We live in a culture where we squeeze every minute out of everything we do. We eat while working, drink coffee on the go, answer text messages in meetings, and check email while we're working on different tasks. The demand for our attention is under a constant barrage. Each day we fall further behind schedule with our never‐ending to‐do lists.

Despite the constant connection, we've become disconnected from ourselves. And even though we have access to all the information we need to feel better, we're just as lost and confused about how to take better care of our minds and bodies, not trusting ourselves to know what we need.

But when's the last time you had a good chat with yourself? I mean a really good chat, a kind and curious one? Where you paused for just a moment and checked in with your body? Your emotions? Mind? Soul? When was the last time you paused and considered what's going on inside and you asked yourself, “How am I doing in there?”

My guess is it's been a long time because of the new reality we live in and let's face it, most people have not been taught to do so, ever. If you're like most people, you crave more time for yourself, want to feel less stressed, and be able to handle pressure more effectively. It also doesn't help that we're constantly being encouraged to become healthier, happier, and more successful. Ironically, we have all the information at the tips of our fingers to practice better self‐care, achieve our goals, and—dare I say—“Live our best lives!” Yet, somewhere in the midst of this noise and our never‐ending pursuit of “the good life,” we find ourselves overwhelmed and ill‐equipped. Even worse, we might even be hard on ourselves for not taking better care of our mind and body, while simultaneously believing we're failures for not reaching our potential.

So rather than repeatedly beat the same drum and expect a different song, let's explore what we can do to reclaim agency in our lives.

And that begins by learning to pause, listen, and ask better questions. I call that “Power‐Pausing.”

Pause, Listen, Ask

I often hear people say they don't have time to take a break during the day. “So much to do and so little time!” Even when I say the word “pause,” most people interpret it as a break or “time out.” Sure, it could be that. But pausing is also about so much more.

A pause is a brief moment of time where you can exhale to let your nervous system calm down so you can better listen to yourself in order to come back home to yourself. It's giving ourselves the space to listen inside and ask, “How am I in there right now?” A pause can be just a small moment of stillness or a small moment that creates space between thought and action. Instead of continuing to default to reacting, a pause becomes a small window of opportunity where we choose how we want to respond and act.

In short, a pause is that small gap in time where change happens because you can ask: “What do I need right now so that I can better face what's in front of me?”

The key that will allow us to unlock how we think, engage, and act with more intent and with less stress is found in how we ask questions. Throughout the rest of this book, we'll talk a lot about “Power‐Pausing,” and we are going to keep asking ourselves: “How am I in there right now, and what do I need so that I can…? You will learn to see how this question can be used in any situation that you need to solve for, learning how to pause, listen, and ask yourself over and over again so that you can better face the challenge in front of you to navigate change, harness your self‐care, and grow. You can think of it as a mantra that becomes a new way to direct your focus and attention toward what you are working to achieve.

In addition to learning about the relationship we have with ourselves and how pausing makes us more focused, alert, and able to make better decisions, we are also going to use “Power‐Pausing” as a tool to interact and engage with others more effectively. Instead of reacting to something, this simple, yet impactful tool gives us that moment of mindfulness—a gap in time—to listen, ask better questions, and make a discerning choice to respond with more care and on purpose.

Your Mind on Pause

The Microsoft Human Factor Lab performed a study where they conducted brain scans to learn what happens to our nervous system when we attend back‐to‐back meetings as opposed to having short breaks in between meetings.

Their findings are important to take note of.

What researchers discovered is that the brain scans show our mind and nervous system “overheat” when we don't pause and disconnect between meetings or tasks. However, we remain cool‐headed when we pause to step away for a moment. In the scans, you can see how stress builds up if we don't take time to pause and release it. Their findings demonstrate that, despite our culture's belief, we cannot be engaged 24/7 or deal with constant input, decision‐making, or even pay attention.

Source: Path For Life^®

No wonder we feel so overwhelmed, right?

Paying attention can feel like stress once we do it for too long. As a quick exercise, think back to a time when you had to focus on the same thing for an extended period. You got tired, didn't you? Or perhaps you felt uncomfortable or irritated?

Studies also show that we focus best for 45–90 minutes at a time. What this teaches us is the need to incorporate moments of disconnection between tasks, meetings, challenges, and engagements.

It'd be easy to close this book and say, “Okay, so I just need to disconnect for five minutes between meetings,” but that would miss the point. It's not merely about unplugging, but also connecting, knowing when to plug back in, and what type of support we need. Power‐Pausing is a tool we can use to recognize our patterns, understand ourselves better, and reclaim agency in our lives, work, health, and happiness.

Even though it's not taught in our schools or during our upbringings, like any other skill, to pause, listen, and ask questions before we act is a skill we can learn and it's vital to begin the desperate change we need to prevent burnout.

With that said, we're going to practice Power‐Pausing. As we begin, take a moment to sit with the following questions to gauge where you are today.

• How much time do you generally spend getting to know yourself, your needs, and your patterns?
• How much time do you think you lose each day because you're exhausted or because your thoughts are elsewhere?
• Why would it matter to you to learn better self‐care mindset skills and what kind of change or impact would you like to make?

The Three Types of Power‐Pausing

There are three different types of Power‐Pausing: the physical pause, the emotional pause, and the mental pause. Each one helps us to reclaim agency over how we think, feel, engage, act, and behave. You can think of it as how we reset our mind and body, re‐engage our focus and attention, and reclaim our ability to make better decisions all day long.

1. The physical pause: Here we pause to listen to our physical needs in order to reset, recover, and reclaim energy, attention, and focus. This allows us to re‐engage and think more clearly.
2. The emotional pause: This technique allows us to listen to our emotions to access emotional intelligence (EQ). It's the pause that taps into our limbic brain connected to how we feel. To improve our well‐being, we must learn to get in touch with our emotions and use them as information. Power‐Pausing helps us reset, listen, and ask what we need to navigate stress and FUD (fear, uncertainty, and doubt). It also helps regulate emotions, like being sad, scared, or mad. This powerful pause creates connection, more empathetic communication, and more effective collaboration with others while helping open up the part of the brain that's curious and able to listen. When we accomplish this, we cultivate belonging. We'll explore this concept more in Part II of the book.
3. The mental pause: Here we pause to listen and ask questions that keep exploring what we need to navigate challenges and make better decisions that are inclusive of our self‐care. This pause taps into the executive function or the smart brain. We'll dive more into depth on this specific pause in Part III.

Each pause is designed to be used in action or to disconnect for a moment. You can do it anywhere and anytime while walking, in a meeting, alone, or when you start a new task or pick up the phone. You can even use it while responding to an email, when you wake up, go to sleep, feel under pressure, or are stuck. Instead of endlessly scrolling or texting while in the bathroom, take a moment and use a Power‐Pausing.

If the concept seems strange or vague, think of a pause as meditation where you sit with yourself, observe your thoughts, or simply give yourself space to ask yourself questions and listen before making a choice. It's especially powerful to pause before we react, which is how we reclaim agency over our lives. I'm willing to bet we've all experienced the regret of reacting too quickly or rashly and would love a chance to take our rushed words or actions back.

The First Step of Power‐Pausing Is Learning to Breathe Again and Listen to Your Body

For now, we're going to focus on the physical pause and build on it as our foundation as we continue through this book. Five minutes is plenty of time to get the benefits, even if you might want to pause for longer the more you become comfortable using the tool. For now the point is to make the pause meaningful and useful in different scenarios. Here are the instructions. You can read them first and then practice as they're easy to remember:

1. First, start by lowering your gaze or closing your eyes (once you practice more, you'll be able to accomplish this without closing your eyes as lowering your gaze will always be a good way to go inward in the moments when you're not alone).
2. Focus your attention on your breath. Notice if you are breathing solely in your chest, and if so, see if you can breathe all the way down into your belly. Expand your stomach while inhaling—just like you're filling it with air—and then let the breath flow outward without forcing it.
3. After a few deep belly breaths, turn your focus on your exhale and see how that feels. Even just a couple of breaths can be enough of a physical pause to calm your nervous system into a more open and relaxed state as focusing on the exhale helps with anxiety and stress.
4. Stop here for now and notice how your body feels. This is a simple and effective way to center yourself. Let go of the buzzing mind and reconnect with your body as it will help stabilize you.
5. Now take it a step further by observing your feet. See if you're able to “breathe all the way into your feet.” Logically, we know this is impossible, but the intention of drawing energy toward your feet can help you feel calm, centered, and grounded.
6. The last step is to scan your body. Consider how you feel in your legs, back, stomach, chest, neck, shoulders, head, eyes, and throat. All you're doing here is noticing and learning how to pay attention to your body. Please don't judge yourself as you're merely checking to see if you're okay or if you need anything else to feel a smidge better. For example: Are you feeling stiff and achy? Do you feel tired? What about any discomfort? Are you thirsty or hungry? Perhaps you feel fine; it's good to notice that too.

This technique and subsequent pause might be all you need before you begin what's next in your life or on your agenda at work once more. It allows you to manage your stress levels and just be for a moment instead of constantly thinking and obsessing so our nervous system can cool off.

The Practice of Pausing on Purpose

Many people hold their breath when stressed. We tense up our muscles and clench our jaw, which stops proper blood circulation to the brain, making us less effective and productive. Power‐Pausing, though, teaches us the simple act of breathing again so that we can work in a more relaxed, yet effective state. More accurately stated, we learn to breathe with intent and listen to our bodies from a place of curiosity.

When sitting all day, our body can get stiff. We need to stretch and move. If you're anything like me, you can get impatient when your body isn't comfortable or you've been sitting in the same position for too long.

I start this ritual in the morning before I even get out of bed. With my hands gently resting on my belly, I take a couple of breaths in and focus on the exhale, while scanning my body. This allows me to check in with myself, see how I'm feeling, and ask myself what I need so I can feel at my best as I start my day. I also pause before each meeting to evaluate whether I need to stretch, move, breathe, close my eyes to reset my mindset, get some water, or use the bathroom. I use Power‐Pausing as a physical pause between meetings that allows me to regenerate my energy, focus, and attention.

Just a reminder, though: I don't lose those five minutes between meetings by not being productive. Getting my body and mind ready for the next meeting is productive because it's how I can give my best rather than feeling achy, distracted, impatient, or moody. After all, no one wants that person in their meeting, am I right?

This is just one example of why we must rethink self‐care as how we support ourselves in working better all day so we don't have to recover at the end of it. We owe it to the next meeting that we self‐care before we enter.

Building Your Support System

Just like we need scaffolding when building a house, we need a strong foundation when building a healthy career and a successful personal life. Pausing throughout the day to ask ourselves what we need is how we begin to do that as it helps us notice our patterns and needs so we can better support ourselves.

You can start learning:

• How does your energy vary? And when do you need to maintain steady energy or focus?
• What's your attention curve throughout the day?
• When are you best at doing focused work alone, and when are you best at staying present in meetings or when collaborating?

We don't all have the same rhythm, and we don't even all have the same rhythm each day. Using Power‐Pausing to check in between meetings, however, is an excellent way to harness self‐care to work better for us. And companies are waking up to this also as more and more of them are putting buffers between meetings. But it's up to each of us to ensure we spend that time in a way that truly supports ourselves instead of rushing to check our email.

Practicing the Pause

Everywhere we turn, we're encouraged to go, go, go. If pausing is new to you, give it a shot when you first wake up in the morning. There are many benefits in taking a few minutes as we kick off our day to get aligned with ourselves while asking what we need so that we can better face whatever our day has in store. You can even use the questions of “Hey, how am I doing in there and what do I need so that I can…?” as a mantra to help you reclaim agency and as a reminder of the power of self‐care.

As we move forward, you'll learn why the power of asking questions is such an essential aspect of Power‐Pausing and how it helps you manage stress and anxiety by changing your focus and attention.

Remember, we are not fixing ourselves for being broken human beings; we are learning what we need so that we can access our awesome humanity and use it for good. After all, being human is not a problem to solve; it's an advantage to harness.