CHAPTER SIX
Communicate in a Language
People Understand
Do ordinary things with extraordinary love.
THE FIRST PERSON to bring Mother Teresa and her work to the broader attention of the Western world was British journalist Malcolm Muggeridge. In 1970 he filmed an inspiring documentary for the BBC called Something Beautiful for God, which was aired by most European and American TV stations. He went on to write a book about Mother Teresa. The public’s response to Muggeridge’s documentary and book was immediate and widespread.
Many other people, then and since, have worked tirelessly to help the poor. What was so unusually compelling about Mother Teresa’s story? One thing was the way she herself told it. Mother Teresa was able to persuade most people to see things her way. Her ability to converse with anyone from politicians, dignitaries, journalists, and world leaders to the poorest beggars in the street was one of her great secrets of success.
Mother Teresa did not know many languages, but when it came to communicating, she was an expert. If there were such a thing as a universal language, it would be what Mother Teresa spoke. The purity and simplicity with which she communicated transcended language barriers. She spoke with her voice, her eyes, her ears, and her heart. Her most eloquent way of communicating was through her smile. “Peace begins with a smile,” she often said. She could also touch you deeply with her words, no matter how simple they were or how short the time.
Connection
Mother Teresa always had time for people—all people. If you took the time to come and visit her in Calcutta, she took the time to greet you. A little sign by the main door of the motherhouse said, “Visiting Hours (for Mother) 8 a.m. to 12 Noon, 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. No Visitors on Thursday.” But if you knocked at the door outside of visiting hours, a sister would greet you warmly, and if Mother Teresa was available, she would come and say hello. She would ask about you. She would sit with you, envelop your hands in hers, look deeply into your eyes, let you get lost in dialogue, and listen. She would provide you with insight, usually what you needed to hear in that moment. She would tell you about the work of the missions and encourage you to visit them and volunteer. She would make you feel important for those few minutes. And you would remember that moment forever.
RUMA’S STORY: People came from practically every country on the planet to see Mother Teresa, and she connected to each and every person, despite language barriers. I remember one day, after Mass, seeing a group of Japanese businessmen waiting quietly for her. They seemed very powerful and stoic. They didn’t have an interpreter, and they didn’t speak English. The moment Mother entered, I watched their expressions elevate, and they began to bow repeatedly. Mother Teresa stood graciously and smiled. I walked by a few moments later, and I saw everyone smiling and laughing. There was meaningful communication with no words. It was simple, it was short, and it was transformative.
Understanding Your Audience
Mother Teresa faced daunting communication challenges. She knew that the Missionaries of Charity, like any organization, is only as strong as the information and inspiration flowing through its communication channels. But how could she communicate everything from grand vision to small operational details across the barriers of distance, language, background, differing agendas, illness, and pain? Her approach was simple and powerful: communicate in a language people understand.
How did she know how to speak to different people at different times in different ways? How did she always make people feel she understood them and “spoke” their language?
Part of the answer was her authenticity. Her love for humankind was embedded in everything she said. Her hearers felt the authenticity of her dialogue. She also had empathy and compassion.
Many people approach communication as a matter of consistency, clarity, and presentation style. They have a message to convey, and they feel the only way to make sure it is received is to carefully craft the words, then repeatedly present them in a consistent style. The unspoken assumption is that the speaker is too important to adapt to the audience, much less listen to it.
Mother Teresa took the opposite approach. To her, communication was often more about listening and observing than about speaking. By first listening with kind attention and a genuine desire to understand, instead of an urgent need to push her message, she could learn her listeners’ true language from words, tone of voice, gestures, breathing, cadence, body language, and eye contact. She used this information to adapt her language, naturally but intentionally, to that of other people, while paying close attention to their responses. Did they understand what she was really saying? Were they open to her words and intentions? Did she need to stop and listen some more?
Through focused attention, active listening, and adaptation, Mother Teresa consistently spoke in a language that her listeners understood, even if they did not share many common words or came from very different backgrounds. By understanding her audience, she could speak to them in a manner that resonated with them. Her words always came from the heart but were specific to the person in front of her. Regardless of the content of the message, and of her considerable authority, she communicated as one human to another. She trusted her instincts and skills, the power of her vision, and the good intentions of the other party, rather than relying on rehearsed phrases and standardized presentation.
It takes courage to communicate in the language of others. Formal training in various communication styles, including observation and practice, can help. But the key to effective communication is recognizing the uniqueness of each individual, then having the courage and the skill to adapt your language to that person’s needs.
It is not a matter of becoming, or masquerading as, someone you are not, but of being who you truly are in a way the other person can understand. This demands cultivating an authentic, personal voice but contextualizing your message with your audience in mind at all times. It requires empathy, and empathy necessitates awareness of and sensitivity to your audience’s feelings and personality. Within that understanding, find your own voice.
It can be hard to see how to apply Mother Teresa’s communication principle in business. How does it work when making a sales or fund-raising pitch to a group of strangers? Talking to analysts, investors, or the public about a bad quarter? Terminating an employee? Communicating in writing?
Each of these situations poses a different communication challenge. Some seem to call for a careful choice of “safe” words to avoid possible misunderstanding or claims of harm. In others, it would be easier to deliver a quick, one-sided message and move on. Even in these challenging cases, however, the principle can be applied.
First, stop. Remind yourself that your message is not worth anything unless it is understood. If you have not met the other person, use your imagination. For practical inspiration, read Warren Buffett’s annual letter to shareholders of Berkshire Hathaway—a formal, written document for a mass audience that somehow manages to speak plainly and directly to each person who reads it.
Second, remind yourself of the vision. The dream contains something universal to both parties, or you wouldn’t be communicating. You have common ground, even if the conversation is one-way.
Third, pay attention to your surroundings and feelings. If you aren’t speaking in a language that fits the situation and expresses your intentions, you probably aren’t speaking in your listener’s language either.
Last, reflect on your intentions. Kind intentions, even in tough situations, increase the chances of trust. And if you are not trusted, you will rarely be understood.
It can get incredibly frustrating when you communicate with someone who speaks a different language or whose message you don’t understand. To avoid this, you need to know your listeners and analyze how you interact with them, be they employees, customers, vendors, or regulators. Be aware of how you communicate. Listen carefully to your audience and align your communication style with theirs. Keep to your message, but be ready to alter the way you connect. Your goal is successfully communicating your message, not communicating it in a particular way.
If a leader has the courage and skill to communicate in a language people understand, the echoes of that communication will reverberate as clarity, collaboration, and confidence throughout the organization.
RUMA’S STORY: While I was traveling in India a few years ago, I found myself seduced by the lure of buying a silk rug. I had done some research and knew exactly what style of carpet I wanted. I was very excited by the thought of my purchase! I went to a local rug merchant and tried to explain to the salesperson what, specifically, I wanted. Unfortunately, he spoke little English and I spoke little Hindi. Given that I was the customer, I decided English was going to be our language of communication. As I tried to explain myself, the salesperson’s face was blank. I assumed he wasn’t listening to me, so I proceeded to raise my voice louder and louder, to no avail. This strategy obviously failed because he didn’t understand English, and it left both of us extremely frustrated. What I should have done was communicate in a language he did understand. I should have brought pictures, drawn the design, showed him colors, gestured to carpets I liked in the store, with a calm and friendly demeanor. Instead, I created an uncomfortable scene that didn’t accomplish my mission of buying a carpet. I returned the next day with my new approach and walked out with a carpet I enjoy to this day. This type of frustration is not uncommon when we try to communicate with someone who doesn’t understand us.
Communication Styles
We all have our own styles of communicating. How do your employees react to your style? Do they deliver on the tasks you have assigned? What about your parents, spouse, or siblings? Do you communicate in a different way with family than with colleagues or customers? Has more than one person told you that you are too aggressive, not clear enough, too soft-spoken, or sometimes confusing? This kind of feedback is a gift, so use it. If you have ever been frustrated trying to communicate something when the other person “just didn’t get it,” then try changing your style of communication.
A good business professional adjusts to other people’s styles. Good politicians are masters of this. Determining where you need to adapt requires observing other people’s styles. Are they low-context, requiring details and step-by-step instructions? Perhaps they are visual, requiring charts or other visual aids to understand. Do they deliver more successfully when they are armed with examples, or do they like to work their own way based on knowing the end goal? Figuring these things out isn’t easy, and the answers aren’t always obvious. People won’t tell you their style, and they don’t always give and receive information in the same way. You have to learn by having empathy for your audience, keenly observing the hints (often body language) that they give you about their style, reflecting on what was successful, and truly wanting to communicate your message.
RUMA’S STORY: As co-CEO and president of a consumer products company, I knew proper communication of our core message was a key driver of the success of our brand. As we began to scale our business, we decided to align our brand with a celebrity who espoused similar values. In pursuit of that goal, I found myself pitching to an artist’s team for both an endorsement and an investment from the artist’s investment fund. These are two very different goals, so I found myself in a meeting with three people with different objectives. The artist’s manager was looking to get as much money as possible for an endorsement; the head of the artist’s investment fund and his chief operating officer were looking to see a scalable business with potential for a successful exit and return.
The challenge of delivering a message to a group with different objectives is tailoring it to each person’s needs. As I prepared for the meeting, I thought through the general attributes of people in those positions, what would be important to them, and how they would like to receive information. Then, during the formal introductions, I observed and listened carefully for insights into their personalities and styles. I knew I had to highlight the benefits to each of them to successfully raise money from one side and get an endorsement from the other. As I addressed each person, I switched the way I conveyed my message.
The artist’s manager was focused on maintaining the right image based on the artist’s core values. She shared many stories and made comments about the artist’s foundation. When addressing her, I highlighted our brand values and demonstrated how our philosophies were aligned with those of the foundation. I gave examples of how we could collaborate and develop joint campaigns that focused on the foundation’s work. One example involved developing a product specifically for a cause important to the artist and donating a percentage of revenue to her foundation. My key message was, “We care about what you care about.”
The investment folks, however, were more interested in the return on investment. Their questions were all data-driven. They were interested in the details. They wanted to know how much things cost, how things got financed, and how all this affected cash flow and the bottom line. I only had one hour, and I knew I would lose the interest of the manager if I focused solely on in-depth financials, which did not directly affect her. I made sure to clearly answer the questions within a framework based on data, and I offered the fund representatives more time to discuss the details after the meeting. By taking this approach, I addressed their questions but did not lose the manager’s interest.
Each of these people needed to receive and relate to the presentation in a language he or she understood. The key was presenting the information within a framework of how each person liked to receive information. The artist’s manager spoke to me with stories, emotions, and examples; the investment people spoke to me with data, facts, and comparables. I communicated the same brand message tailored to each of them in the manner they understood—stories and examples, data and comparables. In the end, all sides felt heard, and the meeting was very productive.
LOU’S STORY: As the CEO of a rapidly growing software company, I needed everyone in the organization to understand how it made money and how each of them individually contributed to it. To accomplish this, we had to talk to over five hundred people, with all kinds of backgrounds, in the languages they understood. While the financial people understood the numbers and how we made money, generally the engineers did not. We had to lay a foundation for the necessary learning. At a series of employee meetings, we discussed the numbers: how they came to be and what each one meant. By the end of our program, the engineers were often asking tougher questions about the numbers than the directors were.
Mother Teresa probably didn’t analyze her communication style. She did not have a speechwriter, a media consultant, or a coach. She listened actively because she had empathy for people and wanted to understand their needs. Whether she was serving the poor directly, speaking to a politician, or raising money from a CEO, she always left her imprint by communicating in a language that the other person understood.