You've been dating someone for nearly six months now and as the weeks pass, something about the relationship is putting doubts in your mind that are quite disturbing. You fell deeply in love almost from the very first moment and quickly started thinking this was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. But now you are not so sure. Questions about his honesty, fidelity, and capacity to truly love another person keep surfacing.
He seems increasingly preoccupied with his own needs and less about yours. You are pretty certain he is about to propose marriage. You are uncertain about what you should say or do. And this is precisely where a properly trained Y.O.D.A. can be of immeasurable value.
Here are just a few more examples:
These and countless other examples call for wise, thoughtful, and measured responses. This is what Y.O.D.A. is all about, provided it is properly trained and equipped. Equipping, strengthening, and fortifying Y.O.D.A. is the central focus of this chapter.
Success in life is clearly about making the right decisions. A single bad decision can alter the trajectory of one's life in tragic ways for years. Human decision‐making is a complex process that is influenced by our history, our life experiences, our moment‐to‐moment feelings and emotions, our needs and wants, our core values and beliefs, our understanding of the facts involved, and the strengths of our moral and ethical character.
Wisdom in decision‐making represents an acquired capacity to grasp the deeper meanings of life, to prioritize what matters most in making life‐altering decisions and choices. Being wise requires more than intelligence, superior knowledge, rationality, emotional intelligence, superior gut instinct, or simple goodness or kindness. It is also more than the dynamic interplay between personal reflection and an openness to experience.
Wisdom is the acquired ability to rise above the immediate demands and stresses of the moment; to make decisions that are grounded in transcendent values, core beliefs, and high ethical standards; and to achieve real and enduring perspective on the issues in question.
For Y.O.D.A. to coach us with time‐tested wisdom, it must tap into our most noble side, referred to in Chapter 1 as our spiritual dimension. It is here that our core values, our sense of purpose and meaning in life, and our highest moral and ethical character reside.
Your odds for summoning the wisdom of Y.O.D.A. are vastly increased when, as you have already learned, you are coming from a place of balanced mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health.
The decision‐making process can be greatly improved when viewed through seven lenses. Each of the lenses represents a distinct but related reference point for making the best and right decision:
The seven lenses are all interrelated, so it is to be expected that there will be some overlap in the vetting process. The ultimate objective is eventually to make this vetting process nearly second nature. One or more of the seven lenses will become your preferred Y.O.D.A. reference guide, and the scientific principle of neuroplasticity dictates that the more you practice, the more your Y.O.D.A. will begin to automatically materialize whenever you are facing important life decisions.
Before starting the seven lens process, the following questions should be considered:
Lens 1: | Best Self | ||||||||||||
Write down the words that describe you at your absolute best, particularly when you are under stress or pressure. This is not a fantasy exercise. This is the actual you when you are most proud of yourself. Make a tentative decision for the dilemma you are facing through the lens of your “Best Self.” | |||||||||||||
Lens 2: | Best Moral Self | ||||||||||||
From the following words, select the eight that best describe you at your moral and ethical best, when you are the proudest of your treatment of others. | |||||||||||||
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Make a tentative decision for the dilemma you are facing through the lens of your eight chosen words. | |||||||||||||
Lens 3: | Life Purpose | ||||||||||||
One's core purpose for living is the centerpiece of everyone's life story. Put your main reason for living down in writing.
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Make a tentative decision for the dilemma you are facing through the lens of your core “Life Purpose.” | |||||||||||||
Lens 4: | Tombstone Legacy | ||||||||||||
You get to select six words that will be carved into your tombstone. The words should reflect how you most want to be remembered after you are gone.
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After you've selected all six words, make a tentative decision for the dilemma you are facing through the lens of your “Tombstone Legacy.” | |||||||||||||
Lens 5: | Core Values and Beliefs | ||||||||||||
Write down your two most important values in life and the two most important beliefs you hold about life.
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After writing them down, make a tentative decision for the dilemma you are facing through the lens of your “Core Values and Beliefs.” | |||||||||||||
Lens 6: | Personal Credo | ||||||||||||
Your personal credo represents the current, most accurate articulation of what matters most to you in life. It is your internalized roadmap for a truly successful life. Your personal credo represents the scorecard of highest value to you.
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After writing your personal credo and reflecting on it, make a tentative decision for the dilemma you are facing through the lens of your “Personal Credo.” | |||||||||||||
Lens 7: | Ultimate Mission | ||||||||||||
Your ultimate mission is the one you must complete to qualify as having lived what you consider a truly successful life. This is the life mission for which failure is not an option.
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Put into writing what you consider to be your ultimate mission in life and make a tentative decision for the dilemma you are facing through this lens. |
It is important to understand that not all seven lenses will necessarily connect directly to the decision you are making. Simply take the insights gained from the seven lens process and make your final decision. If time permits, wait 24 hours before acting on your decision to be sure it still seems right.
The first seven lens process you undertake will require considerable time and energy for concentrated, high‐quality reflection. For Y.O.D.A. to deliver wisdom in your decision‐making and to advise you in a way that reflects thoughtful and measured perspective, all seven documents must be readily available mentally and emotionally for reference. The more you write about them, think about them, and rehearse them, the more available they will be to your resident advisor, your Y.O.D.A.