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What Bosses Gain by Being Vulnerable
By Emma Seppala
One morning in Bangalore, South India, Archana Patchirajan, founder of a technology startup, called her entire staff in for a meeting. When everyone was seated, she announced that she had to let them go because the startup had run out of funds. She could no longer pay them. Shockingly, her staff of high-caliber engineers who had their pick of jobs in the booming Silicon Valley of India, refused to go. They said they would rather work for half their pay than leave her. They stayed and kept working so hard that, a few years later, Patchirajan’s company—Hubbl, which provides internet advertising solutions—sold for $14 million. Patchirajan continues to work on startups from the United States, and her staff, though thousands of miles away from her, continues to work for her.
What explains the connection and devotion that Patchirajan’s staff had toward her?
Patchirajan’s story is particularly extraordinary when you consider the alarming fact that according to a Gallup study, 70% of employees are “not engaged” or are “actively disengaged” at work.1 As a consequence, they are “less emotionally connected” and also “less likely to be productive.” What is it about Patchirajan that not only prevented this phenomenon in her staff but actually flipped it?
When I asked one of Patchirajan’s longest-standing employees what drove him and the rest of the team to stay with her, these are some of the things he shared: “We all work as a family because she treats us as such.” “She knows everyone in the office and has a personal relationship with each one of us.” “She does not get upset when we make mistakes but gives us the time to learn how to analyze and fix the situation.”
If you look at these comments, they suggest that Patchirajan’s relationship with her employees runs deeper than that of the usual employer-employee relationship. Simply put, she is vulnerable and authentic with them. She shared her doubts honestly when the company was going downhill, she does not adhere to a strict hierarchy but treats her employees like family members, and she has a personal relationship with each one of them. Sound touchy-feely, daunting, or counterintuitive? Here’s why it’s not.
Brené Brown, an expert on social connection, conducted thousands of interviews to discover what lies at the root of social connections. A thorough analysis of the data revealed what it was: vulnerability. Vulnerability here does not mean being weak or submissive. To the contrary, it implies the courage to be oneself. It means replacing “professional distance and cool” with uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Opportunities for vulnerability present themselves to us at work every day. Some examples Patchirajan gives of vulnerability include calling an employee or colleague whose child is not well, reaching out to someone who has just had a loss in their family, asking someone for help, taking responsibility for something that went wrong at work, or sitting by the bedside of a colleague or employee with a terminal illness.
More important, Brown describes vulnerability and authenticity as being at the root of human connection. And human connection is often dramatically absent from workplaces. Johann Berlin, CEO of Transformational Leadership for Excellence (TLEX), recounts an experience he had while teaching a workshop at a Fortune 100 company. The participants were all higher-level management. After an exercise in which pairs of participants shared an event from their life with each other, one of the top executive managers approached Berlin. Visibly moved by the experience, he said “I’ve worked with my colleague for more than 25 years and have never known about the difficult times in his life.” In a short moment of authentic connection, this manager’s understanding and connection with his colleague deepened in ways that hadn’t happened in decades of working together.
Why is human connection missing at work? As leaders and employees, we are often taught to keep a distance and project a certain image—one of confidence, competence, and authority. We may disclose our vulnerability to a spouse or close friend behind closed doors at night, but we would never show it elsewhere during the day, let alone at work.
However, data suggests that we may want to revisit the idea of projecting an image. Research shows that people subconsciously register a lack of authenticity in others. Just by looking at someone, we download large amounts of information. “We are programmed to observe each other’s states so we can more appropriately interact, empathize, or assert our boundaries—whatever the situation may require,” says Paula Niedenthal, professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin–Madison. We are wired to read each others’ expressions in a very nuanced way. This process is called “resonance,” and it is so automatic and rapid that it often happens below our awareness.
Like an acute sounding board, parts of our brain internally echo what others do and feel. Just by looking at someone, you experience them: You internally resonate with them. Ever seen someone trip and momentarily felt a twinge of pain for them? Observing them activates the “pain matrix” in your brain, research shows.2 Ever been moved by the sight of a person helping someone? You vicariously experienced it and thereby felt elevation. Someone’s smile activates the smile muscles in our face, while a frown activates our frown muscles, according to research by Ulf Dimberg at Uppsala University in Sweden.3 We internally register what another person is feeling. As a consequence, if a smile is fake, we are more likely to feel uncomfortable than comfortable.
While we may try to appear perfect, strong, or intelligent to be respected by others, pretense often has the opposite effect intended. Paula Niedenthal’s research shows that we resonate too deeply with one another to ignore inauthenticity.4 Just think of how uncomfortable you feel around someone you perceive as “taking on airs” or “putting on a show.” We tend to see right through them and feel less connected. Or think of how you respond when you know someone is upset, but they’re trying to conceal it. “What’s wrong?” you ask, only to be told, “Nothing!” Rarely does this answer satisfy—because we sense it’s not true.
Our brains are wired to read cues so subtle that even when we don’t consciously register the cues, our bodies respond. For example, when someone is angry but keeps their feelings bottled up, we may not realize that they are angry (they don’t look angry) but still our blood pressure will increase, according to research by James Gross at Stanford University.5
Why do we feel more comfortable around someone who is authentic and vulnerable? Because we are particularly sensitive to signs of trustworthiness in our leaders.6 Servant leadership, for example, which is characterized by authenticity and values-based leadership, yields more positive and constructive behavior in employees and greater feelings of hope and trust in both the leader and the organization.7 In turn, trust in a leader improves employee performance.8 You can even see this at the level of the brain. Employees who recall a boss who resonated with them show enhanced activation in parts of the brain related to positive emotion and social connection.9 The reverse is true when they think of a boss who did not resonate.
One example of authenticity and vulnerability is forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerance of error but rather a patient encouragement of growth. Forgiveness is what Archana Patchirajan’s employee described as, “She does not get upset when we make mistakes but gives us the time to learn how to analyze and fix the situation.” Forgiveness may be another soft-sounding term but, as University of Michigan researcher Kim Cameron points out in the book Positive Organizational Behavior, it has hard results: A culture of forgiveness in organizations can lead to increased employee productivity as well as less voluntary turnover.10 Again, a culture that is forgiving breeds trust. As a consequence, an organization becomes more resilient in times of organizational stress or downsizing.
Why do we fear vulnerability or think it’s inappropriate for the workplace? For one, we are afraid that if someone finds out who we really are or discovers a soft or vulnerable spot, they will take advantage of us. However, as I describe in my hbr.org article, “The Hard Data on Being a Nice Boss,” kindness goes further than the old sink-or-swim paradigm.
Here’s what may happen if you embrace an authentic and vulnerable stance: Your staff will see you as a human being; they may feel closer to you, they may be prompted to share advice, and—if you are attached to hierarchy—you may find that your team begins to feel more horizontal. While these types of changes might feel uncomfortable, you may see, as in Patchirajan’s case, that the benefits are worth it.
There are additional benefits you may reap from a closer connection to employees, too. One study out of Stanford shows that CEOs are looking for more advice and counsel but that two thirds of them don’t get it.11 This isolation can skew perspectives and lead to potentially disadvantageous leadership choices. Who better to receive advice from than your own employees, who are intimately familiar with your product, your customers, and problems that might exist within the organization?
Rather than feeling like another peg in the system, your team members will feel respected and honored for their opinions and will consequently become more loyal. The research shows that the personal connection and happiness employees derive from their work fosters greater loyalty than the amount on their paycheck.12
EMMA SEPPALA, PH.D., is the science director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education and author of The Happiness Track. She is also founder of Fulfillment Daily. Follow her on Twitter @emmaseppala or her website www.emmaseppala.com.
Notes
1.“Report: State of the American Workplace,” Gallup poll, September 22, 2014, http://www.gallup.com/services/176708/state-american-workplace.aspx.
2.C. Lamm et al., “What Are You Feeling? Using Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging to Assess the Modulation of Sensory and Affective Responses During Empathy for Pain,” PLOS One 2, no. 12 (2007): e1292.
3.U. Dimberg, M. Thunberg, K. Elmehed, “Unconscious Facial Reactions to Emotional Facial Expressions,” Psychological Science 11, no. 1 (2000): 86–89.
4.S. Korb et al., “The Perception and Mimicry of Facial Movements Predict Judgments of Smile Authenticity,” PLOS One 9, no. 6 (2014): e99194.
5.J. Gross and R. Levenson, “Emotional Suppression: Physiology, Self-Report, and Expressive Behavior,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 64, no. 6 (1993): 970–986.
6.K. Dirks and D. Ferrin, “Trust in Leadership: Meta-Analytic Findings and Implications for Research and Practice,” Journal of Applied Psychology 87, no. 4 (2002): 611–628.
7.E. Joseph and B. Winston, “A Correlation of Servant Leadership, Leader Trust, and Organizational Trust,” Leadership & Organization Development Journal 26, no. 1 (2005): 6–22; T. Searle and J. Barbuto, “Servant Leadership, Hope, and Organizational Virtuousness: A Framework Exploring Positive Micro and Macro Behaviors and Performance Impact,” Journal of Leadership & Organizational Studies 18, no. 1 (2011): 107–117.
8.T. Bartram and G. Casimir, “The Relationship Between Leadership and Follower In-Role Performance and Satisfaction with the Leader: The Mediating Effects of Empowerment and Trust in the Leader,” Leadership & Organization Development Journal 28, no. 1 (2007): 4–19.
9.R. Boyatzis et al., “Examination of the Neural Substrates Activated in Memories of Experiences with Resonant and Dissonant Leaders,” The Leadership Quarterly 23, no. 2 (2012): 259–272.
10.K. Cameron, “Forgiveness in Organizations,” Positive Organizational Behavior, ed. D. L. Nelson and C. L. Cooper (London: Sage Publications, 2007), 129–142.
11.Stanford GSB staff, “David Larcker: ‘Lonely at the Top’ Resonates for Most CEOs,” Insights by Stanford Graduate School of Business, July 31, 2013, https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights/david-larcker-lonely-top-resonates-most-ceos.
12.The Association of Accounting Technicians, “Britain’s Workers Value Companionship and Recognition Over a Big Salary, a Recent Report Revealed,” July 15, 2014, https://www.aat.org.uk/about-aat/press-releases/britains-workers-value-companionship-recognition-over-big-salary.
Adapted from content posted on hbr.org,
December 11, 2014 (product #H01R7U).