3

WORKING THE CROWD

Now that you have the big-picture view of your new company, it is time to get to know people one on one. Establishing strong on-the-job relationships will drive your career growth and give you a reason to come to work in the morning. When you first meet new colleagues, it’s hard to imagine having an informal lunch meeting with them or talking reality television in front of the water-cooler. You might think that your fellow employees should approach you because you are the new kid. However, in most companies, the pace of business is so frenetic that you’ll be lucky if people even notice you arrived. It’s your responsibility to make sure that you are professionally and socially integrated into your department, and you’ll be better off if you take action sooner rather than later. In this chapter, I’ll discuss strategies for getting to know your new boss and navigating your company’s social scene. I’ll also touch on how to practice cringe-free networking, how to scout out the antidote for business-world insanity (your mentor), and how to leverage executive sponsorship for the benefit of your forward momentum.

Getting to Know the Boss

There are as many different types of bosses in the professional world as there are people, and hopefully, the manager you work for is a good fit. As the captain of your department’s ship, your boss is responsible for the group’s success, and, to a great extent, your own. As such, it’s crucial that you get to know your immediate supervisor early and determine her priorities. During your first days in the trenches, observe your boss in action. If you can, shadow her for a day to see how she interacts with junior and senior employees, and how she handles different situations.

It’s difficult to slap a label on a complex person you barely know, but thinking about your boss’s management style will help you determine how to proceed with the best chance of success. There are some documented differences between male and female bosses. In a May 2018 Harvard Business Review article, US Naval Academy researchers David Smith and Judith Rosenstein and Harvard researcher Margaret Nikolov analyzed a large-scale military dataset (over 4,000 participants and 81,000 evaluations) to examine eighty-nine leadership attributes that were used to assess leader performance.

The most commonly used term to describe male bosses was “analytical,” while for female bosses it was “compassionate.” The researchers discerned that the term “analytical” is task-oriented, speaking to the ability to reason, interpret, strengthen, strategize, and lending support to the objectives or mission of the business. Compassion, on the other hand, is relationship-oriented, contributing to a positive work environment and culture.

It’s a good idea to set up a one-on-one meeting with your new boss right away. You will need to be proactive about this because, in the crazed atmosphere of the professional world, your boss may be too harried to make the suggestion. If necessary, block an hour with his admin or ask him to grab a quick lunch in the cafeteria. New York City career counselor Judith Gerberg suggests three strategies for this first encounter:

1. Express gratitude and enthusiasm.
2. Clarify roles and expectations.
3. Define the training and support you will need to do your job well.

Additionally, you’ll want to leave the meeting with answers to the following questions:

If you can accomplish one thing in this initial meeting, you and your boss should agree on how to move forward. All of your efforts to impress him with your expansive knowledge of the field and your creative ideas will be fruitless if the two of you are going in different directions. Find out what he wants from you and then brainstorm ways to surpass his expectations. You can also establish a good rapport by making your new boss feel needed. Show him that you are ready and willing to be guided, and bond with him over the fact that he has some years on you, and therefore has a treasure trove of career advice to offer.

How else can you get started on the right foot? Here are some other hints.

There’s one important caveat to the “can-do” mantra: You have to set reasonable boundaries for your new manager. There is a fine line between being a hard worker and letting people take advantage of you. Some managers, even good ones, fall victim to the “gofer” syndrome. If you’ve ever tried in vain to track down the guy who fills up the kitchen’s cappuccino machine, you know what I’m talking about. The gofer syndrome involves a stream of barked orders to the tune of, “Do this, do that, get me this, get me that, tell this person ABC, and get an answer from that person on XYZ.” Pretty soon, you’re spending so much time on silly errands that you don’t have time to get any real work done. Cure your boss of the gofer syndrome by telling him that you’re happy to find the cappuccino guy if he will give you permission to de-prioritize the report you’re working on for the CEO. Your boss will see how he should best utilize your time.

Also, don’t let your boss catch you staying until 10:00 p.m. or obsessively responding to email within five minutes on weekends unless you want her to expect that behavior from you for the duration of your career. Along those same lines, you shouldn’t impose a performance standard on yourself that is impossible to maintain. If you return all of your boss’s messages immediately and complete assignments way ahead of deadlines, you run the risk of disappointing her when you can’t always deliver in that time frame.

One more piece of advice: Quickly get to know coworkers who report to the same manager so that you can probe them about your boss’s pet peeves, preferences, and expectations. Be careful how you phrase your questions, though, because you don’t want to launch a discussion that criticizes your new boss in any way. Ask a colleague to fill you in on the chain of command in your department. Use this information to introduce yourself, and explain your function in the office to your boss’s boss and the other managers with whom you’ll work. Establishing strong relationships with the department higher-ups will accomplish the dual functions of making your boss look good and strengthening your overall position in the company.

The Work Social Scene

Imagine being stranded on a desert island with your coworkers. Scary, huh? But when you think about it, you spend just as much time with them at work as you would if you were breaking coconuts over your knees in the South Pacific. Therefore, if you want to enjoy your job, it’s in your best interest to make friends with some of these folks. Work friends will be there when you want to grab a bite at the restaurant down the block or take a quick turn on the treadmill at the gym. They’ll be there when you need to commiserate about a project or vent about a new company policy. They may even be around when your world changes forever, such as when my colleagues and I watched the September 11th terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. Work friendships make the professional world bearable, and you shouldn’t try to make do without them.

The ideal time to scout out potential work friendships is at the start of a new job. When your boss introduces you to the other members of your team, make a note of people your age who look friendly. Take them up on their offers to help you. Maybe you already know how to access the shared drive, but there’s no harm in finding an excuse to talk to your new coworkers. If someone asks you to get Star-bucks, go gladly, but don’t jump at the chance for a friend so quickly that you end up spending all of your time with one person. Because you’re unfamiliar with people’s allegiances, you need to avoid aligning yourself with a single colleague or group of colleagues. In your first month, you should aim to know a little about a lot of people rather than the other way around.

Once you’re established in the department, make an effort to get to know potential work friends personally. This can be intimidating and even somewhat difficult if your office is full of cliques. It’s possible that a group of your coworkers will go out to happy hour and leave you sitting at your desk feeling like the new kid in third grade all over again. The only way to break through work social groups is one person at a time. Zero in on the most approachable person in the group, find out what interests him, and then weave these things into a conversation. For example, if you see that your next-door neighbor has a Nerf basketball net in his cube, you might ask him if he caught the Final Four game last night. People love to talk about themselves, so encourage potential friends to tell you about their lives. Listen to what they say, and talk about yourself only if asked. Doing someone a favor is also a good friend-making strategy. Suppose one of your teammates is frantically looking for a last-minute pet sitter while she goes out of town on business. If you live in her neighborhood, graciously offer to feed her cats. Your teammate won’t forget this act of goodwill, and will view you favorably in the future.

Sometimes team members will be nonresponsive to your gestures of friendship. Don’t take it personally. Your department’s culture might encourage people to keep to themselves, or you and your coworkers might not have much in common. If this is the case, expand your search to the rest of the company. Perhaps you should get to know the girl from accounting a little better. What about that guy who always rides the elevator with you in the morning?

In addition, check with human resources to see if your company sponsors out-of-office activities, such as sports teams, travel clubs, or volunteer and charity initiatives that allow you to express your sense of social responsibility. Sign up for “extracurriculars” that catch your eye and attend company events. Once you’re there, find someone you know and ask him to introduce you around. Remember, as with everything in the business world, new work friendships require follow-up. When you meet someone interesting, think of an excuse to drop him an email afterward. You’ll remind him who you are and encourage him to make contact again.

A word on dating at work: Don’t go out with someone in your company unless you can handle seeing that person every day if the relationship doesn’t work out. Definitely avoid dating your boss or anyone on your immediate team. Even if you end up marrying that person, it won’t be worth the career complications. The best idea? Get your colleagues to introduce you to their single friends!

Work Friends vs. Real Friends

I will never forget the day I was standing on the corner of 43rd Street and Broadway in New York City with my coworker, Laura. Laura and I had been through a lot together in the year we worked on the same public relations account team. We coped with ego-obsessed executives and unreasonable clients, and we implemented innovative and creative ideas neither of us knew we had in us. Nearly every day, Laura and I had lunch together to dish about our projects and the latest goings-on in our personal lives.

Standing on the corner, I said to Laura, “I’m so glad you’re one of my closest friends.” She looked at me strangely. “Alex,” she said, “there’s a difference between close friends and people you talk to at work. You know that, right?”

Laura’s response may have been harsh, but it taught me an important lesson about work friends vs. real friends: it’s easy to mistake one for the other, especially when you’re struggling to establish a social life. In school, making friends is as simple as walking over to the dorm room next door and plopping down on the bed. After college, however, there are no such opportunities. Because you might be too busy to go out and meet new people, the tendency is to target your coworkers. It makes sense. After all, they might be the only people you know who are your age, and you see them for eight hours every day.

Although many people use work as a springboard to build strong friendships outside the office, don’t assume your colleagues are your new best friends just because you take your coffee breaks together. Laura was right; there are differences between close friends who will be there for you through life’s tough times and people you hang out with while you happen to be stuck in the same building. You can spare yourself disappointment later on by noting the differences between a work friend and a real friend. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

If you answered yes to most of these questions, you might have found yourself a real friend at work. Nurture this relationship by making a concerted effort to spend time with your friend outside the office. You and your friend should also avoid working together too closely. Similar to living with close friends, being in business with them can sometimes be disastrous. Whether we like it or not, people behave differently when money, power, and careers are at stake. For example, suppose you and your friend pair up for a high-profile new business project. Your friend could be the kindest, most generous person in the world after quitting time, but she might take all the credit and do none of the work. You don’t want to put yourself in a situation in which you must choose between your friendship and your career.

If you’re lucky, someone you meet at work could turn into a friend for life. It happened to me. My friend Kathryn and I started our PR careers in the same department many moons ago, and she was eventually the maid of honor in my wedding!

On the Outside

Happy hour, team lunches, holiday parties, you name it—there are plenty of opportunities to socialize in the corporate world. Partaking in these outings gets you out of sterile cube city or open office insanity and allows you to actually have a life. The thought of free food alone is enough to put you in a good mood. So by all means, go to these events and have a blast. Just keep a couple of things in the back of your mind.

It’s tempting to let loose with your colleagues, especially when you’re out of the office. However, you should never let alcohol (or drugs) get the best of you. Remember how your college roommate said you were the biggest blabbermouth on campus after you have a few? Just think of what you might have to say about your job, your boss, and your coworkers if you get smashed with them. When your boss waves his corporate credit card, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of free rounds on the company, so you should prepare for this situation in advance.

A few hours before you go out to the restaurant or bar, eat a hefty meal and drink plenty of water. Once you’re there, do not get drunk. It’s tough enough to maintain your professional persona when you’re perfectly sober, but when alcohol steals your inhibition, you might find yourself saying and doing things you’d ordinarily consider big nono’s. I’m not going to say you can’t consume alcohol, because we’re all adults. No matter how much peer pressure comes your way, you should stick to one drink (two if you have a high tolerance). Pretend it’s Pepto-Bismol, sip it super slow, and it will last the whole evening. Take heart. You can still party with the best of them; just save it for your best friend’s tapas party or your Friday night poker game.

The good news is that drinking is not typically the focus when the boss takes the team out for lunch. The bad news is that you have to watch more closely what you say and do because people are actually paying attention. When the group arrives at the restaurant, don’t sit next to your manager at the big table. You’ll look like a brownnoser to your coworkers. Plus, if conversations split off, guess who you’ll be stuck talking to? Also, don’t be the first one to order. Note the price of your colleagues’ entrées and whether they are ordering drinks, and then follow suit with a selection that is perfectly in line with what everyone else is having. And, roll your eyes if you must, but I have to put it out there: Watch your table manners. Avoid talking while you’re chewing, don’t fix your hair at the table, and don’t order anything you have to eat with your hands or is a stain waiting to happen. If the group is sharing dishes, don’t hog, and put your phone away even if everyone else has theirs out. Eating out with the team is different from eating out with your friends. Relax, tell jokes, have fun—but don’t forget that business is business, and you’re still on the clock.

Conversation Taboos

When we’re in our twenties, it’s normal to think that the world revolves around us. In the business world, this attitude can lead to paranoia. Suddenly, you’re afraid to talk to anyone lest they stab you in the back or underhandedly take credit for your ideas. Understand, though, that your colleagues are too busy with their own agendas most of the time to worry about getting you in trouble. Instead of staying up all night worrying that your cagey workmate is going to spread rumors about you, follow these simple work conversation rules and rest easy.

Working Your Net

A popular misconception among twenty-somethings is that networking is about getting a job. In reality, it’s much more than that. Michael Alexander of FindAMentor (findamentor.com) defines networking as “working a net to catch information.” It’s about establishing relationships that provide you with valuable feedback and allow you to make educated decisions. You do it every day without even realizing it. Let’s look at an example: Suppose within days of your move to a new town, your car breaks down. How would you handle this situation? Would you search Yelp and take your car to the first mechanic you see with not-horrible reviews, or would you ask your colleagues for a recommendation? The second option is an example of networking. Many successful businesses don’t need to advertise because they obtain new clients by word of mouth—otherwise known as networking!

The purpose of business networking is to gain information, increase visibility in your field, and establish personal connections that will help you move forward in your career. Even if you’re happy with your job, you should always look ahead to the next one. How do you use networking as a tool to prepare for your career’s future? There are a few steps involved in this process:

Even the most natural networking interactions can be challenging if you’re shy. You might not like asking people for anything, whether it’s advice about a particular industry or a piece of gum. I overcome my anxiety by talking to potential contacts about the aspects of my career I feel most strongly about. Should a networking opportunity present itself during an impromptu conversation, I make a conscious effort to be myself and stick to subjects I know well. When I make a networking call, I jot down a few notes so that I won’t forget what I want to say. I schedule time for these in the morning when my energy level is high. I also make it a point to stand up during each call, because I tend to sound more professional when I do so. After several years of practice, I’m still nervous talking to people I don’t know. However, every time I do it and experience a positive outcome, I gain a little more confidence. I promise that you will too!

Using Social Networks

Social networking is the grouping of like-minded individuals online, and it’s is a terrific tactic for gaining access to respected individuals you probably wouldn’t have the opportunity to interact with otherwise. Most of you probably belong to Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat already, and there are tons more platforms that are both general and specific to particular industries.

If you want to use social networks to bolster your career relationship–building activities, Diane Danielson and Lindsey Pollak, authors of The Savvy Gal’s Guide to Online Networking, recommend that you start by researching where your colleagues and potential contacts hang out. Most networks also allow you to search by industry without signing up. For example, if you’re looking for decision-makers in the healthcare industry, go to a networking site’s search page and put in a job title (such as “healthcare CFO”). They also suggest taking a moment to check out the networks your friends and colleagues invite you to join.

Getting started on most social networks is easy. You register for free and then create a personal profile that includes information such as your work history, organizations to which you belong, your interests and hobbies, awards and honors you’ve received, and the types of people with whom you’re interested in connecting. One of the best things about them is that you’ll never have to maintain your address book again, as your online networking contacts update the information as needed.

As I briefly discussed in Chapter 1, make sure your social network profiles effectively portray your professional persona. And yes, this includes monitoring your friends’ pictures and comments that appear on your pages. Some other helpful tips from Danielson and Pollak include:

Recruiting a Mentor

You may have heard that the best way to advance your career is to find a good mentor. A mentor is a person, usually older than you, who can advise you on matters relevant to your career, and who offers support and direction as you progress in your field. Having a mentor is a good idea, but you have to seek him out and proactively establish the relationship. Doing this is easier said than done because the best mentor might not be your direct supervisor, so you may need to look outside your department. Organizational psychologist Neil Stroul recommends that you observe powerful individuals in your company and approach someone who possesses a “generosity of spirit,” a natural willingness to go out of his way to help others. Ideally, this person will have already experienced the part of the career path that you are currently on, and will have achieved success by making smart decisions and learning from his experiences. He will be someone you like and admire, and someone whose values you share.

Now how do you ask the potential mentor for his help? First, approach your mentor-to-be as you would any other networking contact: by preparing in advance. You should determine what you are looking for and devise a tentative schedule for how often you would like to meet. Make sure your expectations are reasonable; the potential mentor is unlikely to agree if he thinks he will have to meet with you every week or act as a referee between you and your boss. When contacting the person, briefly explain why you are seeking his guidance. Compliment him and ask if he would be amenable to an in-person meeting. Upon sitting down face to face, reiterate your thanks, and lay out your vision for the relationship. Read the person’s reaction. Hopefully, he will be as enthusiastic as you are, and the two of you can set up a timeline for future meetings. But if he isn’t, now is the time to find out. You don’t want a mentor who is meeting with you out of a sense of obligation.

Michael Alexander of FindAMentor offers some tips for making the most of a mentor relationship:

Follow up on your commitments to him, and brainstorm ways to help him in return. For example, one of my early mentors was a senior vice president at my PR firm. One of her favorite hobbies is yoga, so when she wanted to write an article about it for a healthy living magazine, I volunteered to edit it. Also, consider helping someone else. What’s the best thing you can do when you’ve been fortunate enough to find a good mentor? Become one yourself! By sharing your wisdom and expertise with someone less experienced, you can give back some of the goodwill your mentor showed to you.

Securing Executive Sponsorship

If you already wrangled a mentor, why do you need a sponsor? It’s important to note that mentorship and sponsorship are very different things. A mentor offers career advice and can be any person at any level. Sponsors, on the other hand, are senior individuals in an organization who take promising junior employees under their wings, open doors for them, and provide access to growth opportunities.

According to a 2018 article by Jewelle Bickford on the National Association for Female Executives website, more than sixty companies have committed to creating sponsorship opportunities at their companies, including Accenture, Anthem, LinkedIn, and Bank of America. Because there are more male than female executives, we must urge men across the corporate world to go beyond simply giving women advice and move to promoting and advocating for them. That’s the only way we will truly see parity in leadership levels where women have equal opportunity.

The ideal sponsor-protégé relationship should be based on mutual trust and admiration. To be most effective at providing the internal support that you need, your sponsor should ideally be a level or two above your boss. Avoid a political snafu by enlisting your boss’s help to identify potential sponsors, and get his advice on the best way to approach the more senior executive.

Of course, in a perfect world your sponsor will find you. He will know your work and will reach out voluntarily. This happened to me last year when I began work with a new partner company. If it weren’t for this individual, I would have had more trouble navigating the organization and would have nowhere near the level of success I have there today.

What I Wish I’d Known

Take-Home Points