CHAPTER 17
MAKE IT MEANINGFUL: GET TO WHAT MATTERS
The final quality that renders an outcome energizing is that it is meaningful on its own terms. You know someone has landed on an energizing outcome when they aren't going for that outcome as a means to a greater one; this outcome is the greater one. It's valuable in and of itself.
Your partner's focus should be on a result that's exciting and motivating or on a new situation that is so worth achieving that they may even end up thankful for the problem that pointed to it. That's a high bar, especially if the problem is a painful one—and it's well worth going for.
Re-read this part of the dialogue to see how Dara gets Ben to identify an outcome that feels meaningful to him:
| DARA: | If Ramona were off your team, what would that do for you? |
| BEN: | Then we'd be able to express our ideas freely. Everyone would feel more ownership and take more responsibility. |
| DARA: | And what would that allow you to accomplish? |
| BEN: | That way, the best ideas would rise to the surface, and we'd all feel ownership of them, so we'd work hard to bring them to life. |
| DARA: | So what I'm hearing is, what you really want is a team that generates great ideas and is committed to bringing them to life. |
| BEN: | Yes! That's exactly what I want! |
| DARA: | That sounds like a higher bar than just a functional team. |
| BEN: | Yes, what I really want is a high-performing team. |
| DARA: | Great. What does a high-performing team look like to you? You mentioned a team that generates great ideas and commits to them. Anything else? |
| BEN: | Well, one of the reasons we don't generate great ideas is that we avoid conflict. I'd love to be on a team where we can argue over tasks and deliverables without damaging our relationships. For us to perform at that level, we need an environment where it's safe to disagree for the sake of our shared mission. |
Dara may have her own vision of a high-performing team. After all, lots of business books have been written on the subject, each with its own definition. Here's the thing: the “official” or “right” definition doesn't matter at all; what matters is the definition that energizes and excites Ben.
Notice how different this outcome is from the one Ben originally shared. This is why the Outcome step is so important. Had Dara simply accepted Ben's goal of removing Ramona, she would have helped him solve that problem and ignored this high-bar, energizing outcome.
Notice also that Dara's listening and empathy gave her an opportunity to make an observation and raise the bar on Ben's aspiration of not just a functional team (a low bar) but a high-performing one (an energizing and higher bar).
Dara's questions move the focus from Ramona to the team's dynamics. Now there's a world of possibilities to explore; getting rid of Ramona is no longer the only solution. It's quite possible that team members intimidated into silence by Ramona will not suddenly spring into expert brainstormers and collaborators in her absence. Rather than being the cause of the dysfunction, Ramona's behavior might be more of a symptom.
So when someone identifies an outcome that is simply the opposite of their problem (e.g. remove Ramona from the team), that's a signal for you to probe further. In the following dialogue, Ginger thinks she has a motivation problem.
Don't:
| GINGER: | I'm doing really well on my new exercise program, but I'm scared because I've done this before, and then it just falls by the wayside. I'd really like help maintaining my enthusiasm about it. |
| FRED: | Great, let's work on ways to keep up that enthusiasm! What do you like best about exercising? |
Do:
| GINGER: | I'm doing really well on my new exercise program, but I'm scared because I've done this before, and then it just falls by the wayside. I'd really like help maintaining my enthusiasm about it. |
| FRED: | If you were to maintain your enthusiasm, what would that allow you to accomplish? |
| GINGER: | Well, I'd exercise every day and wouldn't give up when I don't feel like it. |
| FRED: | OK, so is it fair to say that what you really want is to exercise every day? No matter whether you feel like it or not? Even when you're not enthusiastic about it? |
The problem with solving for enthusiasm—or any feeling or attitude—is that we can't really control how we feel about something. Ginger is expressing an unconscious rule here, one that Fred has to deconstruct in order to help Ginger change.
The rule is “In order to exercise, I must be enthusiastic about exercise.” And chances are, that unspoken rule has been the problem in the past; when Ginger wakes up and “doesn't feel like it,” she concludes that she just isn't going to get on her stationary bicycle. Fred can help Ginger become a daily exerciser by offering her the chance to drop that belief and replace it with an empowering one: “I exercise every day because I want to be fit and healthy as I age; it doesn't matter whether I feel like it on any particular day.”
When you hear an outcome that doesn't seem like the thing they really want, dig a little. You can phrase it like Fred did, earlier: “What would that allow you to do?” One of my favorite questions to get to a deeper level of meaning is simply, “For the sake of what?”
At this point, you will have a positive, clear, and meaningful agreed-upon picture of their energizing outcome. Now you can move to Step 3: finding an opportunity in the problem to bring about that outcome.