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PRESENCE: THE MASTER KEY
The starting point of accessing Shakti is presence.
Shakti Leaders must undertake a heroic journey—one we’ll cover in more detail in later chapters—to come into their full power as leaders. How can we journey consciously with ease and grace, instead of having to suffer through pain, crises, and chaos? The short answer is that we must prepare for the journey by learning how to get out of our ego and into presence.
When you’re in presence, you gain access to the power of presence, which is Shakti. Then leadership and followership become natural and seamless, because a transcendent power is now leading the show rather than an individual leader.
As we described earlier, the crisis we collectively and individually face is one of leadership and of consciousness. To overcome this crisis, we must first journey within ourselves to discover the wisdom and answers that are to be found inside our own being. To do this, we must first cultivate presence, a state of being in constant and conscious contact with one’s true/higher self and the source of our Shakti. When we are in presence, we become fully aware of and accept whatever is going on within us—our resistances, sorrows, and fears. This mysteriously awakens a deeper capacity: our latent Shakti, through which we gain access to emotional and mental resources within.
Presence also helps us discover our true purpose and find “meaning in our suffering” (as Viktor Frankl put it). This is a critical piece required to reframe any crisis and recognize it as an opportunity for growth. If we are not able to invoke presence in face of a crisis, we will likely succumb to despair.
WHAT IS PRESENCE?
We define presence as a profound sense of present moment awareness: a state of conscious flow where one experiences balance, completeness, connection, and contentment, both internally and in relation to the larger systems of which one is a part. It is a state of being in constant and conscious contact with one’s higher self while remaining in flow with all that is.
Presence is what Joseph Campbell described as the navel between heaven and earth.1 Presence is that sweet spot where you are in the world but not of it; you are connected to something beyond it.
The gifts of presence are the capacity to feel whole, flexible, and congruent.2 While the gifts don’t materialize automatically, you must have presence to cultivate them.
Most of the time, we are not in a state of presence; we are absent, simply not here. The only present is this moment right now. It’s only in this present “now” moment that any real thought or creative action can take place. Nothing else exists; the future hasn’t happened, and the past is over. The present moment is the only real moment in which we can gain a clear understanding of what is really going on, what is required of us, what is seeking our attention and what we need to manifest.
What does a state of presence feel like? You are calm and centered and balanced, even if there is chaos all around you. You can enjoy the moment for what it is. For leaders, life never lets up. There is always a new set of challenges to overcome. Presence is the place to be during a storm—in the eye of the storm, at the still point of the turning world.
You simply cannot be a conscious leader without being fully present. The leader not only has to look calm but actually be calm for their team and organization. Attaining that state of being takes effort and practice; in yoga, this is called sadhana. Presence is a state of relaxed concentration that can be cultivated. It is like learning how to ride a bicycle; at some point, muscle memory takes over and it becomes automatic. With enough practice, you can learn to instantly access a state of full presence at any time.
When we step into our presence, each of us is unique. No two people have the same quality of presence; each person’s presence is their unique expression of Shakti. You can only be you; you’ve got to know that and honor it and not try to be who you’re not. If you’re an acorn, you can only become an oak tree. An oak tree doesn’t wonder why it couldn’t be a peepal tree. The beautiful thing is that the more you get anchored in your presence and operate from there, the more joy you experience—joy because that is your true and therefore natural state of being. This natural state of our being is ananda or bliss. You are in a state of joy and fulfillment because you know that you’re being who you are meant to be.
Executive Presence
Executive presence is a competency that is gaining popularity at many corporations as something necessary for stepping into senior leadership roles. Key aspects of executive presence include confidence, poise, and decisiveness, all of which help convey a sense of gravitas. Communication skills, assertiveness, and the ability to gauge an audience or situation are other important qualities. People with strong executive presence have charisma or magnetism and can strongly influence others. They speak clearly with conviction and energy and they have strong body language and good posture. At many companies, executive presence is a significant factor in determining who gets promoted.3
Companies are investing a lot of time and money in training for executive presence. The goal is for the leader to be able to project charismatic self-assurance and have a persona that inspires confidence among their followers. But for this training to have a lasting and genuine impact, these behaviors must be based on the deeper presence. Any training that is not grounded in one’s deeper presence and higher self will feel like a graft or mask and will not lead to sustained impact over longer periods of time.
CULTIVATING PRESENCE
We cultivate presence to get in touch with our wholeness and to realize that everything we need is within us at any given moment and always has been. With that realization comes a feeling of serenity and a sense of confidence. You know that Shakti is always accessible within you; you don’t need to find it from somewhere outside of yourself.
How can you cultivate a state of presence? By using the presence practice that we describe below. With enough practice, you can cultivate a state of full presence as your default state, ready to take on anything life brings you.
Relaxed Body
This brief practice is adapted from one synthesized by Vijay Bhat and Hank Fieger, conscious leadership coaches who teach executive presence. It is a quick way for busy, stressed, and rushed people to move into a state of presence.
We begin with the foundation of presence, which is a relaxed body. First, be comfortably seated in a chair with your eyes closed, feet uncrossed and firmly planted on the floor. Make sure your head, neck, and shoulders are relaxed, with your spine straight. Place your palms facing upward or downward on your thighs.
Start by tightening your face muscles, scalp, and entire head and neck area. Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, then release. Completely release those muscles until they are deeply relaxed, then tighten your shoulders and arms. Make fists with your hands and squeeze everything very tightly—and release. Relax. Next, tighten your ribcage, abdominal muscles, torso, belly, and all your internal organs—and release. Tighten your hips, thighs, knees, calves, ankles, feet, and toes. Curl your toes in tight, tight, tight—and release. Take a deep breath from the top of your head all the way to the tips of your toes to flush out any remaining tension as you scan your body. Feel your entire body relax.
Even Breath, Clear Mind, and Open Heart
From that relaxed body, you’re now ready to move into the next signal of presence, which is an even breath. Become acutely aware of your breathing. Notice whether your breathing is even or jagged and consciously make it smooth and even. Your shoulders should be squared back and your belly soft, making your entire ribcage available for full-lung breathing. Inhale, expanding the chest and ballooning the belly. As you exhale, empty the lungs completely and drop the chest. Again inhale, expand the chest, balloon the belly, and exhale. Continue at your own pace until your inhalations and exhalations feel smooth and even.
The next signal of presence is a clear, calm mind. Once the breath is even, go one level deeper and become aware of your thoughts. Imagine that your brain is dissolving into a crystal-clear lake high up on a mountain, with the perfect breeze and temperature. There is no moss on the surface, no ripples in the water, no turbidity. This is your mind: crystal-clear and calm. Step forward to the edge of this lake and look down. See your face reflected back at you: calm, quiet, relaxed. Your whole being is calm, quiet, and relaxed.
Start moving into the lake now, stepping into the waters of a clear mind, and feeling completely refreshed and regenerated in it until the water reaches all the way to your heart. As the cool water touches your chest, allow your heart to relax open. Feel your physical heart inside your ribcage. Feel a sense of love and gratitude toward this organ that has been a faithful companion to you from the time you were just a cluster of cells in your mother’s womb. It’s thumping away for you, powering you, keeping the rhythm of life for you. Feel deep gratitude and open your heart. When you open your heart, it’s as if you can step in through it and enter a state of pure presence that awaits on the other side. You’ve now shifted state from the ordinary outside surface consciousness to a state of pure being.
This is your state of presence. You know this when you affirm the following truths. Say, “The reality of this moment is that I have nothing to defend.” Imbue it with deep meaning and connection. Take a deep breath and allow your gut to know this truth now. Let it relax. Next, say, “The reality of this moment is that I have nothing to promote.” Breathe into your heart and know the truth of this statement. Now say, “The reality of this moment is that I have nothing to fear.” Breathe into your head and know the truth of this statement.
Having stepped back from your head, your heart, and your gut into your pure presence deep within you, slowly affirm: “The only reality of this moment . . . is that . . . I am . . . here . . . now.” Breathe deeply from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, anchoring yourself in the column of your being, your spine.
Now become aware of a powerful river of light flowing from above. This is the Akash-Ganga (the Shakti that powers the Milky Way) flowing through you as the Antar-Ganga (the river of Shakti inside). It is potent and energizing, with the power to completely rejuvenate you. It moves through your spine into all your internal organs, irrigating your whole body-mind, refreshing you, fertilizing you, energizing you. Any excess discharges down through your feet as you become a channel of this Shakti for Mother Earth as well, irrigating Mother Earth with this river of power. Affirm: “I am Shakti now. I am empowered now. All I need is within me. All I need comes to me.”
Sensitive Sonar and Energetic Induction
Holding this empowered Shakti presence inside, radiate it in all directions around you, sending it out through your senses. Resolve to bring this to your leadership as you cultivate the next signal of presence, which is a sensitive sonar. We’re often so lost in our own thinking that we’re not even aware of what’s going on around us. Become consciously context-aware now; develop a sensitive sonar that scans and picks up what’s not okay, if something is stuck somewhere or if there’s a situation you need to step into. Bring all your senses to bear: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Empower all these senses to become the most sensitive sonar that can pick up all the critical information outside and inside you—information you need to be effective and to be of service.
From this state of sensitive sonar, the corollary is that you become an energetic inductor. Leaders who are fully present have the capacity to calm others down. When you enter their presence, there’s an energetic field that inducts you and makes you feel calm just by stepping into their vibration. Feel your energy field expanding outward from you in all directions. In your mind, embrace the persons to the right and left of you and all the people in your space and in your life. You must stay present and help them, rather than getting sucked into their drama. Induct everyone around you as if in a warm embrace into your presence.
You are now fully anchored and empowered as a Shakti Leader. Holding this state, bring your awareness back to this moment in time and space. Wriggle your fingers and your toes. Rotate your shoulders, then relax them. Move your head and neck from side to side and in a circle. Continue to be present; flow with the power of your being. Slowly open your eyes and look around you. Notice what you’re picking up and how you’re feeling inside. Feel a deep, visceral sense of gratitude.
Being fully present and embodying these qualities is key to our development as leaders. If you can sustain a state of presence for five minutes on the first day, ten minutes the next, fifteen minutes on the third day, and so on, this state will gradually become an integral part of you. Eventually, it will become your natural, default state. The more you cultivate presence, the more you will be able to help people who need it.
LOSING AND REGAINING PRESENCE
How often have you walked into a room and seen someone really losing it—thoroughly stressed out and purely reactive, with no control over their emotions? Before you know it, you get sucked into their state of absence; you too have lost your center. Instead of one person drowning, now there are two! The gift of presence is that when you encounter someone who is completely losing it, instead of getting lost with them, you will very naturally, slowly but surely, be able to calm them down. The power of your presence is the capacity to bring others to their presence. It is a wonderful gift that you learn to give anybody, including yourself.
If you forget the core of who you are and are not standing in the ground of pure being and comfort and being okay with all that is, you can rush into a fight-or-flight survival mode. In this mode, we fear for our survival and fight as if we’re creatures being attacked in the jungle. Our instinct is to defend ourselves: “Oh my God, something is coming to attack me! I have to protect myself!”
You might go into your emotional heart, which has a great need to be loved and thus a tendency to self-promote: “Please love me, please like me.” You feel like you have to sell yourself to others, or you won’t be okay.
Or you might go into your mind and start future-tripping, worrying about everything that could possibly go wrong. You feel anxious about what could happen in the future or fall into shame and guilt about the past. This is fear-based thinking.
When we lose presence, we retreat to these head-, heart-, or gut-based coping strategies. These are the three energy centers from where we tend to be located when we’re not present.4 They are typical of the ego self, which is only concerned with safeguarding its personal interests.
How do you step back from these three states? You do so by using very clear affirmations, as described above. Say, “The reality of this moment is that I have nothing to defend.” Bring your attention to your gut and notice how that feels. Then say, “The reality of this moment is that I have nothing to promote.” Go into your heart and allow yourself to step back from emotional neediness. Then say, “I have nothing to fear.” Check in with your mind and notice that in this moment, regardless of what you think might happen later, that is the absolute truth: there is indeed nothing to fear. Then when you step into the next moment, it will be the truth again. From moment to moment, you can be present. As long as you are present, a whole new space-time dimension opens up for new possibilities. Otherwise you remain stuck in an anxious, reactive mode.
If you only do what you’ve always done, it’s simple: you will only get what you always got. But when you drop into presence, a whole new set of possibilities is now available to you. Therefore you say, “The only reality of this moment is that I am here now.” That is the truth. You are a being. That being is here in this space, right now. You are that one consciousness that has manifested in this moment in time and space. You are indeed “here now.”
When you affirm, “I am here now,” it’s not just a set of words. You will deeply and completely feel your whole being getting concentrated, your wholeness in full congruence. Affirm, “I am here now, I am empowered now, I am Shakti now.” Remember, you are that. We are all that.
When we connect with the river of presence, we realize that it is like an undercurrent that flows through us that we can go back to and take a holy dip in at any time. When we return to this river of presence, Shakti is flowing through us and we can get everything we need. “All I need is within me. All I need comes to me.” If you are stressed and tired and your body needs sleep, then that’s what you’ll get. Meanwhile the conscious energy that’s flowing through you is doing what it needs to do—fixing whatever needs fixing while you rest.
Develop Comfort with Discomfort
Cultivating presence and sourcing Shakti takes practice. Daily interactions with the outer world and its challenging issues and people inevitably create an inner disturbance to our preferred state of equipoise. As we take in, digest, and give out energy that is continually being processed by our body-mind, we can lose presence.
One way to reframe the loss of equipoise is to develop a level of comfort with discomfort: to be able to “sit with” the churn inside. We can become psychologically and even physically resilient if we stop fighting confusion and develop comfort with discomfort. Allow and “be with” the state of confusion, knowing it is a transitory stage, a work in progress. To get to clarity, we must traverse through confusion. Allow the necessary processing time and space needed to resolve the confusion and bring it to a place of clarity. If you can accept confusion as being all right, you will gradually become more at ease and comfortable with ambiguity. Remember, the psyche is an organic, living thing. Just as we cannot make a blade of grass grow any faster by pulling at it, or should not switch off the oven before the bread has fully baked, it helps to think of confusion and discomfort as birth pangs that will eventually bring joy and clarity. Resisting and fighting them only makes them stronger.
Comfort and discomfort are a natural occurrence of daily life that follow one another. We invite you to apply presence and breathe into each experience deeply. With consistent practice, a day will soon come when you may move through comfort and discomfort with the same ease as you inhale and exhale.
Develop Healthy Boundaries
A critical outcome of cultivating presence is the ability to draw and maintain appropriate boundaries in our relationships. This is a much-needed capability given that most relationship issues inevitably boil down to boundary issues—boundaries that are either too closed or too open. They are too closed if one is playing too much from one’s masculine energy and is not emotionally or empathetically available to the other. Being too open is a feminine tendency, predominant in people who trust and share too quickly and get entangled in messy codependencies as a result.
Shakti Leaders Speak: On Clear Boundaries
Caryl Stern has kept her priorities in line even as she has held some very important positions:
One of the things I have been really clear about in all of my roles since I had children is that my job is my job (and I have had some really great, important, wonderful jobs), but my family comes first. That doesn’t mean I won’t do my job; I’ll get it done. But no matter who’s in the room, if one of my children calls, I take the call. That’s true for all the people who report to me. They all know that if your phone rings and it’s your child, your parents, or any family member, just say, “Caryl, I need a minute,” and take that call. I have done that at the United Nations; I have done that with leaders of our country; I’ve done that with leaders of other countries. Once, my children called when I was on a stage. I actually took the call in the middle of a speech, and it cracked the entire audience up. The value has also been letting people know what’s important to me. This is who I am; I don’t take that off when I come to work.5
Much heartache and misunderstanding can be avoided if one steps into any relationship and transaction from a place of presence. Presence gives us the emotional intelligence and wisdom to ascertain the speed and level of trust and discretion with which to enter and progress, while remaining vigilant and responsible for how one is sharing power in that dynamic—all from a place of integrity and wholeness.
Presence helps us maintain emotional awareness, self-control, and sufficiency. It is the foundation for a healthy relationship.
Mental Confines
In India, elephants are frequently domesticated and trained to work. When a baby elephant is still quite young, trainers chain it to a tree so it can’t move away. As the elephant grows, they keep the chain tied to its leg. At some point, they uncouple the chain from the tree, but the elephant doesn’t run away because the chain is still tied to its leg! It doesn’t know that it is completely free, so it remains in the confines of what it was socialized into as a baby.
Gay Hendricks refers to this as the “upper limit problem.” We tend to place constraints on how happy and successful we allow ourselves to be, because we believe that is all we deserve. The point is that we can become conditioned to accept limitations on our freedom and growth and potential—limitations that only exist in our mind. It is only when we become fully present to the reality of the current moment that we can transcend such mental confines and move toward realizing our powerful and extraordinary potential for happiness and fulfillment.
TAP INTO GREATER PRESENCE
Presence brings you into the ground of consciousness, but consciousness isn’t just a still “being” place. It’s not just pure awareness; it is not inert. It is also powerfully dynamic, creative, and active. It has great power. The creative power of presence is Shakti: the power that manifests and creates and preserves and destroys and recreates.
There is a grander flow at work at all times which is extremely intelligent and which is processing every situation and moving it forward. All you need to do is tap into it. Presence taps into the natural flow of energy in the moment. It enables you to sense it and align with it. From there you get a sense of what is seeking to emerge in this moment and what is the right thing to do. Presence allows you to discern the dharma (the purpose and significance) of the moment. Ultimately everything is going to evolve to its resolution; every so-called mistake just creates another journey. Our chances of getting it right are far greater if we operate from a state of presence and consciousness than from our usual mode, which is reactive and unconscious.
In the next chapter, we’ll take a deep dive into the heroic journey—a way to transform your daily living into your fully embodied life.