ve crashed in the pit.
Pitfall: Trying to claim a relationship that does not exist or does not exist yet.
The most blatant example with language is calling someone you have just met “my friend.” There is zero authenticity associated with using that phrase, which has the opposite of the intended effect: It puts a person in a defensive posture as he emotionally fends off your false assertion of friendship. Similarly, a blatant example with touch is putting your hand on the other person’s while shaking it for the first time or patting him on the back after just meeting. In these cases, it is an invasion of personal space and you will see the person immediately use barriers to block you.
• Avoiding it: Baselining is an intellectual activity that establishes you as an observer. If you go into a meeting committed to learning about the other person’s baseline behavior, you will less inclined to move too hastily toward friendly speech and gestures. By focusing on observing and listening, even if your natural tendency is to “friend someone” quickly, these mental exercises may keep that tendency in check.
Pitfall: Trying to claim rapport that doesn’t exist.
This is different from trying to claim a relationship when the relationship does exist. In this circumstance, you have a relationship; it just is not a close one yet. A common blunder is to share personal information in a lame attempt to use quid pro quo to accelerate your bonding with the client or prospect. As soon as you over-reach, you undermine the rapport you’ve painstakingly tried to build.
• Avoiding it: Sometimes reinforcing rapport works best without quid pro quo—that is, when you say almost nothing about yourself instead of volunteering information. For example, Joan used to fly small airplanes. When she was having her first meeting with a prospective client to do executive coaching, she noticed that he was wearing airplane cufflinks. Rather than say anything about her flying background, she simply asked, “Are you a pilot?” He told her he had just passed his tests and then turned his computer monitor around so she could see an image of the plane he was hoping to buy. He talked about his love of aviation for five minutes; she never once mentioned that she had flown small planes for 20 years. Being a fellow pilot, she got a useful insight into his personality and the way his brain works—without saying anything about herself.
Pitfall: Shifting to transactional behavior during a sales encounter.
You will disrupt the flow of conversation and take your rapport-building off track by suddenly putting your focus on the exchange of goods or services for money. This is a negative result that can occur when you move to the close prematurely.
• Avoiding it: If you have to put this mantra on a sticky note on your wall, then do it: “Relationship selling requires patience and sincerity.” Relationship selling can be a real challenge for people who get a rush from closing. If this is you, then perhaps you need to be in a transactional selling role such as a home furnishings store or a car dealership. In relationship selling, you need to use all of your will and common sense to employ active listening so you can hear when the person is inviting you to close.
Pitfall: Countering objections without using questions.
In your mind, you have probably prepared a retort for all the logical objections and concerns that the prospect might pose. You’ve no doubt been trained to respond quickly because any delay in rebutting an objection could undermine your credibility. Unfortunately, consistently pushing out information without engaging the person’s curiosity could make you seem too rehearsed in a relationship selling situation.
• Avoiding it: Prepare your counters with narrative questions in mind. If your prospect challenges you on your timetable for completing a project, for example, ask for her thoughts on modifying it. The ideas might be unmanageable, costly, or just plain ridiculous, but the answer gives you a deeper insight into the person’s thinking. That’s what you need to keep the relationship moving forward.
Pitfall: Using body language inconsistently in trying to connect.
You’ve read this book, looked at photos that illustrate good body language, watched some YouTube videos, and you think you know everything you’re “supposed to do” to win someone over with your movements and voice. Some of the tips came naturally, like minimizing or hiding your adaptors and removing barriers. Others seemed awkward, but you thought, “This is what the experts say I should do, so I’ll do it!” As soon as people appear to lack authenticity, they arouse suspicion in others. In adopting body language that you have learned is open, confident, powerful, and so on, it’s easy to come across as disingenuous if you mimic the way someone else is doing the moves. You need to absorb moves into your own movement style rather than impose the moves on your body.
• Avoiding it: In Chapter 2, we gave you the steps to ascertain your own baseline. Ideally, you do that with one or more person’s help so you have a clear sense of your energy level, style of movement, and vocal traits in a relaxed state. The baselining exercise should substantially raise your awareness of what’s normal for you. You will not only look awkward, but also feel awkward if you stray too far from the normal spectrum. You could look at yourself in the mirror, snap some selfies, or create a little video using your phone to see how you look doing what you’re “supposed to do.” Pay attention to what is in synch with your personal style and what looks odd.
Getting Out of the Pit
The four negative actions described can happen to anyone, but when they happen to you, that’s a pain you need to treat promptly. Here are ways to use your body language and questioning skills to extricate yourself from these potentially disastrous situations.
Trying to Claim a Relationship That Does Not Exist or Does Not Yet Exist
You see signs that your words or actions have provoked defensive movements. These could include crossed arms, throat clearing, moving a little further away from you, crossing legs, or turning an open hand—a hand that has just shaken yours—into a closed hand (that is, a fist).
Give this person some space while you maintain a posture of confidence and openness, and take action to focus the meeting on the topics at hand.
This is a time when you use your demeanor to show some deference. Simply stated: Back off for a bit. He needs to be in charge of the meeting for a while. This does not mean you should try to underplay your projection of confidence, though. You do not want to engage in body language that makes you look weak or confused. Even though you realize that you have offended the person with your overly friendly opening, you don’t want to look submissive. Avoid the request-for-approval look, adaptors, and hand gestures that suggest you have lost confidence. These include steepling downward and clutching, as indicated by the photos.
Use one of the eight conversation motivators to turn attention immediately to the purpose of the meeting. But choose wisely! Given that the person has just had an emotional response to something you did, it would be best to avoid an emotional-appeal motivator. Stay away from a question like “How long have you had this Internet security issue?” or anything else that arouses a sense of pain or acute need. You would want to go in a more positive direction, such as “What about the current security software do you think is working well?”
In giving the person more space, you might want to pull your chair back from the table a little. Don’t lean back and look too relaxed, though, or you will likely just remind him of your overly friendly opening. You want to use your body to restore a sense that you respect his personal space, do not feel excessively comfortable in his presence, and are a confident and competent person.
Trying to Claim Rapport That Doesn’t Exist
Your client seems distracted when you showed up for the meeting. You ask the usual, innocuous question, “How are you?” and she said tells you she’s fine, but had a fender bender on the way to work. Instead of responding with a bit of practical information—“If you need a good body shop, I recommend Acme”—you tell her about an accident you had that put you in the hospital for a week. Too much information. A friend would be interested in that; your client is not your friend.
She very pleasantly says, “I’m so sorry to hear that!” but there is no sincerity in the comment. Remember that relationship selling is all about patience and sincerity—and ideally that goes both ways. With her words, you see signs of disapproval, with a downward pull of the corners of the mouth and eyelids.
You need to move forward, into the point of the meeting, and one way to do that is to say something like “Thank you! Now, more importantly, I hope the campaign I’ve outlined will make your day better.” If you have a report to show or a diagram you could draw on whiteboard, this would be a good time put that visual to work. You need to direct attention toward business and away from you.
As we noted in Chapter 5, one sign of disapproval is a drop in the person’s energy level, so a tactic to counter it is to raise her level of engagement. By focusing her attention on a whiteboard, for example, you can stimulate thoughts that have nothing to do with the accident you never should have mentioned. Use regulators to encourage her to talk, to keep her contributions to the meeting flowing.
Shifting to Transactional Behavior During a Sales Encounter
This result is a sign you’ve lost control. It’s as though you were downhill skiing and the slope of the mountain suddenly got steeper. The cause could be misreading cues about the prospect’s desire to agree to the deal or your overwhelming satisfaction with the quality of your presentation.
First, let’s look at why you might misread cues. In noticing affirming body language such as nodding, illustrators that suggest enthusiasm, and dropping barriers, you might jump to the conclusion that everything you’ve discussed to that point has been earned approval. Periodic signs of acceptance do not signal 100 percent acceptance, however. Always be sure you ask direct questions such as “What other questions do you have about our terms?” or “What do you see as the next step?” before you rush to a close.
Also, don’t get delusional about how great you were in the meeting. Keep your focus on the other person. If she is leaning in to you and/or mirroring you, you have some signs that you are in sync—that she thinks you’re as convincing as you think you are. But if you spot barrier-ing, like crossed arms or legs, or moving a notepad in front of her on the table, then you know that questions or concerns remain that must be addressed before you try to close.
Countering Objections Without Using Questions
Unless you ask questions in the face of challenges to your expertise, product features, timetable, or some other aspect of what you are offering, you are either arguing with the prospect or siding with her. You are arguing if you use statements to counter challenges. By not making statements or asking questions when she says something critical, you are essentially siding with the prospect.
From a movement perspective, be sure you remain composed and remove any barriers. (There is more discussion of how to remain composed in Chapter 8.) From a verbal perspective, you need to introduce questions that invite energetic responses from the customer. Try starting with this: “I apologize. In trying to give you good answers, I forgot to ask some good questions.” And then ask good questions.
Here are the categories of good questions that would logically apply in a situation like this, as well as examples of how you might use them:
• Direct. “What do you see as a best-case scenario for this project?” You want to put the customer’s focus on something positive and to get her to be explicit about what she wants, as opposed to objecting to elements of what you’re offering.
• Control. You could follow up the direct question with one that goes back to something positive the customer said about your product or service. If she was complimentary about your timetable for completion, for example, then follow up the best-case scenario question with “And how aligned on timetable are we?” or “How confident are you that we can deliver on the timetable you just outlined?”
• Summary. Here you are asking your customer to revisit information or an answer she gave previously, so the question could be “I want to be sure I understand all of the key elements. So are you saying that your ideal scenario includes a price of less than $100,000, completion within three months, and inclusion of the next-generation product?”
Using Body Language Inconsistently in Trying to Connect
Something feels wrong to you. You were trying to make an important point and found your arms doing a kind of robotic flailing that was meant to accentuate your message, but instead probably looked like you were fending off mosquitoes. The cure for this body language mess is a smile—a genuine smile that will both help you recover and your audience re-engage with the authentic you. (It doesn’t matter if the smile comes out of the fact that you realize how funny it is that you just tried to gesture like Tony Robbins.)
Ron Gutman is a serial entrepreneur and serious student of smiling. His book, Smile: The Astonishing Power of a Simple Act, weaves together research and humor to convey how magical and curative a smile is. In his very popular TED Talk, “The Hidden Power of Smiling,” Gutman drove home his conclusions with this:
Smiling can help reduce the level of stress-enhancing hormones like cortisol, adrenaline, and dopamine; increase the level of mood-enhancing hormones like endorphins; and reduce overall blood pressure.
And if that’s not enough, smiling can actually make you look good in the eyes of others. A recent study at Penn State University found that when you smile, you don’t only appear to be more likable and courteous, but you actually appear to be more competent.5
Aside from movement glitches, you can also use other aspects of body language inconsistently. Costuming, props, venue—all of these have to be considered in a discussion of body language because movement and vocalizations occur in a context. If your costuming and props affirm who you are, that’s a plus. If they try to modify who you are, that’s a problem. As with movements, you have to have a sense of your own style and how to build on it in order to support your message rather than detract from it.
Your body language glitch could therefore be what you’re wearing. While working in Washington, DC, Jim met a public relations executive with a high-tech lobbying firm. She wore suits and high heels every day—de rigueur for the lobbying arena. After developing a great reputation with the dozens of major companies who knew her through her work with their lobbyists, she decided to form a technology-focused PR firm. She next made appointments with many of the contacts she had made in Washington, most of whom were based in either Silicon Valley, California, or Seattle, Washington. It did not take long for her to realize that those contacts changed how they dressed depending on location. On their own turf, they had the relatively casual attire that characterized technology firms, and when she met with them there, she discerned they were questioning her ability to connect with them. She looked out of place. The costuming issue was so jarring for her that she revisited her business model. She knew she would never be comfortable showing up for meetings in anything but her suits, so she focused on serving companies with offices in the nation’s capital.
Summary Points
• In relationship selling, shift from focusing on selling something to focusing on helping the customer. Think of yourself as a “collaborator” rather than a “seller.”
• When you’re in tune with your customer’s priorities, your advantage in the meeting is that your ears are open more than your mouth.
• A transactional sales person is the antithesis of a professional engaged in relationship selling.
• Whether you are dealing with a product or service or the aim is to secure a donation for a cause, you do well to consider that the prospect’s needs and desires might include being practical, moral, social, spiritual, or historical.
• There are several pitfalls that can damage your relationship selling. Those to be particularly aware of are:
Trying to claim a relationship that does not exist, or does not exist yet.
Trying to claim rapport that doesn’t exist.
Shifting to transactional behavior during a sales encounter.
Countering objections without using questions.
Using body language inconsistently in trying to connect.
• Getting out of the pit means having strategies ready. Some of them include:
Avoiding the request-for-approval look, adaptors, and hand gestures that suggest you have lost confidence.
Refocusing attention toward the business at hand and away from you.
Observing the other person; being analytical. Look for signs like leaning in to you and/or mirroring you that suggest you are in sync; look for signs like barriering that suggest you have alienated the prospect.
Introducing incisive questions that invite energetic responses from the customer. Rely on direct, control, and summary questions especially to re-route attention back to your message.
Relying on a genuine smile to help you recover and get your audience to re-engage with the authentic you.