LESSON 1

THE POWER OF FEEDBACK

Feedback is the breakfast of champions.

—KEN BLANCHARD

One of the easiest ways you can help yourself create and maintain a solid trajectory is to proactively seek out feedback. When I am talking about feedback, I mean hard feedback. Real feedback. Not softballs and platitudes to make you feel good about yourself. During the course of your career you should continually seek out those individuals who don't pull punches. It is easy—and common—for people to request feedback when they know it is going to be positive. It is much harder to request feedback when you think it may be critical of you. It is this feedback that is most valuable and that allows you to learn about your weaknesses. This information will enable you to chart a course to improve upon those areas. And you must begin to view feedback as a routine practice. Starting now.

Incidentally, the simple act of asking for feedback can propel you forward, assuming you respond favorably to it. Doing so shows that you are interested in continual learning, bettering yourself, and improving your performance in order to further your success as well as the company's. Leaders like success and success stories. Through receiving feedback and making positive changes you become a success story yourself. I have heard conversations many times about employees who are quite similar, but one is held in higher regard because of that person's tendency to seek out feedback.

In this lesson you will learn about ways to ask for and receive feedback. While on the surface it seems easy to ask for feedback, it can be very daunting and even intimidating. This is particularly true when you are not sure what you are going to hear, or are afraid that asking might be perceived as a sign of weakness or insecurity. Obtaining really useful feedback, called deep feedback, starts by knowing how to properly ask for it. All too often people never receive deep feedback due to missteps out of the gate when requesting it. On the receiving end, you must know how to avoid common mistakes that can easily occur based on your reaction to deep feedback. Deep feedback is about the truth, and without it you will have much more difficulty identifying your weaknesses and improving in those areas. If you realize that this hard feedback gets to the truth you will then be able to work on your weaknesses and even turn those areas into strengths.

NEGLECTING TO ASK

One of the most fateful mistakes people make is to assume they have all the answers. You must realize that the era in which asking for help was considered a sign of weakness is long gone. The best leaders actively seek out help, thereby gaining critical insight to aid in growing their skills and planning their trajectory. People often misconstrue what feedback is really about. It is not about people saying “great job,” and it is not just about seeking out accolades from others. In contrast to deep feedback, this is surface feedback. While surface feedback is important to receive when you do something well, it does little to provide you with constructive guidance for improvement. What we are going to talk about in this lesson includes how to ask the difficult questions to get at the information that may be critical in nature and hardest for you to hear, but most relevant to your success. To be able to seek out valuable feedback you must build the necessary internal fortitude to accept what you might uncover. Most important, you must empower people to feel comfortable providing you with the unvarnished truth.

My friend Doug worked in a Fortune 100 company and had quickly built a reputation as someone who delivered results during his two years with the organization. He also built another reputation, a reputation unknown to him: arrogance. Unfortunately, he had received only surface feedback on his results in the past. “Doug, great job on the Mercury Project.” “Doug, I can't believe you pulled off that new launch in six months. Amazing!” Understandably, Doug thought he was doing very well. But trouble was lurking under the surface. The company where he worked had a policy that required each manager to participate in a 360-degree review every few years. With a 360 review, input is gathered from a broad range of people, including peers, supervisors, subordinates, and customers. Doug expected to get very encouraging feedback and was excitedly waiting for the positive comments and the promotion that was sure to follow. Instead he was mortified when he received the results.

Rather than a list of accolades, Doug was staring at multiple low ratings and qualitative feedback that was difficult for him to digest. He could not believe that the results were actually his. He began to think back over the past two years and could not pinpoint specific incidents that would have led to this feedback. He was debriefed on the results by a professional coach, who recommended that he meet individually with each person who had provided input into the 360 review. Furthermore, he instructed Doug to give colleagues and coworkers permission to give him honest feedback during their face-to-face meetings. Giving people permission to be transparent is incredibly important. Other than your direct boss, few people have a vested interest in being candid with you. In fact, many people are reluctant to give feedback outside of their area, as there is often not much upside to doing so. Doug followed his coach's advice, and what he encountered would change him for the rest of his career.

It all started with his first meeting with Antonio, who was a director in another department. Antonio had interacted with Doug numerous times on cross-functional projects, and they had a good working relationship. During the meeting Antonio provided input that really opened Doug's eyes. The conversation went as follows:

DOUG: Antonio, thank you for taking the time to meet, and for participating in my 360 review. I received positive feedback in a number of areas, including executing projects on schedule. However, there was also consistent feedback from the 360 that my style was perceived as condescending and even arrogant by some people. I would like to ask for your unvarnished feedback directly. Your opinion means a great deal to me, and I know I can improve based upon it.

ANTONIO: Well, Doug, that's a tough question. You have done a pretty good job completing the projects that you have been assigned. But I've also been troubled by the way you came across to my team. Instead of seeking out their opinions, you always would directly jump to providing yours. You might have been right, but my team thought that you ignored them and were more interested in showing off how much you know. They really felt that you did not care to take the time to listen to their ideas.

DOUG: Wow, I never realized they felt that way. Why haven't you told me this before?

ANTONIO: Because you never asked. My biggest concern was the success of the projects, and I did not want to interfere with the feedback that I am sure your boss was already giving you on this.

DOUG: But I never heard this from my boss…

Doug had made a cardinal mistake. He believed he was doing well across the board, and assumed that he would be given feedback even if he didn't ask for it. In this case, however, his boss did not witness what others on the project teams were experiencing. Had Doug asked for feedback earlier he could have self-corrected before the negative reputation spread. To Doug's immense credit, he took it a step beyond what his coach recommended. He began to understand how his behavior could have been interpreted that way, and vowed to change it. He met with the people he had impacted and had open conversations about what it would be like to work with him moving forward. The people he spoke with appreciated his candor, and luckily Doug was able to regain his footing. Several years later Doug remarked that the 360 felt like a punch to the stomach, but it was an awakening moment. Since then as a matter of practice he routinely asks for feedback at various points in all projects. His receptiveness to feedback and change has even been held up as an example in various meetings. He laughs now and says, “The good thing is that I am now used as an example. The bad thing is that I let myself get to that point.”

OVERCOMING YOUR OWN RESISTANCE

Many people are adamant that they already know what they do well and what they don't do well. Nothing could be further from the truth. We can certainly make these judgments in broad and sometimes irrelevant areas, but we do not do so well when evaluating specific skills and competencies. For instance, a manager may know that he is not a good guitar player. However, in considering his career, he may erroneously believe that people think he is pleasurable to work for. Quite simply, people are not good judges of their own skills, particularly ones in which they are not strong. Ask ten people if they think they are above-average drivers. Seven or more people are likely to say yes. Ask ten other people if they are above-average parents. Eight or more will likely say yes. Yet it is obviously not possible for everyone to be above average. Incidentally, people with higher intelligence have been found to have even less awareness of their weaknesses than do others. Remember this the next time you think you are attuned to your strengths and weaknesses and therefore do not feel a need to seek feedback.

To further illustrate how wide the gap is between our own and others’ perceptions, consider performance evaluations. Research has consistently revealed that people are notoriously bad at rating their own performance; the correlation between self-ratings and manager ratings across many studies has been shown to be moderate at best. Still, organizations continue this practice, largely because it makes people feel good. What really happens is that self-ratings distract from receiving the important feedback that is so essential for your development and growth. In your conversations with your boss, focus less on the ratings you receive, and push to get to the deep feedback that you need. When you let go of numbers and ratings you open yourself up to receiving substantive feedback that you can actually use.

Other times something seems so basic that you may not even consider the need for feedback. This can lead to negative consequences. The Coors Brewing Company had a now infamous example of this. Desiring to extend the ad campaign for its “Turn it loose” slogan, Coors had the phrase translated for the market in Spain. Unfortunately, the subsequent translation was interpreted as “Drink Coors, suffer from diarrhea.” Coors obviously knew that the campaign was important, as evidenced by the budget to produce and deliver it. Yet feedback was not requested from those who knew this area the best: bilingual speakers who were native to the target country. An embarrassment could have been avoided in a matter of minutes if this type of feedback had been sought. This example is a bit humorous, but the principle applies everywhere. Be careful when you are so close to something that you cannot see the forest for the trees. Do not assume you know.

It is also easy to dismiss feedback, not just because you disagree with it, but because other things seem more important at the time. When this happens, the area of concern will usually resurface later, when it will be even more of a problem. Howard Schultz, the chairman and CEO of Starbucks, describes such a situation. For years the emphasis at Starbucks had been on the growth of the chain. Starbucks had been growing so quickly that feedback that could impede expansion was brushed under the rug. Schultz relates the story of problems that reemerged in the Starbucks distribution network when he returned as CEO after resigning eight years earlier. He had heard the feedback and complaints about the company's supply chain organization (SCO) before, but he simply instructed people to get products to the stores; he did not mandate the necessary investment to address the underlying issue. He now uses this oversight as an example of ignoring something that should have been an obvious need requiring action. SCO was not an area in which he had a deep interest, and therefore he did not devote the necessary attention to building it out properly. As a result, he came back to find the supply chain organization in even greater disarray. It was now impacting the ability to get products to the Starbucks locations. Ultimately he was able to resolve the problem, but the level of effort to do so was way beyond what it would have been had he acted earlier. Lesson: It is easier to step out of a pothole than a pit.

This same tendency to dismiss feedback can further manifest itself during times of success. Do not let success preclude you from seeking feedback. If you are not careful, success itself can become the biggest barrier to recognizing and dealing with what is in front of you. Remember to focus on not just the previously unknown feedback you uncover from others, but also on what you already know and have avoided or ignored. In particular, pay attention to feedback relating to those shortcomings that you have been able to mask because of success in other areas.

If you do not actively seek and consider feedback you will succumb to what is known as bounded awareness. As described in their Harvard Business Review article, Max Bazerman and Dolly Chugh illustrate how people fail in their awareness to see what is right in front of them. People often focus only on obvious areas, and therefore their ability to improve suffers because they are not using all of the information available to them. We are inclined to focus on very specific and salient information, while missing other information that is readily available. To illustrate the point, Bazerman and Chugh relate this failing to a famous experiment in which people watched a video and were asked to count how many times a basketball was passed. Almost everyone was so focused on watching and counting the basketball passes that they failed to notice that a person in a gorilla costume walked right through the middle of the court! The participants were successful in counting the number of basketball passes but had missed so much else. At work and in life you must not focus so closely on one thing that you don't even notice the gorilla in the middle.

DEPERSONALIZATION

Seeking feedback sounds quite easy. It is just a matter of asking someone for it, right? Wrong. It is relatively easy to ask for, but then the moment arrives when you receive the unvarnished truth. It is at this moment that you will test yourself. Your reaction is critical. Do not rationalize the feedback or explain it away. Do not blame others. Do not get angry. If you react in any of those ways, you are less apt to receive accurate feedback from that person again. No, you need to take in the feedback. Process it. Remember, this person's opinion does matter or you would not have asked for it in the first place. If you are not sure about what you have heard, ask clarifying questions. Request a specific example. If the feedback is hard to hear, thank the person and then go digest it. Do not react defensively. Taking this approach will allow you to introspectively process the feedback and then come back another day to continue the discussion.

The way that you choose to accept feedback can be broken down into constructive reactions and destructive reactions. People often talk about receiving constructive feedback, but it can only be effective if you also react constructively to it. All too often people do the opposite and let feedback that is given with positive intentions spiral into a negative situation. There is nothing worse that can happen with feedback than allowing a constructive moment to turn into a destructive event. If you make that mistake, what was intended to be a helpful encounter can quickly turn into a situation that leads to resentment.

A prior employee of mine, Jeff, who was an outstanding performer, found a way to avoid reacting destructively to feedback. When presented with difficult feedback he would listen very attentively, perhaps ask a few clarifying questions, and then simply say, “Thank you for the feedback.” Like clockwork, he would return a few days later and ask if we could talk about it some more. Jeff just wanted time to process before reacting. This was important to him because he did not want to risk coming across as defensive or resistant to the feedback. Jeff would take the time to think about what he'd heard and then come back with additional questions and a plan that he had started to create to address the opportunity. In doing so Jeff was able to react to feedback in a constructive manner.

What Jeff was doing was utilizing an approach to depersonalize the feedback. When you get feedback you must not personalize the conversation. Remember, the purpose of feedback is not for you to win a popularity contest; it is for you to improve your performance. To enable this you must not take the feedback personally. You can be transparent when seeking clarity, but you should avoid adopting a “you-versus-them” mentality.

Consider Jeremy, who took a different approach that turned into destructive feedback. His intent was to improve on some specific developmental opportunities that his supervisor reviewed with him during his performance evaluation. During the evaluation his supervisor suggested that he speak with his peer Alana, with whom he had worked on many projects. As Alana began to provide him with suggestions and specific examples, Jeremy interrupted and said, “I don't know why you have to always bring that up. When are you going to let go of the fact that we missed the deadline on the Atlas Initiative?” The conversation quickly went downhill from there. Instead of objectively working through how the same mistakes could be avoided in the future, Jeremy had personalized his reaction and put Alana in a difficult position. When Alana relayed this story to me, I was not surprised to hear that she did not want to go out of her way to provide Jeremy with feedback in the future. Not only did Jeremy miss an important opportunity to improve, but he also cut off an avenue of future feedback and potentially harmed a working relationship.

An example that hit even closer to home occurred when I provided a colleague with feedback to help her improve the way in which she communicated messages to executives. What was Sheila's response? “I have never heard that from anyone else, so I don't see any need for me to change my style.” Her reaction certainly left me not wanting to go out of my way to help her in the future. This situation did at least end well. Upon giving it some thought, she asked a few others about the feedback and learned that the perspective was actually pervasive. However, the bad taste I had from the experience could have been avoided entirely had Sheila not personalized the feedback and acted defensively. In addition, like Doug, Sheila had erred in thinking that just because she had not heard the feedback before that everything must be going well. It should be clear by now that you must be careful not to make this mistaken assumption.

Another lesson within Sheila's response is to pay attention to perception. Even if you adamantly disagree, someone else's perception is still important. Stories can build and spread quickly, and this is often what happens if you do not address that perception. You need to ask those clarifying questions, seek specific examples, and then work to change the perception that you think is incorrect.

FEEDBACK FROM MENTORS

One of the best ways for you to gather feedback is through mentoring. Mentors can provide you with an accelerated path to learn from others. If there are people in your desired career job, or in a job along the path to it, seek them out. Build a relationship with and gain insights from them. They likely did not get there by chance and undoubtedly could talk at length about what they learned along their trajectory. This is invaluable. Given the choice to attain certifications, attend training, or participate in any of the other du jour organizational activities available, always take a knowledgeable and attentive mentor first. Among all the advantages of doing so, perhaps the best is that mentors can provide one of the most neutral outlooks on your performance. This makes it even easier for you to ensure that you can maintain a depersonalized perspective when receiving feedback.

Mentoring is not just for junior-level employees. Even mentors have mentors. Top-level executives—including CEOs—have mentors. Far from being above the need for a mentor, successful leaders have a great appreciation for the value a mentor provides. Helpful feedback can be considered a gift, in turn making a mentor a gift. And if you are at a point at which it is possible, reciprocate. Return the gift by also serving as a mentor. Mentoring is valuable not only for the mentee, but also for the mentor. A great deal can be learned through giving constructive feedback along with monitoring and responding appropriately to the recipient's reaction.

A common mistaken impression with mentoring is that it is about a one-way relationship with someone at a higher level in the organization. The truth is that you can learn from so many other “mentors.” For example, Alex was a manager in a mid-size organization and had a mentor with whom he had been working. His mentor was a senior leader in the same job function and was a great resource for his development. However, Alex had mapped out his trajectory and knew that two or three years down the road he wanted to move into a different function. What he did may surprise some but is actually a very good approach for expanding professional development. He found a mentor who was at a lower level than he was, but importantly was in the function he wanted to learn. This approach to mentoring provided him with a way to gain critical knowledge and prepared him to eventually land a job in that department.

Another very effective approach is to gather feedback from participating in or leading a mentor circle. In a mentor circle an individual leads a mentoring event with multiple people at the same time. This method enables a unique group dynamic and presents a great opportunity for discussing business challenges. In doing so, many people get a chance to learn simultaneously from a leader rather than only interacting one-on-one. In addition, this is a great chance for a leader to learn from others by seeking multiple viewpoints and suggestions for various situations and business scenarios.

It is important that you consider the purpose of mentors and other people in guiding your career. Your goal should not be to reach success through others. Other people can help you, but don't look to them to create your success. You should instead invest more time in creating your own. The purpose of having a mentor is to acquire valuable insights and obtain professional growth, not nepotistic professional gain. The difference sounds subtle, but it is not. You should not seek out a mentor solely in hopes that the person can help you find another job or get you promoted. If that happens, great, but it should be a by-product. Instead, your mentors should serve to impart their wisdom and learning to you. It is ultimately this gift that matters. Organizations change and leaders come and go. If you do not learn from your mentor and are only using the person for professional gain, you also risk having wasted considerable time should that individual leave the organization.

Once you have a mentor, your primary purpose needs to be to learn. Doing so will require you to develop the skill of being a good listener. Resist the urge to be an expert or have an opinion on everything, and you will be able to learn tremendously from others. There is an old saying attributed to Epictetus that states, “You have two ears and one mouth—use them in that proportion.” Remember this as you have conversations with mentors. It is not always as important to show what you know as it is to show that you can listen and learn.

CAPITALIZING ON FEEDBACK

Many organizations are limited in their growth strategies only by the available talent of their employees. They have the financial capital to grow, but not the talent. It is your job to take advantage of this fact. In-N-Out Burger, which we will discuss in more detail in Lesson 2, made a conscious decision to never build new restaurants faster than it was able to develop quality restaurant managers. Through proactively seeking feedback you can achieve a competitive advantage and position yourself ahead of those who are not doing the same. All things being equal, one of the best things you can do is gain an edge through feedback. If you do this and another employee does not, you have just moved a step ahead. In addition to getting the feedback needed to grow, you have done something else. You have positioned yourself in the eyes of others as someone who cares about his career and the company. You have sought their opinion in an effort to perform better. You have further built out relationships and created more advocacy from those who provided feedback. With all of the benefits of feedback, it is a wonder that seeking it is not more common. Seek it proactively and prepare to reap the rewards it will give you.

The best time to seek feedback is often when you least expect to need it. Perhaps you took something for granted that you should not have. Confidence is an important and admirable trait, but do not let it get in the way of seeking advice. Jan learned this the hard way. She had been in her role for nearly a year and a half, and truly enjoyed what she was doing. Her goal was not to move to another department, but to take on more responsibility through a promotion in her current role. The organization had a process for candidates to apply for a within-role promotion, and she jumped at the opportunity. Her performance to that point had been stellar, and she received nothing but rave reviews from the various people with whom she had worked. But Jan did not get the expected promotion.

What happened? Jan had erroneously concluded that the promotional process was just a formality and that she would be given the promotion based on her exceptional performance, which everyone had recognized. Unfortunately Jan had misjudged, and did not put herself in a position to capitalize on proactive feedback. The individuals involved in the process also had expected her to do well, and were shocked as she stumbled through it. When her supervisor delivered the bad news, Jan was even more surprised because she thought she had done quite well through the process.

The lesson that Jan ultimately took away was that unsubstantiated assumptions can be reckless. In a central part of the promotional process Jan had mistakenly assumed that the focus was on something different from what it actually was. If Jan had paused for a moment to ask a simple clarifying question she likely would have breezed through the process. She could have cleared up any confusion and obtained a better outcome had she just asked something as simple as this: “In order to prepare for the promotional process I have been preparing in three areas. Is my focus in each of these areas on track, and are there other areas I should be considering?”

Jan learned from this and performed spectacularly the next time the opportunity for promotion was available. She also expressed disappointment in herself for not taking the time to ask that simple question up front the first time. In a recent conversation Jan remarked, “I couldn't believe that they would not promote me, because my performance track record was so strong, but I understand I had left them with no choice. The process reminded me that I should not take outcomes for granted, and I now carry this with me all the time to ensure that I am continually at my best.”

DON'T JUST LOOK UP

It is also important that you resist the tendency to ask only people in higher positions for feedback. Some of the best and most insightful feedback will come from peers, colleagues, and even subordinates. These are the people who get to see and interact with you the most, and you must not discount the importance of the feedback you can glean from them. Though superiors have more direct decision-making control for your next career move, other groups have considerable indirect control. How? Through giving you advance notice of those areas you need to develop. They can see these things before your leaders notice them, thereby giving you a wonderful opportunity to adjust proactively. Similarly, as Alex demonstrated, another effective approach is to seek feedback from people in different departments. Those employees often have helpful perspectives based on their focus on other parts of the business.

The same holds true when you are considering possible mentors. You must pick a mentor who has experiences aligned with your aspirations. Do not simply jump to get a mentor who has the highest position. It is certainly nice to get access to someone with a big title, but you must also consider the quality of the feedback you will receive relative to your desired trajectory. Look for individuals who have taken a path similar to the one you are pursuing. Or look for mentors in related business functions who can provide unique insights that will enable you to perform even more effectively in your role. This is a quick way to find differentiators that allow you to separate yourself from others.

You must also consider that your specific job is just one part of a much larger feedback machine that you must enable. When you look all around you will be able to find feedback from many different sources. As you will learn in Lesson 5, keeping up with rapid advancements is essential to maintaining your trajectory. If you look at Figure 1-1 you will notice that your job is the center of your work environment, but there are multiple other sources you must draw from. If you put all of the other circles in this knowledge circle together you will notice that collectively this covers a much larger area than just your job. You cannot neglect to get feedback from people in these other areas. By tapping into each of them you will find ways to continually adapt and learn the necessary new skills fast enough to stay ahead and on your trajectory.

ENVIRONMENTAL-BASED FEEDBACK

Another excellent way to gain feedback is through observation, both behavioral and outcome-based. A great example of this is seen in Sam Walton, the founder of Walmart, who was renowned for learning from others. In fact, he even stated that he had no shame in learning from his competition and building and modeling stores after the best of what he found when visiting them. What he realized is that it is not always necessary to reinvent the wheel. In fact, I would argue that in most of your pursuits this will not be prudent. Sam Walton capitalized on this when he emulated and improved upon his competition in areas in which they were doing a great job. What he recognized is that there are few substitutes for on-the-ground experience.

Figure 1-1: Feedback Knowledge Circle

There is a breakout that many companies and scholars use when discussing the best way for people to learn, expressed in percentages: 70-20-10. The percentages signify the amount of time that should be spent learning in different formats. Seventy percent should be experience-based. That is, get right into the actual environment and get real-time feedback from doing. Twenty percent should be exposure-based, which means watching and learning from others doing. The final 10 percent is educational, which is learning through formal classes and training. As this breakout shows, there is no substitute for environmental-based learning and feedback. It is so important that you should spend nearly three-quarters of your time learning this way if possible.

Psychologists refer to this in various applications as psychological fidelity. With high fidelity something closely matches the actual environment in which it would occur. When Sam Walton visited stores he was using high-fidelity learning. A bank teller taking a high-fidelity training simulation might actually process banking transactions that mimic real-life customer interactions that could be expected on the job. Flight simulators for pilots must have extremely high fidelity to ensure that pilots are trained under the most realistic situations possible for flight of an actual aircraft. By identifying environmental-based opportunities for experience you can create a much higher fidelity, and thereby increase the knowledge and skill transfer back to your job. Through these environmental experiences you get real-time feedback on how to do things better.

UNCONSCIOUS FEEDBACK

A great deal of attention has been given to how you can actively (i.e., consciously) learn from others through feedback and other mechanisms. Not nearly enough attention is given to the processes behind unconscious feedback. What many people don't realize is that feedback is nothing more than a learning mechanism, albeit a critical one. You get feedback all the time. It is all around you. With unconscious feedback you are learning even if you may not directly realize it at the time. A prime example of this is found in children as they begin to acquire language and the ability to speak. They don't realize they are learning; they unconsciously begin to pick up words as they hear others around them speak.

A classic psychological study by Dr. Albert Bandura shows us how easily we learn from observing others and how quickly something can become ingrained—even unconsciously—as we do so. Bandura sought to better understand how people learn and are influenced by others, and he designed a creative study to test his hypothesis. At the core of his experiment was a five-foot-tall “bobo doll” (which, some of you may remember, usually is an inflated figure that when pushed, kicked, punched, etc., will bounce right back up). Children were individually placed in a room with an adult who, as part of the experiment, would simulate behavior to see how the children would react later. In some cases the adult would behave aggressively, and in others nonaggressively toward the doll. Each child was then taken into another room that had toys that were considered both aggressive (bobo doll, a mallet and peg board, dart guns, etc.) and nonaggressive (tea set, crayons, stuffed animals, etc.) in nature.

What Bandura found was that being in and observing others in the environment had a powerful effect in determining subsequent behavior. Children who watched adults behaving aggressively later did the same when given the chance to play with other toys, including the bobo doll. Children who observed adults who did not behave aggressively instead reacted more mildly and playfully with their toys.

Unconscious feedback and its influence on you is immensely important when you consider that you likely spend more time with your coworkers than with your family and friends. To see how easily and quickly unconscious feedback can set in, try this simple test at work. Next time you are with a small group of people, look at your hand and comment that either your index finger or ring finger is longer (e.g., say “That's odd, I never noticed that my index finger was longer than my ring finger.”). As soon as you hold up your hand to do this, others are then likely to look at their own hands. Though there is no relevance or scientific significance to the length of these fingers, people cannot help but look at their own for comparison purposes.

Unconscious feedback is gained through watching the mannerisms and body language of others. This ability to monitor your environment can give you real-time insight into what is resonating with people and what is not. Not only can you learn unconsciously yourself, you also can learn from the unconscious behaviors of others. For instance, an audience or attendees in a meeting may unconsciously give cues of being either engaged or bored during a presentation. The adept speaker picks up on this quickly and will adjust accordingly. The process of doing this could range from something subtle, like picking up on a look of confusion, to something more obvious, such as people holding sidebar conversations while you are speaking.

CONCLUSION

As you saw in the feedback knowledge circle (Figure 1-1), feedback is all around you. Your job is to find it, both through asking directly and observing it. Seeking the right type of feedback will enable you to solidify your strongest areas and embark on a journey to improve those areas that others deem to be weaknesses. With so many responsibilities at any given time it can be all too easy to forget to take the time to ask for feedback. If you neglect to ask, you increase the risk of continuing on a path that you will then need to backtrack. Think of feedback as a compass—something that when used frequently and correctly will keep you on your trajectory.

It is important, however, that you do not confuse feedback with advice. As discussed, feedback is based on another person's perception of you and is therefore a reality you need to consider. Advice, however, is input for you to consider in a decision-making process. On the one hand, let's say you ask for input on your performance and learn that others feel that you are not a team player. This is feedback. Whether you agree or not, this is their belief, and it may have an adverse effect on your interactions if you do not attempt to address it. On the other hand, imagine you are seeking opinions on a new product strategy you are developing. People may view the product differently from the way you do and provide you with alternatives to consider. Their input in that case is advice, and ultimately you will need to decide whether you want to accept it and refine or change your strategy.

Both feedback and advice are essential. The key difference is in short-term and long-term implications based upon how you receive each. If you do not address the feedback, you will be perceived as resistant to change and unwilling to grow. If you do not follow advice, your decision will be acceptable as long as you explain your reasons for going down an alternate path.

Let's move on to your next exercise before turning to Lesson 2.

EXERCISE

NOTES