“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”

—Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Essayist

Our whole lives are dedicated to getting what we want, yet we often don't know what we want. This is especially true in circumstances when you are out of your power. In the crunch the first thing we want is just relief. The plea in your mind is, “Just make them stop it!”

Gaining clarity about the outcome you want in any situation in which you feel out of your power is the first step to getting off your heels and starting to move the situation in a forward direction. Refocusing your vision on the positive outcome you seek breaks the hold of the stress response on your brain, which has been fixing your attention on a running list of all the things that are wrong about the situation. You might have even lost any vision of a better future, captured by thoughts like “It's never going to feel different than it feels now.” You make imagined futures based on the way you feel now and forecast unwanted outcomes: “I don't think I can take this anymore. I might have to leave.”

In order to eject yourself from the vortex of being out of your power, you have to have a clear picture of the future you want and the role you play in it. In the portal of Precision, you will develop this clarity and know how to start participating in situations on your own terms.

The Three Questions for Creating New Outcomes When Out of Your Power

The first question I ask clients who feel stuck is, “If you could wave a magic wand, what is the outcome you want in this situation?” They'll often respond, “That's a good question!” indicating that's not where their attention has been. A sign that you are still in the stress loop is that it's hard to see above all the problems in the situation.

I received a call from Bo, who shared a detailed description of discriminatory behavior she had been experiencing at her fintech company. When she raised the issue and offered specific cases in point, she was naysaid. Understandably, she felt powerless to solve the problem, and she hired me to help her navigate it. When I asked her the magic wand question, she gave me a long list of her boss's bad behavior, while at the same time enumerating a long list of her successes. It was baffling how her quantifiable value could not be recognized.

She seemed to be leaning in the direction of wanting to fight for recognition or to get accountability for her manager's behavior, but I stayed listening actively to know what she really wanted. So I asked her again.

She thought about it and confirmed that she didn't want to fight. Rather, she wanted to leave and do so with a sense of grace. Having to zero in on what she really wanted helped her choose her health and peace of mind. Her sense of relief was palpable, her shoulders dropped and the muscles in her face relaxed. This clarity immediately broke the grip of her months‐long spiral, and we pivoted our discussion to how she could set up her team for continued success and make sure they knew she cared about them. We also talked about how she could protect her reputation and showcase her contributions as she sought a new position. Precision opened the way for her to figure out what to do next.

When you answer the magic wand question you immediately override the emotional hijacking of your brain, replacing it with the problem‐solving capacity of your frontal lobe. This clearing of the fog is the first step to having a sense of agency. It gives you a destination you can adjust your GPS in the service of. You'll notice that ideas for possible steps you can take will start to appear.

As you practice, you can take this question “from good to great.” The second question for activating the power of precision is, “What outcome could I work toward that would be in the best interest of all?” This question helps you see all the people who might be affected by the challenging scenario, and from this expanded view, you may see further ways of improving the situation. The more you are working in the service of an outcome that aligns with what others want, the more you unlock their energy too. This is where you start to bring to life the idea of using your power as a force for good.

One of the best examples of this is from Nobel Peace Prize winner Nelson Mandela. He was imprisoned in 1962 on Robben Island, in squalid conditions and with meager rations, for his efforts to secure equal freedoms for Black South Africans. In 1985, Mandela refused an offer of release from then South African President Botha because it came with no significant commitments to reform the political system.

Mandela was eager for release, but he knew what he stood for. He issued a statement from his prison cell explaining “I cherish my own freedom dearly. But I care even more for your freedom,” speaking of his fellow Black South Africans. “If Botha truly wants a political solution to South Africa's continued turmoil, the government should legalize the African National Congress, permit free political activity and commit itself to end apartheid.”¹

I visited Robben Island Prison on a trip to South Africa and witnessed the brutal conditions Mandela had lived in. If he had focused on his own personal outcome, he would have likely chosen the comforts of release. He had a clear vision about what's in it for everyone, which was powerful leverage in furthering negotiations that ultimately achieved all of those objectives, leading to a new constitution, his later release from prison—and to his election as the first Black President of the country.

You may not be accustomed to training yourself to ask the question “What's in the best interest of all?” but you can see how this clarity provides a go‐forward vision that marshals others’ energy and partnership.

Consider a situation you are facing now that has you spinning on what should you do, and identify (1) If you could wave a magic wand, what is the outcome you want in this situation? and (2) What outcome could you work toward that would be in the best interest of all?

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Once you have clarity on the way forward, the third question starts to give you a sense of control over moving toward those outcomes. What's the best thing and ultimately the only thing you can control in your 50%? That's right, you and who you show up as. The third question is:

Who Do You Need to Show Up as in Order to Move the Situation in That Direction?

With this question you add in the element of the role that you can play in moving yourself and everyone toward that outcome. You said you want to be the thermostat, here's your chance! It's helpful to have an intention that you can articulate even before you get into the disempowering situation; then you can anchor yourself to it if you get pulled off your center.

I call this concept your Horizon Point. This is a brief but precise description of how you want to show up that helps you stay focused on the outcome you've identified. Just like its literal meaning, your Horizon Point is a visual focal point, an anchor. It declares who you want to show up as, thus imposing an intention on the situation. In the skies, like in your daily life with people and internally triggering thoughts, there will be turbulence, storms, and air traffic to steer clear of. You are the pilot, able to use the controls available to course‐correct toward the outcome you define.

Experts in air navigation have a rule of thumb known as the 1 in 60 rule. For every 1 degree a plane veers off its course, it misses its target destination by 1 mile for every 60 miles you fly. A plane that starts 1 degree off course flying from one coast of the United States to the other would arrive 50 miles away from the airport. Without intention, you might show up a “few degrees” off who you need to show up as, then miss the mark of the perception you intend to create or the contribution you're here to make.²

To craft your Horizon Point, you make two lists, so get out your notepad or electronic device. On the left, list the qualities and attributes you want to show up with. Consider adding in your superpowers and any strengths you want to make sure to imbue. That might look like:

• Calm
• Confident
• Collaborative
• Positive

On the right you list the qualities that are needed of you in your role. Ask yourself, what does the organization or the group (or your family) need for you to show up as? You might even want to pull out your job description to see how the company has described the requirements. If you are a service provider, think of what your clients are looking for in a provider even beyond the job description so you can distinguish yourself. If you're looking to improve an issue in your personal life, what does your spouse or your family or community need from you? This list might look like:

• Problem‐solver
• Leader
• Communicates well
• Knowledgeable
• Strategic; Visionary

It will be hard to remember all you just wrote down in the middle of a meeting where you are getting kicked of your power. You don't want to have to say, “Hold on a minute everyone, I have to find that scrap of paper I wrote down from this book I was reading.” Instead you want to capture the essence of this intention so you can easily remember it.

You want to identify a Horizon Point that is at the sweet spot intersection of these two, both bringing forth your natural strengths and reflecting intelligence on how you need to show up for your role in the situation. In order to make yours user‐friendly, what you can do is boil down these two lists to a concise phrase that captures the essence of the combination of these two intentions. This encapsulating phrase may not capture every word you wrote down but should reflect what's really the heart of the matter. It could also refer to an image or a tangible feeling in your body.

Jeannine was executive for supply chain at an international fashion company, which was in the midst of an overhaul of its operations. There was a lot of friction in the competing interests of creative designers and supply chain folks about the materials to work with. Jeannine felt unsupported and personally attacked in management team meetings without air cover from her CEO and was frustrated at the lack of uptake for the change process. She developed a short fuse at work and brought the stress into her nightly dinners with her husband. She was ready to leave her job. Here are highlights of her lists. She wanted to show up as:

• Rational, not reactive;
• Be a positive collaborator who is above the fray;
• Be a calm, steady role model and the person who guides others to embrace change.

Her encapsulating phrase was “Poised Change Agent.” As she encountered irritating situations, she would ask herself, “What would a Poised Change Agent do?” She told me that this actually made it fun to navigate all of the hassles of the supply chain changes. With precision of who she wanted to show up as, she was able to stay calm and keep the big picture in mind. She became the go‐to person helping team leaders to adopt the change. Within two months, the CEO gave her a shout out at a senior management meeting for her leadership and then promoted her into a global role leading transformation for the parent company.

Showing up at your Horizon Point enables you to be intentional, not reactive. One of the fastest ways to shift the energy in any situation in which you are out of your power is to show up in the service of your Horizon Point because you are participating on your own terms. Those you're interacting will notice immediately. Because you see you that way, others see you the way you want them to, and that earns you their respect and support.

If you are in a situation where you are out of your power because of not feeling seen for your talents, your Horizon Point can help update the perception of you in the mind of decision makers. You can adapt your question, “What's in the best interest of all?” to “What is the perception needed of me in the minds of decision makers?” The answer becomes your intention.

Liza was in one of my coaching programs for mid‐career talent. She was a talented manager at a biotech firm but had been passed over twice for promotion, and she felt unsupported and disrespected, at a loss what she could do to get her manager to give her more stimulating work and a promotion. She was ready to leave the organization but instead put herself through this process of identifying her Horizon Point. Qualities she wanted to show up with were:

Be confident, make a more meaningful contribution to their patients, be someone who's heard, have more stimulating work.

The list for those the organization wanted of her was:

Strategic. Impactful. Influential. Brings new ideas.

The phrase she chose was “Strategic Influencer.” That's who she wanted to be! I suggested that before every meeting she ask herself, “How can I be a Strategic Influencer?” and that she use language to support her Horizon Point such as “My strategic recommendation is …” She delegated work and crafted a plan to expand an existing product. In short order, she became more influential.

Liza had been trying for more than 18 months to get her boss to see her as ready for the next level, and she would regularly feel deflated when she wasn't. Instead, start seeing yourself in the way you want others to see you. In your power, you control the perception of you from the inside out. You own the narrative about you. Three months later her manager called a meeting with her to say how much more strategic Liza had been, and the buzz she had created with her ideas. And to tell Liza she put in for her promotion, even though it would be six months before the next cycle.

The brief phrasing of your Horizon Point helps you to remember it in the heat of the moment. It creates a picture for the subconscious mind, overriding out of your power reactions. When you successfully act in alignment with your Horizon Point, you experience a brief surge of the chemical dopamine in your brain, which reinforces how good it feels to be in that grounded and centered place that you have chosen for yourself. As James Clear says in his popular book Atomic Habits, every time you [show up as your Horizon Point], “it's like casting a vote for the kind of person you want to become.” You will start to absorb this intention into your self‐image, making it easier and more automatic to show up this way with each new situation.³

You can use your Horizon Point intention to remind you how you can shift focus from your personal woes and be a creative force for good. Tushar Nuwal was the head of business development for a pharmaceutical company. His responsibility, as part of the leadership team, was to grow the company and its product portfolio through strategic partnerships and collaborations. Tushar was faced with a challenge when exploratory discussions started to potentially establish the company's own commercial sales and marketing infrastructure, leading Tushar to believe that his role could then be minimized or eliminated. As anyone might in that situation, he felt anxiety, and initially interpreted the situation as: “I am not being valued.” He was tempted to respond aggressively. But he set his sights back on his Horizon Point, which was “Enterprise‐wide leader with high emotional intelligence.”

This allowed him to refocus from worrying about his functional leadership role and consider how he could make himself indispensable by serving the needs of the business as a whole. When he reached out to the relevant teams with “his listening ears on,” he heard a need that he could help them fulfill. He requested his team put together the scenarios for commercializing the new product, which would realize best value in both the short and long term. He pulled a group of leaders from across the business to propose a plan, demonstrating his enterprise‐wide leadership.

Tushar went on to present the business case for combining the commercialization options including his alternative approach. The management team aligned with the proposal. Not only had Tushar secured his leadership enhanced his standing but he also brought value to the whole company. And at the end of the year, the CEO shared with him how much he appreciated his initiative and way of working across the business.

Leaders can use the idea of a Horizon Point to help create team culture. It's not uncommon that I coach a leader of a team who asks me, “How can I get my team members to be more engaged and motivated?” I have a long list of approaches to accomplish this end, but the first question I would always ask is, “And who do you need to be in order for your team members to be engaged and motivated?” We're so focused on getting others to change we overlook the role we play. Start by being precise about who you need to be.

For example, Jackie was the SVP of a mortgage originator team. She had recently hired her team after years of success as a solo flier, and she was frustrated by mistakes that her new hires were making and her perception that they weren't putting in enough effort. She became narrowly focused on their inadequacies, constantly thinking “Why can't they?” and “Why don't they?” She realized that she played an important role in setting the tone and structure and organizing how to train them in a new business. She set her Horizon Point as “Calm, Clear Thinker.” That allowed her to take a patient and organized new approach to teaching her staff the ins and outs of bringing in clients and getting mortgages approved quickly. Together they grew the business 350% that year.

Now it's your turn; are you ready? Create your two columns:

Once you've got your two lists, go through them and pick out the words you think are the most important, capturing who you want to show up as. When it comes to what the company wants from you, or your partner or children, extract the thing that is most important to them. Some of the words and phrases on your list are going to be redundant, such as “confident” and “self‐assured”, so choose which one of them resonates most with you emotionally.

Now, boil the list down to a few words. Play around with combinations. You want to come up with a phrase that feels right. You want it to light you up. Sometimes that involves just some wordsmithing! Don't obsess over it, start the exercise today and let it marinate. Your Horizon Point can evolve over time, you can have a placeholder until you land on the phrase that's right for you. Yes, you can steal from the client stories I shared royalty free. And yes, you can have a Horizon Point for work and one for your home life.

“Who are you at your Horizon Point”

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You can be creative about your encapsulating phrase. If you have a different style in which you'd like to state your intention, go for it! For instance, my client who was a personal development coach had a dream to appear on the Oprah show but felt marginalized in her field. Her phrase was “That Oprah girl!” and by consciously tapping into that positive experience of herself each day, she saw enormous growth in her platform and is in demand as a media presenter.

Are you wondering about my Horizon Point? One word captures it all for me: “Uplift.” It's actually more kinesthetic than a word. I experience a streaming ray of white light surrounding me, guiding me how to bring more humanity to any scenario and support each person—myself and the other(s)—to be in their power. When I feel powerless, it ejects me out of my impatience or blame and nudges me to act from my “better angels.” My Horizon Point suffuses me with an energy that tells me I can be a force for good, creating the world as I think it should be right there in that interaction.

Bring Your Horizon Point into Your Every Day

You've come up with your Horizon Point statement; now the question is how can you make it second nature and be able to show up that way, even in the heat of the moment when you can feel yourself starting to leak your power. First order of business, you can't keep your Horizon Point statement written on a scrap of paper and hope it will infuse into your life. You have to embody it.

So right now, think about who you want to be at your Horizon Point. Then “upload” the energy of that person, in other words, “become” that person now. Be that version of you through any and all of your senses. As you do this, notice what you naturally do to become your Horizon Point. Did you change your breathing? Did you say something to yourself? Did you change your posture? Did you call up a memory from the past when you were that way? Take notes on what the sensory access points are. You can consciously use these cues for getting into your Horizon Point state on demand. If it makes it easier for you to do this, you can imagine you are telling an actor how to show up at your Horizon Point; how would you direct them to do so?

Now let's take it a step further so you know exactly how to act. Use a journal to get to know this version of who you want to be, try writing or meditating on just one question a day, such as: How do you dress? How do you walk? What do you talk with your colleagues and friends about? What car do you drive/transportation do you take, or where do you dwell? What thoughts predominate in your mind? What will you tolerate and what won't you tolerate? What's a small desire you want you can keep front of mind today, and what's your biggest desire you can hold the energy of every day? How do you respond when kicked out of your power? Get to know this persona, and practice walking around as that person—even if you have to start doing so in your own bedroom before you do so at work!

You can also script how you would respond in situations where you are kicked out of your power. Think of the people who press your buttons and anticipate how you'd respond to them when in your Horizon Point state. Pre‐rehearse this response and you're more likely to carry it out when it happens.

Your Horizon Point gives you ownership. Give yourself permission to want what you want. Enjoy being at your Horizon Point and the outcomes you create by being that person.

Make showing up at your Horizon Point the new purpose of your life. You just have to remind yourself to do so during busy days. Easy! Post a sticky note with your Horizon Point statement on your computer. Take a photo representing how you want to show up and make it your screen saver or stow it in your wallet. Think of an object that can act like a totem that reminds you of your Horizon Point whenever you catch a glimpse of it and put it on your desk or on your kitchen counter.

I upload my Horizon Point before I give a speech or enter with a client or prospect or any time I'm directly addressing someone about a situation in which I'm out of my power. This intention connects me to the energy of uplift so others can feel it from me, too. And when I'm in the rays of light of my Horizon Point, if I ever feel wobbly about being able to stay there, one of the most likely things I'll reach for is to shift my perspective, which you will learn in the next portal.