IN THIS CHAPTER

Knowing with whom and how to build relationships

Communicating effectively and dissipating tension

The effectiveness of an HR leader (or any leader for that matter) is dependent upon the success of their relationships. Leadership is a team sport, and the best leaders know that they can’t accomplish their goals alone. An HR leaders’ ability to support the business’s success requires them to understand how other leaders are supporting business goals. There is an interdependence between leaders within an organization, and to accomplish goals together and collaborate most effectively, there must be trust in the relationship.

As I reflect on my career in HR, I recognize the power of my relationships when I’ve taken the time to build and nurture them. It’s only with intentionality that we maximize the relationships that are most important to us. Following are nine keys for HR and Talent leaders to consider for building and maintaining relationships with key stakeholders.

Recognize the Importance of Relationships

Results only come through your relationships with others, so when building a relationship, you need to identify the value in the relationship and make time to build and nurture it. When you value something, you prioritize it. When you value your relationships, you naturally take the time to build and strengthen them. The best leaders get this and have a mindset that drives trust-building behaviors, which include the following:

• Asking questions to understand the goals and priorities of your key stakeholders
• Prioritizing interactions and meetings with key stakeholders (seeing them as primary to accomplishing your goals)
• Encouraging key stakeholders by taking the time to listen to their challenges and providing supportive guidance and coaching
• Building credibility with key stakeholders by following through on actions — doing what you say you will do

Know with Whom to Build Key Relationships

The key is to identify your key stakeholders. They’re the individuals most influential in helping to accomplish your goals — those are the relationships to focus on in the business. Many HR and Talent leaders spread themselves thin and try to connect with everyone, or they spend time primarily with leaders whose personalities are similar to theirs.

If you’re a new leader within an organization, ask others who they think you need to get to know. Notice who in the business has a lot of influence and credibility and start there. I’ve found throughout my career that executive assistants within a business are a great resource for information about who to connect with and how best to connect with a particular resource.

It’s also important to think about key stakeholders at all levels within the organization. From front line to senior leaders, find out whose influence is most important to the business goals you are working toward. Being intentional about building relationships at all levels also provides good insight into what’s happening at all levels within the organization.

And while internal relationships are clearly a priority, also consider external relationships that support goal attainment. Key vendors, customers, and other business partners who are adding value to the organization need to be aligned and communicated with on an ongoing basis to provide maximum value to the business.

Seek to Understand Others’ Perspectives

In his classic book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (published by Simon & Schuster), author Stephen Covey names habit number 5 as “seek first to understand, THEN to be understood.” This principle is a cornerstone of any strong relationship because it’s a significant trust-building behavior. And yet, throughout my career I’ve fallen into the trap (and seen other leaders do the same) of sharing my perspective quickly to prove my value or add to a conversation. In other words, I focus on my reply rather than understanding what the person I’m listening to is trying to express. This approach (seeking to be understood first) impedes trust because it focuses all the attention on the one seeking to be understood. Instead, go into a relationship with curiosity and openness, striving to learn about the person you’re building a relationship with. Then, after you understand their point of view and the way in which they think about the world, you’re much better equipped to respond in a way that connects with them.

I’ve also seen many HR leaders express frustration when other leaders in the business “don’t get HR,” and I’ve challenged that statement and belief because it’s contrary to seeking to understand. A much more empowering perspective to reflect on is this: “What do you get?” In other words, do you get their perspective? That’s the key in building the relationship, and it starts with open-ended questions. Following are some simple questions that are helpful in getting to know any coworker or in building any relationship with a new team member:

• How does your team/department/role support the business?
• What are your goals?
• What are your team’s/department’s/individual strengths?
• What are you most proud of about the work you do?
• What are your greatest challenges right now?
• Where are you stuck?
• What do you wish you had more time for?

The key to these questions is asking them with a curious spirit. Show up with openness, transparency, and a willingness to learn, and you will do your part to create a trusting relationship. And notice that each of these questions starts with how or what. Asking a question that begins with how or what ensures that the question is open-ended and disarming, which is key in building trust in the relationship.

Align on Shared Values

Shared values can be an incredible source of grounding in a relationship. The key is to take the time to get to know what’s important to the people you’re working with so that you can find common ground.

For example, an HR leader may be frustrated by the way in which an operations manager is managing (or failing to manage) a struggling team member. Knowing that the operations manager has a strong drive to serve the customer with excellence, the HR leader can leverage this shared value as a starting point for the conversation, saying something like, “I know we both share a strong desire to serve the customer, so what support does the struggling team member need to do this well?” This approach grounds the conversation in a value that both leaders share, so it starts the conversation from a place of unity and connection. Through the process of affirming shared values, the HR leader ensures alignment.

Communicate Proactively

Communication is at the heart of any strong relationship. No one is a mind reader, and in a time in which working professionals are busier than ever, it’s mission critical to be intentional and focused on your communication efforts and to communicate proactively. Put yourself in the position of playing offense. Communicate before you need to communicate.

Before sending an email, addressing colleagues at a meeting, sharing information via your internal communication tool, or having a one-on-one meeting with another leader in the business, take the time to get clear on the message, who you’re communicating to, and how best to communicate the message. Check out Table 20-1 to help ensure you are considering the best way in which to communicate the intended message to your audience.

Recognize Conflict and Tension as a Natural Part of Any Relationship

Know that anytime you’re building a relationship, tension will naturally arise. You may uncover a past challenge, a conflicting perspective, or any other tension-inducing situation, and it’s completely normal. Actually, it’s healthy. When there’s openness and candor in a relationship (evidence of a high-trust relationship), of course, tension and differing perspectives will exist. And when tension arises, press into it. Use it as an opportunity to find out more about the leader you are in a relationship with or building a relationship with. Instead of bowing out, talking with others about the leader, or creating an unfair storyline about the leader, directly talk with the leader about the tension. You may simply say something like, “There is tension between us on this issue; I’d like to talk through that with you to understand your perspective more fully.” That’s a great way to strengthen the trust in the relationship and gain credibility along the way.

Own Your Actions

You must take ownership for your own actions, as ultimately, you are responsible for your choices. This is a helpful mindset as you’re building trust in relationships because it keeps the focus on what you are doing, not what the person you’re building trust with is doing.

HR has gotten a bad rap for decades, and new HR leaders may come across as having outdated attitudes and perspectives on HR in the businesses they are serving. Recognize biases and outdated attitudes as just that, without making them about you. Show a new style of HR leadership through your actions — that is the best way to change a perspective.

Respond Rather Than React

Between every frustration and your reaction to the frustration is a space, and in that space is where your power lies. In that space, you get to choose how to respond every single time. But often, in the heat of the moment, you may not give yourself the chance to stop, pause, and respond rather than react.

The key is to leverage the pause — give yourself the opportunity to reflect on how you want to respond given the situation, the relationships with the people involved, and the information you have.

As you’re building and nurturing relationships with key stakeholders, be intentional about responding to them in a way that helps to build trust and supports the goal of strengthening the relationship. Filter the challenge through a bigger picture perspective (the goals you’re working on or your values) to ensure that your response is helpful.

Build Trust Continually

You can never take the level of trust in a relationship for granted. The key is to take the time to nurture relationships continuously and maintain a high level of intentionality. Think of the amount of trust in a relationship as you would a bank account — you want to build up your account and monitor it to ensure it’s healthy. As I note earlier, conflict and tension will occur, but when there is a good balance in the trust account, deposits won’t have the impact they would if the account were empty.

Your path to getting results in the business you serve is through your relationships. Honor them, and they will honor you.