Being aware of being aware of being. In other words, if I only know that I am but also know it, then I belong to the human species.

—Vladimir Nabokov

Now that you are more knowledgeable about the voices in your head, about where they came from, and about the critical role they play in the choices and decisions you make in life, let's turn the spotlight on your own private inner voice. Everyone possesses both a public and a private voice, but your private voice is closest to your inner core, your brain's central command center.

As Ethan Kross says in his excellent book Chatter, the inner voice is a basic feature of the human mind. Because one's inner voice plays such a critical role in decision‐making and sound judgment, the questions that follow will focus mainly on your private rather than your public voice. Turn your attention inward and respond to the following questions as thoughtfully and honestly as possible.

1. At approximately what age did you become aware that you have a private inner voice?

2. What is typically the tone and content of your inner voice?

   1	2	3	4	5
   Decidedly Negative & Destructive				Decidedly Positive & Constructive

3. Would you be embarrassed or ashamed if your inner voice were made public?

   1	2	3	4	5
   Completely Ashamed & Embarrassed				Completely Okay with It

4. What has been the trajectory of your inner voice over the past two years?

   1	2	3	4	5
   More Negative & Critical				More Positive & Helpful

5. How much trust and confidence do you have in Your Own Decision Advisor (Y.O.D.A.)?

   1	2	3	4	5
   Little				Great

6. To what extent do you consider your personal Y.O.D.A. a great asset in decision‐making?

   1	2	3	4	5
   Little				Great

7. To what extent have you considered your inner voice to be your life coach?

   1	2	3	4	5
   Never				Always

8. The tone and content of your private inner voice most reflects which of the following people in your life?
   • Mother
   • Father
   • Grandparent
   • Friend
   • Coach
   • Sibling
   • Teacher
   • None of the above
9. Is your private inner voice helpful or harmful as a general rule when you are under stress?

   1	2	3	4	5
   Mostly Harmful				Mostly Helpful

10. How much control do you have over how your private inner voice advises or coaches you?

    1	2	3	4	5
    Little Control				Considerable Control

11. To what extent do you feel the messages delivered by your private inner voice make a positive difference in your life?

    1	2	3	4	5
    Little Difference			Great Difference

12. Rate the overall tone and content of your inner voice.

    1	2	3	4	5
    Too Harsh & Critical		About Right		Too Easy & Permissive

13. To what extent do you consider your inner voice a valued source of wisdom and perspective?

    1	2	3	4	5
    Not at All				Definitely

14. To what extent does your inner voice reflect your Best Self (the best version of yourself )?

    1	2	3	4	5
    Rarely				Often

15. To what extent does your inner voice provide the same kind of advice you'd give to someone you love who is facing a major decision point in their life?

    1	2	3	4	5
    Rarely				Often

16. Write a summary of the general tone and message of your inner voice when you are under stress, when you make mistakes, or when you face tough decisions.

17. Give one specific recent example of how and what your inner voice said to you when you faced a challenging moment.

Blocking or Granting Access

Just as a smartphone can be set up to block incoming calls or messages, so you can set up your Y.O.D.A. to prevent unwanted data from reaching you.

Here are some questions to ponder:

• Who do you allow unrestricted access to your inner core, to your Y.O.D.A. command center?
• Why them?
• Who are you constantly blocking? Is it intentional or does it just seem to happen automatically?
• Do you grant access to some who clearly should not be allowed in? Who are they and why have you granted them access?
• What criterion are you using for blocking or granting access to your inner core?
• What criterion should you be using for blocking or granting access?

Big Questions

What do you reference when you need to make an important decision in your life? Try to articulate your decision‐making process and try to clarify the things you are likely to consider in making your decision. Put another way, where do you go for answers, for wisdom, and for great self‐coaching?

• Thoughts about this issue:

• More reflections: are any of these true for you?

• I can rip on myself with no apparent repercussions, so I do.
• I take my frustration and anger out by attacking myself with vicious and demeaning words.
• Who better to dole out punishment than me on myself? Better for just me to see my inner struggles than the embarrassment of someone else looking on.
• I'm much more tolerant of others than I am with myself, and my inner voice is the evidence.
• I believe that if I punish myself with hurtful words, I will be less likely to do it again.
• I feel okay beating “me” up with my inner voice.
• Would you ever want someone you deeply care about to have your inner voice in his or her head?
• Sometimes I talk to myself out loud, making my private voice public, and I can be really shocked by what I say.
• I have little control over what I say to myself privately.
• Sometimes I feel scatterbrained from the constant chatter inside my head.
• Do the messages sent by your inner voice ever bring you inner peace and comfort in difficult and demanding times?
• I deserve the punishment because deep down I know I'm not worthy, maybe not even lovable.
• Who is that person inside my head? I wish they'd go away!

Conscious Awareness Is the First Step

Transforming Y.O.D.A. into a trusted inner coach begins by reflecting on the issues and questions presented in this chapter. Because your inner voice is the voice of Y.O.D.A. and because it denies or grants access to your command center, it is imperative that the language and content of your inner voice be thoroughly examined and brought into the full light of reflective consciousness. Only when illuminated by this light, with as close to a 360‐degree view as possible, can the issue be meaningfully and thoughtfully processed in order to make a solid decision.

Note: “Conscious awareness” and “reflective consciousness” will be used interchangeably throughout this book. Both refer to the brain's capacity to observe itself.

Assignment

For the next five days, keep a written journal of the tone and content of your inner voice. At the end of each day, write a summary of what you learned regarding how you speak to and coach yourself. Write at least three sentences about what you discovered and any surprises or insights that surfaced.

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